Amberlynn Poetry Night - verse and prose inspired by our gorl


I have a complicated relationship with Mondays
Stop fat shaming me
I feel so vulnerable
I'm gonna cry now

Lasted less than a damn day
Diets trigger her

We all know she lies
Why does she claim otherwise?
Oh that's right, she's dumb

alpro whore
'Binge-Monster Falling Into Place' (based on 'jigsaw falling into place' by radiohead)

Just as you take my mind
Just as you order Ubereats
Just as the binge arrives
Just as you grab the knife and fork
As your bad day disappears
No longer starveen' like a queen
Before you're too full up
Come back and binge again

The walls all look tasty
They look like Orange Chicken
All blurring into one
The Monster's on a mission
Before Jenny Craygg
Before Op-Ta-Vee-A
Curvy Calories Conundrum
Before you waste away

Before you say no to me
Before you become a skinny queen
The binge goes on and on
The binge goes on and on
I never really had BED
I just pretended that I had
I'd eat blunt instruments
I'd eat sawn-off shotguns

Come on and stuff it in
Come on and stuff it in
Come on and stuff it in
Come on and stuff it in

Before you say no to me
Before you start a new 'diet'
Just as you fill your fork
Just as you binge, binge, binge

Binge-Monster falling into place
So there is nothing uneaten
You eat everything that you pass
You say eat, I say eat
Not just once
Not just twice
A situation-type-of-deal
A situation-type-of-deal
You're super fat, you can feel it on your back
Super fat, you can feel it on your back
Binge-Monster falling into place


I have a complicated relationship with Mondays
There once was a liar named Amberlynn
Who in her life had never been thin
She stockpiled crap
Never shut her yap
And filmed every other food binge.

There once was a loser named Beck
A giant thumb sat on her neck
She's total white trash
Cleaning Amber's gunt rash
Good thing she's not looking for sex.

Snufkin the Snuf

Let’s go fill the Internet with crime, come on!
True & Honest Fan
A collection of haikus based on some shit amber said on social media

The surgeon said lose weight first
Guess he’s a haydur

Battle of the Fats
I can do OnlyFans too
Step aside, Chantal

Jailbird genetics
Meth is a hell of a drug
And her mom’s still fat


*pins you to the ground and force-feeds you crack*
True & Honest Fan
She sleeps until 4
A dark and dreamless slumber
Day blends into night

(Rice And Pasta Entwined, tireless and lion-hearted plumber)

She wakes up at 4
The beast is ready to feed
She beckons Becky

(who only looks like a snack in a literal and starving sense at the mildewed crack of this ersatz dawn)

The light of the fridge
And the humming of the stove
A lonely concert

(spencer’s doesn’t carry a T-shirt to immortalize this tour)

A pig, grinning, in a sty
A virgin, mild, in the manger
“where’s the Sriracha?!?”

(ole becks is in danger)

Becky brings brekky
And for a second, she’s loved
Until Amber’s done

(they part ways, parting; like amber’s bangs or a monster truck escaping the sun)

(I cheated with the contractions but she wouldn’t know/care so fuck it)
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