Kiwi Farms

This is a formal derivation of a fact we all know, but almost no one can explain. I will get myself in trouble with some of the forumgoers here by pointing it out, but Truth is Truth no matter what one's personal prejudices are. Like a lot of proofs it ends up being absurdly simple, and anyone wishing to disprove with equal rigor is of course welcome to do so. Good luck with that.

(Since the forums don't allow super- or subscripting, and we lack such things as a square root sign, I'm writing this in a sort of C syntax, but that doesn't change what it shows.)

SMOKEDADDY'S THEOREM -- A SIMPLE PROOF:__________________________________

We begin by stating our axioms. This proof requires three:

• Time is money.
• Women require time and money. ("And" is used here in the Boolean algebraic sense, meaning "logical multiplication." Logical AND, not the bitwise variety.)
• Money is the root of all evil.

Restated in C-ish syntax, sort of: (note: anything following a double slash to end of line is a comment, ignored by the compiler. That was originally a C++ convention, but all C compilers accept it -- as if there is any such thing as a vanilla C compiler anymore.)

time = money; // or if you want to use logical rather than algebraic terminology, (time == money) always returns nonzero.
women = time * money; // straightforward enough
money = sqrt( evil ); // you'll need to #include <math.h>, duh

Substituting the first axiom's value for time into the second:

women = money * money; // which would be money squared. Pro Tip: squaring a number by multiplying it by itself is far faster than calling the library routine that handles arbitrary exponents.

(Note that the variable "time" has been eliminated, so we're now down to just two terms.) Substituting the third axiom's value for money (the square root of evil) into the above, we get:

women = sqrt( evil ) * sqrt( evil );

Since (the square root of something)(squared) is just the something,

women = evil;

Q.E.D.
(hasty exit out the backstage door)