Skitzocow Alex Kazai / Alpha Kazai / AlexKaza / alex_alpha / AlexShepherd - Corrupt Wikia admin who believes that Silent Hill is one big circumcision metaphor, adds autistic bullshit into articles as fact, and chimps when it's reverted

Bungleboy

ask me about my creamed corn fetish
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Mar 11, 2015
He should just get a fucking circumcisioncube website and go there for his autistic screaming at imaginary things habit
 

Placebo

Thanks to denial, I'm immortal!
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jan 7, 2018
Double post for something I found during a digging session. This is a conversation from January, 2014. Alex was feeling depressed. His name is mostly censored, but his chat partner slips up a few times and forgets to edit it out. And I know for a fact that it's the same guy because he specifically mentions Silent Hill and Wikis. It's divided into three parts.
[11:32:52 PM] Alex K: I'm still feeling lousy, about the whole system and job thing
[11:33:29 PM] Alex K: I wish everyone could just do whatever they want, but society chains us and binds us
[11:33:54 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: That's how community works.
[11:35:25 PM] Alex K: yeah, but 40 hour work weeks just to survive is apalling
[11:35:38 PM] Alex K: plus I didn't ASK to be born here
[11:35:54 PM] Alex K: I know I sound venty, but that's how I feel
[11:36:02 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: No one did. You have to play the hand you're dealt.
[11:36:56 PM] Alex K: Maybe so, but I refuse to be a human slave
[11:37:05 PM] Alex K: I've been really suicidal lately
[11:37:24 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: Dude, you should propably go see a doctor.
[11:37:50 PM] Alex K: I feel like all therapists care about is money
[11:37:58 PM] Alex K: it'd only confirm what I already feel
[11:38:46 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: They don't. Doctors are there to help people. Of course, they need money to continue their practice, but therapy works if you really want to get better. It's not worth getting worse and not seeking help.
[11:39:22 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: It's not just money. Do you think they'd take you on if they only cared about money?
[11:39:54 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: I can't offer you advice. I'm not qualified for it. All I can do is tell you what you need to hear.
[11:40:00 PM] Alex K: Not really
[11:40:09 PM] Alex K: I just feel like everyone, society is full of shit
[11:40:15 PM] Alex K: greedy capitalism
[11:40:47 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: Of course it is, but that's what social justice is for. Now get help.
1/22/2014 11:42:09 PM] Alex K: I feel like no one would care anyway... I mean, I don't mean to be a burden on you
[1/22/2014 11:42:27 PM] Alex K: and it's ironic, since we're both misanthropes in a way
[1/22/2014 11:42:41 PM] Alex K: but maybe death isn't so bad
[1/22/2014 11:42:54 PM] Alex K: It's kind of like an eternal sleep
[1/22/2014 11:42:57 PM] Alex K: no worries, no pain
[1/22/2014 11:43:53 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: I do care Alex. Quite frankly, you're scaring the shit out of me. I want you to be happy, but I can't do everything. You need to take the initiative to make YOUR LIFE better. I love you, bro, but I can only do so much.
[1/22/2014 11:45:05 PM] Alex K: Sorry, I don't mean to...
[1/22/2014 11:45:15 PM] Alex K: I keep thinking, if I don't get a job and nothing works out
[1/22/2014 11:45:33 PM] Alex K: my rent slowly drops down to $0
[1/22/2014 11:45:49 PM] Alex K: I'll be out on the streets, like those homeless guys begging for change outside the shopping mall
[1/22/2014 11:46:46 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: You WILL find a job. You just need to look. Since you have experience, you can get one easier.
[1/22/2014 11:47:31 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: Just don't give up. Seriously.
[1/22/2014 11:47:58 PM] Alex K: True, but... that's not what I want to hear... I mean, it's not reassuring... like
[1/22/2014 11:48:03 PM] Alex K: I wish you said something like
[1/22/2014 11:48:32 PM] Alex K: "Even if you have no money left, you won't be out on the streets... you won't be starving"
[1/22/2014 11:48:46 PM] Alex K: I don't blame you
[1/22/2014 11:49:04 PM] Alex K: but it's almost as if you're re-enforcing how fucked up society is
[1/22/2014 11:50:00 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: I am. But I'm also saying that society is here, whether you like it or not. That's the reality of it.
[1/22/2014 11:50:26 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: I don't like it, either, but why should I be unhappy for it?
[1/22/2014 11:51:14 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: I can't tell you what you want to hear, Alex. You have to come to these conclusions on your own. I'm really only trying to keep you from hurting yourself.
[1/22/2014 11:52:14 PM] Alex K: Still...
[1/22/2014 11:52:29 PM] Alex K: I'd rather live in a fantasy, than some cold, harsh reality
[1/22/2014 11:52:36 PM] Alex K: I wouldn't mind since I'd be happier
[1/22/2014 11:53:07 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: Reality and fantasy are two separate things. Unfortunately, we have to live in reality. Fantasy comes later.
[1/22/2014 11:55:20 PM] Alex Ki: America is fucked up, isn't it?
[1/22/2014 11:55:32 PM] Alex K: the whole American dream is a lie, right?
[1/22/2014 11:55:42 PM] Alex K: just an illusion?
[1/22/2014 11:55:49 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: At least I'm not dying somewhere in a third-world country.
[1/22/2014 11:55:58 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: The American dream is what one makes of it.
[1/22/2014 11:56:30 PM] Alex K: I dunno, I've been thinking
[1/22/2014 11:56:36 PM] Alex K: When I turn 25
[1/22/2014 11:56:49 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: I can't say that it's all cherry blossoms and kawaii desu, but it's okay.
[1/22/2014 11:56:52 PM] Alex K: I'll get my grandma's inheritance
[1/22/2014 11:57:35 PM] Alex K: then fly to America, and visit all the friends who I care about... like you, Kelly, Zalex, etc...
[1/22/2014 11:57:48 PM] Alex K: then return to Canada and get a voluntary euthanasia
[1/22/2014 11:57:59 PM] Alex K: and put me to sleep forever
[1/22/2014 11:58:11 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: By 25, you'd have changed your mind. Trust me.
[1/22/2014 11:58:48 PM] Marionetta Hysteria: You may not think you will, but believe me, as someone who has attempted suicide three times, it stops being worth it.
[1/22/2014 11:59:21 PM] Alex K: do you view suicide as a phase?
[12:00:46 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: Suicide is not a phase after you die. Suicidal tendencies? Maybe. I do have bouts of despair where I think the world might just be better off without me, but acting on it seems just as foolish as the assumption.
[12:01:19 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: Since I suffer from severe depression, I get those days when dying becomes an attractive idea.
[12:01:29 AM] Alex K: You and me both, sista~
[12:01:39 AM] Alex K: I'd be sad without you
[12:01:46 AM] Alex K: but I want you to be happy, too
[12:01:55 AM] Alex K: sometimes, happiness can come from death
[12:02:05 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: I want you to be happy and living. That's what I want.
[12:02:53 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: I want you to experience the joys and happiness that living can bring. I want you to grow old and die old. Don't die young. No one should die young.
[12:03:43 AM] Alex K: I remember...
[12:04:14 AM] Alex K: maybe about a year or two ago, I was playing Silent Hill
[12:04:32 AM] Alex K: around that time you told me about your chest cavity, I believe
[12:04:43 AM] Alex K: you suddenly turned really dark, remember?
[12:05:08 AM] Alex K: You were depressed, and felt like you had nothing left to live for
[12:05:10 AM] Alex K: do you remember that?
[12:05:21 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: Yeah. I do.
[12:05:36 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: I was wrong.
[12:05:39 AM] Alex K: What made you continue living?
[12:05:49 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: My friends.
[12:06:01 AM] Alex K: anything else?
[12:06:57 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: My pets, music... Maybe even a smidgeon of hope.
[12:07:46 AM] Alex K: Yeah... I love my cats, and I'm glad you didn't kill yourself back then
[12:08:05 AM] Alex K: I was seriously worried about you then, when you sent me those messages
[12:08:19 AM] Alex K: I can't remember what it was about specifically
[12:08:29 AM] Alex K: but I do remember the way it made me feel
[12:08:48 AM] Alex K: I don't know if I can ever forget that
[12:09:03 AM] Alex K: I guess, that's kind of what I feel like now
[12:09:43 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: I don't want you to die, because I seriously know you have a lot more to offer the world than dying.
[12:10:19 AM] Alex K: Yeah...
[12:10:45 AM] Alex K: I mean, I showed my aunt my wikis, and she thought they were amazing, but I don't get paid to edit them
[12:10:54 AM] Alex K: I get paid to do tedious robotic bullshit
[12:11:02 AM] Alex K: fetching lung cancer in packs
[12:11:14 AM] Alex Kazai: selling junk food to already overweight people
[12:11:30 AM] Alex K: counting bills, coins, handing out change
[12:11:40 AM] Alex K: It's terrible
[12:11:57 AM] Alex K: It's almost like, money corrupts people
[12:12:12 AM] Alex K: they can't think outside of money terms
[12:12:54 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: It's not money's fault. Money gauges worth in some peoples' eyes.
[12:13:34 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: Money is meant as a way of paying. Not every rich person is greedy and not every poor person is virtuous.
[12:14:06 AM] Alex K: Yeah... but, ugh
[12:14:26 AM] Alex K: It just makes me sick
[12:14:37 AM] Alex K: My dad's friend won a $15,000,000 lottery
[12:14:50 AM] Alex K: and he's really old, like, 50s or 60s
[12:15:04 AM] Alex K: that's another thing I hate, the LOTTERY
[12:15:15 AM] Alex K: the lottery drove me batshit insane
[12:15:34 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: Possibly the biggest waste of time ever, the lottery is...
[12:15:37 AM] Alex Kazai: all those poor, old, smelly hobo-like people, coming in...
[12:15:49 AM] Alex K: asking for 6 dollar lottery tickets
[12:15:54 AM] Alex K: which they will NEVER WIN
[12:16:00 AM] Alex K: trust me, it's a scam
[12:16:30 AM] Alex K: do you think it'll get better in the future?
[12:16:53 AM | Edited 12:17:10 AM] Alex Kazai: no one has to worry about being homeless, or starving?
[12:17:57 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: Who knows? It's really all the more reason to try to change it.
[12:18:15 AM] Alex K: Exactly
[12:18:28 AM] Alex K: I want to do that, to get the message across
[12:18:36 AM] Alex K: but my sister just says
[12:18:41 AM] Alex K: "Accept reality for what it is"
[12:18:54 AM] Alex K: Working at Shell really darkened my view of life
[12:19:04 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: You can accept reality while trying to change it.
[12:19:15 AM] Alex K: really?
[12:19:21 AM] Alex K: you think I should do that?
[12:19:51 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: Yeah.
[12:20:28 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: Of course, the laws of physics still apply, but you can help shape the future for the better.
[12:21:04 AM] Alex K: I'll try to keep that in mind...
[12:21:19 AM] Alex K: I'm going to go rest, clear my mind
[12:21:24 AM] Alex K: but I promise you
[12:21:29 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: Just relax, okay?
[12:21:35 AM] Alex K: if I ever did kill myself, I would never do it without telling you
[12:21:45 AM] Alex K: I wouldn't betray my friends like that
[12:23:11 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: You're still betraying me, either way. Not trying to guilt-trip you, but I can't accept it as anything less.
[12:23:35 AM] Alex K: I'm betraying you now? how?
[12:23:47 AM] Alex K: oh, sorry
[12:23:58 AM] Alex K: I'm so tired I can barely read
[12:24:08 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: I meant you'd be letting me down immensly.
[12:24:23 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: But just go to sleep and try to clear your head.
[12:24:42 AM] Alex K: Night~ thanks for keeping me company
[12:24:51 AM] Marionetta Hysteria: No problem. (heart)
I also may have found his Facebook page. I'm not 100% certain that it's him yet (or if "Alex Kazai" is even his real name), and there's not enough public information on it to determine anything. Several key details are consistent with what is known about him, though. The person in question is also named Alexander Kazai, also lives in Canada, and also believes in weird shit about 9/11. If it's not him, it has to be some relation of his. Maybe his dad or something.
That's actually my chat log that I posted. I was really freaked out and I wanted confirmation that I said the right things... Alex never used to be so strange.
 

