[4-Aug-2019] Mario 64 Marathon and the Pahsuhtiv Announcement - Paypigs pony up for Phil to gloat

[Pargon]

Phil wants to make this a big production so let's all give it the attention and accolades it deserves. Roll out your red carpets, open your wallets and cut the locks on the salt mines, Phil wants cash money on the barrelhead to display his Real Adult Trophy list.

(Source = https://twitter.com/TheyCallMeDSP/status/1156147726276386816)

(https://twitter.com/TheyCallMeDSP/status/1157511964093894656)

Phil has combined Sunday's Mario 64 "Marathon" with the "anticipated" reveal (along with some "Tip Fundraising"), "two really positive things that people are looking forward to into one kind of cool event. And, hopefully, may take this as an opportunity to help myself out a little bit because of, as you guys know, financially I have not been doing well..."

The day after the announcement of the "Good News" announcement, Phil back-pedaled and down-graded this into a "Positive Reveal"

dspreveal - Streamable

Check out this video on Streamable using your phone, tablet or desktop.

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(Courtesy of @Slander Man)

Whether "Good News" or a "Positive Reveal", both are dependent on Monday's "Tips Goal" being met. But don't worry! "You're gonna love it!"

edit: thanks to @clownpiss and @Wurstbrot for caps. archive.md is being shitty at the moment but will put backups on when it doesn't suck.

Additional stuff by @Haunter

 

[SowonNation]

open your wallets

oh my, but there's no need to open them!

 

[JamFlowMan]

Start the clock the Countdown to be Letdown has begun.

 

[RemoveKebab]

I was watching when he was talking about this and the stream chat was not happy with Phil paywalling phasitive khantent. It wasn't just trolls, people with badges next to their name too. Phil sold this as something positive for the stream which impacts the stream viewer. So now hearing he set up a paywall has pissed them off.

It would be like if you had to give your parents $20 to get your Christmas present.

Dark Jr: Dad, where are my Christmas gifts? I thought I could just open them?
Dark: Uhhhhh no! *checks e-mails* I don't see an email from Paypal showing you tipped me the $20. I need that money. I need that money. I really do. To pay my bills. Send me the $20 and you can have them.

5 minutes later
Dark: Ohhhh shoutout Dark Jr. for sending me a $20 tip! He said hey Dad now can I open my gifts? Well Dark Jr., SNORT, SNIFF not yet because I'm streaming so we can do it during the break. Sounds good? ack ack ack *Leg Slap*.

All right, let me get Dark Jr. on the leaderboard.

Top Tip: (Dark Jr.)) $20

My guess is that Dark is getting a pet - specifically a cat.

 

[This comment matters]

I was watching when he was talking about this and the stream chat was not happy with Phil paywalling phasitive khantent. It wasn't just trolls, people with badges next to their name too. Phil sold this as something positive for the stream which impacts the stream viewer. So now hearing he set up a paywall has pissed them off.

It would be like if you had to give your parents $20 to get your Christmas present.

Dark Jr: Dad, where are my Christmas gifts? I thought I could just open them?
Dark: Uhhhhh no! *checks e-mails* I don't see an email from Paypal showing you tipped me the $20. I need that money. I need that money. I really do. To pay my bills. Send me the $20 and you can have them.

5 minutes later
Dark: Ohhhh shoutout Dark Jr. for sending me a $20 tip! He said hey Dad now can I open my gifts? Well Dark Jr., SNORT, SNIFF not yet because I'm streaming so we can do it during the break. Sounds good? ack ack ack *Leg Slap*.

All right, let me get Dark Jr. on the leaderboard.

Top Tip: (Dark Jr.)) $20

My guess is that Dark is getting a pet - specifically a cat.

It's worse than that. It's like paying $20 to be INFORMED that someone ELSE is going to celebrate Christmas. You get nothing out of it. At least little Dark Jr. would get his presents. The paypigs just get Phil telling them he got a cat or a fish or a new BBQ or whatever the fuck his dumbass phasitive news is.

 

[TurboSwine]

I see this paywall news going one of three ways.

1. Goal is met and, once revealed how shitty the news is, people will begin to question why they paid. Golden colts is already doing so.

