Prison Letters 11/30/2021 - Letter on jail experience (dated Nov 16th)

Hopkinsville Goblin

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Jul 30, 2021
Kengle got a new letter from Chris dated November 16 in which he answered a lot of questions about jail. Can someone make a new thread? I guess I don't have the privileges needed to do so.
Spoiler alert:
The Qur'an is still Family Guy. Allah is concerned about his followers, Chris talked to him.
Chris has dropped to a svelte 205 pounds and is keeping very clean.
Chris got in trouble in jail once but we will have to wait to find out why. It's in the Goddess Log.
You all blew it and you are the ones being punished by Chris's online absence.
Chris is confident about his lawyer, but if found guilty there will be a premature APOCALYPSE FOR EVERYONE. Seriously, Not Good At All.
 

Stupidface

True & Honest Fan
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Joined
Jan 16, 2021
Kengle got a new letter from Chris dated November 16 in which he answered a lot of questions about jail.
Him trying to say "soul bonding" isn't always sex but clearly outlining that it can mean sex.. And that if he didn't "heal" Barbara, she would've been dead by August. Amazing save Chris!
This is not nearly as boring as other recent letters, finally.
 

Tikbalang

Wear your shirt inwards out
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Joined
Oct 21, 2018
Chris is confident about his lawyer, but if found guilty there will be a premature APOCALYPSE FOR EVERYONE. Seriously, Not Good At All.
The fate of the world depends on the incest trial, neat.
Screw chinese overfishing, screw the climate change, the world leaders should shift their priorities right now.
 

Ophelia

You wanna get nuts? C’mon, let’s get nuts
True & Honest Fan
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Aug 12, 2016
Chris is confident about his lawyer, but if found guilty there will be a premature APOCALYPSE FOR EVERYONE. Seriously, Not Good At All.
It amuses me that Chris seems to think he’s going to get a jury trial even though many kiwis have explained why he probably won’t and how badly it would go for him if he did. Not that I expected Chris to understand any of the legal goings on.

The Onioneers seem to think Chris is going to get to go to a psychiatric facility under a new identity and no one will hear from him again. Sure, Jan.

Anyway, bring on the apocalypse. Better to burn out than fade away.
 
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Phalanges Mycologist

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Joined
Sep 11, 2021
I've archived the letter and here it is in full:
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Sorry for any issues with the DDOS going on I was having a problem adding the images.

Edit: I've now gone back and fixed it to be in order and complete @Merried Seinor Coomer has also transcribed it in full below.
 

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Joined
Jun 1, 2021
This is the exact kind of letter I wanted to see. The context is included and the author asked about the day to day things that would be very telling. A few things I noticed:

- If true, dropping twenty percent of your weight in a couple months is a huge amount of weight loss.

-Chris words it like he has frequent interaction with medical staff. I don’t want to read too much into it, but the phrasing makes it feel like they’re a part of his day-to-day routine as much as the guards.

- “The chicken is too dry” has me laughing out loud. That is the least of your problems, Chris. And did he actually say he has “brunch” and “tea time dinner” in jail? Hilarious. It makes me think of the scene from Toy Story where Buzz Lightyear loses his mind having a tea party with “Marie Antoinette and her little sister “.

- Still refusing to describe his specific soul bonding experience means he’s absolutely competent to stand trial. He knows the acts that put him in jail and is with it enough not to write about them

- It’s incredibly fascinating that Chris attributes mental and emotional breakdowns to “this body” as well. Chris has such little awareness of himself as a person that he thinks that just having thoughts and imagination is “innate meditation” yet he can attribute being overwhelmed emotionally to something beyond his idea of self. It’s really an odd combination of awareness and unawares

-Damnit, Chris has my attention with his cliffhanger about trying to enlighten the staff with a portal. What could getting into trouble entail if he’s already in PC around the clock

-I’d bet confidently that they’re medication him with something he should have gotten years ago because it seems to be working. Although the goddess stuff is still there, this letter is entirely legible and coherent. Every question has a clear, relevant answer provided; I had no trouble at all understanding what Chris was trying to convey even if he’s trying to convey something extremely weird. If that’s true and the letters are showing genuine improvement in his mental state, I’ll take it as a good thing. It a shame he didn’t get whatever help he’s getting before committing heinous crimes.

