Let's Sperg APAMG: Dream Daddy - A dating sim with surprising moments, but save your $15

[AngeloTheWizard]

Hello everyone, I'm AngeloTheWizard. You may know me from my many swear-filled posts about the stupidity of lolcows, or my Let's Spergs about Final Fantasy. My last thread ended with me having conquered the mediocre port-job of Final Fantasy 3, and I left with a link to Fly Me To The Moon, a sort of reference to Final Fantasy 4's endgame.

But the journey of every hero has unexpected moments, and while I flirted with the idea of picking up this game myself with my next paycheck, @krautkid beat my employers to the punch and put down the $15 USD for this game, sending it straight to me. A big Semper Fidelis to krautkid, without whom this thread may never have happened.

I like to open my threads with a little background info, but I feel like anything I could say would just be regurgitating the Dream Daddy Salt thread, so instead, we're going to set a couple of ground rules before we dive into this. The first being I am going in as blind as possible, I have next to no knowledge of the characters, the story, the setting, fucking anything. All I know is that this game is the gayest thing since "Men Who Like Twilight", and I don't mean that in an insulting way, I mean that in a "people who play this want to touch cocks together while grabbing handfuls of hairy man muscle" way.

The second thing is that I am by no means a prude. While I don't expect to find screen caps of this thread on Tumblr blogs calling me a homophobe (though if you find any feel free to forward them), this is my pre-emptive "fuck you" towards anyone who might adopt such a position. I am not criticizing homosexuality here, I am criticizing awful writing, terrible art, and shit mechanics.

This leads nicely into my third point, which is that I am going to nitpick the fuck out of this game. I'm not going to get angry, but I am going to savage every single thing about this game. Including the title.

As you can see, nestled in between a dozen games I'd rather be playing, is Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator. As opposed to the knock offs Daring Daddy, Dashing Daddy, and Diner Dash. Subtitles exist for a reason, sure, but while the Deus Ex and Elder scrolls subtitles make sense, as they're actually long running franchises (and Deus Ex didn't get a subtitle until Invisible War), the subtitle on Dream Daddy just feels superfluous. I get a game called Dream Daddy, I probably read the back of the box or the Steam page, and realize what kind of game it is before I spend my money. I mean, do they think the name "Dream Daddy" is so generic I'm going to pick it up and think I'm getting a spin off of Princess Maker or something?

Petty, but I hope my nitpicking is at least amusing.

Well, enough stalling...here we go...oh god, made with Unity.

Just listen to this...

On a lark, I went into options and found this curious button. Hang on, this game was basically made by the Game Grumps, what the hell is in this game that's copyright infringing, and if there isn't anything, why the fuck is this button here? There's literally only three things in the options, this button, one for music, and one for seeing the credits. I'm almost tempted to just record the credits and put it all up here so you know who to blame.

As soon as we hit new game, we are woken up by a character named Amanda. Small side note, at the lowest graphics and at 1280x720 resolution, this game is eating up nearly a quarter of my CPU, and my system may not be the greatest but it isn't shit either. So we can add badly coded to this game's lists of crimes. I pretend to be dead, as trolling the game is the only escape I'm getting from this.

Amanda, who refers to us as "Dad", says it hasn't worked since she was six. Sigh.

Once we finally open our eyes, we see-gah, a terrible monster! Oh, actually, that's probably Amanda. I have one request: Find the main artist's Tumblr account because that character design is so Tumblr it hurts. I'm afraid to spin the camera around and see who we are.

Also, I'm putting the breaks on this train and giving you all a crash course in Characterization, lesson 1: The first thing a character does in front of us is how we will remember that character. That's why movies tend to open with main characters doing something awesome, comedic characters doing something silly, etc. If the first thing a character does is "spoon with a box", we're going to remember him as a box spooner forever. Also, our main character apparently thinks nothing of narrating his act as "spooning" in front of his daughter. Can I reroll my character? One who doesn't give me uncomfortable pedo vibes the moment I hit play?

You may be thinking "but, Angelo, the first thing the character did was one of those three choices!" Technically yes, but actions we make the character do don't count. Just because you play a horror game and head right into the woman's room doesn't mean your character is a pervert, it means you're scavenging for health, ammo, and key items because it's a game. This is the first thing the character does without our influence, which leads me right back to box spooning.

Oh, we actually get a character creator, after Amanda chastises us for "dad breath" and sends us to the bathroom.

Well, as this post is getting pretty long, I decide to leave my character up to the peanut gallery. Post your suggestions, and I'll see what I like/what I can do, and give it a go.

In the meantime, I'm getting a fucking drink.

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

I think streamer safe mode has to do with the music, just so it doesn't automatically trigger the copyright claim.

That music is way too goofy to not be a joke.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

I think streamer safe mode has to do with the music, just so it doesn't automatically trigger the copyright claim.

That music is way too goofy to not be a joke.

