Loved your break down on Phil and his relationship to his home town. We do happen to have a very nice gay area "gayberhood" but they don't let crusto's in it's pretty ritzy. For better for worse I never got a wild Phil sighting, but have seen other philly lolcows.
Is your custom title related to hash use?
Legends say, when Moroccan hash farmers inhale potent weed dust, "the scorpion arrives", meaning it may cause permanent damage. It's like a proverb for young hash farmers.