Snowflake Alyssa Waldrop / Vade / Scoutgender / AutisticLeafeon / SpiritLore / Zexper - Kiwi Farms' Favorite Otherkin Tumblrina

tranny2000

cut for time.
kiwifarms.net
6ecfa759310b50b4c9e45cf21e483f89.png


So she married Hejji. And hasn't posted in two weeks.

Perhaps she's moved on to some other site.

How long do we estimate until a divorce? I'm putting my money on six months, tops.
 

TheTinySpark

kiwifarms.net
Tl;dr I've been torturing myself since 2014, and want to help how I can- and im not good at short posts.

I've been lurking on this thread for a handful of months now, unsure on how to go about adding anything to this. This promises to be longwinded, so I'll add a tl;dr to the top.
I have wanted to, but just wasn't ready to dive headfirst into these emotions. This forum is how I found out how and why Alex passed. This forum is how I found the necessary information to keep my promise to him. I've wanted so bad to give back to you guys who helped me find a weird kind of closure. I've finally figured out how.
I have a unique sort of insight here, that I think you all may enjoy.
I went to high school with vade. She was a grade above me, I believe, and we were never friends. At the time i found her to be my mortal enemy.
See, my freshman year I dated Alex, and found out shortly after our relationship ended that he had been "emotionally cheating on me" (I have since come to terms with the fact that I simply wasn't giving him what he needed, and we had stayed good friends even after we broke up) with Vade through a mutual friend of mine and his.
I was livid, and in my heartbreak I sought to hurt her instead of him. I openly admit that i bullied her, and had her bullied by my friends. (I apologized genuinely before she graduated, but more on that later) It was wrong of me, and while I am in no way excusing the things shes done I do want to say that I did feel bad for being so mean to her at the time.
Shortly after I found out about this forum she reached out to me- be it luck or stalking, I'll take it. She requested to be my friend on facebook, and messages me about appreciating my post on trans acceptance. She seemed very sweet, and through our few short conversations she's seemed genuinely caring. Were it not for my knowledge of everything shes done I'd have said she was a lovely young woman with a troubled past.

This thread is basically dead, and this is very long winded, but I've wanted to contribute what I could to some degree for a while.
If you'd like proof of my involvement I have photos of hand written notes from them both, as well as recent screenshots.
 

Jaimas

HUP HUP HUP HUP
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Tl;dr I've been torturing myself since 2014, and want to help how I can- and im not good at short posts.

I've been lurking on this thread for a handful of months now, unsure on how to go about adding anything to this. This promises to be longwinded, so I'll add a tl;dr to the top.
I have wanted to, but just wasn't ready to dive headfirst into these emotions. This forum is how I found out how and why Alex passed. This forum is how I found the necessary information to keep my promise to him. I've wanted so bad to give back to you guys who helped me find a weird kind of closure. I've finally figured out how.
I have a unique sort of insight here, that I think you all may enjoy.
I went to high school with vade. She was a grade above me, I believe, and we were never friends. At the time i found her to be my mortal enemy.
See, my freshman year I dated Alex, and found out shortly after our relationship ended that he had been "emotionally cheating on me" (I have since come to terms with the fact that I simply wasn't giving him what he needed, and we had stayed good friends even after we broke up) with Vade through a mutual friend of mine and his.
I was livid, and in my heartbreak I sought to hurt her instead of him. I openly admit that i bullied her, and had her bullied by my friends. (I apologized genuinely before she graduated, but more on that later) It was wrong of me, and while I am in no way excusing the things shes done I do want to say that I did feel bad for being so mean to her at the time.
Shortly after I found out about this forum she reached out to me- be it luck or stalking, I'll take it. She requested to be my friend on facebook, and messages me about appreciating my post on trans acceptance. She seemed very sweet, and through our few short conversations she's seemed genuinely caring. Were it not for my knowledge of everything shes done I'd have said she was a lovely young woman with a troubled past.

This thread is basically dead, and this is very long winded, but I've wanted to contribute what I could to some degree for a while.
If you'd like proof of my involvement I have photos of hand written notes from them both, as well as recent screenshots.

