A man nearing his 30s talks about Internet friends -


Cassandra on the Online
(Note: This post is very long and has no valuable information.)

In 2012, when I was 19, I joined the CWCki Forums. At the time, it was hosted on a free forum service. A group of problem users had caused a rift in the community towards the end of 2012 and began reporting it to the service, resulting in frequent takedowns. I was in my first year of full-time work doing remote web development and thought it would be easy to host a phpBB forum. I really liked the community and offered to do the tech work while the old guard keeps running the community as they had, and as I had enjoyed it.

I'd encourage you to read the first post ever made on this site, way back in January 30th, 2013.
Hey all,

This community, that I've only recently come across, is the most mature and civil group of people that isn't outright banal. You guys are a constant source of intellectual amusement, with each of you coming to every conversation with a unique point of view and theory. It's for that reason I've volunteered to support the forum with an true and honest domain name and an actual host that isn't going to trash our happy home just because of whom it is centered around.

Here's what the change means:
  • The forums are now running on a pure form of the PHPBB3 software suite, so I can change anything. I'm a programmer by employment and by hobby, so anything we may need tweaked or installed to suit our needs can be done.
  • Dreamhost is now the provider of hosting services, and they will not chop down our Internet unless we violate International or United States law.
  • All settings, users, and posts in the previous forum(s) have been lost forever. Sorry.

Champthom is the Super Administrator and the Community Manager. He has complete control over the content of the forum and its users. I've given him the task of setting up the boards and promoting the right people into Administrative and Moderator roles, and also ensuring that Hulk Hogan be given his proper yellow title (as he is a True American).

champthom said:
For the record, anyone who was banned that I remember WILL be banned on sight here.
I've said my piece and I will be stepping back from this point. I do not wish to become the Supreme Glorious Leader of the board and its users, and I'd like to see the current administration continue on in their role. I will not be participating in community management, merely maintaining the boards and making sure that everyone gets a chance to discuss Chris without worry of another shut down. I like you guys, and I want to see this group carry on for a long time.

Feel free to use this thread to celebrate, make software requests, or do whatever.
Those problem users I mentioned would end up appealing to me to be unbanned, a decision I deferred to Champthom, who would reaffirm the quote in that first post about not letting them back in. They tried to convince me to go against Champthom's wishes and unban them, which I would refuse to do. I told them I did not want to make community decisions and would not take on that responsibility. I didn't really know how to do my own email server yet, so I had the forum send emails to my personal email address. It would be this email address and this correspondence that'd end up in me being doxed later in 2013.

In early 2014 I had indeed become the Supreme Glorious Leader of the board and its users. I wouldn't even ban spam bots to begin with, but eventually I did. Then I took upon myself the responsibility of banning Jcrowley, a diaperfur who would make hundreds of accounts a day. I had determined the "kill yourself" ban messages engaged him, as well as leaving up his posts. I started banning him without any message and deleting his posts, as well as any replies. This worked very quickly. The other admins had retreated into their own lives while I took over more responsibilities. I had noticed the users liked talking about these "lolcows" (people similar to Chris but not actually Chris) in the off-topic board. I made a lolcow board to cater this discussion. Champthom didn't like this and deleted it outright, including all its discussion. He warned me that lolcow communities were dangerous and cannibalistic, but I told him I would quit, as I was certain the users wanted to talk about "lolcows".

Jace and Deagle Nation came along as the second big lolcow besides Chris. I liked it because for the first time the concurrent user counts would top 100, then 200 -- Wow! --, but a lot of people didn't like Jace. They didn't like the users Jace brought, they didn't like DeagleDad420 (the first admin I ever appointed and my second-in-command). A lot of these 'Deagle Nation spergs' didn't even know who Chris was! This caused another community crisis, but this time it was mine. I decided to stay the course because I saw the demand.

