Let's Sperg Angelo Reads a Terrible Game: Racial Holy War - Because fuck you, that's why.

[AngeloTheWizard]

Well friends, I remember a long time ago, a Racial Holy War review that was quite lulzy, but the Internet Archive Machine seems to have no record of "rahowa sucks" and I, being the enterprising reviewer I am, decided fuck it, if the old one isn't around, I'll make a new one.

Racial Holy War has a bit of a reputation among gaming circles. It's considered the pinnacle of absolutely awful RPG design, not even FATAL's labyrinthine charts and glorification of rape comes close. It's well known to be white supremacist propaganda, but it does have systems, which means it fits the tiniest definition of being an actual "game" that I can actually sperg about.

And best of all, it's 18 pages long, but it's packed with enough shitty content that every page is a potential post! Yes, it's that shit! Want to follow along, here's the fucking link!

https://creativityalliance.com/eBook-KennethMolyneaux-RacialHolyWarTheGame.pdf

And to prove I'm not making the above paragraph up, I quote, in verbatim, the opening paragraph of this masterpiece of bile fascination:

Sometime in the near future, the world is torn by chaos, anarchy, and mayhem as the world has been devastated by the non-White population growth. All the lands of the world have been overrun by these despicable hordes while the noble White Man has been reduced to a tiny minority, barely surviving the terrors unleashed by the heinous forces of the malicious Jew.

DA JOOS! We're also told that all of civilization has been destroyed in a blaze of disaster, probably because those lazy niggers don't know a damn thing about city infrastructure, but all is not yet lost! Take heart, as a growing army of holy White Warriors shall take up the banner of the White Empire (by the way yes, Kenneth Molyneaux-no relation to a much better Molyneaux that once made fun games-capitalizes this shit every time), and save the world before it all plunges into cold dark blackness.

And since you're holding this book, you're one of the warriors! Will you arm yourself for battle or watch as the White Women (again, yes, capitalized in the text) die? Well, I don't plan on doing any of that, I plan on pointing and laughing at this hack job.

The Warmaster is also introduce as the DM of this game, and while we're told that a good Warmaster is usually intelligent with a good, creative imagination, I can't help but think that if you fit the bill, you'd at least be playing Pathfinder or World of Darkness or something. Fuck's sake, my last escapade of Bellum Maga is a fucking masterpiece of game design compared to this, and that was the game that seemed to be using a completely different system for one of its own character classes.

But before we write off the whole book as being completely trash, let's take a look at some suggested adventures:

Some possible adventures could be killing a perfidious jew who is ruining the world through the media; stopping a gang of niggers who are terrorizing Whites; destroying a drug cartel run by awful latrinos etc. There is no limit to the possibilities, so Racial Holy War can be played forever.

Welp, it's official, this is a waste of your time, but stay awhile and listen to me roasting the fuck out of this thing. And bring booze. You'll need it.

 

[Tranhuviya]

RaHoWa!

 

[BILLY MAYS]

Didn't this game have poorly defined weapons stats or something?

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Didn't this game have poorly defined weapons stats or something?

We'll be getting there, but basically, there is no stated target number for attacking someone.

Or to use a comparison, imagine D&D without Armor Class, and you have RaHoWa's usual grasp on stats.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

So let's talk character creation. Yes, we actually have to create our own White Warriors (TM). We get a handy 5 step outline, the first step being the finer details like name and appearance. Name is special in that the book says your White Warrior can have the same name as you, which in my gaming circles gets you a visit from the "Name Dragon" who places a curse upon your name so that no one can say your character's name without snickering, and this persists until you get some originality and change your character's name.

Anyway, Attributes. There are 8, we get 100 points to spend on them and none can go higher then 20. So it's your standard point buy system, and yes, everything starts at 0 before you start buying stuff...I think.

Our 8 Attributes are Power (strength), Dexterity, Health (Constitution), Heroism (Courage), Charisma, Intelligence, Wisdom, and Intimidation. We'll talk Heroism and Intimidation in a bit, it's one of the few systems that has some interesting things to it, but for now we're still on attributes. Most are exactly what they sound like.

There's also a few other stats that get lumped in with Attributes but aren't actually attributes, such as Respect Level (it's used for first impressions and stuff), Honor (goes from 0-50, you start with 10, and if you hit 0 you commit sudoku-nice cultural appropriation!) and Hit Points (you know what these are).

