[24 Mar 19] Phil Announces he is an Atheist - Needs Fedora to Cover Derp Eyes

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keyboredsm4shthe2nd

CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES! GRIND THEIR BONES INTO DIRT!
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To be fair, the existence of Phil is an argument against the existence of a kind and loving deity. Conversely, it's evidence for God having a messed up sense of humor.
nah he's just born of satan.
I actually assumed atheism of phil simply because he doesn't have the mental capacity to entertain even simple ideas of theoretical higher planes of existence or higher consciousness.
 

Tragi-Chan

A thousand years old
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nah he's just born of satan.
I actually assumed atheism of phil simply because he doesn't have the mental capacity to entertain even simple ideas of theoretical higher planes of existence or higher consciousness.
I assumed he was atheist, or at least agnostic, because he changes religion on a dime and never actually researches the faiths he pretends to have.
 

Mogambo

stung by a scorpion
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Incidentally, I suspect the reason Phil hasn't gone Muslim is twofold. Both lead back to the fact that Islam is still largely perceived as a brown/black religion in the US. First and foremost, Phil is racist and scared of us "darkies." Barring of course that time he tried to hit on the Palestinian women and that weird fetishistic hijabi art he sort of gave up on. But the thing is he'd be dealing with other Muslim brothers if he were to "convert," and that's scary for him. Also while he got away with acting like a twat at the Buddhist temples, that trans shit wouldn't fly in a masjid. If he showed up reeking of filth and decked out in pleather bondage gear, he'd be politely asked to leave under the best of circumstances, but after the New Zealand shootings? You can bet a weird white guy waddling around acting suspiciously or belligerently would get the cops called on him.

The other reason is that ironically he'd probably get accused of "cultural appropration" by his SJW friends, even though actual Muslims wouldn't care. We welcome reverts, well most Muslims anyway, especially mainstream Sunnis and Shi'a, and that would almost certainly be what Phil would find (unless there's a NoI presence in Portland or something, which would be hilarious!). Even Salafis want reverts, though they tend to attract weirdos. But SJWs are kind of racists and segregationists; they don't seem to realize that Islam is a religion ANYONE can revert to, and that there are plenty of white practicing Muslims (and indeed countries like Albania are mostly Muslim). As far as they're concerned, white equals conservative Protestant Christian, suburban or rural, Republican voting, etc, which ironically is the exact sort of dualism Phil parrots. And unlike the Latinx lie, Phil hasn't set the groundwork by claiming to be part-Arab, Turkish, Kurdish, Pakistanj, Somali or whatever.

Now... its possible he was testing the waters with the whole YPG stuff and the Syria, Iran, Palestine stuff and the nasheed, but I think even Phil knows hes too dumb to understand the political intricacies of Middle East politics. He's too dumb and racist to know that Mexico and Puerto Rico are different countries with separate cultures, think he could grap what's going on in Egypt, Algeria, Iraq, Jordan, Qatar, Yemen, Tunisia, Syria, etc? Also if he tries to plug Arabic or Persian into an online translator, it will probably return it into Arabic script, which he can't read. Maybe he could find some Kurmanji or other Kurdish language in Latin script if he searched enough but that's kind of obscure and often spoken rather than written.

As for the Judaism thing, Phil is still kind of obsessed with Israel and Jewish identity to some extent, as his interests are cyclical and he never really gives them up, but he knows Israel isn't popular in SJW circles. He might not understand why exactly, but he certainly knows he isnt supposed to be pro-Israel. He's sort of tried crouching it in terms of "good Jews" vs "bad Jews," but you know its burning him up that he can't pretend to be "Xochi" anymore. He doesn't quite get that social media in the early 2000s was very different from social media today even if he sort of gets the right buzz words.

The unfilled pleather bra on worn over a t-shirt and coupled with a net tutu just nails the look. Supersoldier badass killer, indeed.
Haha, that's another reason I never thought Phil was really "trans." Every photo where he's allegedly in drag, he seems to just put it on over men's clothing, as if he's embarrassed that someone will see him. He's so painfully vanilla it's not even funny anymore.

nah he's just born of satan.
More like Nurgle, as that's the only deity even close to Phil, and even then Nurgle is still better because he's a rather jolly fellow and loves you just as you are. Phil is the bastard spawn of Nurgle and Slaanesh with none of the good bits from either.
 

