Amberlynn Poetry Night - verse and prose inspired by our gorl

Strine

Give me the bones!
kiwifarms.net
Hi gorls,

as we all know, Amber's incredible poetry puts the great masters to shame. Donne is done. Frost is lost. Shakespeare? Not here.

Reading her magnificent poetry about cream cheese and maggots on trains has made me realise the problem with the poetry of the great masters: the poems aren't about Amber. To that end, I've compiled this thread to house all the artistic offerings of myself and other Amberwatchers.

Please submit your own artistic offerings celebrating our gorl!

I've improved a few poems, mostly by W. B. Yeats, by changing the subject matter slightly to make it about our gorl and her coterie of misshapen homosexuals. I know I am massively autistic, so no need to point it out!

Here's my first one, based on Yeats' The Second Coming, with an epic reading by forum user I Hate Myself.

The Second Helping

Whining and moaning in the widening sweatpants
The Becky cannot hear the Amberlynn
Things fall apart; the waistband cannot hold
Mere FUPArchy is loosed upon the world,
The beetus-dimmed hide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of insulin is drowned;
The breasts lack all definition, while the waist
Is full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Helping is at hand.
The Second Helping! Hardly are those words out
When a vast lesbian out of Spiritus Mukbang
Troubles my sight: somewhere in the sands of Kentucky
A shape with circular body yet the breasts of a man,
A gaze blank and witless as the sun,
Is moving its huge thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant housemates.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty videos a day of stony sleep
Were vexed to hugeness by a gravy ladle,
And what rough gorl, her hour come round at last,
Scooters towards Walmart to be born?

 

Strine

Give me the bones!
kiwifarms.net
The next one is based on the greatest poem of the 20th century, Leda and the Swan.

Feeder and the Swan

A sudden vlog: the hot wings dripping still
Above the slavering gorl, her eyes obsessed
By the aeygg sauce, lips pouting in duck's bill
She holds the chicken breast against her breast.

How can those sausagelike fat fingers push
The deep fried glory from her transfixed eyes?
And how can Becky, eating in a rush,
But play the gorlfriend part while Amber lies?

A shudder in pork loins engenders there
The finished meal, the ninety dollar tab
And Amberlynn Reid fed.
Being so fatted up,
So weighted by the brute blood of the air,
Did she bother to sign off and chin dab
Before her trembling legs could let her drop?
 

Strine

Give me the bones!
kiwifarms.net
This one is based on the introduction to Romeo and Juliet, inspired by the twitter drama between Chantal and Amber.

Two housebounds, both alike in big-nity,
In fatso YouTube, where we lay our scene,
From eating fudge break to new mutiny,
Where beetus'd blood makes beetus'd hands unclean.
From forth the braized pork loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd heifers war with strife;
Whose misadventured gluttonous overthrows
Do with their channels support their deathfat life.
The fearful absence of their stretch-mark'd love,
And the continuance of their online rage,
Which, but their fatness' end, nought could remove,
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
The which if you with haydur's eyes attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.
 

Strine

Give me the bones!
kiwifarms.net
This one is only a few days old. I vastly improved Yeats' spectacular Gaelic love ballad The Song of Wandering Aengus by making it about someone far more interesting.

The Song of Wandering Amber

I went out with my "hazel" eyes,
Because a fire was in my head,
And totally fit in the car's front seat,
And did NOT read a haydur thread;
And when I'd done eyeliner wings,
And chosen where to get take-out,
I got on YouNow for a stream
And got to Walmart then peaced out.

When I was scooting 'cross the floor
I went to buy a new board game,
But something rustled on the floor,
And someone called me by my name:
It had become a fat blond dyke
With orange chicken in her hair
Who called me by my name and ran
To Dana through the brighteneen air.

Though I am old with waddling
Through hollow and hillbilly lands,
I will find out where Dusty's gone,
And do clit stuff with just my hands;
And scoot among the Walmart aisles,
And see til time and times are done,
The rain and petals of the moon,
The cream-cheese shimmer of the sun.
 

xenomorph

I've got more demons where that came from.
kiwifarms.net
Hope music covers are ok.

