https://archive.md/BDgS7
CN - Passing anniversary, death in Translatina community, historical regrets I have to live with...such as community college being the reason I didn't come out Trans until 2010.
So we are clear why shit is still bad emotionally for me:
1 - I learned I lost another Trans friend, I was crying this morning upon learning about the sudden death of Jovana Luna of El/La Para Translatinas based in San Francisco. She apparently died this past Sunday of unknown causes. She was the outreach coordinator for El/La and the last time I seen her was when I donated $500.00 of my back disability to El/LA in May.
2 - Facebook Name Policy... Yeah, expect hell to continue on that.
3 - THIS ONE IS A WHOPPER TO READ: GRAB A SNACK OR A BEER!
The 10th Anniversary of starting Community College with Rowan College at Gloucester County (in 2005, was formerly known as Gloucester County College at the time) is on September 1, 2015 ; I am left with bitter memories of three wasted years of trying to get a degree in Computer Graphic Arts, and the pressure of staying in the closet and not coming out Trans Woman during this time. I had to settle for 'gay' in order to by employable in what is a male dominated industry and the transmisogynist as shit Anime Club I had the displeasure of being burdened with (which job opportunities for Computer Graphic Arts majors evaporated with the 2008 Global Recession).
The expectations of success in school only to ultimately try to compete in a neoliberal capitalist economy for a 'career' was in the end too much to handle. As much as kept trying to get those A's and B's , I secretly wanted out of that oppressive hellhole called South Jersey. All I gave a shit about was drawing art for me, by me. I ultimately had no interest in doing capitalist advertising for the bourgeoisie.
I also have had the displeasure of befriending anime nerd/weeaboo (future Let's Player and Gamergater) Corrie Jo Schlagle and the overbearing male supermacist / bootstrap ableist POS Business Major known as Gavin 'Dusty' Youngs on my case. Dusty and Corrie would go on to become my first internet cyberbullies. An Encyclopedia Dramatica article would follow all because I crossdress/played dress up too many times someone's original characters (DO NOT STEAL™).
This period of college was also the height of the illegal US War in Iraq (for oil) - my anti-capitalism and anti-imperialist political views crystalized during this period. I fucking told US Military recruiters to fuck off on a regular basis.
I am fucking glad I got expelled after the Sasuke October Surprise drawing (I drew a cartoon of Sasuke from Naruto popping a cap in John McCain's white backside (and posted it on the internet) during the height of the 2008 US Presidential Elections, that got me an expulsion from the school and a no trespassing order... So yeah, I was fucking evil and a complete closet-case Transgender Woman in my college years in Hot Topic Tripp pants and Anime Shirts and dressed in black. I still wear black - cuz I am a fucking black sheep Trans Latina emo edge proletariat.
Mom and Dale shitted a figurative brick because I shattered both their expectations to succeed and...well..
TLDR - GCC...the reason I didn't come out Transgender until 2010. Three years of my life I am not going to be getting back. I truly regard my time in academia as a waste...save all the free time I maximized to draw and to explore politics whilst on campus. Also, because I was attending school on US Federal and New Jersey State taxes, I would never have to pay/go into debt for $12,500 tuition incurred - the only costs were textbooks and school/art supplies I had to incur. Even textbooks were for the most part subsidized - still college was a waste. I was receiving disability accommodations through the college's Office of Special Services (because I am on the Autism Spectrum) and this neoliberal capitalist project called college still failed.
The question is: Did I fail it, or did it (college) fail me?
Kiwi Farms , ED, Corrie, and Dusty (and the Gamergaters) will blame my Autism, I will blame overbearing Cis people in positions of power who made unreasonable demands for competition in a capitalist economy. Also, CGA major tend to end up Gentrifying snobs in cities - I am glad I am not a cultureless techie hipster/otaku/gamer snobs driving up rents and pushing people of color out of their neighborhoods. So glad I am filled with class hatred, even back during my school days.
So between an anniversary and a death, including trying not to kill myself while back in SF/Oakland - Tattoos, Some booze, and a shit load of Self Injury / Cutting are probably in store for me for the next few weeks.
Fuck Cis People and Colligate Education and Capitalism.