Darwin Watterson

Custom titles are for nerds
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 24, 2015
That's actually my chat log that I posted. I was really freaked out and I wanted confirmation that I said the right things... Alex never used to be so strange.
Did he ever do anything else of note? Not sure if you’re still friends with him. If so, you don’t have to tell us anything about him that’d make him hate you. We’re a reasonable bunch.
 

Placebo

Thanks to denial, I'm immortal!
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jan 7, 2018
Did he ever do anything else of note? Not sure if you’re still friends with him. If so, you don’t have to tell us anything about him that’d make him hate you. We’re a reasonable bunch.
Well, not really. I know he's had a really rough home life. His mom and dad are separated and he really doesn't have any friends irl. He's a really lonely person. I figure that the Internet and Wikis are all he has.
I'm not friends with him anymore, unfortunately. I'm sorry to delve into personal details about my life (I know it's not really smiled upon, here. I've been lurking enough to know that. lol)
After I was diagnosed with leukemia, I sort of fell out of contact with him. Before that, I knew he was really stressed out. His dad had kicked him out of the house and he was living with his aunt. He quit his job at a gas station because they wouldn't let him wear his sunglasses indoors (the fluorescent lights hurt his eyes, he told me.) He just wasn't having a great time irl. I got back into contact with him when I was recovering from my bone marrow transplant and wham. He was all woo-woo and "MUH FORESKINZ!!" I was a bit concerned (I'm a science nerd. Woo irks me to no end), but I still chatted with him for a while. I then told him of my recovery and he was like, "Oh, I hope you don't become a permanent customer. Big Pharma is evil," which really offended me. It was really just a weird conversation.
 

Darwin Watterson

Custom titles are for nerds
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 24, 2015
If it’s not prying too much, what happened that ended the friendship (assuming it wasn’t the conspiracy sperging or insensitivity on his part)? More specifically, what was the straw that broke the camel’s back?
 

Placebo

Thanks to denial, I'm immortal!
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jan 7, 2018
If it’s not prying too much, what happened that ended the friendship (assuming it wasn’t the conspiracy sperging or insensitivity on his part)? More specifically, what was the straw that broke the camel’s back?
Pretty much that. He was incredibly condescending and convinced he was right. Like, nothing I could say or link to him that proved him wrong would make him say, "Well, damn. I was wrong." I realized that I couldn't really talk to him without getting incredibly irritated and stressed out. I was still really sick, so I decided to end the friendship. I needed to focus on my recovery and as much as I hated to turn my back on him, I couldn't fix his problems unless he realized that he needs to try to get better.
As I've mentioned before, he's really lonely. He told me about how he had a boyfriend, but he broke up with him because he wasn't "perfect." He has incredibly high standards for people. I told him, "Maybe you should focus on yourself before you start a relationship with someone else. Relationships are a lot of work and compromise." He seemed slightly irritated by that.
 

John Titor

Pronouns: time/temporal/tempself
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 29, 2013
I was dropping by to see what he was up to, my God is he rambly and not in a charismatic way.

This provides an interesting window into his mind but even then I think he's still full of shit because we all know what he meant when he brought up the Satanist Illuminati. And he's wrong, if someone constantly talked about FGM in places that are irrelevant as much as he did, we would also tell them to shut the fuck up.

Fucking edit it.

No one's stopping you. If you don't, you're part of the problem.

They make wiki editing so simple and easy these days. If you can use a phone, you can edit a wiki.