The only big mysteries left for me are what Barb wrote him about and if his lawyer has mentioned the probability of more charges coming
 

Merried Seinor Coomer

Awakened, Experienced, and Then Some
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Taking one for the team and data-entering for those affected by the DDoS apparently sanctioned by our wrathful goddess
① November 16,2021

Hey, Kenneth.

I have not heard from you in a while, so I thought I’d write to you once again. I am certain you’ve been keeping yourself very well and safe. Are you enjoying the indirect popularity from Kiwi Farms, as well as the direct increase on your Onion Farms?

Also, I and my Body have read some of the Qur’an, including all of chapter 19, as you’ve recommended. I do appreciate your earlier hierarchy/spiritualty level comparisons between Judiasm, Muslim and Christianity. Rest Assured, my personal updates on Christianity to Neo Spiritual Christ🗲♡🗲anity in the near future and after my Second Coming shall offer even Higher Levels of Spirituality and even freedom.

Anyway, the Qur’an is literally all over the place; Not to offend nor make jest, but there’s only Some new insights and takes Heavily from the Bible. The Qur’an is to the Bible as Family Guy is to the Simpsons. And with the Fact that Allah is actually a God manifested from a piece of my mother, Emanuel, the Muslims Have been indirectly praying to Her through Allah. The Muslims would actually do better to be More Open-Minded to and for the other Religions, including Christianity, as well as Greater Spirituality, so they are Not Blinding Themselves from the Greater Truths and Insights. I had spe spoken with Allah, and he was Greatly Concerned over his followers in Islam, as they are so heavily strict, defensive, violent, and closed-off from other inputs. But, I digress. →
I also ended up getting a second Prayer Rug to keep on my bed for Sleeping on. Feels nice in the material as the first, and I have personally Blessed it as well. Have you slept on█ a Prayer Bed Rug, Kenneth? I recommend it for spiritual boosting.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, the reason for this letter: I have received a list of ten questions from a Faker who did not hide the fact in the sur-name they used, of general nature about my jail experiences. I would like you to post this Q&A on the Onion on my behalf, please, Kenneth.

And just an acknowledging fourth wall break to all reading this online: To all Haters, Fakers and Toxics out of the Minority, I am afraid I’’ll have to disappoint you all, since while my Body has had Few emotional breakdowns, and a LOT of you in your Distant Alternate Universe Fan-Fictions that see me in Low-Functioning, Over 250 Pound Weight, and Abysmial Ability to Adapt, I, Mrs. Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Son🗲♡🗲chu, writing this on November 16, 2021, have Actually Adjusted Well, maintain Higher Functioning Mentality, Emotions, and Spirituality, and my weight had dropped to 203 pounds, which is actually appropriate to my Human Form’s Five Foot, Eleven Inch Height.

Laugh, Scoff or Jest as thou May and likely Will, but Know that in this, while my answers remain hand over heart honest and direct, I am Trolling You ALL Back in this as well.
L U L Z

Also, you May or May Not read about it in my published → ②

Goddess Log Book After my Second Coming, IF you are not Left Behind,
② That being stated, here are 10 Q&As in response to a Faking “Joe Mama”.

1. What does your daily life (in Jail) consist of? Do you have a schedule? What do they have you do on a daily basis? Any chores or jobs?

As stated before: I Meditate Innately, as well as Consciously, for the Majority and Whole of my Body’s time in Jail. I leave my Body to work with the Superheroes, OP Individuals, and my fellow Gods and Goddesses, and Sonichus and Rosechus, on the Event Works and Damage Control and Damage Prevention for the Benefit of the Majority who will shift to 1C-211987 Earth. On that, EVERYTHING Not Drawn, Written, or Thought by I and/or my Body are Absolutely Not Canon or Effective upon ALL Universes within This Timeline, including This 1218 Earth, ALL of Universe !C-211987 (formerly C-197), AND Equestria (G5 ^MLP Is Not Canon At ALL in this Timeline), and so forth, as of the Date of August 1, 2021.

