5 reasons chris will never get a girlfriend -

[regularjohn]

I found an article on cracked that lists 5 reasons why your online profile isnt working, and it reads like an itemized list on why chris is going to be alone forever. I think number two sums him up pretty well: You're a Genuinely Bad Person and Deserve to Die Alone in Mustard-Stained Sweatpants. What do you guys think?

The list is here: http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-y ... t-working/

 

[Yawning Squirtle]

This has "love-shy" written all over it. But yeah, I agree, there's similarities between the article and Chris, specially if you remember his disastrous profiles in all dating sites he's been to...

 

[Marvin]

I found an article on cracked that lists 5 reasons why your online profile isnt working, and it reads like an itemized list on why chris is going to be alone forever. I think number two sums him up pretty well: You're a Genuinely Bad Person and Deserve to Die Alone in Mustard-Stained Sweatpants. What do you guys think?

The list is here: http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-y ... t-working/

Pretty on target, though it just as effectively (well, this is why it was written) describes all godawful internet nerds. Chris is all that plus the effect his autism/borb-ism had on his personality.

Although, I will say that Chris is comparably sexist to the typical internet nerd, just in a strikingly different way. Where one internet nerd might think women are all golddigging black widows, Chris thinks they're all impossibly tender, sweet and loving creatures, without fault forever.

 

[Great Unclean Chris]

This has "love-shy" written all over it. But yeah, I agree, there's similarities between the article and Chris, specially if you remember his disastrous profiles in all dating sites he's been to...

This picture has Tumblr fag written all over it

 

[snowkitten91]

#3 (You Don't See Other People as People) also describes him quite accurately:

Like everyone else, you've probably grown up watching a lot of movies, and the thing about movies is that the stories that offer the most escapism by nature give you the least accurate picture of the real world. Lacking are the movies about how the universe is a big unfair mess of random shit and awkward gray areas in which you are entitled only to die screaming. Your life is not a character arc in which the Love Interest is obligated to appear at some point -- it is a horribly free-form escalator ride to the grave, and it's up to you to make the most of it by shaping yourself into the kind of person that the kind of person you're attracted to would plausibly find attractive. Something you're clearly not doing already, because you have the dating profile of the hero, the protagonist, the One True Human, who is intrinsically attractive without having to grow as a person.

 

[CatParty]

i only need to look at two reasons. the "killer B's" as i call them
1. barb
2.

 

[Aranamor]

A girl I had tried and failed to court once told me that there was someone for everyone. She has obviously not heard of Chris-chan.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

Chris is so far down the rabbit hole that he could never handle even a simple reciprocal friendship. Before anyone says that he has friends, they aren't friends. If that were the case, he wouldn't be so lonely. He probably has a few people who have decided to be good human beings and take pity on the poor lonesome... thing in the corner. And as any of Chris's high school gal pals will tell you, if you so much as give him the time of day, he'll latch on to you as a host organism and start demanding favors.

Sustaining a meaningful romantic relationship is something that everyone has to work at. What Chris thinks a relationship is, and what the rest of the world thinks it is are two entirely different things. The rest of the world wants an interpersonal connection - something that bonds two people together in a deep and meaningful way. Chris wants a nursemaid to give him sex, bring home money and play house with him. Literally play house, with his LEGO house and LEGO people. Short of people with pretty serious mental retardation, like Chris himself, there is nobody who would be willing to be with him. His hatred for those people rules them out anyway. It would be impossible for him to have a girlfriend.

And this is all just taking his infantile mind into account. I won't even get into his personality. I mean, suffice it to say he is a complete asshole.

 

[Kosher Dill]

2 reasons Chris will never have a girlfriend:

- He refuses to cultivate a personality that could make up for his appearance
- He refuses to work on an appearance that could make up for his personality

 

[NiggoFiggo]

His retardation is going to keep him girlfriendless.

 

[cubesandcubes]

I like that quote from the wiki which says that Chris' chances of getting a girlfriend would rise from -45% to 0 if he would shower regularly and stop using so much AXE body spray.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

I like that quote from the wiki which says that Chris' chances of getting a girlfriend would rise from -45% to 0 if he would shower regularly and stop using so much AXE body spray.

But how would da ladies know to orbit his belt? It was basically PROMISED.

 

[Anon]

I thought this was going to be each person's 5 reasons why Chris will never have a girlfriend so here are mine.

1. He's Chris.
2. He's Chris
3. He's Chris
4. He's Chris
5. He made Sonichu

 

[cubesandcubes]

this thread has the potential to become a-loggy really quickly.

 

[KatsuKitty]

This thread is blatant A-Logging.