Are you a Lolcow? Take the quiz! -

mynameisntRyan

but hey, one day it could be!
kiwifarms.net
71. I am not sure what constitutes as being "part of a fandom", but that question made me rack up a lot of points.
 

Jeff_the_Thriller

Sogg Mead Mugg - like Shrek but drunker
kiwifarms.net
I got drunk at a Halloween party like ten years ago and ended up talking at length about Chris-chan to complete strangers.

Taking a quiz like this would just be redundant for me.
I have a sonichu sticker on my ancient laptop. When someone asks me about it, I couldn't be happier to inform them of the goddess of this dimension. The look of horror as they walk with the cwc pills I dropped on them are priceless.
 

Empty

kiwifarms.net
Since it's been over two years we've had a new version, I made a new one.

1. What is your age range?
A) Below 18 (0)
B) 18 – 29 (+1)
C) 30 – 35 (+3)
D) 36 – 49 (+5)
E) 50 and older (+10)

2. What is you gender?
A) Male (0)
B) Female (0)
C) Other (+20)

3. What is your sexual orientation?
A) Straight (0)
B) Gay (+1)
C) Bisexual (+3)
D) Lesbian (+5)
E) Asexual (+10)
F) Other (+10)

4. What is your current relationship status?
A) Single (0)
B) In a committed monogamous relationship/married (0)
C) Widowed (-10)
D) Settled for someone ugly, of terrible character, disproportionally younger/older than me and/or otherwise a fuckup because I can’t do better (+10)
E) In an open/polyamorous relationship (+20)

5. If you are above the age of 18, how would you describe your current sex life?
A) I’m still a virgin (+5)
B) I have a healthy sex life with my significant other (-10)
C) I’m in a committed relationship, but our sex-life is dead (+5) (0 if you’re in a very advanced age)
D) I’m single, but I still get occasionally laid (0)
E) I’m single and it’s been over a year since the last time I got laid (+5)

6. If you’re a man above the age of 18, what is your sexual history?
A) I’m a virgin at my own choice (volcel, monk etc.) (+3)
B) I’m a virgin because no one is interested in me (incel) (+10)
C) I usually had sex only within committed relationships (0)
D) I was a gigolo before I settled for the right one (+3)
E) I’m still a manwhore past my prime (+5)

7. If you’re a woman above the age of 18, what is your sexual history?
A) I’m a virgin and it is my own choice (-5)
B) I’m a virgin because no one is interested in me (femcel) (+10)
C) I usually had sex only within committed relationships (0)
D) I’m now in my 20s and I am promiscuous (+15)
E) I’m now in my 30s or older and still haven’t settled down/I'm a catlady/wine aunt (+20) (doesn’t apply if you’re a lesbian, a widow or a nun)

8. What is your relationship history?
A) I never had committed relationship (+5)
B) I’ve had more (unstable) relationships than can be counted on one hand (+5)
C) I had a few committed relationships and I’m currently single/in a committed one (0)
D) I had a committed relationship or few, but none of them ever amounted to sex (+10)

9. What is your current BMI?
A) Underweight (under 18.5) (+1)
B) Normal (18.5 – 24.9) (0)
C) Overweight (25 – 29.9) (+3)
D) Obese (30 – 39.9) (+10)
E) Morbidly obese (40 and more) (+20)

10. What kind of unnecessary body modifications do you have? (multiple choices possible)
A) I dyed my hair in an unnatural colour (+10)
B) I have tattoos that are neither from my military days nor part of my religious/tribal custom (+5)
C) I have piercings on other parts than my ears such as nose, tongue, nipples, belly button and/or genitals that are not part of my religious/tribal custom (+10)
D) I have silicone implants in my breasts, buttocks and/or lips (+10 if you’re a woman/+20 if you’re a man)
E) I have a nose ring (+10)
F) I have gauged my ear lobes in spite of it not being part of my religious/tribal custom (+10)
G) I have implants that are neither of medical necessity nor to enhance the size of my breasts, buttocks and/or lips (+20)
H) I have amputated a limb or an organ for no medical reason (+20)
I) I have modified myself to look inhuman (like an animal, an elf, etc.) (+20)
J) I have gone through sex reassignment surgery (+20)
K) None of the above (0)

11. What is the highest degree of education you completed?
A) High school dropout (+10)
B) High school diploma (+3)
C) A trade (0)
D) Bachelor’s degree (0)
E) Master’s degree or higher (-5)