There was a poster in my high school that said: "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

Over the years, I've witnessed countless people bitch, cry, moan, and complain about inaccurate information on wikis. This doesn't apply just to SH Wiki, but all wikis in general. Instead of appreciating the 99% of information on a wiki that is correct and accurate, they bitch and whine about the 1% that is questionable/wrong.

"Waaaah waaaaaah, this wiki said this! It's a bad source of information!"

These people get annoyed, whine about it on some other site, and go to sleep without actually having done anything about it.

Well, people are fucking human beings. People make honest mistakes. I make honest mistakes. Your parents and friends have made honest mistakes. You make honest mistakes. You didn't breeze through school like a robot, earning 100% on every single test and exam in your life, and you damn very well know it.

Feel there's not enough information about some character's backstory? Write it.

The passcode to a door is 102 but someone accidentally put 103? Fix it.

You wish there were more pictures of a character in their gallery? Add it.

Stop being a crybaby and edit.

If you are so enlightened, why not spread it around? People make the world a better place through action, so stop complaining and make an account. It's called being proactive, and trying to make change.

I'm done slaving away hours of my life for unappreciative people who expect everything in life to be handed to their sorry ass. We aren't even being paid to edit.

The Sun is likely going to explode some day, killing all of humanity and all traces of our existence with a solar flare. It'll be as if humanity never existed. What about our pathetic lives will have actually mattered then?

If you're actually a wiki editor who actually takes this advice, then this doesn't apply to you. Take care.
This is precisely why he can't be taken seriously because all attempts to clean up articles are met with reverts to keep his bullshit on the site. "Edit it but make sure I approve of it" would be more accurate. He has also suppressed discussion by people who weren't even hostile.
 

Juan But Not Forgotten

Friendly mexican ghost
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 7, 2017
I was dropping by to see what he was up to, my God is he rambly and not in a charismatic way.

This provides an interesting window into his mind but even then I think he's still full of shit because we all know what he meant when he brought up the Satanist Illuminati. And he's wrong, if someone constantly talked about FGM in places that are irrelevant as much as he did, we would also tell them to shut the fuck up.


This is precisely why he can't be taken seriously because all attempts to clean up articles are met with reverts to keep his bullshit on the site. "Edit it but make sure I approve of it" would be more accurate. He has also suppressed discussion by people who weren't even hostile.
I prefer "About 2015" part. He still doesn't get it.

Only I know the full truth of what happened and can fully pick apart the lies, but I'm not in the mood to dispel hundreds of lies, and it's no wonder why a lot of young men turn to suicide these days when very few people actually want to listen to them, in favor of psychopathic laughs or misleading stories. History isn't necessarily written by truth, but by those in power. One of the most efficient ways for people to believe lies is to insert them among truth. It's sad to see how me trying to encourage others to seek truth has fallen on so many deaf ears. However, I will clarify some things.

I admit that I said some things poorly worded. For example, when I said I was one of the best fans, I meant "best" as in "most enthusiastic", and unintentionally came off as haughty. I soon realized how haughty it sounded and removed it soon after, but this was not mentioned because I'm apparently not allowed to be depicted as self-aware or reflective because it's not lulz-worthy. I also regret using the term "Satanist Illuminati" because that was too much for many people to digest, and I wish I used something more along the lines of "corrupt elites" or "Hollywood occultists". When I used "Illuminati", I meant it as an umbrella term catch-all for all the occultists, families and bloodlines involved in controlling our world, while I meant Satanism in the ideological sense of selfishness, something which a particular esoteria-knowledgeable speaker I respect also uses. Alternatively, it could be seen as a reference to SRA.

I made the theory venty to express the tormented feelings within my heart about the world. I was going through a bad depression period, one reason being one of my family members died in a cruel way. Depression can cloud someone's judgement and make them say/do things they would not normally do. I was also around 20 years old, which is the one of the ages depression and poor mental health can hit the worst. I wanted people to feel my anger, to think "man, he is pissed." Because I was pissed. I wanted the theory to get noticed and make people think, but didn't expect it would. My anger seems to have worked to a degree and I've made a dent in human consciousness. People are actually (somewhat) talking about things and issues which the school system fails to teach. How much longer do men have to wait until MGM is banned? 2025? 2030? 2050? 394038583? I'm one of the few people who tried to use what influence they had to do something about it. People can be "against" something, but how many will actually speak up about it and try to enact change? I tried to make the world a better place.

Just because I posted the theory, it doesn't mean everything else is true. For example, one article claims I banned people for "disagreeing with me" (I only banned people who were trolling/being jerks) and claims I said people who disagreed with me "aren't true fans" and are "unintelligent", which never happened. That same article acts like I'm in the wrong because I "attacked the way people raise their actual, real life children". This shows the amount of ridiculousness ingrained in humanity, downplaying sexually mutilating children as just a "way people raise their children". In my eyes, we need to start holding child abusers (such parents) responsible. Parents should absolutely not have the right to permanently modify their child's body, and I believe they deserve to be called out for it. I interpreted "Really? REALLY?" as "Do you REALLY want to know?", so my response meant "Yes, I REALLY want to know, if you truly care as you say, then just say you didn't." Some will view it as a question that should have never been asked and act like I'm horrible for asking it, while others will understand the reasoning behind why I did it and agree it's a question we should be confronting parents about. Regardless, I never "screamed" at anyone - it's impossible using text since it requires sound. Typing in caps looks like it could be interpreted as screaming, sure, but when I use it, I do it for emphasis and to indicate strong emotion. Constant lowercase feels boring, like we're all just calm ROBOTS. I like to feel REAL! And I especially don't like to feel ignored, so I used caps to get attention.

I poured my heart out a bit in my vent about the world's corruption, which I wish others would've seen as a cry for help, and I always planned on removing the ventiness after finding that help. I hoped it would make people concerned and that I might receive comments like, "Hey man, calm down, you okay?" since I was feeling lonely arond that time and exasperated by life. I hoped I could see some goodness in likeminded people to restore my lost faith in humanity. However, people became hostile at me and called my edits that of a lunatic's, which is one of the worst things that can be said to someone going through a rough time. I also misinterpreted that they meant being anti-MGM is a lunatic position, resulting in my heated emotional reply.

Some context conveniently left out was that after I was challenged about the ventiness, I soon tried to transform it into something professional. I got annoyed when my new version wasn't good enough for someone else's standards (who I felt was removing too much important information), hence some edit warring. One of my reasons had the line "...is an injustice and what's what Silent Hill is". This accidentally got cut off because the editing summary system automatically has a limit. I was going to finish "...is heavily focused on, so it's not that out of the ordinary to go into a bit of American history for better understanding". I hit submit too early without looking at what was in the edit summary and it made me seem unreasonably weird. This was my fault.

When I wrote my 1-5 posts, at the time, a revised version of the article was already up, which is why I called it unbiased and factual since I felt it was good enough. These numbered points were for a new group of people. Many of them seemed to deny MGM had any negative health effects and were acting like I was weird for being anti-MGM. It's why I may have seemed redundant, going over the same things because there was a new crowd instead of only 1-2 posters by that point. One of them incorrectly called our site the "Silent Hill Wikipedia", which is why I mentioned we are not Wikipedia. A lot of these posts were also insults at me - they were more than just "you fucking toilet sponge" but stuff like "go kill yourself, you nutjob" which I deleted. When I said I was a bureaucrat, this was not me trying to be haughty either. Anyone versed in wiki language knows "bureaucrat" is the name of an official role for certain editors.

A "YAY or NAY" vote was made regarding one of the original versions. I then agreed to work with people to make a decent version everyone would be fine with, and I made several more edits to tone it down and keep it professional. However, screencaps of the original venty version were online with childish psychopathic mocking commentary like "LOOOOOOOL LOOK AT THIS OMGGG" which ignited things. The timeframe and context of certain posts were then manipulated to make it seem like I always trying to force the original venty version the whole time and no mention was ever made of my re-edits to improve it. I made it clear anyone who said any further insults would be blocked, so me blocking someone who called me a "fucking toilet sponge" is not me abusing power, at that point, it was fair game. Me locking the article is not an abuse of power either, it's normal to lock articles during contested edits, and I was still in the process of improving it to see if we could reach a consensus.