GethN7

True & Honest Fan
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Incidentally, I suspect the reason Phil hasn't gone Muslim is twofold. Both lead back to the fact that Islam is still largely perceived as a brown/black religion in the US. First and foremost, Phil is racist and scared of us "darkies." Barring of course that time he tried to hit on the Palestinian women and that weird fetishistic hijabi art he sort of gave up on. But the thing is he'd be dealing with other Muslim brothers if he were to "convert," and that's scary for him. Also while he got away with acting like a twat at the Buddhist temples, that trans shit wouldn't fly in a masjid. If he showed up reeking of filth and decked out in pleather bondage gear, he'd be politely asked to leave under the best of circumstances, but after the New Zealand shootings? You can bet a weird white guy waddling around acting suspiciously or belligerently would get the cops called on him.
Oh, it gets funnier than that.

The five Pillars of Islam would be impossible for Phil to adhere to, all for hilarious reasons.

1. Profession of faith: Every day, Muslims are required to reassert their faith before Allah. Phil cannot keep a routine to save his life, and he must make a public profession of faith before other Muslims indicating his desire to convert before becoming a member of the ulama, or Muslim community.

Finally, this is serious business, you can't just go apostate without consequences, and we all know Phil is not good on commitment.


2. Daily prayer: Five times a day, in Arabic, Phil would have to pray in the direction of Mecca, reaffirming his faith in Allah. On top of the same reasons mentioned for the first item, he sucks at English and mangles Spanish, he sure isn't gonna learn Arabic.

He'd also have to show up at a mosque if at all possible, and they do enforce some basic hygiene standards, another thing Phil abhors.


3. Charity: Lol, like Phil would ever give to the less fortunate. He might get off a bit easy on how much he'd have to give since he's on tardbux's, but some level of compulsory charity would be expected, as well as what ever additional charity he could offer the less fortunate.


4. Fasting: During the Islamic month of Ramadan, fasting is required, unless for reasons of health this would be dangerous. Phil would never sacrifice one bit of his earthly pleasures even temporarily in service to a higher power, and even if he was given a pass on fasting once, he would have to make it up later, and he'd likely try to pass the buck forever.


5. The Hajj, or a pilgrimage to Mecca, which every Muslim is expected to do at least once in their lifetime. There is no need to belabor why he'd never bother with this.


tl;dr: Phil would never adopt Islam for any reason, lest he be killed as a heretic by any Muslim who takes it seriously, which he wouldn't.
 

TheYellowKing

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tl;dr: Phil would never adopt Islam for any reason, lest he be killed as a heretic by any Muslim who takes it seriously, which he wouldn't.
Exactly, he'd probably last a week or two and the Muslims at the mosque he'd waddle into would tolerate him and give him the benefit of the doubt. Then he wander in shitfaced ranting about fighting whitey and eating a BLT. I wonder if the Imam would film the beheading? Now that would be a glorious end to a lolcow saga.
 
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The Un-Clit

After the Dimensional Merge, pussy eats YOU!
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Exactly, he'd probably last a week or two and the Muslims at the mosque he'd waddle into would tolerate him and give him the benefit of the doubt. Then he wander in shitfaced ranting about fighting whitey and eating a BLT. I wonder if the Imam would film the beheading? Now that would be a glorious end to a lolcow saga.
It's a good thing he dosen't know about the Sikh Gurdwara (temple)'s feature of the Langar where they feed you a vegetarian meal after service no matter who or what you are. And one thing that Sikhs (well, all Punjabis) love almost as much as Phil does is cheese.

People who see Sikhs in the grocery store buying up 8 or 10 4-litre (1 gallon) jugs of m!lk at a time and wonder wtf they do with it all, (a popular goof on whitey is to tell them they bathe in it.) I'll tell you. They make paneer with it, which is a very simple soft and mild homemade cheese. They use a TON of it in their cooking, and it's really tasty. A good source of protein as well since many Sikhs are vegetarian.

Phil should read up on Sikhism. He could find a new persecuted class to belong to, get all the free cheese he can eat at the temple, as well as be allowed to carry a blade (Kirpan) openly if he converts to Sikhism and joins the Khalsa.