I'm sorry for what you had to endure. We'd be happy to hear out anything you'd like to share. Alyssa's caused quite a bit of damage in that regard. You have our condolences, newcomer.
 

TheTinySpark

kiwifarms.net
I'm sorry for what you had to endure. We'd be happy to hear out anything you'd like to share. Alyssa's caused quite a bit of damage in that regard. You have our condolences, newcomer.

It's not in my nature to be incredibly mean, and I almost feel bad sharing this; but this is the letter she had written me in reply to my apology.
693988

At the time, and for the years following I felt incredibly bad for her. It seemed as though Alex was all she had- who was I to torture her more? I had my fair share of bullies (I was hella emo) so I just wanted to give her breathing room.
From this note, I never would have guessed what would happen years later.
 

Alex Krycek

All my friends are Skeletons
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
It's not in my nature to be incredibly mean, and I almost feel bad sharing this; but this is the letter she had written me in reply to my apology.
View attachment 693988
At the time, and for the years following I felt incredibly bad for her. It seemed as though Alex was all she had- who was I to torture her more? I had my fair share of bullies (I was hella emo) so I just wanted to give her breathing room.
From this note, I never would have guessed what would happen years later.
Well that’s terrible... I’m sorry you lived through that. I’m guessing times were a lot different in those days for all you guys? If you care to discuss it that might shed some insight but honestly don’t talk about something that was shitty and made you feel uneasy unless you’re okay with doing so. If you don’t feel okay with doing so, your call certainly.

There will always be questions based on that alone though.
 

TheTinySpark

kiwifarms.net
Well that’s terrible... I’m sorry you lived through that. I’m guessing times were a lot different in those days for all you guys? If you care to discuss it that might shed some insight but honestly don’t talk about something that was shitty and made you feel uneasy unless you’re okay with doing so. If you don’t feel okay with doing so, your call certainly.

There will always be questions based on that alone though.

It doesn't necessarily make me uneasy, I'm not one to be vicious anymore. Like, bullying her in high school was the height of my anger, and since then I've become a much less volatile person.

Anyway, it was a very strange time, because back in school she legitimately just seemed sad. Not even #SadBoiTumblrAaesthetic just... sad.
Ifcircumstances would have been different we probably would have been good friends, in fact. I don't know if she was just as she is now back then, obviously, but I'm sure you understand the sentiment.
Her and Alex didn't really hang out with other people at school, and when he did it was only for moments at a time. Outside of school I have less insight to their relaationship, but from what I was able to see it seemed very isolating; but I saw nothing strange about that because when I'd first met him he seemed just as isolated.

She'd only confronted me about my bullying once, but after being shot down and laughed at by myself and my friend she never did again. We'd yell slurs at her and laugh at her and tease her about her body, and the few times I did talk to Alex while she was around I'd blatantly sneer at her and try to make him laugh or something.
(Keep in mind I wasn't "popular". I was actually quite tormented myself, so I took pointers from my own experiences)

I can't help but think that how much my friends and I bullied her may have had a hand in making her turn into this. Trauma effects everyone differently.
 

Meowthkip

We had fun, didn't we?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
I can't help but think that how much my friends and I bullied her may have had a hand in making her turn into this. Trauma effects everyone differently.

I do not envy your position, holy shit.

It's not hard to imagine that this pain of being bullied led to her becoming an online bully herself and craving power over others to make up for the lack of power she felt in high school, but at the end of the day, her actions are hers alone. Yeah, you bullied her, but she's the one who decided to perpetuate that cycle of abuse and take it out on others, including Alex. That's not your fault. But I do think this explains some of her motivations a bit better.
 

Jaimas

HUP HUP HUP HUP
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
It doesn't necessarily make me uneasy, I'm not one to be vicious anymore. Like, bullying her in high school was the height of my anger, and since then I've become a much less volatile person.

