Amberlynn’s New Dietary Groove - Another Day, Another Failed Diet

[Owlflaps]

With some new content on the horizon, our gorl has become increasingly manic and hyped up for Optavia. We all know her pattern bullshit behavior. We all know she will never she seek professional help, because it means she has to possess some sort of introspection to realize that she’s an awful person. However, AL thinks that the way to solve her problems is to throw money at it. She’s thrown it at Weight Watchers, fitbits, scales, whatever. Optavia is just another iteration in the long line of failures in her “weight loss journey.” How long do you all think it’ll take before she gives up on this? What can she do to sabotage herself? What excuses will she make this time when it falls through?

Tl;dr version- When and how will Amber’s diet fail again? Discuss.

 

[JambledUpWords]

She failed before she started.

 

[redbarchetta]

this thread is six minutes old and already longer than this diet will last

 

[JambledUpWords]

She’s already trying to weasel her way out of the diet. Those pickles and cheese sticks will be her downfall. The spinach and almond milk will go to waste once she realizes how flavorless it is compared to what she normally eats.

 

[The Shadow]

The game was rigged from the start.

 

[my600lbfuneral]

She would definitely lose weight if she only stuck to Optavia because she'd be puking all of it out, Unfortunately, she'll be stuffing junk down her throat afterwards to comfort her poor stomach and the binge monster.

 

[Your Dead Tamagotchi]

She will probably fall through, convince herself that "one cheat day isn't bad, people do it all the time!", struggle to get back on the diet and eventually give up entirely.

As for when EXACTLY, we might never know. I imagine that in true Amberlynn fashion, she will keep it a secret for a while, as if that changes literally anything. I might be , but I give it at least two weeks before she ADMITS to it.

I think the most likely excuses include "it was the binge monster you guise", but given what we know Optavia will likely do to her body, she might pull a Chantal and claim illness (read: her body freaking out at the massive, sudden change)

 

[DubbleBubble]

All diets are doomed to failure before the start until she REALLY wants to be healthy. So far she doesn't really care about her health or fitness, the only reason she seems to want to lose weight is either because "that's what your supposed to do" or because death is the only thing that can get in the way of eating more. Every single diet we see her plotting and scheming of ways to cheat the system and eat what she wants whenever she wants, business as usual, and fooling herself into thinking that's okay. Usually before the diet even begins.

Until she's actually willing to change her entire way of life nothing will change, everything will fail, and we're going to be watching it on repeat. So if that's how she wants to do it, I wish she would be honest with herself. Cast off the shackles of giving a shit and binge til she dies in one sitting at Cheesecake factory doing the one and only thing in this world she truly loves.

 

[Aldora]

Based on past behaviour, she won't admit she failed the diet, she will just stop mentioning it.

When someone asks her "what happened to that diet?" she will respond with "what diet? I'm always eating healthy"

Something like that.

 

[peengu]

She'll do a couple of "healthy" mookbongs, an Optavia haul and maybe a manic Torrid haul before going radio silent. They'll all be filmed in the span of a few days and released over 2 weeks, after which she'll have a week of nothing then an "I messed up" video where she finally goes over her mysterious phone call that she totally doesn't want to talk about you guise. That's the reason the diet failed, because it's just been at the back of her mind, y'all.

When it comes to the actual diet though, she'll be adding processed cheese and a ton of salt to everything so I doubt she'll lose more than a few elbees.

 

[smallmilk]

She's already acting as if the weightloss is inevitable

 

[manicpixiebasementdweller]

When you expect a program to do the work for you, as if it’s a magic pill, you’re destined to fail. She’s expecting the program to do the work for her: it already portions out her Feelings, so it’ll do everything else for her too. Those 5 Feelings per day will totally cancel out her nightly binge. I mean, her lean-and-green meal.

She could’ve bought a food scale for $12 and some real groceries instead of throwing $400/mo at garbage food. Alas, portion control, eating less, low carb, “just doesn’t work” for our gorl. (Unless an MLM company portions and packages it for her. Then she expects it to be fine.)

 

[Keyboard Warrior]

I think she started giving up on this, before the package even arrived. The response to her manic "Everything is about to change" video was overwhelmingly critical. @SAVE TWINKIE! kinda nailed it with her theory that AL has no real interest in losing weight, but is very motivated by approval from others, and she gains that approval through Pretend Effort.