This would be a fucking hilarious sight thus I am posting this info here, hoping that the Philthy One stops reading at 'free cheese!!' and start googling the nearest gurdwara.
 
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Alex Krycek

All my friends are Skeletons
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It's a good thing he dosen't know about the Sikh Gurdwara (temple)'s feature of the Langar where they feed you a vegetarian meal after service no matter who or what you are. And one thing that Sikhs (well, all Punjabis) love almost as much as Phil is cheese.

People who see Sikhs in the grocery store buying up 8 or 10 4-litre (1 gallon) jugs of m!lk at a time and wonder wtf they do with it all, (a popular goof on whitey is to tell them they bathe in it.) I'll tell you. They make paneer with it, which is a very simple soft and mild homemade cheese. They use a TON of it in their cooking, and it's really tasty. A good source of protein as well since many Sikhs are vegetarian.

Phil should read up on Sikhism. He could find a new persecuted class to belong to, get all the free cheese he can eat at the temple, as well as be allowed to carry a blade (Kirpan) openly if he converts to Sikhism and joins the Khalsa.

This would be a fucking hilarious sight thus I am posting this info here, hoping that the Philthy One stops reading at 'free cheese!!' and start googling the nearest gurdwara.
Yeah I used to hang out with a Sikh guy back in college and attended a service or two with him. Nice people. Still prefer Orthodox Christianity and Theravada Buddhism but ya know... it was neat for the experience. Also I do like Paneer, although I typically have it in Bengali or Nepalese dishes.

He can’t do the whole Sikh warrior thing though because he has officially become female. Now he’s expected to get married and service a husband for the rest of his life.

If only we had thought of this in 2010.... a man can dream though...
 

The Un-Clit

After the Dimensional Merge, pussy eats YOU!
True & Honest Fan
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Yeah I used to hang out with a Sikh guy back in college and attended a service or two with him. Nice people. Still prefer Orthodox Christianity and Theravada Buddhism but ya know... it was neat for the experience. Also I do like Paneer, although I typically have it in Bengali or Nepalese dishes.

He can’t do the whole Sikh warrior thing though because he has officially become female. Now he’s expected to get married and service a husband for the rest of his life.

If only we had thought of this in 2010.... a man can dream though...
I know, right? We could be having Phil sperging non-stop about Khalistan instead of Austrolatina and hanging with some actual extremely militant people and have a perfect excuse for hating on one group of brown people because he identifies with another group of brown people. :story: It would have been glorious.
 

Alex Krycek

All my friends are Skeletons
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I know, right? We could be having Phil sperging non-stop about Khalistan instead of Austrolatina and hanging with some actual extremely militant people and have a perfect excuse for hating on one group of brown people because he identifies with another group of brown people. :story: It would have been glorious.
Knowing him he’d find a way to make it all about himself and get kicked out and go back to role playing as a Naruto character, although to see him draw Sasuke and Sakura as a Sikh couple would seriously be one of the funniest things ever.

Of course I’m not paying any autist to draw that.
 

Misaki Nakahara

Personally killed 18 transwomen-of-colour
kiwifarms.net
It's a good thing he dosen't know about the Sikh Gurdwara (temple)'s feature of the Langar where they feed you a vegetarian meal after service no matter who or what you are. And one thing that Sikhs (well, all Punjabis) love almost as much as Phil does is cheese.

People who see Sikhs in the grocery store buying up 8 or 10 4-litre (1 gallon) jugs of m!lk at a time and wonder wtf they do with it all, (a popular goof on whitey is to tell them they bathe in it.) I'll tell you. They make paneer with it, which is a very simple soft and mild homemade cheese. They use a TON of it in their cooking, and it's really tasty. A good source of protein as well since many Sikhs are vegetarian.

Phil should read up on Sikhism. He could find a new persecuted class to belong to, get all the free cheese he can eat at the temple, as well as be allowed to carry a blade (Kirpan) openly if he converts to Sikhism and joins the Khalsa.

This would be a fucking hilarious sight thus I am posting this info here, hoping that the Philthy One stops reading at 'free cheese!!' and start googling the nearest gurdwara.
Sikhism isn't trendy. Phil dropped Judaism for Wicca, Buddhism and Satanism, in that order. He only claims religions that he thinks make him sound quirky.
 
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