Effects of Attributes are discussed after this summary. Charisma is first, and the book says that you can't charm people who have a Charisma higher then or equal to yours. But, if you beat them by 20, you automatically charm them, despite the fact this would only happen when the target of a charm attempt has a 0-10 in Charisma as the max is 30. However, the example of using Charisma may be the best paragraph ever typed:

Example: The player, Hitler, has a charisma score of 30 while his target, a White Racial Comrade, has a charisma of 15. The difference is 15 so Hitler must roll a 15 or lower in order to charm the White Racial Comrade. Hitler rolls a 10 and is therefore successful. Hitler therefore charms the man and decides to have him join the party.

You can all go now. You've just read the best paragraph ever. Why is Hitler charming a White Racial Comrade? Why is someone PLAYING as Hitler? WE WILL NEVER KNOW!

Anyway, Intelligence and Wisdom are also discussed, and while these examples feature Sherlock and Aristotle, nothing else is quite that good. The game also seems to give the impression that it's a "roll low" system, but this is only seen in the examples and not actually discussed.

Now, Intimidation and Heroism. What happens is that each side adds up their intimidation scores, whoever has more applies their intimidation to the other side's total heroism. If your total intimidation is twice as high as the opponent side's heroism, they take a 10% accuracy penalty. As your total intimidation rises, the penalties get worse. If one side has 5 times as much intimidation as the other side has heroism (very hard to pull off), the losing side breaks ranks and flees.

While interesting, it's only interesting in the fact that I can shred this thing apart. First off, why would you ever put points in Heroism when Intimidation could potentially render it moot. Secondly, this is all a numbers game, nowhere in this system does it account for numbers, equipment, training, etc. Enough grannies armed with rolling pins can (and probably will) send our White Warriors fleeing into the night.

Classes are discussed, each one has a couple skills they get and a special ability. This leads to some hilarity, like the Sniper class being really good with Assault Rifles (because sniper rifles are not in this system) and the Medic class having the skills "Holy Books" and "Food Scavenging" instead of, you know...MEDICINE!

The skills are, well, there's a lot of them but most of them are the same-they go from 1 to 5, putting one point into a skill gives you a 50% chance of successfully using it (yes, we need d100s as well as d20s) while level 5 is a nice 90% chance of pulling it off. Some skills change your stats, such as some skills giving you flat boosts to your attributes, which if you guys remember from my Bellum Maga review I caution game devs from doing this as normally it does a lot more then just increase some numbers. That being said, Attributes have no influence on skills so...go nuts, I guess?

Some highlights:

Clothesmaking can be used to make Swastika Shirts!

Food Scavenging and Holy Books of Creativity actually ARE the medicine of this setting, nowhere is surgery or first aid mentioned because you know, digging a bullet out of your buddy's arm isn't sufficiently badass for a white warrior. So munching Twinkies and reading the White Man's Bible has the opposite effect from real life as in it makes you healthier instead of making you a fat nasty mess.

Video Games increase Dexterity! YES, REALLY.

We also are introduced to our three classes of guns. We have Pistols, Shotguns, and Assault Rifles. What, you want other kinds of guns? Maybe a discussion of melee weapons? FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!

Some miscellaneous information is discussed...including ACCURACY! If you have a total accuracy of 100%, you always hit, but anything less you have to roll a d100 and get under Accuracy. Now here's the problem: BASE Accuracy is never discussed. We never get a mention of what our starting accuracy is, how much our skills factor into it, etc. Sure, there's all kind of bonuses but no base. Do we just...total up our bonuses and that's our base? I don't get it.

Now let's talk experience. Players can get experience and so can guns! Yes, your favorite magnum can level up and become better. D&D 3.5 did something similar in one of their books, but those were cool weapons that had legends attached to them and stuff, here, any 9MM off the shelf can become a world ending terror.

I'm getting sick of even looking at this PDF, so let's tap out here and rest our weary bones a bit. We're already halfway through the book! This'll be quick, damn.

 

[c-no]

Is the next part over enemies? Won't forget how 1d4chan mentioned how these "great white warriors" accept bribes from Jews and fall against the smell of black people.

 

[Kiwi Jeff]

I need to know more about this

 

[Lackadaisy]

Disappointed there's no gas weapons

 

[c-no]

@AngeloTheWizard
Would this be the Rahowa Sucks you were talking about?
http://web.archive.org/web/20080212094700/http://atrocities.primaryerror.net/rahowasucks.html

Link was provided by 1d4Chan.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

@AngeloTheWizard
Would this be the Rahowa Sucks you were talking about?
http://web.archive.org/web/20080212094700/http://atrocities.primaryerror.net/rahowasucks.html

Link was provided by 1d4Chan.