12. If you answered the above with D) or E), what subject did you graduate in?
A) STEM or law (-5)
B) Soft science or liberal arts (+5)
C) An eccentric subject like gender studies or lesbian dance therapy (+10)

13. What is your current employment situation?
A) I’m unemployed (+5)
B) I have a part-time job (+3)
C) I have a part-time job as a temporary means (0)
D) I have a stable full-time job that I hate and has no perspective (+1)
E) I have a stable full-time job that lets me provide for myself (and others) (-20)
F) I’m retired or have more than enough money to retire at a young age (-20)
G) I’m making my living as an Internet grifter through YouTube, Patreon, Twitch, OnlyFans etc. (+10)
H) I’m making my living through semi-legal/illegal means (+20)

14. If you answered A), G) or H) above, what is the reason for your current situation?
A) Economic/political instability (-5)
B) I’m currently looking for another job (-5)
C) I’m still in school (-5) (not applicable if above question is answered with G or H)
D) I’m currently studying (0)
E) I’m a NEET leeching off my parents, someone else and/or the taxpayer (+20)
F) I'm a stay-at-home wife and my husband provides for me (-5)

15. How old were you when you had your first real full-time job?
A) Below 18 (0)
B) 18 – 24 (+1)
C) 25 – 29 (+3)
D) 30 – 35 (+10)
E) Over 35/never had one (+20) (0 if you're a stay-at-home wife)

16. Have you ever served in the military?
A) Yes (0)
B) Yes, and I’ve been in active combat multiple times (-10)
C) Yes, I’ve been in active combat and got wounded/crippled and/or even lost friends/loved ones in the war (-20)
D) No (0)
E) No, but I like to pretend I did (+20)

17. Do you have any fetishes?
A: Yes, and I’m very open about them (+10)
B: Yes, and I’m open about them, even to my parents and family members (+20)
C: Yes, but I only disclose them to my closest friends (+3)
D: No, and even if I had some, I wouldn’t disclose them to anyone besides my partner, let alone strangers (0)

18. How easily do you lose your temper?
A) I try to swallow down my anger and/or put on a fake smile (+5)
B) I am very stoic and composed even under the most extreme of situations and abuse (-5)
C) I try to keep a cool head as much as reasonably possible, but even I have my limits (0)
D) I am a (borderline) choleric that lashes out verbally and/or physically at the slightest provocation, inconvenience, criticism etc. (+10)
E) I take my anger online and get mad at the Internet (+20)

19. Have you ever blamed some of your behaviours and shortcomings on mental disorders?
A) Yes, I have an actual mental disorder and I blame it for my fuckups (+10)
B) Yes, I don’t have an actual mental disorder but I fake one to explain, excuse and/or justify my behaviour (+15)
C) No, I have a diagnosed mental disorder but I never used it to explain, excuse, let alone justify my behaviour (0)
D) No, I have no diagnosed mental disorders (0)

20. What is the relationship you currently have with your parents or parental figures?
A) A healthy relationship (0)
B) I rightfully resent my parents because they were abusive to me (-5)
C) They pampered me and/or otherwise never properly prepared me for adulthood (+5)
D) I blame them for everything that goes wrong with my life, no matter if it’s their fault or not (+10)
E) A relationship that is (borderline) incestuous or otherwise similarly inappropriate and damaging (+20)

21. If you have children, or are going to have them in the near future, how would you characterize your (potential future) parenting?
A) Through the best of my abilities I’ll make/I made sure that my children successfully become/became proper well-adjusted adults (-20)
B) Through incompetence, apathy and/or malice, my children will grow up/grew up to become retards and fuckups (+20)
C) My children turned out good/alright because of my absence/in spite of my parenting (+20)

22. What is your current housing situation?
A) I live with my parents because I’m a NEET (+10)
B) I’m living with my parents out of economic necessity/pragmatism (+3)
C) I’m living with my parents until I finish school/studies (0)
D) I’m living in a student dormitory (+3)
E) I’m living in a rental flat/place I haven’t paid off yet (+1)
F) I’m living at my own place that I have paid-off or inherited without debts (-10)
G) I’m homeless and bumming off Wi-Fi (+10)
H) I'm living in a commune (+20)

