Amberlynn Poetry Night - verse and prose inspired by our gorl

[Moonpie]

Haiku

The elusive lover is gone.
Orange chicken and rice gobbled
Scooty puff barely scooting
In the Kroger fupa dragging.

 

[Situation Type Deal Gorl]

Once upon daytime bleary, while I vlogged, weak and teary
Over many a plaint and brushes and palettes galore --
While I plodded, ego snapping, suddenly there came a flapping
As of one gently whapping, whapping at my bedroom door.
"'Tis Becky with my food," I muttered, "whapping at my bedroom door--
Only this, and nothing more."

 

['tism take the wheel]

I heard a fly buzz when I died
The stillness of pillow mountain
was like the stillness of my scooty puff
in Kroger on the day before Thanksgiving

I willed my collection of makeup brushes and gel pens-away
what a charitable act
Giverlynn-they'll call me
then, there interposed a fly

he circled my empty Dove chocolate bar wrappers and soda cans
and then-my organs failed
I could not see to eat

I heard a fly buzz when I died
stillness formed me round
rounder than usual
rounder than ever before

**Snaps**Snaps**Snaps**Snaps**

 

[Death Grip]

A little haiku I composed, as there is beauty in brevity and sometimes less is more, something Amber Lynn will never grasp:

Gurl you are fat like the moon
Lose some weight you pig
Or you will be dead

Haiku traditionally follows a Five Seven Five syllable rendition but you can swap and change which order they go in. But they always consist of that number of syllables.

 

[L_I_F_T_E_D]

Finally found a good place to store this one:

The Reason (Is YouTube) - by Fupastank

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I hadn't done
But I continue bingeen
I never meant to weigh a quarter-tonne
And so I have to say before I die

That I just want you to know
I've found out what works for me
To make sure I'm always liveen
And the cycle begins anew
And the reason is YouTube

I'm sorry you don't like me
It's something I am vloggeen everyday
And all the mook-bongs I did for you
I wish that I could do them all again
And make you sit through every single ad

That's why I need you to watch
I'm steppeen onto my scale
Though haydurs will call me a whale
I'll pretend that I'm being true
And the reason is YouTube

And the reason is YouTube
And the reason is YouTube
And the reason is YouTube

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I hadn't done
And so I have to say before I die

That I just want you to know
I've found out what works for me
To make sure I'm always liveen
And the cycle begins anew

And the reason is YouTube

I'm certain I'll eat all the food
While I'm stabilizeen my mood
The reason for all that I do

And the reason is YouTube

For reference:

 

[Strine]

Here's an original...

ODE TO NECKY by Amber

I called your name, on tree trunk leeeeyggs
(My life-train's nearing its last station)
You came, and went to fry some aaeeeeeeygggs
(Due to the beetus type deal situation)

With nodding head, flesh beard and crooked jaw
You do agree my fast food to acquire
At happy times, I could forget your flaw:
You're not the fat sped dyke I still desire

Yet when at eventide I stir to wake
The lambent, amber hues of morning dusk
Do all the aspects of her tresses take,
And cheat her from my heart, now just a husk.

 

[Daisy]

With apologies to the late William Blake:

Amberlynn, who made thee
Tell us thou, who made thee?
So jumbo-sized & overfed
So unhealthy thou should be dead?
Torrid clothing, much too tight
Colors that are much too bright!
Speak in your annoying voice
About your latest bad life choice

Amberlynn, we mock you
Every day, we mock you

Watch you lie on YouTube,
Watch your back grow new boobs

Your girlfriend, so naive and dumb
Head the shape of a thumb!
Goes on fast-food runs for you
Whilst you stir a pot of goo!
Orange chicken, Reese's cups
Open your maw, gobble it up,
Lie about diets, weight loss goals
You never shut your gaping hole!

Amberlynn, tell big lahs
While sitting on your fat ass.

 

[Wonky Eye]

Fat Cow, a Billie Eilish song made better:

White bra now grey, leaking layyyggin
Sleepin', stinkin’ pillow mountain
Creepin' around the fag shanty
Think I’m a dainty gorl

Bruises never healing, because
I’ve a bad case of the ‘beetus
I only eat five times a day
Queen of moderation

So you're a haydur
Like making up rumors
And I’m bAlLiNg OuT mUh EyEs
Cause you won’t believe my lahs

I'm that fat type
Make my gorlfriend sad type
Make my roomates mad tight
Might seduce feeders type
I'm a fat cow, duh

I like it when I make muk-bongs
Even if I know you make fun
Of me, I'll keep gaslighting y’all
I'll get jewtube sheckels

My thumby likes to cook along with me
But she won't eat my food
Better go get some groceries
She’ll face the binge monster

So you're a doctor
Say I am healthy, or
They’ll know I been spittin’ lahs
Talking scale just went “good bye”

Bipolar type
My depreshun sad type
Anxieteeee bad type
Mentulz things is scary
I'm a fat cow, duh

I DON’T read kiwifarms
Making fun of my girth and my shelf ass
You said they keep watching ?
I mean, I’m so boring lately
But maybe it's 'cause they wanna see them’ layyygs

 

[Daisy]

Inspired by her terrible poetry and horrible modeling session, have some haiku!

Bare my naked soul
But I'll never show my legs
You watched for nothing

Ass is like a shelf
Gunt hanging over her legs
Dresses are not shirts

Sitting on her bed
How is it not broken yet?
She'll crash through the floor

Emo teenage prose
Is not really poetry
You fat idiot

I am so anxious
I have bad PTSD
Whine whine whine whine fat

Becky's still around
She's almost as fat as me
And she brings me food

Greasy brown poop bun
Hasn't been washed in two months
Smells worse than her ass

Manipulative
Even if she lost the weight
She'd still be a bitch

 

[Fascist Ferret]

Roses are red,

Violets are blue

Here comes the cancer

You'll need a coffin fit for two

 

[RETROFUTURE]

Roses are red
Apples fall from the tree
From what we've all seen
By now it's Stage Three

 

[bothiggedyhog]

Hamber I am, red face brown hands
hailing from the trailer park land,
its a cancer type deal
orange chicken, my meal

Big Lucious Oval Ate The Egg Dinner
oops, I used the word...

 

[Amber’s period hole]

I know I’m an autistic faggot, but I LOVE writing poems, especially sonnets. I’m not as good as our Cancer Queen, and I don’t usually write in English, but I hope you like it.

No one can match the daintiness and quirk
of Amber Reid, the Moderation Queen.
She’s eating shit on camera with a smirk,
in just two bites the dish’s as good as clean.

A shiny pearl in the Kentucky slums,
she’s not alone but with a bunch of fags:
a whiny bitch, a racist and a thumb,
and then two cats, a dog, and money bags.

But more creatures visit Amber’s zoo:
her soulmate Dusty, Dana “makeup fridge”,
her lovely friends that come when rent is due,
and when they leave for her is time to binge.

Bad news: she’s got some cancer in the cooch,
and methhead mama’s coming back to mooch.