I call shenanigans
kiwifarms.net
And she's going to wear it while driving...with her wrists in the cuffs no doubt.
Amy Ramadan / Amy Lee Bell / Amy David / Amy's Life Journey!!! / Amy's DesignZ / amysdesignz - Convicted thief, grifter, fat YouTuber in a spandex hijab; confirmed child abuser
- Thread starter StrawberryDouche
- Start date
It is made for human sized bodies. The description of it even says that it has been "humanized". There is no way she could use it as a neck massager.
- Highlight
- #12,003
Eight AMAZEEENS, one snout.
-Welcome back to my undisclosed affiliate links
-If you're new, welcome TO my undisclosed affiliate links
-For a new APPSOLUTELY AMAZEEEN PRODUCK!!!!
-It's a 3D rotateeng neck massager
-It massages more than necks while your feral children gallivant pantsless and covered in grime around your sty
-IT WILL HOOK UP IN THE CAR YOU SILL OWE 6K ON!!!!!
-And around the neck of the "hourly worker" sucking the pearls out of your husband's clam digger
-Appsolutely amazeeen as was previously stated
-IT COMES IN AN AMAZEEN CASE
-LOOK AT IT!!!!!
-But wait, there's more
-IT HAS A CARRYING THEENG!!!!
-It has a warranty
-And comes with a complimentary eye mask
-So you don't haft to see the polka dots on the pork sword
-HAHAHAH, not *you*
-The carlot harlot
-Amazeen
-It comes with a USB you plug into the lighter port
-Because as we all know
-Ports ain't gonna plug themselves *wink wink nudge nudge*
-Again
-AMAZEEN
-Great for those long car rides to Eugene to catch an Arab with his dick in the cookie jar
-Or to get McDonald's
-For "'the baybees"
-STOKED
-It has buttons
-There's one if you want her to rotate
-And another to make her go faster/slower
-It's rilly hard to filmb when it's on Amy
-"Impossible" since her neck is as thick as Doric column
-So she hafts to show you without it beening on her actual ""body""
-It has an um... theeng
-And you can loosen the theeng
-Hokay so say this is on the neck of a North American Painted Strumpet
-These go around the sides
-And Awlee can put his arms inside of it like so
-So he can have a place to "hold his arms up"
-And your two door courtesan coupe can get a rilly deep neck massage
-The rotating whore bores heat up RILLY good
-So if you need a massager
-This... company
-Has been UHMAZEEN
-Worked rill well in translating everything into Duncelish
-Very quick with their shippeeng
-When setting everytheeng up to ship
-Through Amazon
-Could not be moar pleased with the way... this company
-Has... worked
-Will put all their info into the link they gave her which gives Amy an undisclosed commission she should be disclosing
-Pardon me - discloseeng
-CLINK THE LEENK AND DON'T MISS A GREAT DILL YOU GUYS
-It is...
-AMAZEEEN
-It is so soft you guys
-It's padded rather than being covered in barbed wire as one might expect
-AMAZEEEN
-The material that goes around the hookers head is SO SOFT
-IT CAN GO IN THE WASHER!!!!!
-The cover, not the hooker
-INNYWAYS
-ORDER ONE!!!!!
-If you're new, welcome TO my undisclosed affiliate links
-For a new APPSOLUTELY AMAZEEEN PRODUCK!!!!
-It's a 3D rotateeng neck massager
-It massages more than necks while your feral children gallivant pantsless and covered in grime around your sty
-IT WILL HOOK UP IN THE CAR YOU SILL OWE 6K ON!!!!!
-And around the neck of the "hourly worker" sucking the pearls out of your husband's clam digger
-Appsolutely amazeeen as was previously stated
-IT COMES IN AN AMAZEEN CASE
-LOOK AT IT!!!!!
-But wait, there's more
-IT HAS A CARRYING THEENG!!!!
