Apocalypse Soon/End of the Worlders - Space Satan is a lazy fuck, new apocalypse date is September 30th. Next date to be announced!

[MintChocolateChip]

This is my first thread but I didn't see a thread for one of my favorite cow types, the hide in your bunker and say your prayers apocalypse 'prophets'. We all know and have seen these prophets, somewhat akin to that screaming homeless man on the side of the road wearing a sign about repenting for the end. Every time they're wrong they immediately forget about it and find a new prophecy about the end of the world to obsessively defend: The Mayan Calendar, Y2K, Hailey's Comet, the polar flip megaquake in 2016, Planet X/Nibiru. Take your pick, heathens, because the end is coming and the devil is about to stick his pitchfork up your sinner ass.

True Believers and Prophets
Pat Robertson (up for round two in 2015!)
Bill Clinton
The (now deceased) Heaven's Gate Cult
Jehovah's Witnesses
Nancy Lieder
4chan's /x/

Current Prophecy/Date That Satan Will Buttfuck the Earth
July 7th, 2017.......wait no its September 23rd, 2017 now. Or maybe September 30th, 2017.

The Answers in Genesis explanation

Recently found! Google and NASA edited maps or something to hide the red dragon that will come out of the constellation Virgo's space vagina and kill us all! Except not, it was shown that the edited map version was a shoop from 4chan and the footage in the picture is actually from the timelapse cameras in NASA, so is from 2011 at the latest. Looking up the coordinates given, this is what you'll find. Red Dragon of Revelation apparently stopped off at a roadside attraction before coming to blow us up, I guess.

Now its worth noting that you should expect to be accused of being in the CIA, FBI, Illuminati, or even the Men in Black if you attempt to contradict any end of the world prophecy touted by Apocalypse Sooners. This is not really a trollable community because they're often dead set in these often bizarre and crazy beliefs. Rather, this more a community of lolcows that mil k themselves--for example, they've already connected their current prophecy to Demi Lovato and a pop song from the 60s. You might be able to get some even crazier things out of them just by talking to them. Just sit back and have some low effort fun watching them.

So discuss your favorite end of the world prophecies and prophets, hardcore true believers, hilarity that has ensued from failed prophecies, and the shared neurotisms of this end of the world community that seems surprisingly set on everyone dying dramatically and biblically. Hell, share your own doomsday prophecies! We're all right on the internet and there's nothing better to be right about than when you all are going to die.

IMPORTANT COSMIC UPDATE IN THE ETHER OF THE PROPHECIES: The end of the world has been postponed to September 30th, 2017. Apparently Space Satan got caught up in customs. See you then!

FUCK, THEY JUST KEEP NEEDING TO UPDATE IT!: Space Satan's pitchfork party is called off, the new hip endgame is Magnetic Field Reversal despite having that just happened a year or two back with no planet exploding. Hold onto your butt for June 21st.

 

[AnOminous]

Recently found! Google and NASA edited maps or something to hide the red dragon that will come out of the constellation Virgo's space vagina and kill us all! Except not, it was shown that the edited map version was a shoop from 4chan and the footage in the picture is actually from the timelapse cameras in NASA, so is from 2011 at the latest. Looking up the coordinates given, this is what you'll find. Red Dragon of Revelation apparently stopped off at a roadside attraction before coming to blow us up, I guess.

We don't need to worry about that. We can just shoot it in the face with Large Hardons from the Large Hardon Collider, after we shoot God with it.

 

[Kazami Yuuka]

Just show them this:

Now concerning that day and hour no one knows--neither the angels in heaven, nor the Son--except the Father only. (Mat. 24:36)

Easy way to quiet them down if they get too intense.

 

[MintChocolateChip]

We don't need to worry about that. We can just shoot it in the face with Large Hardons from the Large Hardon Collider, after we shoot God with it.

That sounds like a pretty bitchin' sight.

Just show them this:

Easy way to quiet them down if they get too intense.

They'll typically just ignore you if you bring this up, but it IS pretty much the most logical argument against any of this. I'm not religious myself but it seems a tad bit heretical to be constantly guessing when God is gonna flip the Apocalypse switch when the bible itself says we ain't gonna know.

 

[GS 281]

One of my first threads was on one of these people. It didn't take off, but these people are great. If you ever listen to Coast to Coast AM you'll hear them on there.

https://kiwifarms.net/threads/wesley-thomson-wes-truther.16650/

 

[Un Platano]

I remember back in 2012 when the world didn't end, it took 4 months of people "recalculating" the true date and pushing the end back by a week before they found a new apocalypse.

Only they didn't! It's 5 years later and people are still anticipating the end of the world from the Mayans. The tenacity of these people is really a marvel.

Nancy Lieder is a pioneer in apocalyptic predictions. She came up with the idea of Nibiru 25 years ago after supposedly being abducted by ancient aliens and now every couple of months she comes up with a new date for the end of the world. Sadly her website www.zetatalk.com is MIA, so none of her revelations can be read directly. Actually it is up now and probably just has cheap hosting. It's been updated weekly since she started it in the 90s, so there's a gold mine of apocalypses and conspiracies in there.

 

[MintChocolateChip]

Nancy Lieder is a pioneer in apocalyptic predictions. She came up with the idea of Nibiru 25 years ago after supposedly being abducted by ancient aliens and now every couple of months she comes up with a new date for the end of the world. Sadly her website www.zetatalk.com is MIA, so none of her revelations can be read directly. Actually it is up now and probably just has cheap hosting. It's been updated weekly since she started it in the 90s, so there's a gold mine of apocalypses and conspiracies in there.

How can one woman have this many apocalypses? It seems like one would eventually contradict another. Like from the first minute there was more than one.