Huh, indeed it is. Well I'm already balls deep into this nonsense, so we'll keep going with it. Combat's gonna be a doozy, it's where I get to break out my comb and pick nits until my fingers fall off. So for you guys, the next two bits (this is a short game) go like this: Combat, then Enemies. I might roll them both into one post, or space it out, dunno yet.

 

[Fagnacious D]

Can I play as a Jew in this game? I want this guy to be my character.

 

[AnimuGinger]

Can I play as a Jew in this game? I want this guy to be my character.
View attachment 287123

Read the "Enemies" section, and you'll understand why you can't. Unfortunately.

 

[AnOminous]

I wanna be a Latrino. Can I be this guy?

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Alright people, let's talk combat.

It's tempting to say "it's shite" especially since (again) base Accuracy is never explained. There is a weapon table WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY at the back of the book that has accuracy listings (though you'll never know, since the columns don't have header titles and you need to flip between weapon table and weapon stats in the middle of the book to figure out what means what), and while they could be used as base accuracy ratings I'm not going to bother putting in more work then the dev did.

And while I'm at it, a lot of the attributes I mentioned don't ever really come into play, or have any detail to them. Power is supposed to help with lifting and melee damage, but how is never detailed. Nor is Dex, Health, or even how much extra starting money Charisma gets you.

But now we get to combat, which is a detailed 7 step process. First, people can try to use the Rouse skill which gives bonuses to Intimidation and Heroism. Don't bother rolling it, just get one guy to play a Hero character, their special is Rouse auto-succeeds.

Next comes the actual check, with penalties being applied once all the math is done. Rouse can still be used at the start of every turn, and I guess numbers of the Intimidate/Heroism change when people go down. Having to do this at the top of every init is going to slow the game down, hence why most systems just let you intimidate to try and scare people and impose temporary penalties rather than build a whole system out of it.

Then comes the special attack phase, which is only for the enemies! Yes, the many enemies of the "noble" White Race get their own phase for special attacks. Well okay, White Warriors can eat Twinkies to heal. And there doesn't seem to be a limit to how many times in a combat an enemy can attempt a special attack, except for Sand Niggers who only really get to explode once.

Then and only then do we get to the shooting, and the game does say you have to roll less then your gun accuracy. So I guess, maybe this is a revised edition or something? I imagine maybe it just wasn't clearly defined, but, NO! I will NOT attempt to redeem this pile of shit! Anyway, steps 1-5 are repeated until a retreat or death of one side occurs. Yay. Melee combat functions the same way, but as written it seems that it's only gun or melee combat, no mixing the two, nobody gets to give it to the Gook American History X style while your buddies go and shoot up the same church Dylan Roof fired upon.

Holy fuck Angelo, that was dark.

Anyway, instead of dealing with range, any side gets to retreat after enduring a round of free attacks. Yawn. There's just no complexity to any of this, no really meaty goodness to sink your teeth into and powergame the fuck out of.

The Enemy section is even worse. While their special attacks are discussed in great detail, the enemy table is completely unreadable. I have no idea what each number means, I can only surmise that upon birth, every Nigger is sorted into castes and given a weapon based on how smelly they'll be as an adult. I don't know their health, their stat bonuses, what skills they have, how much XP they're worth, NOTHING! In a long line of dealbreakers, not being able to read the stat block is probably the biggest of the bunch.

So the enemies get some pretty damn nasty names, all sorted into tiers though some of them don't make sense. Why is a Camel-Riding Sand Nigger more dangerous then a Disgusting or Abhorrent one? Why are they called Sand Niggers instead of, say, Mudslimes? Why do Perfidious Kikes wield Nigger Killer pistols? Why do they all seem to get more dangerous when an adjective meaning "dumb" gets applied to them? I don't know!

There is of course the big one of how these special attacks have paper thin justifications. I know a few black people and they don't smell that bad, I don't know how Gooks get extra melee attacks if the movies they're supposedly learning these techniques from are "fake", and I don't know how a Jew's brain pollution is so effective it works on White Warriors-to the point that they can throw 50 credits at a White Warrior and make them lose their fucking turn.

So in other words, this game is a pile of half-baked systems married to a Klan member's wet dream and all served up on a platter of sheer, utter incompetence. I'd like to get into it more but there's just nothing here, it's 20 pages (ish) of badly written rules that all serve to make the White Warriors look like the biggest dumbasses of them all. In other words, my fellow Kiwis, do not read, do not play, do not waste the calories needed to extend your middle finger and allow me to do so in your stead:

Fucking hell, you people are going to want me to do FATAL next, aren't you?