-It has a warranty
-And comes with a complimentary eye mask
-So you don't haft to see the polka dots on the pork sword
-HAHAHAH, not *you*
-The carlot harlot
-Amazeen
-It comes with a USB you plug into the lighter port
-Because as we all know
-Ports ain't gonna plug themselves *wink wink nudge nudge*
-Again
-AMAZEEN
-Great for those long car rides to Eugene to catch an Arab with his dick in the cookie jar
-Or to get McDonald's
-For "'the baybees"
-STOKED
-It has buttons
-There's one if you want her to rotate
-And another to make her go faster/slower
-It's rilly hard to filmb when it's on Amy
-"Impossible" since her neck is as thick as Doric column
-So she hafts to show you without it beening on her actual ""body""
-It has an um... theeng
-And you can loosen the theeng
-Hokay so say this is on the neck of a North American Painted Strumpet
-These go around the sides
-And Awlee can put his arms inside of it like so
-So he can have a place to "hold his arms up"
-And your two door courtesan coupe can get a rilly deep neck massage
-The rotating whore bores heat up RILLY good
-So if you need a massager
-This... company
-Has been UHMAZEEN
-Worked rill well in translating everything into Duncelish
-Very quick with their shippeeng
-When setting everytheeng up to ship
-Through Amazon
-Could not be moar pleased with the way... this company
-Has... worked
-Will put all their info into the link they gave her which gives Amy an undisclosed commission she should be disclosing
-Pardon me - discloseeng
-CLINK THE LEENK AND DON'T MISS A GREAT DILL YOU GUYS
-It is...
-AMAZEEEN
-It is so soft you guys
-It's padded rather than being covered in barbed wire as one might expect
-AMAZEEEN
-The material that goes around the hookers head is SO SOFT
-IT CAN GO IN THE WASHER!!!!!
-The cover, not the hooker
-INNYWAYS
-ORDER ONE!!!!!
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It is beyond comprehension how someone could be so astute and well-spoken and still make me roll on the floor laughing at naughty innuendo.
I tried to think of a way to describe these artistic recaps, but I, unlike Strawbs, am at a loss for words. I just feel so fortunate to be here to enjoy her amazeen ability to turn a phrase.
I tried to think of a way to describe these artistic recaps, but I, unlike Strawbs, am at a loss for words. I just feel so fortunate to be here to enjoy her amazeen ability to turn a phrase.
giddy-up
kiwifarms.net
Oh 
, there are a lot of nuances here missing as usual.
Context: Amy dives into how bad her mother was—drinking, drugs, lack of attention/care/education/funding; an array of toxic behavior in general.
Explanation: She gets upset when people call her a bad parent—if only they knew her history/experience with her parents, they’d understand. She has never done a hard drug and she isn’t an alcoholic. She sends her kids to school (minus Miah when she needs a child slave) and bathes, feeds, and tucks them into bed (x for doubt on all fronts). She even states she “broke the thing” (“thing” being the cycle of trauma/abuse, I assume).
Conclusion: She’s a good parent/person…because she’s not as bad as her mom and gives the bare minimum—and that’s being generous.
Final Thoughts: Knowing good and well I’m screaming into the void at this point so sorry in advance, but is that the bar one would set for themselves as a parent? As long as you aren’t causing AS MUCH harm, you are deemed good?
No one gives a shit about her mom, and from everything she has said, neither does she. And if that’s true, she should stop using it as a reference point.
If people critique her parenting, maybe she should think about her own actions and reflect on why she gets so defensive and relates it to her mom because no one is insinuating that.
Her mom is not a scapegoat for neglecting her children, no matter how much she believes it should be. That is not breaking the thing—that is perpetuating it.
Just a thought.
(video for reference/edited for brevity)
, there are a lot of nuances here missing as usual.Context: Amy dives into how bad her mother was—drinking, drugs, lack of attention/care/education/funding; an array of toxic behavior in general.
Explanation: She gets upset when people call her a bad parent—if only they knew her history/experience with her parents, they’d understand. She has never done a hard drug and she isn’t an alcoholic. She sends her kids to school (minus Miah when she needs a child slave) and bathes, feeds, and tucks them into bed (x for doubt on all fronts). She even states she “broke the thing” (“thing” being the cycle of trauma/abuse, I assume).
Conclusion: She’s a good parent/person…because she’s not as bad as her mom and gives the bare minimum—and that’s being generous.
Final Thoughts: Knowing good and well I’m screaming into the void at this point so sorry in advance, but is that the bar one would set for themselves as a parent? As long as you aren’t causing AS MUCH harm, you are deemed good?
No one gives a shit about her mom, and from everything she has said, neither does she. And if that’s true, she should stop using it as a reference point.
If people critique her parenting, maybe she should think about her own actions and reflect on why she gets so defensive and relates it to her mom because no one is insinuating that.
Her mom is not a scapegoat for neglecting her children, no matter how much she believes it should be. That is not breaking the thing—that is perpetuating it.
Just a thought.