Instead of letting the wiki situation resolve itself, reporters already began writing gross articles, one of them couldn't even get my username right (it's "Shepherd", not "Shepard"). They wanted drama and clicks, and it's disgusting that the immediate reaction to someone who seems to be having a mental breakdown is to publicize it and get in on the drama. It's as if the media learned nothing from Britney Spears. Or in the Internet's case, harass them and try to turn their breakdown into a meme, and spread lies and rumors by stripping context. For example, I changed the permissions of two other admins due to very specific things they did, but without knowing the full context, it just looks like I was going on a power trip. If you try to make someone seem as crazy and violent as possible, then they will appear as just that. If Jesus really existed, he probably would've been known as the "crazy table flipper" and people would've lied, saying he flipped tables because he wanted money or something like that.

The articles caused their readers to make accounts just to express their disdain towards me and the wiki, again worsening my mental health. Much of them were unsympathetic hostile Twitter feminists (the "#fuckmen" types) and it's self-explanatory how someone could be overwhelmed by them. What most people don't know of is that a surge of trolls also came to mock me and vandalize tons of articles during the discussion, which affected my mental health and made me more stressed. Because deleted posts are, well, deleted, this was not reported, with the sole exception of the main article being renamed.... that. It felt like people trashed my house, and I was trying to clean it up, and as soon as I cleaned up the living room, more entered the back door and began messing up the kitchen, and it felt never-ending. I was the only admin at the time trying to delete the vandalism. This is an example of the shit I had to put up with, where trolls went on a spree claiming other male characters experienced MGM in order to mock me.[2]

Luckily, there was someone who actually tried to empathize with me and calm me down during that time and I'm very thankful for his support back then. There are some people who would've killed themselves from all the harassment and attention. If it wasn't for some very supportive few people, I could've very well killed myself back then. Even years later, people love mocking me and getting their kicks out of the story. Everyone who has ever laughed at me, or tried to dramatize the situation, are technically laughing at, as well as exploiting, a depressed suicidal sexual abuse rape victim going through a rough emotional time, trying to process a painful past and existence. I've also had an unfortunate life full of hardships such as bullying, homelessness, but that's besides the point. The point is that we don't always know what other people have been through, and noble people should always remember this.

Apparently this holds no weight compared to "lol guys arent penises funny lololol lets show some images of things which look like penises like bananas and sausages and make a bunch of penis jokes looool". Psychos made disgusting jokes (both on the wiki and other sites) such as "they got under his skin". This is the psychopathic human condition, and the double standard men have to face. Imagine if people made stupid jokes about FGM and girls having their genitals mutilated, but since it's boys, it's apparently deemed fine by society. If I was a woman and I seemed to have an emotional breakdown about my FGM, much of the responses towards me would be different - I would've been taken far more seriously, responses would have been far more compassionate and less jokey and hostile... but this is the loneliness men have to face in our world. r/CircumcisionGrief, only created in 2019, is full of men who feel violated and experience negative emotions similar to rape victims.

I was unable to handle the situation, the constant accusations, the constant new editors, the insults, the trolls, the vandalism, the harassment. I was unable to properly work as a decent wiki editor because so much was happening all at once. I'd switch between trying to calm angry people down, to explaining my stance, to addressing some claims, to trying to improve the article, to cleaning up some vandalism, to learning about what was being about me on social media, and so on. It was like watching a TV with 100 channels at once because so many people were involved and doing different things, both on the wiki and other sites. I should've handled it better... but with my frame of mind and my emotions, I couldn't. It was serious mental overload. Maybe I should've just walked away, although I felt like it was my responsibility to take care of things as the main manager, so I didn't leave the discussion, which likely made things worse with the way my mental health was at the time. I felt like if I gave up on the theory, I was also giving up on MGM victims.

I was sick of the Internet's reaction, the constant trolling, vandalism, and unsympathetic insults at me, resulting in my "So I just realized I became kinda famous" post (calling it a "manifesto" is emotional language trying to make me seem violent). I realized by then, there was no way the theory was going to be accepted with that amount of angry people, so I decided I might as well try to make people question humanity's creepy slave-like existence. My "I refuse to let babies be mutilated" and "I seek the truth" was me trying to encourage other people to stand up against child abuse and violence, and not be confused by the lies certain people would make about... literally everything. We live in a world full of lies. Eventually, we all agreed to take a break. I was unable to finish a version of the theory which everyone would be satisfied with, add any more evidence, or defend myself since Wikia needed to temporarily block my account to perform their investigation and look into all the accusations. Fair enough. Afterwards, I was unblocked, but de-adminned so people would feel more comfortable with the wiki. Since then, I've made thousands of more edits to regain people's trust.

People have shown my most heated replies (while hiding my calmer ones), while simultaneously hiding the heated and insulting replies of others (hence why an admin said "the behavior in this thread is unacceptable" instead of only my behavior), creating a skewed perception to make me look as unhinged and irrational as possible instead of a more balanced and fairer look at everyone involved. Since I deleted a lot of trollish/meaner replies myself in an attempt for a calmer discussion (with the exception of the toilet sponge comment), I unknowingly set myself up for this, so it was also my fault. When I said "I find it disturbing I'm being mocked for trying to advocate not mutilating babies", I didn't say that for no reason, that's really what was happening. It's impossible for everyone to know the pressure I had to deal with.

It's not fair that some people still continued to vandalize the wiki years after like psychos, causing other innocent editors to have deal with it. It's not fair to turn someone obviously mentally unwell into a meme. It's not fair lies are spread about me and what happened, like saying I edited "hundreds"/"thousands" of articles on this wiki to mention MGM, when the number was never more than the number of fingers on a hand. Not enough people in our world actually care about truth.
 

John Titor

Pronouns: time/temporal/tempself
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 29, 2013
archive.md is not archiving the whole thing so I'll do it by hand.
@Darwin Watterson Pinging you in the event you didn't get this fresh lolmilk.

I'm on a semi-mental health break. If you wish to speak to me for whatever reason, you can contact me on my message wall, or on other wikis I edit, and I will hear you out. This does not mean I have quit editing this wiki entirely. I may edit occasionally but this site is not a priority for me anymore and I have moved onto other things.

When I first began editing the site in 2009 (back when it was on Wikicities), it was a hot mess and I poured thousands and thousands of hours, blood and sweat during my free time as a high schooler. I wasn't even 15 years old when I began editing and taking on a big project. The wiki was a lot more vandalized back then so I was the one cleaning up stuff like this.[1] I became the teenage main manager because no one else wanted to and others had left, and I had a huge love for the Silent Hill series. The wiki was one of the few places in my life where I felt people valued me and what I had to say, even if it was a virtual place. I made some lifelong friends here and we've had fun. Eventually, it became draining and tiring, and I learned that no matter how many more hundreds of hours I spent trying to improve it, some people will always dislike it, something I didn't fully understand at the time, or perhaps more accurately, didn't want to understand. Another mistake I made was tying my self-esteem to the wiki too much, so any insult towards the wiki, I felt was an insult towards me since I was the main manager and the biggest contributor. A lot of people take wikis for granted, not knowing the amount of effort and hard work that goes into building them.

If you're a certain friend of mine and happen to be reading this, I forgive you and I hope you forgive me after June 2018. My account was hacked and that's why we lost contact after the website transfer. We're still friends in my heart and I hope we can be again in the future.

If you just want to accuse me of things I am not, of things I didn't do, twist what I say or have said by deleting context, put words in my mouth, blatantly lie about me, or send me rape/death threats, then please don't.