See, I'm not entirely sure I buy that. Does Twitch have an automated thing that takes people down if you're playing copyrighted music? That is the kind of bullshit the RIAA would pull, but I remember Forsen and Reynad, two popular Hearthstone streamers, just play their Spotify lists and never get in trouble.

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

See, I'm not entirely sure I buy that. Does Twitch have an automated thing that takes people down if you're playing copyrighted music? That is the kind of bullshit the RIAA would pull, but I remember Forsen and Reynad, two popular Hearthstone streamers, just play their Spotify lists and never get in trouble.

Maybe? It could be one of those precautionary things. That one video game music composer did go crazy with spamming copyright strikes recently.

The safe mode isn't for content, at any rate. The game is actually pretty low on the lewd scale.

 

[Gentleburd]

Make the most redneck 'dad' possible. The kind of guy who drives a truck painted like the Confederate flag. Pretty much a guy who looks more at home bashing gays than being one.
The daughter can be the result of a one-night-stand with a crack ho. That will explain why he got the kid and the mom didn't.

A friend played this game and said the writing was surprisingly good. I am looking forward to seeing a different view of it.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Maybe? It could be one of those precautionary things. That one video game music composer did go crazy with spamming copyright strikes recently.

The safe mode isn't for content, at any rate. The game is actually pretty low on the lewd scale.

Apparently low on the content scale too. I took a casual glance at the Steam reviews, one of them said there's only like three dates for each dad. So, this might be a very short Angelo Plays a Terrible Game. I may end up doing more then a couple dads if that's true, give people a full run.

Make the most redneck 'dad' possible. The kind of guy who drives a truck painted like the Confederate flag. Pretty much a guy who looks more at home bashing gays than being one.
The daughter can be the result of a one-night-stand with a crack ho. That will explain why he got the kid and the mom didn't.

A friend played this game and said the writing was surprisingly good. I am looking forward to seeing a different view of it.

As the daughter doesn't change with your selected dad as far as I know, that's a surprisingly good backstory.

It may be that box spooning is a one off bad move, in a misguided effort to establish a tone that fails miserably. If so, I will say so. I will be as fair and unbiased as possible, which means acknowledging the good. For example, there was a bit in the "pretend you're dead" choice where you tell Amanda to "spread my ashes on the recliner", which is chuckle worthy, but I'm not going to point out every good line or we'll be here for a week

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

Apparently the safe mode is specific for music played while taking the Matt route. I guess it has some copyrighted music in it that would be auto-flagged by Twitch.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Apparently the safe mode is specific for music played while taking the Matt route. I guess it has some copyrighted music in it that would be auto-flagged by Twitch.

And now I want to take the Matt route just to hear this copyrighted music. I bet I could figure it out if I dug into the game files but if the game is truly as low on content as that one Steam review said it may be faster to just play.

 

[George Oscar Bluth Jr]

Steamer-Safe Mode is there due to some music in the hipster dad's route that can cause a video to be auto-flagged as a copyright violation by Youtube or Twitch.

Anyways, make the Ultimate Tumblr Dad. Trans (the 'binder bods' in the bottom row are all trans), fat, pink hair, piercings, generally repulsive looking.

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

And now I want to take the Matt route just to hear this copyrighted music. I bet I could figure it out if I dug into the game files but if the game is truly as low on content as that one Steam review said it may be faster to just play.

To be fair, most dating sims are pretty low on content, unless it's a hybrid with another game like Huniepop or something.

I have heard there's a few mini-games though. Guess it's a one play and done kinda thing though

 

[Gentleburd]

Apparently low on the content scale too. I took a casual glance at the Steam reviews, one of them said there's only like three dates for each dad. So, this might be a very short Angelo Plays a Terrible Game.

As the daughter doesn't change with your selected dad as far as I know, that's a surprisingly good backstory.

Three dates sounds about right. And the endings are pretty meh as well. You just get some text about kissing and lovey-dovey stuff, then you get a picture of the guy you ended up with.
Though, considering this game is on Steam, I find it hard to imagine it being any more hardcore than that anyway. All the awkward buttsex will be in the Tumblr roleplayer's blogs.

Your daughter always looks like that. It's kinda disappointing that they didn't at least have her match the skin color you chose. Oh well. JimBob KiwiMan will raise his crack-addled daughter the best he can in this land of Bible-hating sodomites.

Looking back over what my friend posted, some of the stuff is kinda creepy. Like, there is a scene where one of the kids tries to kill another one and it gets played up for laughs. :/

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

Looking back over what my friend posted, some of the stuff is kinda creepy. Like, there is a scene where one of the kids tries to kill another one and it gets played up for laughs. :/

I mean, one of the dad's kids are basically children of the corn, so...

Let's see your Dadsona, @AngeloTheWizard

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Amazing. And now I see the difference in the creator daddy art vs the character art people complained about. It looks pretty flash dress up doll...I second going with a horrific tumblr daddy abomination but with a redneck mullet and plaid twist. Cuz you know they put plaid in as one of the shirts for the fashionable numale crowd.