(video for reference/edited for brevity)
Amy had an example of a Bad Mom and what they do an do not. And if she does the opposite of those things, that makes her a Good Mom.
Barb never came home: bad mom
Amy never leaves the house: good mom
Food insecurity: bad mom
Letting the baybees eat tubs of frosting as a snack: good mom
Amy was free to wander the streets at 3 am: bad mom
Never letting the children leave the house ever: good mom
Barb had a drug addiction: bad mom
Amy has a food addiction: good mom
Barb never gave Amy expensive electronics: bad mom
Amy gives them iPads and unfettered access to every degeneracy the Internet has to offer: good mom
That she constantly screams at her kids would indicate Barb was not much of a screamer; and that the ferals are rarely bathed, indicates Amy was made to, and Amy is not like her mom.
And then we get the BUT LOOK HOW GREAT I TURNED OUT logic.
She was never paid for chores, therefore they should not be paid for chores because look how great she turned out.
She was hit as a kid and look how great she turned out! Her kids will turn out great because she hits them.
Didn't go to school, turned out great! Keeping them out of a school room will make them turn out great like Amy.
She's angry at us for pointing out that Omar is the visible, violent, destructive, unmanageable, verbally delayed devil manifesting her bad parenting -because she is a bad mother- and she's too stupid and egotistical to be angry at herself for it. We're her scapegoat.
Barb never came home: bad mom
Amy never leaves the house: good mom
Food insecurity: bad mom
Letting the baybees eat tubs of frosting as a snack: good mom
Amy was free to wander the streets at 3 am: bad mom
Never letting the children leave the house ever: good mom
Barb had a drug addiction: bad mom
Amy has a food addiction: good mom
Barb never gave Amy expensive electronics: bad mom
Amy gives them iPads and unfettered access to every degeneracy the Internet has to offer: good mom
That she constantly screams at her kids would indicate Barb was not much of a screamer; and that the ferals are rarely bathed, indicates Amy was made to, and Amy is not like her mom.
And then we get the BUT LOOK HOW GREAT I TURNED OUT logic.
She was never paid for chores, therefore they should not be paid for chores because look how great she turned out.
She was hit as a kid and look how great she turned out! Her kids will turn out great because she hits them.
Didn't go to school, turned out great! Keeping them out of a school room will make them turn out great like Amy.
She's angry at us for pointing out that Omar is the visible, violent, destructive, unmanageable, verbally delayed devil manifesting her bad parenting -because she is a bad mother- and she's too stupid and egotistical to be angry at herself for it. We're her scapegoat.
A counselor of mine once told me that they have people come in and swear they won't do The Thing like their parents did. (The Thing could be drugs, beatings, abandonment, priesthood, whatever.) They always do The Thing, and then wonder why they did it.
Kids are always watching.
Despite Amy's oinking about thrift, there is serious debt. Uncommitted money gets spent on craft supplies and junk. Just like when she was a kid, any money was spent immediately, because who knows when it would come back.
Any marriage she saw her mother have was probably highly transactional. So why not have green card marriages, isn't THAT true love?
Amy was beaten, neglected, and never went to school. She may mouth appropriate noises about nonviolence and academic achievement, but this will be her kids' story. Because she turned out FINE.
cloacal.kiss
kiwifarms.net
Hilarious that she actually says she can’t show how it’s worn. I cannot picture how it would look just perched on her neck fat hump. And with the “jihab”....like some lunatic biomechanical deathfat cyborg with an artificially-extended lifespan from our boring dystopian future.
The loops that hang down the front are not slings for your arms to just hang out in, as she Amy-splains. They are meant to provide leveraged weight with your forearms, to get into the deeper muscles with the massager. Of course our monstrosity couod never fit her ham hocks in the loops, nor could she ever hope to reach muscles - it’s all fat, just disgusting masses of toxic lipids strangling any remaining muscle fibers dozens of centimeters deep.
The loops that hang down the front are not slings for your arms to just hang out in, as she Amy-splains. They are meant to provide leveraged weight with your forearms, to get into the deeper muscles with the massager. Of course our monstrosity couod never fit her ham hocks in the loops, nor could she ever hope to reach muscles - it’s all fat, just disgusting masses of toxic lipids strangling any remaining muscle fibers dozens of centimeters deep.
Her desk could use a Clorox wipe or two.Oh
Context: Amy dives into how bad her mother was—drinking, drugs, lack of attention/care/education/funding; an array of toxic behavior in general.
