Amberlynn Is Heavier Than... - Good idea SweetDee

Strawberry Pocky

If anybody needs me, I'll be in the Angry Dome.
AL weighs more than my pony (540lb at last vet check up)
I don't even want to rate this as Powerleveling, because that's both hilarious AND adorable. :feels:

She weighs more than a dry Harley Davidson Sportster 1200. With no fuel or oil, it comes in at a robust 562 lbs.

Fun fact - she's well over the weight limit of this beautiful bike. It's only designed to carry 400 lbs of human on it.
I'm fucking gobsmacked that a Walmart Scootypuff can haul 100lbs MORE lard ass fatty boom boom power than this road beast. What the fuck.

Amber weighs TWICE what Homer Simpson did (300 elbees) when he attained hyperobesity status in order to be considered disabled.

Ah, fun fact. This episode first aired in 1995, which just goes to show how very very far America has fallen (when it comes to obesity, slobbishness, laziness, general disgust, etc) as a society compared to now/2019. A "mere" 300 pounds is what it took to be considered housebound, handicapped, acquire disability from work, and Hyper Obesity status. Homer even made it into the newspaper.
Today? 300lbs isn't even worth a second look. 300 won't even get you into Tess Holiday's HAES or FA club or into the Youtube deathfatty brigade. It's all about My 600 Pound Life and Family By the Ton now. What a fucking world.

Didnt he have to be wenched up from the toilet? I am sure the same could be said for our dainty Orange Chicken Princess.
I think he did toward the end. Of course he always had someone wiping his ass because a King didn’t do those things. It was a very prestigious position as it meant you were allowed to intimately touch the monarch. It was known as the Groom of the Stool. Hey, maybe that’s the official title Becks can put on her resume when she inevitably has to go to work.

He was carried around in a litter because he couldn’t walk well. Of course, that’s more attributed to a festering sore on one of his legs that became chronic. That’s what lead to his weight gain because up until that developed he was an extremely athletic man.

What’s your excuse, Hamber?

Alright, well, I was bored as fuck and just decided to see how much this enormous swine weighs in everyday objects.

My math's is absolute shit, but I guess it's not too bad. I lied. I used a calculator.

According to Amber's latest weigh in video, she weighs 567 pounds.

Let's kick it off with a basketball. NBA basketballs must be around 7.5 and 8.5 ounces per square inch, or around 22 ounces.

Basketball = 22 ounces = 1.375 pounds (lb)
1.375 x 412.39 = 567 lbs. (Total: 412 NBA Basketballs)

Polar bear (female) = 551 pounds

(Total: Well, basically, she's as heavy as a female polar bear)

Sushi! Ah sushi, a regular food item consumed by this farm animal.

Average sushi weight: 0.5 ounces
0.5 ounces
in pounds = 0.03125

x 18170 = 567.8125 lbs (Total: 18,170 sushi rolls)

Table tennis balls weight = 2.7 grams
(pounds) x 95400 = 567.866592 lbs = (Total: 95,400 table tennis balls)

I can't really be bothered to do more, but yeah, this just made her look even fatter. Disgusting.

Diet Coke 4 Life

When I peek, it is in the line of duty.
As it's the season...

The UCI weight limit on a bicycle used in the Tour de France is 6.8kg. That translates to 14.99 lbs. This means she weighs more than 37 Tour de France bikes, or basically the combined weight of the bicycles used by FOUR TdF cycling teams. Plus a time trial bike on a team car.

BTW, she takes up nearly half of the total weight allowance of the cars used in the Tour as well - the Škoda Octavia can handle 625kg of total weight, or 1378 lbs.


You have to TRY to be this fucking stupid
Here's a list of things that hamber weighs more than:

Large vending machine- 600 (hamber, we all know that you are over 600 lbees by now)

A grizzly bear-500-290

A piano- 400

American bison- 630

European bison-610

A moose- 386

Diet Coke 4 Life

When I peek, it is in the line of duty.
Now we have to be careful with pianos - she doesn't weigh more than a concert grand piano, which usually comes in around 990 lbs. However, she does weigh more than a baby grand (500 lbs) and considerably more than a short-board upright (400 lbs).

Since the topic came up in another thread, it's most unfortunate that she actually isn't eating her way into a piano box - she's outgrown the dimensions of a short-board piano's container. Just a fun fact.

Agoraphobic Bullshit

The Town Crier and Boozehound
So I guess I wasn't exaggerating to my friends when I told them that Hamberlynn has enough blubber on her to keep a very large inuit tribe happy for the next 35 generations.
Not by much! My extended family and I bought a bison's worth of meat for freezing last year and donated some of it. There were 3 nuclear families of 2-6 people, and only the family of 6 finished their portion 4 months later.

Now, Amber wouldn't be suitable for human consumption, but that gives you an idea of how long her body could sustain other people.