Deagle Nation brought trouble. I had to learn how to deal with people. Not just people I liked, but people I didn't like, and people who didn't like me. Gamerfood, a notorious video game griefing clique, would try to wrest Jace's attention away from us and to themselves, where they had been trying to encourage him to rob a bank with an airsoft pistol. They also would DDoS the site. This was my first foray into both social engineering, which DeagleDad420 helped out with, and cybersecurity, which I mostly figured out as I went along with help from Glaive -- our second appointed admin who was formerly the admin of an incel community we helped get laid after he joined our forum.

One of the side effects of Gamerfood's attack on the site was that it made my real job boring. I had been pigeon-holed into one area of the product for an entire year as the company expanded, but meanwhile my community was exciting. There were hackers! DDoSers! Things to resolve, things to build. I couldn't invest myself in my work anymore and ended up quitting.

By 2015, it was revealed that Deagle Nation was a hoax by an MDE fan. DeagleDad420 was Jace, which made it funnier. Jace shows up in MDE skits sometimes still. The site was still growing steadily, though the community had lost a lot of the original CWCki Forum users. By the end of 2015 I ended up removing Glaive because his behavior became erratic and this drove a lot of people away onto their own splinter site. I tried to appease the veterans by making two exclusive boards: the House of Lard, that only users who joined before Jace could post in, and the Top Secret Inner Circle, a gigantic clusterfuck of spam that anyone who's been around for half a year or so can post in if they've not been labeled a sperg. I also tried promoting certain veteran users to moderator roles to deal with the community because it had became clear to me I had a charisma level of approximately negative ten. I feel that removing Glaive as I did had the indirect effect of sending a sinister message to the broader community: there is only one person indispensable to me, and that's me. Veteran users didn't like this and many left.

2016 brought on the dark times and the whole game changed. What was once a hard technical issue of securing the server became a constant test of technocratic politics. I had moved us off of Dreamhost to Linode a year after starting the site, but then Linode kicked us off suddenly. I moved us to Gandi, but they kicked us off after only two days. This brought on a loss of data, so I adapted the system and set up the site behind other services that faced the Internet. If that dropped, I would replace it in minutes without setting anything up again. I ended up burning through a hundred different services, both in the US and abroad, by the time I changed tactics.

This was discovered to be the work of one man. Vordrak perpetually emailed different services to try and bring the site down, using well crafted threats that shook even hardened service providers and large companies into action immediately. I also believe he was responsible for sending bomb threats to schools and hospitals using my name. I believe he was responsible for recruiting mentally sick people to harass my family and their employers to get them fired. It was incredible to me that one very dedicated person could do so much damage from a hovel in a foreign country using nothing but the Internet.

I describe 2016 as the year of drowning, 2017 as the year of treading water, and 2018 as the year of swimming. By 2017, I had noticed the community opinion of me shifted from "kind of shit but mostly tolerable" to "necessary evil". The site was starting to hold several hundred people at its peak hours and the users who didn't like it didn't have much say. What are you going to do if you don't like how I run the Kiwi Farms? Make your own? Ok. Good luck. My goals with the community became protective. I felt that it was my obligation to guide the flock and provide a space for spastic shitposting. With this alone, I held a monopoly on shit-talking retards on the Internet and growth would drive itself.

Around this time I decided VPS companies could go fuck themselves and I bought my own IPs, my own hardware, and signed long-term contracts with datacenters. I also spent all my fucking money and it's through the miracle of Bitcoin the site's even up at all. I received very generous donations from a specific user at the tail end of 2017 that financed my operations and allowed me to do what I've done. I decided that as long as the gooey nucleus of the site was protected, it would exist forever without regard of hardship.

Then came 2018 where I decided our policy of "Internet Juche" did not work. It was too expensive, too technologically difficult, and too isolating to be quietly self-reliant. I had to scream. I had to be my own Vordrak and aggressively seek out people to hear me out. Appear on streams, email important people about our problems, do podcasts and generally be a loud and aggressive advocate. As a silent website, the forum was too easy to bully, and I could not expect the users to be advocate for it by themselves. I had to learn how to be personable or it would be an easy target for individual fucking weirdos forever. This gambit paid off very well. If you're one of those people who really hates @OwO What's This?, you should know I keep defending her from other staff because she was the one who motivated me to do this. It was a move that effectively saved the site.