Well you're in for a fucking shock!

It's a little hard to see, but there is NO plaid anywhere to be found. I know, I was surprised too, considering one of the Daddies seems to be a massive bearded lumberjack fella.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

I'd say sorry for double posting, but it's my fuckin' thread. Anyway, you folks wanted abominations?

http://imgur.com/a/MUvCM

I'm a bit torn on clothing between those three, but I feel like if I wanted to make an abomination, there's no better option then what I've picked out. And enjoy your nightmares for the next few days.

Thank Christ we don't have "Jon clothes" as an option.

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

I'd say sorry for double posting, but it's my fuckin' thread. Anyway, you folks wanted abominations?

http://imgur.com/a/MUvCM

I'm a bit torn on clothing between those three, but I feel like if I wanted to make an abomination, there's no better option then what I've picked out. And enjoy your nightmares for the next few days.

Thank Christ we don't have "Jon clothes" as an option.

I would have gone with the creeper 'stash, but nice work getting the tumblrite look down.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

I would have gone with the creeper 'stash, but nice work getting the tumblrite look down.

I'm pretty sure as soon as I was able to get that square, chiseled jaw, everything else was just too easy. There's no "problem glasses", sadly, only the horn-rimmed come close.

I might make the 'stache black, just to offset all the pink.

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

Oh, and you can apparently save at any time in the game, so save scum if needed.

All dates while give you scores too, from D to S, I believe.

 

[The real Sinterklaas]

Gave this game a try myself and did one of the routes.

Oh, and you can apparently save at any time in the game, so save scum if needed.

All dates while give you scores too, from D to S, I believe.

I don't think those are actual scores since I only got S. Which I wasn't even going for.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

We're one post in and this thread is already nearly as popular as my Final Fantasy 2 thread. Just goes to show, playing good games doesn't bring in the views, but bad games sure do.

I end up going with the badass tee, just because you can't be "badass" with a pink puff hairdo and horn rims.

I've changed a few things around, so it's not exactly what I posted before. As I've already said, since trolling the game is the only relief I get, I'm naming him "Box Spooner".

After we finalize our name, Amanda asks if we fell asleep packing. One box is not sealed up, so we look inside instead of taping it shut and moving the fuck on. See, we're moving to a new neighborhood, and instead of going to the neighborhood and maybe having this scene when we're moving in, we're having it now because what is pacing.

Also, Amanda is way to damn happy for someone who's about to get embarrassed by old photos.

Then again, it seems like this scene is set up to allow us some background. Like here, we get to decide if we actually fucked a woman to make Amanda or if we adopted her. I decide to make my guy bisexual, since, after all, I know what's coming.

I did not know that THAT was coming. Apparently Box Spooner was in a Ska band called the Skammunist Manifesto. The picture on the left was Halloween when Amanda was four, and going as "Princess Dragon", while the center one is her horse phase, as Box puts it.

More jokes and puns are thrown out. There is a choice we're given about what someone named Emma did, and I immediately choose "flaming tennis ball at the police station" only for the game to go "WRONG, That was you!" Don't give me choice just to instantly yank it away, game.

Eventually we get to the last picture, done in such a way where we can't see if it's a man or a woman, and decide if Amanda was born or adopted. Didn't we already do this? I choose born.

The fate of the mom is left vague. I choose to assume she died in a Tumblr related accident and that's why Box Spooner dresses like this.

After this, we finally get moving. There is nothing that happens this scene that couldn't have been done after moving to the new neighborhood, so here's why this scene doesn't work: Amanda was pushing us to wake up so we could get in the moving van, which seems to imply it's here and we're going to get to work moving so we can go. This scene takes that small momentum and slam dunks it away, and while it does set up the relationship between Box and Amanda, again, we could have done that after moving. Would have worked far better AFTER the move.

STOP FUCKING REMINISCING! I just had a long ass talk about why you're fucking with the pacing!

I would be lying if I said I didn't want to see this. So we're finally in the new house, after a conversation while driving, and a conversation outside.

This is why I hate dating sims. So much talking, no doing.

Let's meet Daddy Number 1! And he comes with a plate of cookies, he is therefore already in the running for best character in the game. This is Joseph. Say hi, everyone.

We chat about kids, and Box says it would be crazy to try to raise more then two. Joseph off-handedly mentions he has four, and our internal monologue just goes "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE."

Well I thought it was vague.

We decide to reset the conversation, by closing the door and Joseph reknocking. We're invited to a barbecue, and with that, we come to as good a stopping point as any.

NEXT TIME: Barbecue!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Splitting this into a second post, but FUCK this game for being a resource hog. I watched it bounce between 30% and 50% of my CPU, and stayed at using about 800 MB of memory the entire damn time. Jesus fucking Christ, I knew Unity was bad, but what the fuck is it doing with all of that? Hearthstone uses less of both CPU and Memory, and it has way more going on!