A Q and A session I have to do myself because literally only three people have actually contacted me directly​

Some truth about me
If you came here because you thought "what does Alex have to say about this?" or had suspicions about certain things people have said about me not adding up, then thanks, you're a much needed minority in this world. I hate people who act like they know everything about me just because they listened to some guy or woman talk about me for a few minutes. Here's a list of things I am not:
  • I'm not a troll (I just like being a bit provocative).
  • I'm not into bestiality (have never defended it and never would).
  • I'm not a misogynist. People are more likely to care about the gender-specific issues they belong to. On average, women care less about MGM in the same way men care less about abortion rights. This is just a truth of life and people who share this opinion are not inherently misogynists/misandrists. I've used "female", yes, but always as an adjective and not a noun, and this is not proof when I've also used "male". I felt the other male editors were more compassionate, understanding and sympathetic and valued what I had to say more, while I felt the female editors involved in the conversation were more dismissive and didn't give a shit like "why do you even care?", which made me say something which could be seen as misogynistic-sounding. However, I'm not some woman-hater and I have female friends, even from this wiki.
  • I'm not a "chud", "libtard", "SJW", "Trumper", "Qanoner", or "Nazi", I think people should care less about political parties and more about specific issues. Trump was elected late 2016, so it's impossible my stances have anything to do with being radicalized by Trump and his followers. I don't support him as a president one bit, and it's disturbing Americans even voted him into office. I noticed people were becoming more fascist around that time, and I felt humanity was getting worse, which is one of the reasons why I made my original anti-fascist vents. I find it ironic I tried to warn people about the dangers of racism and police brutality, then the Floyd stuff happened, and I also warned about killing animals to eat their flesh, and then someone apparently ate an animal at a wet market and caused a pandemic which killed millions of people. Eating animals has constantly caused pandemics like swine flu and mad cow.
  • I'm not anti-semitic, I just hate their vile practice (especially what mohels do with their mouths) and I hate hiding child abuse behind religion and playing the religion and tradition cards to justify it.
  • I'm not an incel, and the idea that if a man is upset about something involving sexuality, it must be because he can't get laid... ugh, that's just really fucking stupid and misandrist.
  • I'm not homophobic.
  • I'm not racist. I'm of mixed-ethnicity. Just because I named myself after Alex Shepherd, it does not mean I'm white.
Chances are, I'm not whatever dumb label people like to misinterpret me as in order to write me off. I'd say about 90% of things people have said about me aren't true, such as me being botched, having a messy break up with a girlfriend, or... being part of the Tomb Raider forums (I like Lara Croft, but that never happened). But this is the Internet and all, so people would rather accept fake stories and rumors that never happened as truth, trusting slanderers, deceitful reporters, people with massive amounts of followers, and even people pretending to be me (I've seen at least 5 people who've tried), along with all the screwed up lies with it. Ironically, I've spoken to people on other sites and I wasn't believed when I said who I was. I could say "I like cats" and someone out there will go "Alex said cats are better than dogs" or even "Alex said he likes to fuck cats" (people really suck at relaying information that much). There's always two sides to every story, and every news article/video I've seen has plenty of lies, half-truths, exaggerations and misrepresentations in it.
One of my pet peeves is people who don't understand that when someone compares two things, it doesn't mean they're saying one is as severe as the other. Me saying "If you experienced FGM, you might be more understanding..." is not me saying MGM is as bad as FGM (although both are shitty things which should be illegal). Me saying "This is like deleting the Holocaust article based on this argument" is not me saying MGM is as bad as the Holocaust. This is something anyone above the age of 10 should know.
Another pet peeve is people who say America is the greatest country in the world like it's a fact. It's probably Norway or Sweden or something.
I suffer from some pretty hardcore depression, but it's not my fault. The world and its problems inherently make me depressed, and I hate the amount of victim blaming depressed people have to put up with. It's sort of like a constant empathy burnout.
Are you really a NOMAP/pedophile?
No.
As soon as I found out this dumb rumor was spreading, I immediately mentioned it was all bullshit to someone curious on my message wall. I thought that would be enough to dispel it, yet it still remains. Years ago, I was way crappier at defending myself, and less articulate.
These are sick lies spread by depraved/ignorant/malevolent lowlives, especially since I've helped unfortunate children and have had plenty of traumatic childhood experiences myself, such as being molested by a female babysitter around the year 2000 when I was a child, as well as witnessing my pet rabbits throats being slit which also happened when I was a child. I don't feel comfortable talking about things like my depression, my childhood sexual abuse, bad memories, etc, and in an ideal world, I wish I didn't have to, but just mentioning it could drastically change the way people think so they don't view me, and perhaps others, in a one-dimensional manner, as well as learn how to broaden their horizons.
This pedophile lie probably occurred because I said to someone during a random conversation on another wiki years ago "you shouldn't demonize pedophiles who haven't done anything" and didn't go beyond that. I was naive. I later realized this was a mistake because I was unaware how ridiculously out-of-context others would take it, and it seems to have spread around Twitter. For one, this does not mean I'm a pedophile and does not mean I support children being sexualized, and only dense people would interpret it as such. This is a mature opinion that shows high empathy and critical thinking skills about inherently upsetting controversial issues.
Simply pointing out that pedophilia is a psychiatric disorder, that pedophiles and child molestors are not necessarily the same thing, that women and even teenage girls can be pedophiles, that many pedophiles were sexually abused as children themselves, and that pedophiles don't choose their attractions and thus are not inherently evil people, causes an intense kneejerk reaction in people that will get you deemed a "pedophile defender", pitchforked or banned from communities which is some real 1984 bullshit. I once spoke to someone who claimed fantasizing about molesting imaginary children is the "same" as actually molesting real children. I can't even.
I'm strongly against child abuse which should be obvious, and twisting it so it seems like my actions were due to pedophilic desires, is repulsive bullshit. I absolutely do not support pedophilia, I just support people not being treated like shit due to psychological factors outside their control.
About 2015
Only I know the full truth of what happened and can fully pick apart the lies, but I'm not in the mood to dispel hundreds of lies, and it's no wonder why a lot of young men turn to suicide these days when very few people actually want to listen to them, in favor of psychopathic laughs or misleading stories. History isn't necessarily written by truth, but by those in power. One of the most efficient ways for people to believe lies is to insert them among truth. It's sad to see how me trying to encourage others to seek truth has fallen on so many deaf ears. However, I will clarify some things.
I admit that I said some things poorly worded. For example, when I said I was one of the best fans, I meant "best" as in "most enthusiastic", and unintentionally came off as haughty. I soon realized how haughty it sounded and removed it soon after, but this was not mentioned because I'm apparently not allowed to be depicted as self-aware or reflective because it's not lulz-worthy. I also regret using the term "Satanist Illuminati" because that was too much for many people to digest, and I wish I used something more along the lines of "corrupt elites" or "Hollywood occultists". When I used "Illuminati", I meant it as an umbrella term catch-all for all the occultists, families and bloodlines involved in controlling our world, while I meant Satanism in the ideological sense of selfishness, something which a particular esoteria-knowledgeable speaker I respect also uses. Alternatively, it could be seen as a reference to SRA.