So with all those lessons learned, 2019 has seen a period of unfathomable growth. What I thought was a temporary stay of 3000 peak concurrent users interested in Yaniv over the media blitz seems to be the new normal, and as we grow in recognition we become a more valuable target. Last Tuesday, something happened that has never happened in almost 7 years of operating the site. I can't tell it to fuck off like I do with legal threats, I can't find a service provider like I did with VPSs, I can't delegate the responsibility to someone with more charisma than me. Not letting the site get fucked and not letting the gooey nucleus be targeted was my responsibility for which I considered myself indispensable in carrying out.

When I was very young I stole gum from a gas station. My mom found out and made me take it back and put it on the counter and tell the attendee I stole it. With the breach and my concern for user safety, I was forced to change our policy on deleting accounts. For the past week I've been 'putting gum on the table'. Opening the user profile, copying in a new name, and pressing delete. Over, and over, and over again.

On top of that I've been auditing all of my tech. That seems straightforward but when you run your own company and have been slowly adding services for 7 years, a lot's there and a lot to do. I've been staring at a terminal for 16 hours a day since the breach reviewing everything I do and rebuilding the entire topology. There's still a lot more I want to do before I am satisfied and I don't know how long it will take. What used to be a single VPS on enterprise hardware owned by a big company is now dozens of VPSs on my hardware owned by my dumb ass. What used to be a single VPS very securely hidden behind Cloudflare with no open ports to the Internet is now very well known and very open because I don't know if Cloudflare will drop us.

I feel there is a fold being made in the history of the site right now. This is the finale of the CWCki Forums. The small community of friends is forever gone and will never come back. Will the site die? No, probably not, not as long as we hold an effectively monopoly on shitposting about people as we do. Will there still be a community? Of course. Will it be the same community I adopted? No. Not even a little bit.

If you made it this far, thank you. This group has made my life very interesting. If I was still doing payroll in Australia I'd probably have killed myself by now.



True & Honest Fan
Keep it up, man.

This is the only forum ever i can be bothered to post on anymore. Just about everything happening on here is always a ride. I think one of your best decisions as of late was the idea to get into streaming and broadening relations with people like Nick, Dick Masterson and others. The fact you got platforms like newproject 2, and a growing outreach is really helpful to the site. I hope your streams and video content don't go away even if you run out of lolcows to talk about. You're a genuinely entertaining person, and this site isn't the only thing you should be proud of. Keep building your presence, and stay with us. Best of luck.


Not to sound like a fag, but thank you, so much, for all you've done to make this one of my absolute favorite sites in all my two-decades-plus of farting around online. I was lurking without an account in the CWCki Forums days and only occasionally post now, but Kiwi has brought me a great deal of entertainment, enlightenment, and happiness. Watching the community grow and change is at times bittersweet, but I have so much admiration and gratitude for all you've made possible.
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The Ultimate Ramotith

You’re not special, just exceptional.
The website is not only silent, but also, by other's admittance, of a culture that is both 4chan (itself a website that other people call 'that cyberbullying centre of cyberterrorism') and the CWCki (where people that bullied Chris-chan came from). The website had to explicitly say above the reply boxes that the Kiwi Farms is not a trolling Illuminati. People are going to attack a 'cyberbullying centre', no matter what the truth of the matter is. After all, Encyclopædia Dramatica ran out of money and even went through several DDOSs, eventually splintering and being essentially forgotten. Meanwhile, 4chan got its ownership transferred to the head of 2ch, though I wonder if 4chan also went through attacks.

I feel lost, though...
...how did you become the Supreme Glorious Leader of this board?

ES 195

Glad to hear that through all the headaches, growing pains, and insane drama it sounds like you're still having fun with the Farms. It's pretty gay to say it but your dedication is pretty inspiring.
It's the first forum I've had any interest in in over a decade and although I'm still new I'm really enjoying it. Thanks Null, keep up the good work.