23. What is your current financial situation?
A) I’m literally debt free (-10)
B) I try to maintain a balanced budget, but some debts are unavoidable in this day and age (0)
C) I’m financially irresponsible (+10)
D) I’m in constant danger of financial ruin and having my property foreclosed through my own fault (+20)
E) I’m facing economic troubles due to circumstances beyond my control (market crash, wars, pandemics etc.) (0)
F) Since I'm living on someone else's dime, the finances are not really my problem (+10)

24. Do you associate yourself with a gender based activist group such as feminism, the LGBT-movement, the manosphere (MRAs, PUAs, MGTOW, incels etc.) and so on?
A) Yes (+10)
B) No (0)

25. Where do you see yourself on the political spectrum?
A) I’m not interested in politics/I merely pretend to subscribe to an ideology (+3)
B) I subscribe to mainstream political ideologies (liberalism, conservatism, social democracy, green politics etc.) (+1)
C) I’m an enlightened centrist (+5)
D) I associate myself with more fringe and eccentric ideologies (libertarianism, (ultra)nationalism, monarchism, reactionary politics, social justice etc.) (+5)
E) I am unironically on the extreme end of the spectrum (communism or fascism) (+10)
F) I can’t find anything that appeals to me so I’m looking for the best of all worlds (0)

26. How is your personal hygiene?
A) I wash myself and clean my surroundings compulsively (+3)
B) I bathe/shower every day and clean my room often (0)
C) I bathe/shower every second day and occasionally clean my room (+1)
D) I bathe/shower less than three times a week and barely clean my room (+10)
E) I smell like a cesspit and live in squalor (+20) (another +10 if it caused you any ailments)

27. Are you a furry or a weeaboo?
A) Yes, I’m a furry (+10)
B) Yes, I’m a weeb (+10)
C) Yes, I’m a furry and a weeb (+20)
D) No, I’m none of these (0)

28. Are you an otherkin?
A) Yes (+20)
B) No (0)

29. Are you part of any of these specific fandoms? (multiple choices possible)
A) Avatar: The Last Airbender/The Legend of Korra (+5)
B) Final Fantasy (+5)
C) Harry Potter (+5)
D) Homestuck (+10)
E) JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure (-5)
F) K-pop/J-pop (+15)
G) Marvel/DC comics (+5)
H) My Little Pony (+20)
I) Naruto, One Piece, My Hero Academia, Fairy Tail, Hunter x Hunter and/or Bleach (+10 for every single one of them)
J) Any works by Nasu (Fate/stay night, Tsukihime etc.) or Gen Urobuchi (Fate/Zero, Saya no Uta, Psycho Pass, Steins;Gate etc.) (+20)
K) Overwatch (+5)
L) Persona (+10)
M) Pokémon (+5)
N) Rick and Morty (+15)
O) RWBY (+20)
P) Sonic the Hedgehog (+20)
Q) Star Trek and/or Star Wars (+3)
R) Steven Universe (+15)
S) Superwholock (Supernatural, Doctor Who and/or Sherlock) (+5)
T) Sword Art Online and/or any other harem and/or isekai anime (+15) (0 if it's Youjou Senki, Overlord and/or Drifters)
U) Undertale (+15)
V) Other fandoms (+3)
W) I’m a Japanese otaku (+20)
X) Yaoi and/or yuri (+10)
Y) I am part of a hatedom (+20)
Z) I don’t belong to any particular fandom (0)

30. Have you been regularly browsing any of these specific sites or been an active part of any specific online community as of late? (multiple choices possible)
A) Normie sites like Facebook, YouTube etc. (0)
B) Twitter (+5) (additional +10 if you have a blue checkmark)
C) Gab (+10)
D) Reddit (+10)
E) RationalWiki, pop-science and/or the skeptic community (+20)
F) Image boards (4chan, 9chan, etc.) (+10) (additional +10 if it’s /pol/)
G) Something Awful (+20)
H) Fetish porn art sites like DeviantArt, Fur Affinity, pixiv, Hentai Foundry etc. (+10) (additional +10 if you draw some of the smut there)
I) Tumblr (+10) (additional +20 if you use it for anything else besides for the rare non-shitty art)
J) Politically extremist internet communities (+20)
K) Communities for the sexually desperate and rejected (dating sites, incel/MGTOW communities, r/FemaleDatingStrategy etc.) (+20)
L) Neo-masculinist/feminist sites (+10)
M) Sankaku Complex, MyAnimeList or any other anime related site/community (+10)
N) Free Domain Radio (+20)
O) Active involvement (pro or against) in at least one cringy online activist movement such as Anonymous, Occupy Wall Street, GamerGate, Black Lives Matter, Comicsgate, Weeb Wars etc. (+20)
P) Any online community/hugbox for mentally ill that refuse treatment (otherkin, fat acceptance, paedophile groups etc.) (+20)
Q) Conspiracy theory communities such as Q-Anon community, Info Wars etc. (+15)
R) None of the above (0)