I made the theory venty to express the tormented feelings within my heart about the world. I was going through a bad depression period, one reason being one of my family members died in a cruel way. Depression can cloud someone's judgement and make them say/do things they would not normally do. I was also around 20 years old, which is the one of the ages depression and poor mental health can hit the worst. I wanted people to feel my anger, to think "man, he is pissed." Because I was pissed. I wanted the theory to get noticed and make people think, but didn't expect it would. My anger seems to have worked to a degree and I've made a dent in human consciousness. People are actually (somewhat) talking about things and issues which the school system fails to teach. How much longer do men have to wait until MGM is banned? 2025? 2030? 2050? 394038583? I'm one of the few people who tried to use what influence they had to do something about it. People can be "against" something, but how many will actually speak up about it and try to enact change? I tried to make the world a better place.
Just because I posted the theory, it doesn't mean everything else is true. For example, one article claims I banned people for "disagreeing with me" (I only banned people who were trolling/being jerks) and claims I said people who disagreed with me "aren't true fans" and are "unintelligent", which never happened. That same article acts like I'm in the wrong because I "attacked the way people raise their actual, real life children". This shows the amount of ridiculousness ingrained in humanity, downplaying sexually mutilating children as just a "way people raise their children". In my eyes, we need to start holding child abusers (such parents) responsible. Parents should absolutely not have the right to permanently modify their child's body, and I believe they deserve to be called out for it. I interpreted "Really? REALLY?" as "Do you REALLY want to know?", so my response meant "Yes, I REALLY want to know, if you truly care as you say, then just say you didn't." Some will view it as a question that should have never been asked and act like I'm horrible for asking it, while others will understand the reasoning behind why I did it and agree it's a question we should be confronting parents about. Regardless, I never "screamed" at anyone - it's impossible using text since it requires sound. Typing in caps looks like it could be interpreted as screaming, sure, but when I use it, I do it for emphasis and to indicate strong emotion. Constant lowercase feels boring, like we're all just calm ROBOTS. I like to feel REAL! And I especially don't like to feel ignored, so I used caps to get attention.
I poured my heart out a bit in my vent about the world's corruption, which I wish others would've seen as a cry for help, and I always planned on removing the ventiness after finding that help. I hoped it would make people concerned and that I might receive comments like, "Hey man, calm down, you okay?" since I was feeling lonely arond that time and exasperated by life. I hoped I could see some goodness in likeminded people to restore my lost faith in humanity. However, people became hostile at me and called my edits that of a lunatic's, which is one of the worst things that can be said to someone going through a rough time. I also misinterpreted that they meant being anti-MGM is a lunatic position, resulting in my heated emotional reply.
Some context conveniently left out was that after I was challenged about the ventiness, I soon tried to transform it into something professional. I got annoyed when my new version wasn't good enough for someone else's standards (who I felt was removing too much important information), hence some edit warring. One of my reasons had the line "...is an injustice and what's what Silent Hill is". This accidentally got cut off because the editing summary system automatically has a limit. I was going to finish "...is heavily focused on, so it's not that out of the ordinary to go into a bit of American history for better understanding". I hit submit too early without looking at what was in the edit summary and it made me seem unreasonably weird. This was my fault.
When I wrote my 1-5 posts, at the time, a revised version of the article was already up, which is why I called it unbiased and factual since I felt it was good enough. These numbered points were for a new group of people. Many of them seemed to deny MGM had any negative health effects and were acting like I was weird for being anti-MGM. It's why I may have seemed redundant, going over the same things because there was a new crowd instead of only 1-2 posters by that point. One of them incorrectly called our site the "Silent Hill Wikipedia", which is why I mentioned we are not Wikipedia. A lot of these posts were also insults at me - they were more than just "you fucking toilet sponge" but stuff like "go kill yourself, you nutjob" which I deleted. When I said I was a bureaucrat, this was not me trying to be haughty either. Anyone versed in wiki language knows "bureaucrat" is the name of an official role for certain editors.
A "YAY or NAY" vote was made regarding one of the original versions. I then agreed to work with people to make a decent version everyone would be fine with, and I made several more edits to tone it down and keep it professional. However, screencaps of the original venty version were online with childish psychopathic mocking commentary like "LOOOOOOOL LOOK AT THIS OMGGG" which ignited things. The timeframe and context of certain posts were then manipulated to make it seem like I always trying to force the original venty version the whole time and no mention was ever made of my re-edits to improve it. I made it clear anyone who said any further insults would be blocked, so me blocking someone who called me a "fucking toilet sponge" is not me abusing power, at that point, it was fair game. Me locking the article is not an abuse of power either, it's normal to lock articles during contested edits, and I was still in the process of improving it to see if we could reach a consensus.
Instead of letting the wiki situation resolve itself, reporters already began writing gross articles, one of them couldn't even get my username right (it's "Shepherd", not "Shepard"). They wanted drama and clicks, and it's disgusting that the immediate reaction to someone who seems to be having a mental breakdown is to publicize it and get in on the drama. It's as if the media learned nothing from Britney Spears. Or in the Internet's case, harass them and try to turn their breakdown into a meme, and spread lies and rumors by stripping context. For example, I changed the permissions of two other admins due to very specific things they did, but without knowing the full context, it just looks like I was going on a power trip. If you try to make someone seem as crazy and violent as possible, then they will appear as just that. If Jesus really existed, he probably would've been known as the "crazy table flipper" and people would've lied, saying he flipped tables because he wanted money or something like that.
The articles caused their readers to make accounts just to express their disdain towards me and the wiki, again worsening my mental health. Much of them were unsympathetic hostile Twitter feminists (the "#fuckmen" types) and it's self-explanatory how someone could be overwhelmed by them. What most people don't know of is that a surge of trolls also came to mock me and vandalize tons of articles during the discussion, which affected my mental health and made me more stressed. Because deleted posts are, well, deleted, this was not reported, with the sole exception of the main article being renamed.... that. It felt like people trashed my house, and I was trying to clean it up, and as soon as I cleaned up the living room, more entered the back door and began messing up the kitchen, and it felt never-ending. I was the only admin at the time trying to delete the vandalism. This is an example of the shit I had to put up with, where trolls went on a spree claiming other male characters experienced MGM in order to mock me.[2]
Luckily, there was someone who actually tried to empathize with me and calm me down during that time and I'm very thankful for his support back then. There are some people who would've killed themselves from all the harassment and attention. If it wasn't for some very supportive few people, I could've very well killed myself back then. Even years later, people love mocking me and getting their kicks out of the story. Everyone who has ever laughed at me, or tried to dramatize the situation, are technically laughing at, as well as exploiting, a depressed suicidal sexual abuse rape victim going through a rough emotional time, trying to process a painful past and existence. I've also had an unfortunate life full of hardships such as bullying, homelessness, but that's besides the point. The point is that we don't always know what other people have been through, and noble people should always remember this.
