[2 Sep 19] Phil Begs for Housewarming Gifts - Too fucking lazy to move shit so he thrown them all away

[Misaki Nakahara]

I know I said I'd have my robes drycleaned last week at the meeting, but I got caught up in monitoring the bug feeds from spudcave 2.0 and forgot.

Real sloppy work, soldier. If you hadn't uncovered that crucial intel about Phil's tattoo plans from the last stakeout you'd be on a 7 day probation.

 

[DatBepisTho]

If only Kiwis had a way to funnel the money spent on antifa merchandise in order to fund the next tendie cookout with the field agents.

Phil would still be broke as a joke from getting even shittier-quality virtue signaling gear and we could call it Operation PrimeRib.

 

[Misaki Nakahara]

If only Kiwis had a way to funnel the money spent on antifa merchandise in order to fund the next tendie cookout with the field agents.

Phil would still be broke as a joke from getting even shittier-quality virtue signaling gear and we could call it Operation PrimeRib.

Did you not get the briefing? Many of Phil's favourite places to spend money have been spoofed by Kiwi operatives. We see a good 80% of Phil's SSDI cheques from the various online stores he uses. Once we inform them of our work they're quite obliging in passing any and all money spent by Phil directly to Kiwi Farms to fund our various projects.

In fact, even the money from the Domino's Pizza he orders goes straight into Null's wallet, courtesy of one of the higher-ups in a regional office of Domino's who happens to be a Proud Boy.

 

[wes]

There's an IKEA in Portland, and they specialize in cheap furniture for tiny living spaces. But I don't know if the Portland IKEAs runneth over with dang dirty foreigners like the ones in New York, so that might be a deterrent for Phil.

I love that Phil specifically references his apartment as "Japan small," like closet living arrangements originate in Glorious Nippon. Glad that he's still in touch with his weeb roots.

I feel sorry for his new apartment. All I can think of is his previous spud cave getting consecutive rounds of bug bombing and fumigation. Even the most cruel of slum lords wouldn't inflict that on anyone. Thoughts and prayers for any future tennants.

 

[The Dude]

There's an IKEA in Portland, and they specialize in cheap furniture for tiny living spaces. But I don't know if the Portland IKEAs runneth over with dang dirty foreigners like the ones in New York, so that might be a deterrent for Phil.

I love that Phil specifically references his apartment as "Japan small," like closet living arrangements originate in Glorious Nippon. Glad that he's still in touch with his weeb roots.

I feel sorry for his new apartment. All I can think of is his previous spud cave getting consecutive rounds of bug bombing and fumigation. Even the most cruel of slum lords wouldn't inflict that on anyone. Thoughts and prayers for any future tennants.

I know IKEA includes instructions and all the tools and hardware required to assemble their furniture right there in the box, but do you honestly think Phil has the intelligence to put their stuff together? If you do, you're giving him far too much credit.

 

[Coldgrip]

I know IKEA includes instructions and all the tools and hardware required to assemble their furniture right there in the box, but do you honestly think Phil has the intelligence to put their stuff together? If you do, you're giving him far too much credit.

I can see hm putting something together, but then it collapses into a pile of garbage and he begs for a new whatever he ordered.

He's the type of idiot that winds up with way too many leftover parts.

 

[wes]

I can see hm putting something together, but then it collapses into a pile of garbage and he begs for a new whatever he ordered.

He's the type of idiot that winds up with way too many leftover parts.

It would probably end up more like this:

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

It would probably end up more like this:
View attachment 924270

Dumb as Patrick is, he still has a better life than ADF.

 

[Misaki Nakahara]

Dumb as Patrick is, he still has a better life than ADF.

For one thing, Patrick has a friend who actually wants to talk to him. Phil has none.

 

[Ted_Breakfast]

Housewarming gifts are the very definition of a bourgeoisie indulgence, Phil.

 

[Optimus Prime]

Dumb as Patrick is, he still has a better life than ADF.

Patrick also has a driver's license.

 

[Midlife Sperglord]

Dumb as Patrick is, he still has a better life than ADF.

Enough people find Patrick sexy enough to make Rule 32 porn art of him. Phil made us his own porn, and nobody wanted to wax his gashing wound.

 

[UselessRubberKeyboard]

I know IKEA includes instructions and all the tools and hardware required to assemble their furniture right there in the box, but do you honestly think Phil has the intelligence to put their stuff together? If you do, you're giving him far too much credit.

For all Phil's bluster about being a super tough anarchist soldier with a room full of weaponry or whatever, I bet the fat idiot doesn't own a screwdriver, hammer, or basic tools. Even if he did, I doubt he could use them in any useful manner.

This anarchist buys all his stuff ready-made.

 

[Misaki Nakahara]

Patrick also has a driver's license.

He has worked for about as long as Phil has though. But Patrick got an award at the end, all Phil got was autism.

 

[Mr Foster]

He has worked for about as long as Phil has though. But Patrick got an award at the end, all Phil got was autism.

All Philp HAS is autism.

And no balls.

 

[cowisnow]

A bit late, but....Tempo West Apartments a shithole? Hardly. Seems quite a nice suburban-ish place, ideal for Americans.

Tempo West Apartments Apartments - Portland, OR | Apartments.com

See all available apartments for rent at Tempo West Apartments in Portland, OR. Tempo West Apartments has rental units ranging from 709-1806 sq ft starting at $1150.

www.apartments.com

 

[Tragi-Chan]

Any apartment rented by Phil is liable to become a shithole. Possibly literally.

 

[Faulty Keurig]

I dunno, as long as it makes sparks, anything is good.

I feel like this is my time to shine...

 

[The Dude]

Housewarming gifts are the very definition of a bourgeoisie indulgence, Phil.

Yep. Housewarming gifts are an example of the decadent excess inherent with Capitalist systems. Because people who work in a Capitalist society typically get to keep most of what they make, they can afford to buy extra stuff to gift to their friends and family when they get a new home. In a Communist utopia, the state gives you everything you need without any unnecessary extras, like flat screen televisions or laptop computers or airsoft rifles. You don't need useless shit like that to live. Just the essentials in the Worker's Paradise of Communism.

For all Phil's bluster about being a super tough anarchist soldier with a room full of weaponry or whatever, I bet the fat idiot doesn't own a screwdriver, hammer, or basic tools. Even if he did, I doubt he could use them in any useful manner.

This anarchist buys all his stuff ready-made.

Oh, I'm sure Phil has a hammer somewhere. But it isn't a tool. It's some mall ninja bullshit like a replica of Mjolnir or some anime shit that will break if it ever got used or dropped.

All Philp HAS is autism.

And no balls.

While Phil has no balls, he does still have his gonads intact. And his baby dick.

 

[dirtydeanna96]

info here. i still have relatives with subsidized housing. asked the property manager what someone would have to do to be kicked out if you have sec 8.
she said "not pay rent" other than that, a filthy home. were her words. she said that she wanted to, but couldn't kick out drug users\dealers, habitual litterers on sec 8,
renters with extra people living with them, because it was her word against theirs.