Anyway, it was a very strange time, because back in school she legitimately just seemed sad. Not even #SadBoiTumblrAaesthetic just... sad.
Ifcircumstances would have been different we probably would have been good friends, in fact. I don't know if she was just as she is now back then, obviously, but I'm sure you understand the sentiment.
Her and Alex didn't really hang out with other people at school, and when he did it was only for moments at a time. Outside of school I have less insight to their relaationship, but from what I was able to see it seemed very isolating; but I saw nothing strange about that because when I'd first met him he seemed just as isolated.

She'd only confronted me about my bullying once, but after being shot down and laughed at by myself and my friend she never did again. We'd yell slurs at her and laugh at her and tease her about her body, and the few times I did talk to Alex while she was around I'd blatantly sneer at her and try to make him laugh or something.
(Keep in mind I wasn't "popular". I was actually quite tormented myself, so I took pointers from my own experiences)

I can't help but think that how much my friends and I bullied her may have had a hand in making her turn into this. Trauma effects everyone differently.

Something to understand about Vade is that your teasing was not what caused her.

It is not unheard of for someone who's been bullied for them to perpetuate that cycle, and it's just as common for them to learn mercy from it and refuse to let this happen. Mere bullying, even the worst of what a Middle School can do, however, does not create an Alyssa Waldrop. That takes something much darker and deeper: unresolved psychological problems, a subconscious desire to control and dominate, and a complete lack of morality. It's that last one you should take note of, because no matter how bad you felt for her given your past actions, Vade's actions on that front speak volumes.

And I can prove it:

450px-Troublez_in_Sorrow.jpg


This image was given to us by Alex's sister. It's the last known piece of art he worked on before he committed suicide.

At the time, Alex put himself through hell trying to help Vade. When she decided, apropos of nothing, that she was trans, he was willing to help her to the tune of thousands of dollars. He was willing to put himself out because he cared about Vade that much. When the truth started to become undeniable, however, Alex said something that was extremely telling: That he felt like he had never really known Vade at all now that she was doing this, and only now was seeing her true nature. Vade is the reason he spiralled into depression, and Vade was the one who demanded he be put on an antidepressant known for causing suicidal behavior in people with existing serotonin imbalances.

That truth was that Vade seemed to have either Borderline or Antisocial Personality Disorder, and would not blink about saying or doing terrible things to people for the stupidest of fucking reasons (ask @Meowthkip some time about the user she had harassed for weeks of real time because some rando on Tumblr had autoplay music she didn't like). If the entire story of her influence's rise and fall didn't make it clear enough that she was an emotionally-manipulaitve asshole, let's look at what happened when her boyfriend, someone who loved her enough to try to support her through her issues, finally had enough and killed himself:

799px-Vade_is_a_Shit.png


This is how she treated someone who put himself in the hole for thousands of dollars for her sake, and died because she'd rather seek e-fame than do anything to make their relationship work: To find any excuse she could to get out of going to his funeral. About the only consolation is that Alex's family got about half the money he had contributed to Vade back (which she claimed she wanted for transitioning and subsequently spent on fancy toys, weed, and food). She then proceeded to use his death as a means to further pin herself as oppressed by listing basically anything Alex was remotely involved in as Trigger Warnings.

It doesn't end there. Back in the day, when we first started covering her, Vade actually came to this thread after her minions had arrived and we mocked the ever-loving shit out of them. Vade did not do so well against an enemy she couldn't just claim oppression against and dogpile, and many of her responses (to my stuff in particular) pretty much expose her as caring about no one but herself. It culminated in her suicide threatening, which the forum (correctly) responded to by alerting the police. Similarly, she cheerfully kicked her various minions into the way to cover her escape in an attempt to escape the farms (a few of them include her former enemies that she bullied into kissing her ring-piece). This is to say nothing about how she treats her own family.

There is simply no way you caused this.
 

TheTinySpark

kiwifarms.net
But I do think this explains some of her motivations a bit better.

And in the end that's all i really wanted to do. I wanted to tell my story and help add pieces to the puzzle. Help how I could, ya know?