Apparently this holds no weight compared to "lol guys arent penises funny lololol lets show some images of things which look like penises like bananas and sausages and make a bunch of penis jokes looool". Psychos made disgusting jokes (both on the wiki and other sites) such as "they got under his skin". This is the psychopathic human condition, and the double standard men have to face. Imagine if people made stupid jokes about FGM and girls having their genitals mutilated, but since it's boys, it's apparently deemed fine by society. If I was a woman and I seemed to have an emotional breakdown about my FGM, much of the responses towards me would be different - I would've been taken far more seriously, responses would have been far more compassionate and less jokey and hostile... but this is the loneliness men have to face in our world. r/CircumcisionGrief, only created in 2019, is full of men who feel violated and experience negative emotions similar to rape victims.
I was unable to handle the situation, the constant accusations, the constant new editors, the insults, the trolls, the vandalism, the harassment. I was unable to properly work as a decent wiki editor because so much was happening all at once. I'd switch between trying to calm angry people down, to explaining my stance, to addressing some claims, to trying to improve the article, to cleaning up some vandalism, to learning about what was being about me on social media, and so on. It was like watching a TV with 100 channels at once because so many people were involved and doing different things, both on the wiki and other sites. I should've handled it better... but with my frame of mind and my emotions, I couldn't. It was serious mental overload. Maybe I should've just walked away, although I felt like it was my responsibility to take care of things as the main manager, so I didn't leave the discussion, which likely made things worse with the way my mental health was at the time. I felt like if I gave up on the theory, I was also giving up on MGM victims.
I was sick of the Internet's reaction, the constant trolling, vandalism, and unsympathetic insults at me, resulting in my "So I just realized I became kinda famous" post (calling it a "manifesto" is emotional language trying to make me seem violent). I realized by then, there was no way the theory was going to be accepted with that amount of angry people, so I decided I might as well try to make people question humanity's creepy slave-like existence. My "I refuse to let babies be mutilated" and "I seek the truth" was me trying to encourage other people to stand up against child abuse and violence, and not be confused by the lies certain people would make about... literally everything. We live in a world full of lies. Eventually, we all agreed to take a break. I was unable to finish a version of the theory which everyone would be satisfied with, add any more evidence, or defend myself since Wikia needed to temporarily block my account to perform their investigation and look into all the accusations. Fair enough. Afterwards, I was unblocked, but de-adminned so people would feel more comfortable with the wiki. Since then, I've made thousands of more edits to regain people's trust.
People have shown my most heated replies (while hiding my calmer ones), while simultaneously hiding the heated and insulting replies of others (hence why an admin said "the behavior in this thread is unacceptable" instead of only my behavior), creating a skewed perception to make me look as unhinged and irrational as possible instead of a more balanced and fairer look at everyone involved. Since I deleted a lot of trollish/meaner replies myself in an attempt for a calmer discussion (with the exception of the toilet sponge comment), I unknowingly set myself up for this, so it was also my fault. When I said "I find it disturbing I'm being mocked for trying to advocate not mutilating babies", I didn't say that for no reason, that's really what was happening. It's impossible for everyone to know the pressure I had to deal with.
It's not fair that some people still continued to vandalize the wiki years after like psychos, causing other innocent editors to have deal with it. It's not fair to turn someone obviously mentally unwell into a meme. It's not fair lies are spread about me and what happened, like saying I edited "hundreds"/"thousands" of articles on this wiki to mention MGM, when the number was never more than the number of fingers on a hand. Not enough people in our world actually care about truth.
About the theory
I don't feel like I have any more to say, but it was always a WIP (work in progress). I don't finalize my edits when I post them. It's my style of editing, which is why I had many images of the Greedy Worm, because I was still deciding on the best one. I was going to post more evidence but I was overwhelmed by everything else, so I was unable to. Someone also camhacked one of the rooms and I discovered more interesting evidence, but I don't feel it's worth sharing anymore. Did Team Silent intend to make Western audiences think about MGM? Who knows, but I was always upfront and tranparent about it being a theory, not a fact. When I said "you are so deluded", I was referring to an editor who seemed to deny the series involved criticizing America and I felt they were removing too much information that was important to understanding the theory - I never meant those who didn't believe in the theory were "deluded". I never insulted anyone for not specifically believing in the theory in itself.
However, I will say that the idea that people can't criticize the practices of other countries if their own country does not do that practice... is dumb as heck. Yes, Japan does not do it (for the most part). Which is all the more reason as to why they would think it is fucked up and why I think they would make subtle commentary, but not too blatant or else their game might not be published. In 2004, even more people were pro-MGM. A lot of Japanese games had to pull their punches not to offend Westerners, resorting communicating ideas through etymology, symbolism, sound cues, etc. Japan is very interested in America and the series criticizes a lot about American society. It's not some imaginary land where the people are unaware of what is happening in other countries. It's why the town of Silent Hill has a history of Native Americans being genocided, as well as the American Civil war. It's why the handgun was located in a shopping cart in 2, and this is not just me theorizing, it was confirmed in an official guide, as a satire of how easy it is to get guns in America. Things mentioned throughout the series, like drugs cartels, Heather finding a homeless tent, Claudia constantly mentioning how humanity is greedy and obsessed with money and consumerism, can all be seen as American commentary.
I know the character was an orphan taken to the hospital, but medical malpractice happens. One of the themes in 2 related to Mary feeling the hospital was greedy and profitting off her suffering. I'm not even going to get into how much stem cells are worth, and what Sandra Bullock and Kate Beckinsale like to do in their spare time.
Another stupid thing people have done is manipulate the theory so that it became "he killed people because of it". I never said it like this and this is a silly oversimplification of it. The theory was always "it affected the foundation of his psychology in a negative way". I'm well aware of other aspects like the child abuse at the orphanage/water prison by the cult, interactions with Dahlia/Richard/Cynthia/Andrew, and so on. I never meant to downplay the significance of these events, I was simply trying to bring awareness to another possibility because not many people would get it if there was little explanation.
People act like I'm insane for coming up with the theory, but if someone said something like "Mary's corpse wasn't in the trunk... it was in the backseat and James just didn't look in the backseat the whole time!" back then, they would've been viewed as cray, but this turned out to be true. Even "Angela was sexually abused" was a very controversial theory back in the day which many denied, but the creators confirmed that. Bizarre theories have been shown to be true, such as "James was in the Otherworld hotel at the start, and then it transitioned to the Fog World."
People tend to draw a blank on the cutting knife, and why you're given the crappiest weapon there. By that point, you already have far better weapons like guns and an axe. Who actually plays the game and uses the cutting knife? It's not out of the question they wanted players to think about the act of slicing and cutting. People may say "Oh, they know people love those knife-runs", but halfway into the game? Harry and Heather had their knives at the start of their game. It's sus to me.
Each World has a pattern of importance, trauma and memories so bad that they manifested in his subconscious Otherworld: Subway (homelessness and being mocked/rejected by Cynthia), Forest/Prison (memories of occult abuse), Building (hurting a kitten and being yelled at by Steve), Apartment (horror of not being able to enter his "mother" Room 302, being yelled at by Richard and horrified by Skinned Mike). When I ask others why the hospital was manifested and why it was apparently so significant he happened to manifest a hospital full of skin, mutilated bodies, and restrained child-like figures, people go "oh, well... uh... umm..." or accuse me of overlooking. The umbilical cord was already cut in the apartment, it didn't occur in the hospital. A mere location he only stayed at for maybe a few days before being transferred to the orphanage just doesn't seem important/traumatic enough to me on its own.
 