H O U S E B O U N D

Hey AL, open the sheets, it's time for you to eat
Make sure you wake Becky
When you waddle away, to start your day, the monster comes out to play
Becky wake up, the monsters comin out and I need to hit up Wommart

She better listen, grease on my brows glisten
Don't wanna cook with the food in the kitchen

Becky, Becky, get in your car Becky
It's time to feed the monster, can't you see that I'm hungry?
Everyone needs some new vlog content
Please don't make me take back your deposit

iPhone, iPhone smile for the iPhone
You better do it now Becky, I dont like your tone
Everyone needs to think I'm on track
You better play along or else you get no snapbacks

H-O-U-S-E-B-O-U-N-D
It's all lahs it won't happen to me
H-O-U-S-E-B-O-U-N-D
It's all lahs it won't happen to me

Hey Becks check out this text, they think we have sex
HA! My lies are blended masterfully
When you turn your back is when I really..crack
And stalk my ex Destiny
Uh oh Becky's lookin angry, fake tears
Go back to my fake tears

She better listen, grease on my brows glisten
Don't wanna cook with the food in the kitchen

Becky, Becky, get in your car Becky
It's time to feed the monster, can't you see that I'm hungry?
Everyone needs some new vlog content
Please don't make me take back your deposit

IPhone, IPhone smile for the IPhone
You better do it now Becky, I dont like your tone
Everyone needs to think I'm on track
You better play along or no snapbacks

H-O-U-S-E-B-O-U-N-D
It's all lahs it won't happen to me
H-O-U-S-E-B-O-U-N-D
It's all lahs it won't happen to me

Hey AL, (hey AL, hey AL, Hey AL)
Hey AL open your mouth this orange chickens goin' south
We'll be at peace finally

Becky, Becky, get in your car Becky
It's time to feed the monster, can't you see that I'm hungry?
Everyone needs some new vlog content
Please don't make me take back your deposit

iPhone, iPhone smile for the iPhone
You better do it now Becky, I dont like your tone
Everyone needs to think I'm on track
You better play along or else you get no snapbacks

H-O-U-S-E-B-O-U-N-D
It's all lahs it won't happen to me
H-O-U-S-E-B-O-U-N-D
It's all lahs it won't happen to me
 
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Pog Mathoin

kiwifarms.net
Amberwocky - a segment (with apologies to Lewis Carroll)

‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in Kentucky:
All mimsy were the Torrid clothes
And the Hyundai was unlucky.

“Beware the Amberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the journal hoard, and shun
The frumious Amber’s snatch!”
 
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Tiny Clanger

Warp Factor Dial set to: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
There once was a house full of guys
Two poofs and ThumbBecky who tries*
Then Tsar Amba hit
It all went to shit
And now they're all three times the size

*tries to be a bloke. Work with me here gorls. I hate po-ettry.



Edit:
Aaaaaaand someone else beat me with a limerick. Now I'm really sulking. And @xenomorph , stop making fucking earworms, you lunatic. I couldn't get the last one out of my head for days ;)
 
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peengu

kiwifarms.net
A small snippet of my new epic poem: Goblin Wommart

Morning and evening
Gorls heard the goblins cry;
"Come buy our pointless tut,
Come buy, come buy:
Candles and scrunchies,
Chokers and notebooks,
Stale untouch'd Cliff Bars,
Blankets and ballet flats,
Plentiful wax warmers,
Cyoot little cat ears,
Cat bowls, size one-for-alls,
Earrings, board games,
More notebooks,
Movies, incense,
All in store together
In any old weather,-
Scooters come by,
(Their weight limit's so high!)
Come buy, come buy.
 

GargoyleGorl

Token SJW
kiwifarms.net
@Strine inspired me the other night, so here's my contribution:


Let us go then, you and I,
Where the scooter's stranded up ahead
Like a deathfat marooned in her bed;
Let us go, through deserted Wommart aisles,
The indignant denials
Of Uber Eats in Prideful cheap hotels
And Mexican restaurants with cheesy smells:
Unread comments echo along your stream
Repetitive as new diet schemes
To lead you to the Instagram poll...
Oh, do not ask, “When's the weigh in?”
Let us go and eat some ornj chikkin


In the room the fans strain and blow
The sour funk of Mt. Pillow
 

GargoyleGorl

Token SJW
kiwifarms.net
The haul was of Torrid babydolls, and another graphic tee
The pillows were piled for sleeping in front of the TV
Amber had ordered her dinner (a.k.a. a meal for four)
And the pizza guy came driving, driving, driving
The pizza guy came driving up to Amberlynn's door

She'd a backwards dress on her torso, a choker 'neath her chin
A cardigan that was straining, and leggings of black cott-in
They fitted with never a wrinkle, polyester stretching thin
And she waddled with a jiggle
Just... everything a-jiggle
Even her hands a-jiggle
To her mattress on the floor

"What's this, my dear enabler? The nuggets are not here!
Worse still, they forgot my diet Sprite -- who the hell ordered root beer?"
Becky looked up from her drawing as she heard her beloved bray:
"You'll fetch me another dinner
A better, bigger dinner
You'll go get me some dinner
Though Hell should bar the way!"

