Careercow Adam Sessler - Former G4 Host, Possibly a Coke Addict, Zoe Quinn Orbiter, Increasingly Irrelevant Cuck

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Feline Darkmage

Gamer Gril Queen
Retired Staff
True & Honest Fan
Feb 11, 2016
Adam Sessler said:
I think chemical weapons dealers have a more tolerable consumer base than videogames. I am truly embarrassed for this industry.

A long long time ago, in a galaxy far away. When I was a small child, there was a tv channel focused on vidya games and nerd shit called G4. On this channel there was a vidya review show called X-Play. While it had several different hosts and co-hosts over the years, there was one that I remembered most.

This is his story.

This story is a tragedy, the tragedy of Adam Michael Sessler. It all began on August 29th, 1973, when he was born in Berkeley, California. It is a tragedy of sperging, erratic behavior, hypocrisy, accusations of drug abuse, and autism wars over toys.

Here he is saying you should dox people who call people niggerfaggots in Xbox Live games.

Here he is telling people to give money to Zoe "Five Guys" Quinn because it counts as a "good deed". And at one point he claimed he was at the bar with her during a "live hacking attempt" by the hacker known as 4chan.

He once praised Dean Takahashi and began screeching at a (presumably now former) fan of his for shitting on Dean.

Like all of AGG he's formerly an enthusiastic shitlord who once sung about wanting to see Lesbians set on fire in his vidya and hosted a very transphobic segment titled "Guy or Girl?"
X-Play: The Musical
On February 5, 2007, X-Play debuted their first all-musical episode, where they would count down the top five video-game soundtracks of all time while telling the story of the (supposed) making of X-Play: The Game.

As the plot unfolds, we are introduced to Billy (a turn-of-the-century newsie, not to be confused with Billy the Pokémon fan) who is telling an ominous man in a trenchcoat about this wonderful show called X-Play. The man (who turns out to be Sat'an himself) decides to tempt the two co-hosts with promises of fame and fortune (and free panda bears) if they would just sign over the rights to making a video game based on the show.

While Adam and Morgan list all sorts of wonderful things that they would like to see in their game (including lesbians on fire and turtles in wheelchairs), a group of workers - reminiscent of the film Metropolis - work feverishly to create the game. However, when production of the title is actually finished, all that they have to show for it is a cursed game (which is only compatible with the Sega Dreamcast) that is "possessed" by a creature similar in appearance (and its mannerisms) to Rubber Johnny, that is convinced that the two are actually his "mommy and daddy".

Disgusted, Adam destroys the Dreamcast with an axe, but the damage has already been done - after playing the game, little Billy takes a turn for the worse and ends up in the hospital (it is implied that playing the game actually gave Billy cancer, but he did show signs of sickness at the beginning of the episode, before even knowing of the game's existence). Losing all hope at the sight of their "number one fan" at death's door, Adam and Morgan proclaim that X-Play too is now dead; however, an uplifting musical number performed by the doctor convinces them that they should go back to doing what they do best - reviewing video games.

The show ends with Adam and Morgan giving X-Play: The Game a 1 out of 5 (and yet this is not enough to raise Billy's spirits, as he flatlines).

It should be noted that the song On the X-Play Boards (a tribute to the show's official message board community) was billed as being part of the "official" soundtrack to X-Play: The Musical when it was first released in May 2005; however, it was not an actual part of the X-Play: The Musical episode. The actual soundtrack (as posted on G4's website) is as follows:

Guy or Girl?
During this skit, X-Play would highlight a video game character and ask the viewing audience to guess whether they were supposed to be male or female; the character could be either sexually ambiguous (such as Birdo) or an overly-feminine looking male (pretty much any Final Fantasy character).

Here he is reminiscing about his "career" as a vidya journo, posted on Kotaku.

So he's the enemy, despite being a solid critic. Talked shit about Metacritic, and was showed the doors of G4's building for one last leave shortly before G4's shut-down. Took to YouTube with what looked like a 4-year plan at least with Revision3Games, and left mere months later on April Fools day (while blogging about it a day later instead of a departure video) when honest dislike and criticism over his work and management hit his butter skinned ass before Rev3Games shut down. Very damning pattern there. Very damning indeed. Also note that Adam was in a Credit Firm that was hiring unqualified brokers, a major lead to the financial crisis that's still stings the US to this day.

He showed off the major picture that helped #GamerGate trigger, and he shut out everyone with questions on the matter. But why was he even anywhere near Zoe? At a bar taking a photo of a Half-Channer, flipping him off while Ms. Quinn sips beer? I have one outstanding thought in my head about that. Given his Twitter description:
"Adam Sessler is the President of TheoryHead, Inc. A consultancy for entertainment and media."

He's claiming himself as a consultant before this fateful meet-up, despite (even if you wouldn't think it) Zoe being more qualified to do so given she actually spent any fucking time programming with an engine for games of any sort, let alone the experience and/or education it takes to consult on any fucking matter. If he had any sort of ethical standing, he'd be no more than a glorified beta tester that criticised games in alpha/beta-state and pre-release to give developers an opinion on what to expect from others playing the game. But that clearly isn't the case here.