John Titor

Pronouns: time/temporal/tempself
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 29, 2013
Part 2
Did you genuinely believe in everything you said?
I'll leave that up to the imagination, but anyway, that should not matter in my opinion.
However, I will say that much of my actual real views have been distorted by others claiming my "beliefs".
Why do you like the words "brainwashed" and "sheeple" so much?
I like them because they're blunt and to the point, and I think it's creepy that these words are very stigmatized. Let's call things for what they are. It could be said that people have been brainwashed to not use the word 'brainwashed'.
Why use the term "survivor"? That sounds silly
I was trying to be more respectful to the victims, similar to "rape survivor". I also meant "traumatic" in the "emotionally disturbing or distressing" sense, not the literal "I have traumatic memories"-PTSD sense.
It's also estimated at least 100 babies die each year in the US alone as a result, and this isn't including the deaths caused by SIDS, which it also affects. I actually wrote "death" as one of the things MGM can cause, which other reporters conveniently left out, probably because they thought "dead babies are not LOL worthy" and to make me look as crazy as possible, with less reason to be upset.
The pain doesn't just disappear after the mutilation. Even moving around in their diapers causes extreme agony for days after, but parents assume it's just typical baby crying and think of nothing of it. They are literally "surviving" a hellish experience which is why I used the term "survivor", to try to change people's perspectives.
Also foolish is the idea that only "botched" mutilations are traumatic and cause distress. All of them do to various degrees.
You're a weirdo for being obsessed with it!
Well, I think other people are weirdos for being so nonchalant about it, in the same way people don't care about where their burgers come from. It's creepy and weird, like I was born into a Black Mirror world (or Twilight Zone, if you're more old school) where torturing/mutilating/killing babies and animals is totally fine.
And I'm not "obsessed" with it like it's some life passion, I just happened to be interested in the topic for a week. I have other hobbies and interests like art, lofi music and caring for animals. It wasn't until I was in my 20s when I discovered about my MGM, and learned about stuff such as the loss of pleasure, the trauma and brain damage, the dead babies, etc. (Some people may think it's ridiculous and pathetic I took that long to find out, but can I really be blamed? The school system I was in didn't teach it, society seems to avoid talking about it as much as possible, and I don't go out of my way to look at pictures.) I was so horrified by what I found out, I wanted to combat it. I felt like it was the moral and right thing to do at the time, to speak out and not be another bystander.
It's impossible to gauge how much it affected humanity... for better or for worse. I hope it prevented at least a few mutilations and made some future men grow up happier and healthier.
Does your username mean you like Homecoming?
I chose it because it was a thing me and my fellow wiki editors would do as a fun thing back then. We'd name ourselves after characters like JamesSunderland, CherylMason, HenryTownshend, MurphyPendleton, AlessaGillespie, etc. We'd sometimes roleplay as our character for fun. Homecoming was also released in late 2008 and I selected the username when I joined the wiki in 2009, so it was the "hot new Silent Hill game" everyone wanted to play, and the game has a relatively good reputation at the time, and Alex was a popular character.
Homecoming is definitely not my favorite installment, there are a lot of silly and goofy things about it, but I do like a lot of things about it, like the way Alex is portrayed as a tortured disturbed young man who is the black sheep of his family and feels alienated from other people (with the exception of Elle). I also admire how Alex tries to do good, despite being mentally unwell himself. I'm also a believer of the "Alex is in the closet" fan theory because it's interesting and greatly enhances the story in my opinion, and I don't think it's a stretch that Alex may be lying to himself that he is attracted to Elle/women, given they spent so much time together when they were 16-18, with Alex visiting Elle's house multiple times, yet their relationship remained a friendship. A lot of people think this theory is absurd, but then why does Alex have a book called "Anal Sex for Dummies" in his bedroom? (see Trivia on Shepherd House article)
Some fans have used my username against me, acting like it's proof that I'm a joke of a fan, even though I was well into the series before the movie came out and played the first games on the PS1/PS2. I vastly prefer the Japanese-made games over the Western ones, although I enjoy some aspects of the Western ones. Someone tried to use my username against me during the discussion which is what prompted me to mention how much of a fan I am in the first place, that I grew up with Silent Hill as a child, etc. It wasn't something I said just because.
Well, ACKYUALLY, "witches" were just hanged, not burned
Okay, I got it. I grew up on the Silent Hill movie, sue me. I've been correctly informed that the estimated 40,000-50,000 "witches" were only burned in Europe, not America.
However, this doesn't somehow invalidate my point that many Americans have been okay with routinely supporting stupid and cruel shit, no matter the century.
The future and my apologies
I wrote all of this because I realized that by being silent, I was making people with my various beliefs look worse and doing a disservice. I was making Silent Hill fans look bad. I was making wiki editors look bad. I was making intactivists look bad. I was making conspiracy theorists look bad. I was making animal rights supporters look bad. I was making anti-fluoride people look bad (and I'm not going to get into detail of why I don't drink tap water). And so on. I was responsible for the initial damage done to these beliefs/movements/causes.
However, after some time, the responsibility shifted away from me to society. I'm not responsible for all sharing afterwards, it's out of my hands. It then becomes society's collective choice as to whether or not to do continued damage to these causes. Everyone has a choice to share a story, or spread a lie, and whether or not they want those who support these movements to look bad.
I didn't write this to be respected either, maybe it might make some people respect me more, but it's not the point. I just want to see more change in the world, and clearing my name a bit should hopefully help with that. It's also a terrible situation, knowing hundreds/thousands of people daily are being misinformed, and there's nothing else I can do to stop it. Some people will die with the belief that I'm just a crazy pedophile. It's also ironic people act like I'm the psycho when I'm the one who tried to influence society to stop torturing babies, and it should've been clear I have high empathy for the well-being of children, animals, people of all ethnicities, poor people, etc. I've been told I deserve to die, that I deserve to be euthanized, that I deserve to have my dick cut off, etc. I had a few venty days as a wiki editor and people act like I'm Satanspawn and that I murdered their first-born child. Some venty posts and edits I made when I was just a little older than a teenager should not define me as a whole. I should be allowed to find peace and move on.
I don't have massive amounts of followers on social media so all I can do is edit my user page here to clarify things. I don't care about modern social media like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, and Tumblr because it's (mostly) just obnoxious people trying to show how damn perfect and happy their lives are, obsessed with their status, Likes and followers. HiT tHaT LiKe aNd SuBsCrIbE bUtToN! BuY mY MeRcH! I aM CoOL! WoRsHiP mE!
At the end of the day, I truly wish for a peaceful world where all beings are happy and free, and I hope that people don't take everything they see/hear/read at face value, and can see pure intentions, even on our bad days. I'd love to see more people with power actually try to speak out and make positive changes, instead of just trying to promote themselves or be complacent with corruption.
I'm thankful for whose who have defended me and have stayed by my side, and to those who can see through much of the bullshit. Thank you. I apologize to the Silent Hill community, the Silent Hill Wiki community, and to many of my wiki friends and ex-friends for fragmenting our community and giving us a bad rep. I didn't mean for it to happen. I'm sorry about that.
However, I will never apologize to a society which turns a blind eye to suffering. Those who do can go fuck themselves. Every moment of not taking action against something is a moment of being complicit.
I wish to be left alone, and for my friends to be left alone. Even other editors of the wiki I speak to want to be left alone. We've told this publicly multiple times, yet some people don't care. We don't want any more attention. I'm tired. We're tired.
My final advice to anyone who complains about wikis (rant incoming)
Fucking edit it.
No one's stopping you. If you don't, you're part of the problem.
They make wiki editing so simple and easy these days. If you can use a phone, you can edit a wiki.
There was a poster in my high school that said: "Be the change you wish to see in the world."
Over the years, I've witnessed countless people bitch, cry, moan, and complain about inaccurate information on wikis. This doesn't apply just to SH Wiki, but all wikis in general. Instead of appreciating the 99% of information on a wiki that is correct and accurate, they bitch and whine about the 1% that is questionable/wrong.
"Waaaah waaaaaah, this wiki said this! It's a bad source of information!"
These people get annoyed, whine about it on some other site, and go to sleep without actually having done anything about it.
Well, people are fucking human beings. People make honest mistakes. I make honest mistakes. Your parents and friends have made honest mistakes. You make honest mistakes. You didn't breeze through school like a robot, earning 100% on every single test and exam in your life, and you damn very well know it.
Feel there's not enough information about some character's backstory? Write it.
The passcode to a door is 102 but someone accidentally put 103? Fix it.
You wish there were more pictures of a character in their gallery? Add it.
Stop being a crybaby and edit.
If you are so enlightened, why not spread it around? People make the world a better place through action, so stop complaining and make an account. It's called being proactive, and trying to make change.
I'm done slaving away hours of my life for unappreciative people who expect everything in life to be handed to their sorry ass. We aren't even being paid to edit.
The Sun is likely going to explode some day, killing all of humanity and all traces of our existence with a solar flare. It'll be as if humanity never existed. What about our pathetic lives will have actually mattered then?
If you're actually a wiki editor who actually takes this advice, then this doesn't apply to you. Take care.
 

Fastest Hand In The East

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Apr 21, 2021
Even years later, he's still missing the biggest issue people took with him: What the fuck do any of his beliefs have to do with Silent Hill, and why do his fan theories belong on the official wiki?
I haven't re-checked it, but I think he honenestly, truly believed that japanese developers were secretly sending messages to the american public. And that they somehow had otherwordly knowledge about the "truth" behind circumsion- that it's just a tip of the iceberg of the world, controlled by Illuminati.
 

Similar threads

Former GamesDoneQuick staff and TF2 legend, slowly tumbling down trying to save the world from fascism
Replies
33
Views
14K
Delusional, Victim Playing, Power Tripping Narcissist
Replies
2
Views
1K
Skitzocow Alex Chiu
Asian Nazi Who Loves Magnets
Replies
40
Views
10K