Another dialogue i wrote -

[Serket's pinoy champion]

Hey. I am trying to be the next Lucian of Samosata.

SOLDAT LAI

Ack! It’s cold in bare feet!

CORPORAL DWYER

Ooooh. My stomach.

SOLDAT LAI

Uh… Hello?

CORPORAL DWYER

Wha-? What do you want, you little twerpette?

SOLDAT LAI

Well, heh heh. I don’t know how to say this...

CORPORAL DWYER

Just say it, China-girl!

SOLDAT LAI

Okay. I… Uh…

CORPORAL DWYER

Is that all you have to say, you four-foot-ten slut!?

SOLDAT LAI

Sorry, Sir; I-

CORPORAL DWYER

I am not a ‘Sir’! I am a corporal!

SOLDAT LAI

Sorry, I-

CORPORAL DWYER
Pah! You’re ‘sorry’? You weren’t so sorry when you were sniping at me, while hiding amongst the branches of a dead tree! And thanks to your well-placed sniper round, my intestines spilled out, and they are still hanging out. There’s not enough goddamned morphine in this hospital to deal with my pain and I’m goddamned lucky to be alive.

SOLDAT LAI

I’m sorry about that, Corporal! I didn’t want to kill you.

CORPORAL DWYER

Ha! Ha! Listen to that! A female sniper from Feuhrer Adler Grimm’s Empire, apologizing to her enemy, a corporal from the Commonwealth. She even tells me that she doesn’t want to kill me! Ho! Ho! Will wonders never cease?

SOLDAT LAI

I… I-

CORPORAL DWYER

What kind of game has your Fuehrer trained you for? Your people have trying this type of crap for literally a century, which is literally how long this war has been going on for! Save your feminine charms, young lady, because I am NOT falling for it.

SOLDAT LAI

I really am sorry for trying to kill you. I’ve been having second thoughts about this from the very beginning, but I had to do it, or my own life would have been forfeit. But now I’m your prisoner, and I feel safe.

CORPORAL DWYER

No! You had a choice. You had a choice to act on those feelings and stand up to your Fuehrer! Did you act on them? Obviously not! You cared more about self-preservation than you did about your own conscience. You may have really had doubts, fine. But at the end of the day, you are still a soldier of your empire and thus, you are an enemy of the Commonwealth, which I fight for. And moreover, you don’t seem to be much of a soldier (though you are a good sniper). A soldier does NOT apologize to his or her enemy!

SOLDAT LAI

Well, if it makes you feel better, one of your fellow Commonwealth soldiers shot me in the shoulder. I lost a lot of blood too. Now here I am, with my arm in a sling, and as your prisoner, no less.

CORPORAL DWYER

Oh, yeah. And are you getting enough morphine for your pain?

SOLDAT LAI

Yes…

CORPORAL DWYER

Lucky for you! What about me, with my intestines hanging out!? Huh? No. You only apologized because you were afraid of death, like a coward!

SOLDAT LAI

Is there anything, I mean anything, I can do to make up for this? Please?

CORPORAL DWYER

Guard! Guard!

CLOMP! CLOMP! CLOMP!

GUARD

Yes? Is there a problem here?

CORPORAL DWYER
Get this pathetic excuse for a soldier away from me! Chain her to her bed if you have to, but keep her away from me!

GUARD

Soldat Sally Lai! Step away from Corporal Adam Dwyer and get back to your bed immediately, with the other prisoners of war.

SOLDAT LAI

Yes, Sir-

GUARD

I am not a ‘Sir’! I am a lance corporal. Now move!

 

[The Fool]

I just took a big fat shit, was pretty satisfying.