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Only if you already have cancer. ... ... ... Oh... I see what you did there!

What do you fucking think?

It's supposed to be around 100 degrees there for most of next week. Anyone wanna bet he tries faking heatstroke?

BULLSHIT; CAPS MAKE EVERYTHING AWESOME.

Aptly enough, two things that just won't die.

*hides bottle of cyanide behind back* Yup. Y'know, he was old. *begins sweating* It must have just been his time or something. Is it getting hot in here?

...he says, naively believing this will stop them at all...

It's Google. Please tell me you're not shocked that they're evil.

He'd go all pixilated. Mercy me!

Why do they get their own day? They were allowed to live; that should be enough for them.

She took quite a pounding but she'll ounce back.

You guys can't even get haircuts? Seriously?

Just think how quick the problem would fix itself if someone kicked her she accidentally fell down a flight of stairs...

Do they have the option to identify as an M1A1 Abrams tank? I want to legally be allowed to shove people and shout KABOOOOOM! randomly.

This is a pair so stupid that when they were directly told to have the meeting over the phone, they physically visited the courthouse and then had the meeting over the phone, even managing to halfass that.

Are you sure? You wouldn't want to be methtaken.

"U MISGENDERED ME! I'M A WOMAN! REEEEE!!!!!" "You have facial hair and a receding hairline." "... ... ... I'M A DWARF; DWARVEN WOMEN HAVE BEARDS! REEEEE!!!!!" "You're six feet tall." "... ... ... I HAVE A BIRTH DEFECT; DON'T JUDGE! Um... REEEEE!!!!!"

I don't go for that kind of comedy.

Your mother won.

No no; you were supposed to reply "A miserable little pile of secrets!" Do I have to do all the fucking work around here?!