Vade was the one who demanded he be put on an antidepressant known for causing suicidal behavior in people with existing serotonin imbalances.

I wish I still had access to my old phone, I'd share the texts of him talking about his meds. He'd tell me how empty and angry he felt, and that his meds weren't helping. He'd be more talkative when he hadn't taken his meds yet. It was gutwrenching.
I was actually prescribed the same medication last year and had a breakdown and had to have my partner bring me out of a dissociation because I didn't want the pills that leant a hand in his death to actually help me. I almost flushed them. (Spoiler alert, I didn't. I conpliantly took them, and surprise surprise they helped me a shitton.)

There is simply no way you caused this

I really appreciate that. For you and the others who've given it. It's been on my mind for a while now.
 

Meowthkip

We had fun, didn't we?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
Thanks, @Jaimas for reminding me of how truly fucking awful Vade is. I've tried to put her out of my mind as time goes on, but Christ, dude. I think just because the entire scope of all of this is so massive, a part of me just wants it to be over with, since I don't think there will ever be any real closure as long as she continues to go around on the internet, interacting with people who just do not know what she has done.

I really appreciate that. For you and the others who've given it. It's been on my mind for a while now.

You are a much better person than Vade is, though I admit that's a pretty low bar. You had the grace to apologize. You feel remorse for what you did. You didn't try and use it for sympathy. She will probably never be able to do any of those things, and will continue to hurt people.

You don't need to share the text messages if you feel it's not prudent. I just wish Alex's sister had stuck around.
 
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TheTinySpark

kiwifarms.net
the entire scope of all of this is so massive, a part of me just wants it to be over with

I do apologize for bringing this nearly dead thread back. I didn't really think much would come of my posts, honestly. The fact that anyone was interested at all had me quite surprised- but I suppose I shouldn't have been; I added information to the creation of a monster (for lack of a better word)

It's funny. She contacted me a small handful of months ago, and our conversation was quite nice. She even helped me fiscally because I was in a terrible spot.
696173


This was after I'd found this thread, so i thought maybe she'd finally changed. Seeing that shes still actively involved in atrocities is sickening.
 

Meowthkip

We had fun, didn't we?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
kiwifarms.net
This was after I'd found this thread, so i thought maybe she'd finally changed. Seeing that shes still actively involved in atrocities is sickening.

She has kept a low profile as of late, but she still posts on Twitter and will occasionally rear her ugly head into conversations about the Farms or me. She has never apologized for anything that she has done, at least not in any meaningful way.
 

Jaimas

HUP HUP HUP HUP
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I do apologize for bringing this nearly dead thread back. I didn't really think much would come of my posts, honestly. The fact that anyone was interested at all had me quite surprised- but I suppose I shouldn't have been; I added information to the creation of a monster (for lack of a better word)

It's funny. She contacted me a small handful of months ago, and our conversation was quite nice. She even helped me fiscally because I was in a terrible spot.
View attachment 696173

This was after I'd found this thread, so i thought maybe she'd finally changed. Seeing that shes still actively involved in atrocities is sickening.

There are times when I've thought to myself that she deserves at least some leniency. She was 19 when this shit-show began, and I went out of my way to keep her IRL name out of this. However, something demonstrated by both Vade and her associates - over and over again - is that they do not care if they hurt people. They are completely emotionally detached from others, and at this point I don't know if it's due to intrinsic psychosis, extreme echo-chambering, or a combination of the two.

This is something Vade bought into by suckling at the very worst of Tumblr, buying into outrage lock, stock, and barrel. In her worldview, she is never wrong, even though she's one of the rare lolcows with a fucking body count. The only time she's ever tried to show contrition is when it benefits her in some way. That's not saying she isn't capable of legitimately reforming - she might well be - but she's never shown any inclination towards doing so - even after we basically defanged her.

On the Farms, we generally judge people by the content of their actions and character. That's why the two things celebrated hardest on this forum are when a Lolcow genuinely reforms, or when the law catches up to one that absolutely deserves it (either criminally or civilly).
 

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