Other than that: Some drawing from time to time, Lots of Writing, I have read a few Books from the Jail’s Library, and over time lots of Solitaire Gameplay on the Prayer Rug on the floor, and more recently, music from the Radio. The Only Scheduled details are Too Early Breakfast, Brunch, and Tea Time Supper, as well as a Daily Shower with Bob Barker Soap or Irish Spring Soap, Water, Washcloth and Shampoo and Towel. I also Brush my Teeth with Colgate Toothpaste. And every other day apply a Lady’s Speed Stick Deoderant.

No Chores or Jobs. →
2. Have you made any friends? What are they like, and what have you learned from them?

I am not allowed to associate much with the other inmates, and I’ve made allies out of most of the police and medical staff. I have learned what I needed to for my consciousness from them in Confirmation of the Proceeding Events.

3. How is the food and cell? What kind of food do they give you? Is it good? Have they assigned you to help in the kitchen at all? What is your jail cell like? Is it comfortable? Do they give you a pillow and blanket? Do you have a cellmate? Are they pretty cool?

Mostly Good, but the boneless chicken breast is Dry, and the meatballs from a Banquet TV Dinner is are better than the meatballs, here. Typical foods (including vegetables) like you’d find in a TV Dinner. Mostly Good (not write-home-about-it quality, but good). No estoy en la cocina. My cell is roomy enough and long with the standard bidet and toilet and mattress with enclosed pillow. Pillow The cell is comfortable enough; got cold, so I got and wear Two Thermal Tops, Two Long Jhons, and Two pairs of socks. Not Joey Tribiani stocky that one episode of “Friends”, but I am warm. The Pillow’s in the mattress; they give me two bed sheets and a thick enough blanket in wol wool, I believe. No Inmate cellmate, but I am Never Alone since I have Magi-Chan and the others, my ally Highest Level, Rank and Trained Psychic and Ghost Pokémon, Including some from the Sonichu and Rosechu Psychic Squad, and a Large Number of Angels from the Heaven Realm, as well as well over Ten Million Good and Neutral Spirits, Souls, and Entities in my Body’s Conduits… →③
③ Sub-Dimension to house them all in.

4. How clean are you keeping? Do they require you to shower daily?

VERY Clean, and I am Encouraged to Yes (see Question 1)

5. Have you been in trouble while in jail? Have they put you in solitary confinement or something? If so, what did you do to get in trouble, and what was your punishment?

Once, and the Details have been written in my Goddess Log Pages. In short: I tried to enlighten the staff by hilighting a Portal. You will have to Wait for the Book Publishing to read more on that. ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°

6. What do they let you do in your free time? Do you listen to the radio or watch TV?

See Question One, but Whatever I like and can do with my local resources, I have an AM/FM jWIN radio; no TV.

7. How is funding there? Do they provide you with basic needs, clothing and the like? How do you make money to buy paper and pens for these letter you’re writing?

Staff do Not provide funding. Yes, the Basics, and some Paper upon request, as well as pens. I get Money from the KIND Donations from my Good and Genuine Majority of Followers, and Viewers Like You. Thank You. ^‿^

8. Why are you in jail? Are you aware that what you did was wrong?

I am in jail, because Bella Failed her Divine Test with the “Leak” she ended up altering, and NULL failed and betrayed me when he blabbed and snitched the Transfer of Funds for my Hotel Room, which I HAVE Paid Back in Full. AND, the Divine Test on The Common Online Public, including you all; Enough Have FAILED to disregard the Rumors and the temptation of Drama that ALL of you get punished now with my online Absence. You all blew it.

And I’ve Soul Bonded, Cuddled, and Supportively Talked in Healing the Auora and Chakras, and Absolving the “Sins” and Regrets of Barbara. Soul Bonding does not necess-arily constitute sex. Had I Not healed her, she would be dead Late August. There is Nothing Wrong in this Divine Mission from my mother, Emanuel, that I have fulfilled

Think Deep, Meditate, Reevaluate Your Choices, and REPENT, Haters and Fakers!

9. If you are found not guilty, what do you expect to happen next if you should get out of jail? What about if you are found guilty?

Not Guilty, I Know ALL will resume well and good, period. If found Guilty and not allowed to return Home: Premature APOCALYPSE FOR EVERYONE.