Out in the winter's night she drove, the miles sliding by
She paused to check a text message: "Don't forget the Frito pie!"
She trembled as she texted back: "They're out of Reese's Blasts"
And now she drives down the highway
The dark Kentucky highway
Becky drives all night on the highway
To fetch Amber's repast
 

Ellana

speariodically autistic
kiwifarms.net
"Improved" Nothing Gold Can Stay. My apologies to Robert Frost who is rolling in his grave.

No Orange Chicken Can Stay

Amber's chicken is orange,
Her first meal of the day.
Her earlier feast but a snack;
She was hungry after an hour.
Then crumb subsides to crumb,
So Becky sank to grief,
So fork goes down to plate.
No orange chicken can stay.
 

wylfım

Lost in an endless void of stupid.
kiwifarms.net
Inspired, I took a segment from my favorite epic poem, The Fall of Hyperion: A Dream, to mark our gorl hitting her goal of 600 elbees!

'None can usurp this weight,' return'd that haydur,
'But those to whom the foods of the world
'Are pleasurable, and will not let them rest.
'All else who find a healthy diet plan,
'Where they may thoughtless work away their days,
'If by a chance into this fane they come,
'Live on the pavement where thou lie'st rotted'
'Are there not thousands in the world,' said I,
Encourag'd by the sooth voice of the ass-patter,
'Who love orange chicken even to the death;
'Who feel the giant agony of great hunger;
'And more, like slaves to the binge monster,
'Eat for mortal good? I sure should see
'Other gorls here; but I am here alone.'
'Those whom thou spak'st of are no vision' eaters,'
Rejoin'd that voice; 'they are no true feeders;
'They seek naught but the balance of a healthy meal,
'No sight but a well-proportioned plate;
'They come not here, they have no thought to come;
'And thou art here, for thou art more than they:
'What benefit canst thou do, or all thy tribe,
'To the great world? Thou art an eating thing,
'A fever of thyself lives on the Earth;
'What bliss even in food is there for thee?
'What haven? every creature hath its meals;
'Every sole man hath days of broccoli and chocolate,
'Whether his foods be orgasmic or inedible
'The pain alone; the joy alone; distinct:
'Only the feeder venoms all her days,
'Bearing more woe than all her sins deserve,'
'When she is bedbound and can no longer
'Go out to eat at the divine Cheescake Factory.
'Therefore, that primal pleasure be somewhat shar'd,
'Such things as thou art are admitted oft
'Into like buffets thou didst pass erewhile,
'And fed in these grand temples: for that cause
'Thou standest hungry beneath this statue's knees.'
 

Tiny Clanger

Warp Factor Dial set to: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I don't need no carb restriction
I don't need no lard control
Don't bother me about the beetus
Doc says I'm a healthy gorl

Hey! Haydurz!
I don't need to stop eating at all

All in all it's just a
'nother pie in my hole
All I need to do is
Stuff more pies in my hole
 

hotcheetospuffs

Bora Bora Eat Some More-a
kiwifarms.net
Fear and Loathing in Lexington (not a poem but seemed appropriate)

We had two bags of chips, 75 expired protein bars, five Complete Cookies, a shaker half-full of Mrs. Dash, a whole lunch suitcase full of multicolored candies, dove bars, Mint Milanos, Reeses big cups, Bai drinks, gummies, cinna bears...and also a quart of water, a quart of orange juice (for Becky), a case of tic-tacs in the flavor "donut", a pint of Jamoca, and two venti frappucinos.

All this had been rounded up the night before in a frenzy of high-speed driving all over Somerset, Kentucky-- from Walmart to Kroger we picked up everything we could get our fat hands on. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious snack collection the tendency is to push it as far as you can.

The only thing that really worried me was running out. There's nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and raw as a person my size in the depths of a food binge. And I knew we'd get into all those yummy snacks pretty soon. Probably at the first stop sign.
 

Faggot Gift

kiwifarms.net
I walk along the fag-enue
I never thought I'd meet a gorl like you
Meet a gorl like you

With unwashed hair and fatty styes
The kind of styes that hypnotize me through
You hypnotize me through

And I ran
I ran so far away
I just ran
I ran all night and day
I couldn't get away

A cloud appears above your head
All your stink-lines emanate off of you
Stink-lines emanate off of you
The FUPA's moving nearer still
In a hurry, beanbag comes in view
Beanbag comes in view

And I ran
I ran so far away
I just ran
I ran all night and day
I couldn't get away

Reached out a hand to touch your face
You're always eating Chinese food
Eating Chinese food
Reached out a hand to try again
I'm stuck here in this house with you
Stuck in this house with you

And I ran
I ran so far away
I just ran
I ran all night and day
And I ran
I ran so far away
I just ran
I ran all night and day
 
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