 

[Un Platano]

How can one woman have this many apocalypses? It seems like one would eventually contradict another. Like from the first minute there was more than one.

I think every prediction is a contradiction the moment it passes by and nothing happens. When you're as batshit insane as Nancy is though, having a 100% failure rate in your track record is irrelevant.
They're not even that creative with the predictions; they keep using the same ones over and over again. The only world-ending events that seem to be possible are earthquakes, global floods, nibiru collisions, pole shifts, and illuminati death squads. You'd think that after spending decades making shit up about how the world ends they'd come up with more than 5 scenarios, but you'd be wrong.

 

[MintChocolateChip]

I think every prediction is a contradiction the moment it passes by and nothing happens. When you're as batshit insane as Nancy is though, having a 100% failure rate in your track record is irrelevant.
They're not even that creative with the predictions; they keep using the same ones over and over again. The only world-ending events that seem to be possible are earthquakes, global floods, nibiru collisions, pole shifts, and illuminati death squads. You'd think that after spending decades making shit up about how the world ends they'd come up with more than 5 scenarios, but you'd be wrong.

Nibiru collisions honestly astound me. If Nibiru is Planet X as I've heard them say, the secret new planet that NASA scientists have speculated about, then it would be out in orbit somewhere past Neptune or near Pluto. That's more that three billion miles away from us. Why would it go off orbit and crash into US, instead of going off orbit and crashing into one of the planets that its actually adjacent to?

But yeah these predictions can be really repetitive. The September 23rd one is actually not a new one, since they said the same thing about September 23rd of last year and the year before. I'm not really sure what it is about September--if there's some biblical significance of September or the number twenty-three/the number nine (nine-two-three?). I'll admit I'm decidedly uninformed when it comes to scripture itself but that date just keeps repeating itself, to the point that it seems like they can't come up with anything new.

 

[AnOminous]

Remember when that tard Harold Camping predicted the end of the world every few years? That guy was a hoot.

 

[Francis E. Dec Esc.]

Every time I hear of an apocalyptic Christian cult predicting doomsday, I think of the Millerites and the Great Disappointment, but at least the Millerites and their successors (the Seventh Day Adventists) gave us cornflakes.

 

[MintChocolateChip]

Every time I hear of an apocalyptic Christian cult predicting doomsday, I think of the Millerites and the Great Disappointment, but at least the Millerites and their successors (the Seventh Day Adventists) gave us cornflakes.

At least their failed doomsday was aptly named.

 

[nanny911]

Just show them this:

Easy way to quiet them down if they get too intense.

They'll just say some crap about how that verse was just a metaphor and not literal.

Edit: Ninja'd

 

[Jewelsmakerguy]

That sounds like a pretty bitchin' sight.



They'll typically just ignore you if you bring this up, but it IS pretty much the most logical argument against any of this. I'm not religious myself but it seems a tad bit heretical to be constantly guessing when God is gonna flip the Apocalypse switch when the bible itself says we ain't gonna know.

Do they even read the bible? I mean they must have if they keep saying "The world's gonna end!". But at the same time, the fact they seem ignorant about the whole "World will end when it ends" bit makes me think they only read the part(s) they wanted to hear and not the rest.

 

[Inquisitor_BadAss]

Do they even read the bible? I mean they must have if they keep saying "The world's gonna end!". But at the same time, the fact they seem ignorant about the whole "World will end when it ends" bit makes me think they only read the part(s) they wanted to hear and not the rest.

The funny part is the Bible even says only god knows when the end of days will happen. I highly doubt the big dude in the sky would share this knowledge with every idiot who happens to own whiteboard and YouTube channel.

I prefer the prepping community because at least they understand how insane they look to the outside world.

 

[ICametoLurk]

The Mayans were right about 2012, just we interpreted it wrong.

It was a warning for when the Age of Autism would begin.

 

[MintChocolateChip]

Do they even read the bible? I mean they must have if they keep saying "The world's gonna end!". But at the same time, the fact they seem ignorant about the whole "World will end when it ends" bit makes me think they only read the part(s) they wanted to hear and not the rest.

A lot of these people are really selective readers. They see the part that agrees with what they want to think, and ignore pretty much every other part around it. I get the idea that having a 'knowledge' of when the end comes makes them feel special and unique, thus the somewhat smug way that end of the world prophecy wackos treat everyone who thinks they're wacko. Ignorant, sheeple, non-believer, you see a lot of these words get thrown out when their apocalypses are challenged--but they, the BELIEVER, are the opposite. Enlightened and so smart for finding out something so supposedly important. It's like a schizo finding validation in their own hallucinations.

 

[Mister Loser]

I always find the concept of "THE APOCOLYPSE IS HAPPENING GUIZE RUN FOR YOUR LIVEZ!!!!1!!1!" to be incredibly stupid. Who wants the world to end? It's a fun place, for what it is. Without the world, we wouldn't have all the autism we laugh at every day here.

 

[MysticMisty]

pole shifts

This is the one that always gets me the most. There have been I don't know how many thousands of pole reversals there have been since the planet formed, what in the world gave someone the idea that the next one will somehow kill us? Fearing science is a hell of a thing.

 

[ICametoLurk]

The poles shift all the time, Magnetic North isn't actual North as it drifts all the time.

Geomagnetic reversals are what they are talking about, one is due soon. But soon in geological terms - nobody expects a geomagnetic reversal within, say, the next century.

Also considering that the majority of our navigation relies on GPS and gyroscopy nothing much will happen if it did happen really soon. It will not affect the majority of the population. they probably won't even notice.

I blame National Geographic for all this doomsday shit with natural events, they used to have it all the time like WHAT IF THE EARTH STOPPED SPINNING?!