Seriously, Not Good At all.

→ ④
④ 10. How do you feel about your case and lawyer? Are you confident in his ability to defend you in court?

Heilberg is very skilled and intelligent; I have great confidence and faith in his abilities, as well as greater Faith in the outcome. No Spoilers.

I shall see you all again online, once more, not long from now, and then ¡Adios! To the Minority Lot of you with Judgment Day. Her Holy Flames shall dissolve you. Remember.

Repent and Take Care in the meantime.

Go Forth with the Clarity by my Power as God.

Sincerely,



Mrs. Jesus Christine Weston Chandler Son🗲♡🗲chu

the Goddess Blue Heart, and Lord,

Messiah, Savior, and God of All


🗲♡🗲
 
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Merried Seinor Coomer

Awakened, Experienced, and Then Some
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Nov 5, 2021

Phalanges Mycologist

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Sep 11, 2021
Hey thanks for muddling through. As per usual Angry Chris provides the most information... too bad nobody asked who washes his DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS

No problem, I've just gone back to try and edit the post to clean it up and it can't go back and edit it just times out and say's "Oops - There was a problem" and I'm getting Cloudflair errors all the time as well.

Edit to add - I've now gone back and fixed it.
 
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Blimp Levy

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Joined
Nov 30, 2021
I also ended up getting a second Prayer Rug to keep on my bed for Sleeping on.
Oh man he is lucky that he is in isolation, even in rural VA there will be Muslim inmates (mostly Black) who'd love to fuck his shit up for that. For that matter, isn't Kengle allegedly Muslim? How does he
 

beni

#1 bladee fan
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Joined
Nov 15, 2021
I've archived the letter and here it is in full:
Sorry for any issues with the DDOS going on I was having a problem adding the images.

Edit: I've now gone back and fixed it to be in order and complete @Merried Seinor Coomer has also transcribed it in full below.
So he is planning on returning to the internet IF he is found not guilty. Thats tragic.
 

Pointless Sperg

Crying Anchuent Cherokian
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Joined
Aug 2, 2021
It amuses me that Chris seems to think he’s going to get a jury trial even though many kiwis have explained why he probably won’t and how badly it would go for him if he did. Not that I expected Chris to understand any of the legal goings on.

Actually this is really bad news for Chris if his will becomes stronger than his attorney's ability to control him. From a strategic standpoint, a jury trial is unlikely, and his attorney will work out the best resolution that he can. Chris, however, is still constitutionally entitled to a jury trial if he so demands it, and if he absolutely refuses all advice from his attorney on this matter, he can order his attorney to still request a jury trial.

I still stand by my opinion that Chris is too meek to not just go with what his attorney recommends if his attorney is assertive enough, but maybe this whole experience is making Chris more assertive?

This is probably just Chris living in his Harvery Birdman/Phoenix Wright courtroom drama cartoon world, and it will crumble when Heilberg says "Just sign this paper, and you get out of jail with your year served. If you don't sign this you are most likely going to prison for more years."
So Chris seriously justifies this as him rejuvenating his mom with his malformed, STI ridden cock? God i hope he gets jumped.

Umm Chris has had only two opportunities to get an STI, and that was almost certainly with a condom on. He also has been to the doctor many times since and been completely clear. One of the sad things is that if Chris had an STI, it would probably be the result of his life actually being less shitty than it is.

If anything the person most likely to have an STI in the Chandler household would have been Barb, but her bar whore days ended right before the AIDS epidemic, so the only incurable thing she would have is HSV-2.


and I’ve made allies out of most of the police and medical staff. I have learned what I needed to for my consciousness from them in Confirmation of the Proceeding Events.

I genuinely wonder what the fuck this means. What is he saying to the guards?

Not Guilty, I Know ALL will resume well and good, period.

So on reading this part, he might not actually be thinking of a jury trial. He doesn't mention a trial, so maybe he thinks he might just be declared not guilty. Prosecutors of course can't do that, all they can do is drop charges. Maybe that's what Chris thinks will happen and that dropped charges is the same as being not guilty?

Because if Chris goes before a jury I can't imagine him winning, and probably not with a bench trial either, unless the state has zero evidence beyond the calls/texts.
 
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