Except she kinda fucked up here (and made a fool of herself in the process) by pretending to spend hours and hours and hours (*insert cringy vibrato here*) researching this obvious scam and missing every red flag. So on top of being a sucker, she also insults the intelligence of her audience. Someone needs to gently pull her aside and let her know we all have access to the same Internet. lol

TLDR: Octavia didn't bring the cheers of support that she expected, so it's DOA.

 

[Xenomorph]

The only one who will be shocked when this fails is AL because of her deep seated denial.

 

[Owlflaps]

I think it’ll last as long 1-3 days tops. She’ll be amazed that she lost 3 pounds in a day. However, when the fags bring home Mickie D’s, the binge monster will come back in full force. AL will screech “BAYBEEEE” and Necky will come stumbling over herself to serve her fat overlord. All those feelings will be banished to the back of their pantry, forever lost to the annals of time as AL gorges on late night Wommart and fast food again.

 

[a dinosaur]

I'm in the 1-3 days camp before she slips up and binges. Then she'll eventually make a video about how "Optavia just wasn't for ya gorl" and how tedious it was to remember to eat 6 times a day. "Like, sometimes I wasn't even hungry but that's part of the plan."

She'll try it again for a few more days, then drop it when she doesn't immediately lose 15-20lbs.

 

[KE 521]

Just like Amber is already anticipating the weight loss as a foregone conclusion I am feeling irrritated at her inevitable failure already as well. Lol

Miss Itty Britty has been a hate read on Instagram for me for a while because she shills Optavia. She legitimately lost the weight but there’s no way she did it on just that garbage food, she’d be bald from malnutrition. She’s not a lolcow, though, just obnoxious.

 

[Dutch Courage]

By not even acknowledging that Optavia has an exercise component, she is already altering the plan.

I didn't see a lot of greens and leans in her shopping haul, just string cheese, pickles and a waffle iron. So, the leans and greens meals are gonna be off right from the git-go. And she won't measure the portions, which is part of the plan, too.

So Day 1 is going to be a travesty of the program's intent, and it will go downhill from there. She will still go out to eat, rationalizing that it is a reward for being "good". She will start eating her 5 Feelings off the schedule, finishing them all within 3 hours of waking up (at 5PM, as usual)

Her tastebuds, which are accustomed to maximum fat, salt, and starch will revolt against the pasty diet food, so she'll have a pint of Baskin Robbins because it is only one pint, and she'll have a couple of peanut butter cups because it is just a couple...

By Day 4 or 5, she'll still be eating the diet food on top of her usual food. Shortly after that, she'll stop bothering with the diet food, and it will be all over. Then, a weigh in will reveal she is up to 569.

 

[AllCISPeople]

She'll take one taste of the "food" they send her and it'll be hoping into the car for Lexington to get that orange chicken haul.

 

[DuckSucker]

I think it’ll last as long 1-3 days tops. She’ll be amazed that she lost 3 pounds in a day. However, when the fags bring home Mickie D’s, the binge monster will come back in full force. AL will screech “BAYBEEEE” and Necky will come stumbling over herself to serve her fat overlord. All those feelings will be banished to the back of their pantry, forever lost to the annals of time as AL gorges on late night Wommart and fast food again.

Im definitely in the 1-3 days camp too. @Dutch Courage basically has her dead to rights -- she's already changing the plan, be it willful or just plain ass ignorance. I wonder if she gets sponsored for these things, because that's definitely shitty of her. I imagine she has, for this. People have suggested her average income is much lower, and the periods where she has these plans, theyre sponsored. Ive read you legally have to disclose that but Im not sure and I doubt people will do shit over it--it's more of a matter of where your principles lie.

I still think that one gif of her eating some like chicken and broccoli(actually it looked all right, as far as AL's cooking goes, but I think a lot of it was reheated frozen stuff) but then she hears someone crinkle a McDonalds bag, and like a dog with a higher range of hearing she can determine where the bag is from just from the material it's made of when it crinkles--she WHIPS her head around, eyes bugging out, mid chew, and she just stares longingly at them while she continues to chew for another second, and then has to pry herself back to looking at the camera and try to play down that visceral, absurd overreaction she had, like she can TOTALLY say no to McDonalds, it's cool.