2. Goal is not met and, Phil decides to be nice and reveal the information anyway. people questioned why they bother donating if he was going to reveal the information anyway.

3. Goal is not met, and Phil decides not to reveal the information. People will feel especially cheated since Phil will keep their money to pay bills not even for something like buying new games to play

 

[samovski]

I see this paywall news going one of three ways.

1. Goal is met and, once revealed how shitty the news is, people will begin to question why they paid. Golden colts is already doing so.

2. Goal is not met and, Phil decides to be nice and reveal the information anyway. people questioned why they bother donating if he was going to reveal the information anyway.

3. Goal is not met, and Phil decides not to reveal the information. People will feel especially cheated since Phil will keep their money to pay bills not even for something like buying new games to play

Ya just know if it's #3 he's gonna guilt his fans afterwards. Blame certain "individuals" without naming names, because he's just the biggest bitch. Claim he was so excited to share some good news and people just had to ruin the pahsativitay.

The whole paywall thing is just a mess, unnecessary and completely gross. A Dave specialty now I think of it. Take the littlest thing and try to charge for the privilege.

 

[actually]

The one purposeful "hint" he gave was that it was not a one-off "thing" (at least according to him). That could definitely suggest a pet.

 

[Surly Muppet]

One of his core defenses here is going to be that people shouldn't be donating for the reward (later, when this is recounted in 3 years, he'll say nobody ever cared about the reward at all), but they should instead be donating to help him out of the goodness of their hearts, and because they love Phil and know he needs their help right now.

This catch-all reason is an excuse to get out of any and all flak thrown his way, regardless of the outcome. He may be stupid, but after all this time, he is starting to refine this scam. I think at some point, probably after Panda left, Phil convinced himself that he can't trust anyone, so it's okay if he drops all semblance of transparency and gave himself permission to say and do whatever he needs to in order to manipulate his audience, so long as he has a way to weasel out if necessary. We're seeing less terrible damage control after mistakes and more clear attempts to scheme in advance.

 

[Doxus]

What if it's actually an announcement for Dark Jr.? He's calling it phasitive because he wants to m.ilk it?

Edit: I bet if it is along those lines, this is just a "She woke up sick. So she MIGHT be preggers. Start turning out your pockets folks."

 

[actually]

ETA: as others have said, though, there is zero chance the goal is not met. Phil is many things but unaware of his audience is not one of them. He knows how to tug the leash.

Can see it now, the goal isn't met so Phil doesn't share the good news:

"No guys, I'm putting my foot down, the goal wasn't met so I'm not sharing my positive news, what is the point in telling you if we didn't meet the goals? Go fuck yourselves"

Unless the goal is set so low that two or three whales can artificially hit it, I don't think the goal will be hit. When he did the "announcement" in chat, I saw literally nobody excited about it. Even fucking infinite55 was giving a "WTF" tone.

 

[Pargon]

Unless the goal is set so low that two or three whales can artificially hit it, I don't think the goal will be hit. When he did the "announcement" in chat, I saw literally nobody excited about it. Even fucking infinite55 was giving a "WTF" tone.

My only other thought is that some troll dipshit will fund it in the hopes that the resulting news will cause some kind of revolt en masse of people pissed at Phil for charging to announce he's going on a delayed honeymoon or bringing back the green screen or whatever the fuck.

Advance warning: this will not happen. Phil could announce that with his paypigs' help he has enough to fund his legal defense against some girl he raped in college and people will still support him. He could throw the switch on his whole enterprise and assholes like golden_colts will still be going into his ghost town twitch chat and dropping cheers at 3 AM for months afterward.

I fully expect it to be some completely tone-deaf news that benefits Phil and only Phil, and I'm including Kat in that expectation. Something he expects his viewers to celebrate when the only person who stands to gain is him.

Also if it's a pet I'm forming a tac team and storming his crib to liberate it then burning down his house. No animal deserves to be tortured twice over as his fucking stream mascot and still neglected all day erryday while Kat is at work.

 

[Salubrious]

I see this paywall news going one of three ways.

