[11 May 2019] Phil Plans to Move Out in June - Because what is a home without an abuser?

AnOminous

do you see what happens
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
So I just had a thought. When he’s trying to adopt a new identity, Phil has this tendency to overdo it - for instance, when he was trying to get in with environmentalists and renamed himself “Defender of the Forests” and pretended to be triggered by logging trucks. And a few days ago, he was making much of Bay Area musicians. Don’t Greta and Nina live in the Bay Area?
I doubt he could go to a worse place as far as living. He would soon end up as a homeless tard in diseased typhus-infested San Francisco or some shit. Or back in Oakland where he's hated.
 

Chandler Cats

Pufferton owes me four years alimony!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Phil was living in Berkeley and made brief jaunts into O-Town mostly due to the fact that his SSI meetings and tattoo parlor were there. What's more he was is the tonier part of Berkeley (power level) I used to shop at the same "Whole Paycheck" market where he bought his queso. It's a huge University town so the population is young and largely transient themselves and the whole place is extremely tolerant of bullshit, Charles Manson founded his "Family" on the steps of the Berkeley campus library. Both Berkeley and the Oakland Hills are occupied by very large homes with very deep pockets. Phil didn't go into Oakland proper because it is full of Black Panthers NOT from Wakanda and actual vatos who would curb stomp him in a heartbeat. He once said that when he migrated to Cali he was originally headed to San Diego and I suspect he avoided "America's Finest City" because it is very full of Vatos who would be happy to carve a permanent smile on him and take him right across the border to finish the job. The upper East Bay and the population on Telegraph Ave and San Pablo ave. welcome weird and Hipster trash beyond measure, so he was happy to stroll the "nuclear free zone" with the rest of the human refuse we ignore -- I still don't know how he got banned from The Long Haul. There's a great pub across the street but we never saw him the wild, dern it. (We did see Jordman at the train station once).

Also, didn't some industrious Kiwi discover that he actually did have an apartment or at least a room in Berkeley, thereby solving the differing patois of "houseless" versus "homeless"? I'd love to see him spend a day in Fruitvale. Casa La Zorra Loca is a shipping container halfway buried in Desert Hot Springs (about 2 hours from LA) and I don't even think the Troon corps of Palm Springs would put up with his whinging for more than an hour, it's probably also too close to Real Mexico and Real Mexicans and it's 120 in the summer out there. (please forgive Power Level)

Tl;DR: I wouldn't expect to see Taters in So Cal anytime soon.
 
Last edited:

Optimus Prime

Resident KF Transformers Expert
kiwifarms.net
I'd love to see him spend a day in Fruitvale. Casa La Zorra Loca is a shipping container halfway buried in Desert Hot Springs (about 2 hours from LA) and I don't even think the Troon corps of Palm Springs would put up with his whinging for more than an hour,
That one guy who scared off the sleep apnea guy would probably gut Phil the moment he started going on some tangent about antifa.
 

DCM90

I Ate Too Much Atrazine Today
kiwifarms.net
Phil was living in Berkeley and made brief jaunts into O-Town mostly due to the fact that his SSI meetings and tattoo parlor were there. What's more he was is the tonier part of Berkeley (power level) I used to shop at the same "Whole Paycheck" market where he bought his queso. It's a huge University town so the population is young and largely transient themselves and the whole place is extremely tolerant of bullshit, Charles Manson founded his "Family" on the steps of the Berkeley campus library. Both Berkeley and the Oakland Hills are occupied by very large homes with very deep pockets. Phil didn't go into Oakland proper because it is full of Black Panthers NOT from Wakanda and actual vatos who would curb stomp him in a heartbeat. He once said that when he migrated to Cali he was originally headed to San Diego and I suspect he avoided "America's Finest City" because it is very full of Vatos who would be happy to carve a permanent smile on him and take him right across the border to finish the job. The upper East Bay and the population on Telegraph Ave and San Pablo ave. welcome weird and Hipster trash beyond measure, so he was happy to stroll the "nuclear free zone" with the rest of the human refuse we ignore -- I still don't know how he got banned from The Long Haul. There's a great pub across the street but we never saw him the wild, dern it. (We did see Jordman at the train station once).