Explanation: She gets upset when people call her a bad parent—if only they knew her history/experience with her parents, they’d understand. She has never done a hard drug and she isn’t an alcoholic. She sends her kids to school (minus Miah when she needs a child slave) and bathes, feeds, and tucks them into bed (x for doubt on all fronts). She even states she “broke the thing” (“thing” being the cycle of trauma/abuse, I assume).
Conclusion: She’s a good parent/person…because she’s not as bad as her mom and gives the bare minimum—and that’s being generous.
Final Thoughts: Knowing good and well I’m screaming into the void at this point so sorry in advance, but is that the bar one would set for themselves as a parent? As long as you aren’t causing AS MUCH harm, you are deemed good?
No one gives a shit about her mom, and from everything she has said, neither does she. And if that’s true, she should stop using it as a reference point.
If people critique her parenting, maybe she should think about her own actions and reflect on why she gets so defensive and relates it to her mom because no one is insinuating that.
Her mom is not a scapegoat for neglecting her children, no matter how much she believes it should be. That is not breaking the thing—that is perpetuating it.
Just a thought.
View attachment 2289798
(video for reference/edited for brevity)
notfoodienotbeauty
kiwifarms.net
I'm assuming she couldn't pronounce the word "shiatsu" and that's why she didn't say it. She makes any product look retarded. If I was looking for this exact item and came across her video I would automatically change my mind about purchasing it.
Edited to not ruin the thread-it's interesting that she blames everything on her mom, who I'm assuming at least tried, and not her dad who ate a bullet before she was one.
Edited to not ruin the thread-it's interesting that she blames everything on her mom, who I'm assuming at least tried, and not her dad who ate a bullet before she was one.
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That's very stupid strategy, ngl.
It reminds me of the known phenomena of fixation on the object drivers want to avoid, but because they can't stop staring at the inevitably approaching brick wall, they unconsciously go straight towards it, even if there is an empty field around.
cloacal.kiss
kiwifarms.net
DANGER DANGER DANGER
Our blubber-encased humanoid is no doubt trembling in fear of this weekends forecast. I imagine she won’t be able to leave the house at all over the next week for fear of spontaneously combusting.
Chances are her rental house does not have air conditioning - only 55% of Oregon houses do. I doubt she will be live-streaming on Saturday.
ETA - now I keep imagining all the various fun ways her fambily (probably just Miah) will be tasked with keeping her cool.
Our blubber-encased humanoid is no doubt trembling in fear of this weekends forecast. I imagine she won’t be able to leave the house at all over the next week for fear of spontaneously combusting.
Chances are her rental house does not have air conditioning - only 55% of Oregon houses do. I doubt she will be live-streaming on Saturday.
ETA - now I keep imagining all the various fun ways her fambily (probably just Miah) will be tasked with keeping her cool.
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Never fear. She has that light up neck fan she's too fat to use. Man, Amy Survives a 20 Minute Power Outage and Becomes The Hero Who Saved Salem: Summer Edition would be entertaining as fuck.
My favorite part of the infomercial was when she was describing the fabulous features of the deluxe storage case - it has a zipper! it's soft! Then she gets to the handle and has no idea what it's called. "It has a carrying thing!"
Yes. Just like when she bought some boxes and opened one and exclaimed, "It's hollow inside!"
I mean, she's not wrong.
But she is retarded.
But Strobry, how will she get out of her bariatric recliner if the power is out?
It is common knowledge that this exact situation has become the precipitating factor in those “deathfat grows into couch” news stories you see every so often.
It has to start somewhere and a 48 hour power outage seems exactly the time she needs for some of her sores to begin healing into the fibers of the chair, expecially if she’s unable to powder her sweaty ass.
It makes me laugh-living in an actual hot place- to think of heat warnings at 88 instead of 110. I suppose those warnings are more for the Amy’s of the world, people who are in the 600s, which is about 400 lbs more than your average CA black bear; those who are in danger of overheating at pleasant, balmy temperatures.
Of couse, I’m not Strobry so my expertise in all things Amy is limited. I will say though, I think Amy is past the point of Olly taking one hand, Miah at the other, and the ferals behind trying to give her a heave-ho. No, she’ll be stuck there, crafting, having Miah fetch her things. She’ll gets fouler and ranker as her chair becomes all things. And being unable to get up, Amy finally would finally be as happy as a pig in shit.
If she’s stuck in the chair for too long, she will BE a literal pig in shit.
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