1. Goal is met and, once revealed how shitty the news is, people will begin to question why they paid. Golden colts is already doing so.

2. Goal is not met and, Phil decides to be nice and reveal the information anyway. people questioned why they bother donating if he was going to reveal the information anyway.

3. Goal is not met, and Phil decides not to reveal the information. People will feel especially cheated since Phil will keep their money to pay bills not even for something like buying new games to play

Keep in mind, even if the goal is met AND it's this amazing news (Howard and Rambo are back and they are going to restart Project 7!), us trolls and detractors will get the exact same news for free moments after it is announced or even during the announcement itself. There's no benefit to paying for an announcement that the entire internet will also get for free moments later.

One of his core defenses here is going to be that people shouldn't be donating for the reward (later, when this is recounted in 3 years, he'll say nobody ever cared about the reward at all), but they should instead be donating to help him out of the goodness of their hearts, and because they love Phil and know he needs their help right now.

This too. Remember when he first started the $200 daily tip goals during GTA3 and people were asking him what they get for hitting the goal? He literally scoffed at them and said that the goal was for HIM so that he "could pay his bills" and that they would get to keep watching him play since he wouldn't lose his house. DSP didn't even pretend that the donators would get something for their money. Nothing special at all for hitting the goal and literal scorn for being selfish enough to ask for something special since "he's already doing all he can do dood."

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

"Kat just got her STD test results from the free clinic. Guess what, guys? IT'S EXTREMELY POSITIVE!"

 

[Kosher Dill]

I'm guessing it's something petty and financial. Like, he finally managed to consolidate all his credit cards, or paid one of them off, or got a letter saying his tax repayment plan is officially approved.

 

[PieceofShet]

Its a pet. 99%

 

[That Hedonist Nerd]

Its a pet. 99%

So here's my pahsitive khantent update guys - Im really *snort* excited to tell you all this
*bottle crush*

*5 minutes of silence, interrupted by the sound of occasional hunt-and-peck keystrokes*

*snort*

For the past 30 days Khet and I have been taking care of a little one.

That's right! We have a pet!

We started small, wanted to make sure we could stick to the super strenuous tasks that come with being a pet owner.

And its still allive!

* turns camera in a boomer manner*

TA-DAA!

Now we're about to try something a little tougher. This morning when Khet was out for her morning canter - with a little galloping too - and she found our next pet! It just lahtched onto her hoof and wouldn't let go. She wouldn't shutup about it, some dood came over and got it off her and put it in a cage. Then they went to the pet store for some food for it. That was a week ago - traffic is crazy here doods!

Anyway, meet our newest bestest pet, which I have named Leanna - NOT NAMED FOR THAT LEANNA - named for my favorite character from my favorite show "The Young and the Restless", Leanna Love!

Look how sweet she looks doods!

 

[Marsaudiac]

If a "sudden financial emergency" happens to delay the "positive announcement" I will die laughing. That would almost be too Phil to be true.

 

[Slimy Time]

I fully expect it to be some completely tone-deaf news that benefits Phil and only Phil, and I'm including Kat in that expectation. Something he expects his viewers to celebrate when the only person who stands to gain is him.

Also if it's a pet I'm forming a tac team and storming his crib to liberate it then burning down his house. No animal deserves to be tortured twice over as his fucking stream mascot and still neglected all day erryday while Kat is at work.

I'm really expecting a husband-like "positive message". You guys know the one. The one where your dad tells your mum something "positive" has happened, like he got over his cold, right before he drops the bombshell of negative news.

I can completely foresee Dark going "positive news guys, Kat has been having a knee issue, and we finally got to see a doctor guys, isn't that wonderful" or something like that, right before his "I need money for this procedure, so donate guys, btw my taxes still need to be paid so donate donate donate". Anything finance related can fall into that category as well.

If this idiot and his plastic horse are either getting a pet or having a kid, I will be Mad on the internet.

 

[Pargon]

If this idiot and his plastic horse are either getting a pet or having a kid, I will be Mad on the internet

If that motherfucker has the temerity to charge his fanbase for the right to hear news that leads into more Hit 'Em Up Style I will be, similarly, Mad on the Internet.