Also, didn't some industrious Kiwi discover that he actually did have an apartment or at least a room in Berkeley, thereby solving the differing patois of "houseless" versus "homeless"? I'd love to see him spend a day in Fruitvale. Casa La Zorra Loca is a shipping container halfway buried in Desert Hot Springs (about 2 hours from LA) and I don't even think the Troon corps of Palm Springs would put up with his whinging for more than an hour, it's probably also too close to Real Mexico and Real Mexicans and it's 120 in the summer out there. (please forgive Power Level)

Tl;DR: I wouldn't expect to see Taters in So Cal anytime soon.
Upper East bay? isn't that like Walnut creek and Danville? just suburbs full of old rich baby boomers./
 

Chandler Cats

Pufferton owes me four years alimony!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Upper East bay? isn't that like Walnut creek and Danville? just suburbs full of old rich baby boomers./
Yeah, actually you're correct, Richmond, etc, into The Delta, is the Upper East Bay. I actually meant that he tended to drift around the ultra white pocket of Telegraph, San Pablo Aves., probably Piedmont, Albany. I doubt he made it up to Kingsington, the higher you climb up the hill the more monied the neighborhood. Berkeley's permanent residents are a mix of ex-hippies who 'turned off and dropped back in' and assholes who "make a statement" by riding in huge bicycle packs and blocking the entire street, the rest of them all drive Volvos for some reason. I know he dropped by the same surplus store I did and the same REI. The funniest part is there's a doctor's office called "Kiwi Pediatrics" nearby, right up the street from five different "halal" markets.
 

Shekelswine

Don't you dare kink shame me
kiwifarms.net
I can Imagine him, trying to sleep on his bench, all the other homeless giving him a wide berth because of his "stink gash" (oh the humanity) all the while clutching a machete & muttering about "kiwi farms terrorist" attacking him now that he doesn't have a defensible tard fortress with locking doors...
 

Tragi-Chan

Godmaster Reverend
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I can Imagine him, trying to sleep on his bench, all the other homeless giving him a wide berth because of his "stink gash" (oh the humanity) all the while clutching a machete & muttering about "kiwi farms terrorist" attacking him now that he doesn't have a defensible tard fortress with locking doors...
Does he own a machete? I don’t recall seeing one in his playpen.
 

Optimus Prime

Resident KF Transformers Expert
kiwifarms.net
I doubt it, he’d have to read the sign first for it and that’s way too much effort.
Counterpoint: All Phil really, honestly, truly seems to love is fucking signs. His fictional knock-off Puerto Rico off the coast of New England pretty much is populated entirely by road signs, he plastered shit all over the inside of his apartment with instructional text and motivational nonsense like "Isabel is going to be alright", and he turned himself into a sign littered with childlike drawings and badly translated foreign languages to advertise everything he's wanted to be over the past few years and that generally people should stay the fuck away from this unstable asshole.

Which is all the more tragically hillarious when you consider that in the end, unless Phil somehow renders his body impossible to recover like he drowns in the middle of the ocean somehow, his body will not be claimed by anybody and so it will be cremated - destroying all his tattoos.
 

Coldgrip

Dragon Kick your ass into the Milky Way.
kiwifarms.net
I can Imagine him, trying to sleep on his bench, all the other homeless giving him a wide berth because of his "stink gash" (oh the humanity) all the while clutching a machete & muttering about "kiwi farms terrorist" attacking him now that he doesn't have a defensible tard fortress with locking doors...
The real hobos would recognize Phil for the poseur he is and would swiftly liberate him of any and all valuables. The real homeless have absolutely no problem robbing a dumb wannabe tard like Phil. To them, he's a fat little piggy ready to be butchered.
 
Tags
None

About Us

The Kiwi Farms is about eccentric individuals and communities on the Internet. We call them lolcows because they can be milked for amusement or laughs. Our community is bizarrely diverse and spectators are encouraged to join the discussion.

We do not place intrusive ads, host malware, sell data, or run crypto miners with your browser. If you experience these things, you have a virus. If your malware system says otherwise, it is faulty.

Supporting the Forum

How to Help

The Kiwi Farms is constantly attacked by insane people and very expensive to run. It would not be here without community support.

BTC: 1DgS5RfHw7xA82Yxa5BtgZL65ngwSk6bmm
ETH: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
BAT: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
LTC: LSZsFCLUreXAZ9oyc9JRUiRwbhkLCsFi4q
XMR: 438fUMciiahbYemDyww6afT1atgqK3tSTX25SEmYknpmenTR6wvXDMeco1ThX2E8gBQgm9eKd1KAtEQvKzNMFrmjJJpiino