So what are we to do? This man helps spread and motivate the movement we fight. He's the Hydra's Heart. We could kill the beast with the blow that cuts off every head, but we risk letting the Hydra revive those heads (even years down the road as we did with Jack Thompson). So I propose this; Take the damn heart, #GamerGate, and you don't just get to kill the beast AND see the stupid look on their face as they die in agony, but you also can't revive a Hydra without a heart. It's fucking dead proper. Like the legend says, hold down a head or more, then take the heart out. I've been after the heart for a while now since the lot of you have been holding down the heads. Now let's cut the fucker out of the industry. But how?

Here's the thing; Adam's Incorporation isn't real. You'd think a Celebrity of any sort could get the name and facts of his new business around easily, and that's because they do. Adam hasn't. It's not even listed as his, or anyone's, if you look at it:

Founded in 2012, he's claims to the president after he left Rev3Games, 2 years later. The main office is where he was 2 years ago: Los Angelos. Their contact info is simply a number:


This lead me to a voice message (since I called well after operation hours) for what sounds like a business firm (called 'Burly Business Managment'). Not game related. Everything here shows Adam is committing some wild ass fraud here.

So the path we can take is to fall the firm up and start asking for Adam of TheoryHead Inc. Their hours are 9 AM to 5 PM, Monday to Fridays. And there are two things that'll happen, and what you should do (Unless you got a better plan, in which case I'd love to read about it. I really would.)

a) You'll be redirected to Adam, and you can get a chance to talk one-on-one. Do as you please. Ask about consulting fees, times he'll be available, request an interview with the man himself, whatever. Get info out of him, and record with anything clear that you have on you. Plug your phone's sound system into your computer if you have to.

b) You'll confuse and bewilder the receptionist. From there, tell them why you're calling, relay the information that brought you to that call, and explain you're looking for an Adam Michal Sessler and that he's claiming to be the President of 'TheoryHead', if that means anything to them.

From there, send tweets and e-mails to those that Adam advertising on Twitter. We'll tell them everything we found out.

He has a habit of stuttering a lot that lead some people to accuse him of being coked up because of all his energy n shit.

To this day he still tweets a lot of hot takes that could melt the sun








Also he drunk laundry detergent coffee

Twitter (archive)
GlomerGoot Wiki
/cow/ thread

Finally we can collect all this guys history and cringe in one place, because I have a feeling the less relevant he becomes the more he morphs into a stereotypical blue checkmark on twitter and also a lolcow. And he hasn't been relevant in literal years so if this is what he's like today, imagine two years from now when he literally transforms into some mix between MovieBob and Eric Garland.


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The Charles Dickens of Disco
True & Honest Fan
May 25, 2013
I think this thread might have some potential, however Sessler is nowadays kind of like the Gaming Groundhog, popping out of his hole in the ground only one time per year, and that time being E3.

One thing you may want to include in Sessler's timeline of ineptness was his brief stint at Rev3Games. The brand, owned by a SanFran company called Revision3 hired Sessler on to be one of their talking heads back in 2012 to 2013-ish along with other up-and-coming peoples with opinions of vidya including but not limited to Max Scoville (IGN) and Tara Long (Polygon). For the time, it was a semi-decent channel... for the time.

Fast forward to March 2014 when Sessler made a sudden bow out from the channel. It was pretty obvious this rocked the channel as the content from there on out became increasingly lamer, most of the later videos instead of became conversations over coffee about vidya with Rev3's most boring personalities.

The last videos on the channel were uploaded back on Nov. 2014.

You'll have to dig a little bit to find Sessler's stuff in the heap. But just to make my post worth your time...

And of course, after the expected backlash of Sessler deciding the most overwrought walking sim was the best game of 2013, they released their Friday "let's record us drinking and talking bout vidya" video, which was pretty much 12+ minutes of them whining about people disagreeing with their choices.

Also in 2013, another Sessler gem.


Lucas Silva #4903141
Feb 24, 2018
The only thing I remember from E3 2013 is all the threads I saw where people were speculating about him being on cocaine. It was pretty much a meme, afaik, the only realistic explanation I recall is that he took pills to stay awake. That seemed to make sense, Sessler was slurring his speech pretty badly at some points, like someone struggling to stay awake. Just look at this. Also, worth mentioning that time he took a star rating off a game because of an achievement called "Bros before hoes" in Rev3's God of War Ascension review.

Lucas Silva #4903141
Feb 24, 2018
Will Morgan Webb end up becoming the next Lulcow?
I doubt it, I hardly heard anything about her aside from the one reunion she had with Sessler. I don't even remember when that happened. From a quick look at her twitter, it doesn't seem like she said anything that would put her on lolcow territory.
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Obama chuckled. "You mean the chaos emeralds?"
Nov 8, 2017
This is another guy who I followed for a long time on /cow/ as he fell in with the CON crowd and there's rumors he's seriously into cocaine, which is linked to his new friends. As far as I heard this is what prompted his estrangement from Morgan Webb, the sultry amazon and former X Play co-host who actually seems to know more about games than him.

I hesitate to call him a lolcow just because he's become one of those tired familiar anti-Trump maniacs so you could probably swap his feed out with Moviebob's and Peter Coffin's and couldn't tell the difference. He's one of those new fangled "I'm a nerd so believe me when I say nerd culture is shit and we must fix it" guys. It's a weird thing; they're lolcows cause they're so easy to bait into emotional meltdowns and angry debates, but they just repeat the same script every time so it just seems hollow.

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