31. Do you unironically have a waifu or a husbando?
A) Yes (+15)
B) No/What are waifus and husbandos? (0)

32. Do you own any eccentric paraphernalia? (multiple choices possible)
A) At least one anime poster (+3)
B) Anime figurine(s) (+10) (0 if you made it/them yourself entirely out of scratch)
C) Any kind of sword that is not a family heirloom or if you’re not a collector (+10) (0 if you forged it yourself)
D) A dakimakura (+15)
E) At least one entire anime DVD/Blu-ray set (+5)
F) A sex doll (+20)
G) Any other kind of sex toy (+5)
H) S&M gear (+5)
I) A leather trench coat that is not part of a Waffen SS-uniform (+10)
J) A leather trench coat that is part of a Waffen SS-uniform (+20)
K) A fedora (+10)
L) A MAGA-/pussy-hat (+5)
M) Communist or Nazi paraphernalia in spite of not being a collector (+10)
N) None of the above (0)

33. What kind of other dirt is there on you? (multiple choices possible)
A) I wrote at least one fanfiction and/or emo poetry (+3)
B) I told bullshit about myself online to appear less pathetic IRL (+10) (stolen valour covered in 16 E))
C) I spent money on porn at least once (+5)
D) I once donated money to an e-grifter through superchats, Patreon, etc. donations (+10)
E) I’m an alcoholic or otherwise an addict (+20)
F) I got catfished on at least one occasion (+10)
G) I voluntarily made porn of myself (+20)
H) I unironically and unapologetically masturbate to hentai (+10)
I) I have a criminal record (+20)
J) I have some disgusting fetishes (for example scat, snuff, gore, bestiality, necrophilia etc.) (+20)
K) I once had sex with an animal and/or a blood relative (+20) (additional +20 if said animal is your blood relative)
L) I’m a paedophile (+20)
M) I once donated money to the Kiwi Farms (+10)
N) I have more than one recorded instance of public meltdowns and other self-inflicted embarrassing and humiliating escapades (+20)
O) I believe in unscientific nonsense and woo (flat earth, anti-vax, creationism, Asian chi-based quackery, witchcraft, new age mumbo jumbo etc.) (+10)
P) I did cosplay on at least one occasion outside Halloween (+3)
Q) I cheated on my partner on one occasion (+10) (another +5 if you're a repeat offender)
R) I got banned from at least one public place for acting like a total spaz (+10)
S) I got an STD through my own negligence at least once (+15)
T) I did embarrassing and/or criminal things under the voluntary influence of alcohol or other drugs at least once (+10) (another +20 if it's on record and/or a felony)
U) I have on at least one occasion sued someone frivolously (+10) (0 if you actually won, another + 20 if you lost or another +5 if the results were mixed)
V) I'm a registered sex-offender (+20)
W) I got bullied a lot in school (+15)
X) I speak at least one fantasy language fluently (Klingon, Elvish, Na'vi etc.) (+10)
Y) I got cucked by my partner and didn't end the relationship immediately/I'm into cuckoldry (+20)
Z) None of the above (0)

34. Have you achieved enough infamy on the Internet to have an article on Encyclopedia Dramatica and/or a dedicated thread on Kiwi Farms, /cow/, Dead Horse Interchange etc.?
A: Yes (+10)
B: No (0)

35. Do you have any useful skills? (multiple choices possible)
A) I am a skilled outdoors(wo)man (hunter, survivalist, tanner, fisher, herbalist etc.) (-10)
B) I speak at least two foreign languages fluently (-5) (additional -5 if it includes Mandarin, Arabic, Spanish, French, Portuguese and/or Russian)
C) I’m a skilled blacksmith and/or gunsmith (-10) (additional -10 if you know how to make ammo)
D) I’m a proficient chef (-5)
E) I know first aid (-5) (additional -5 if you’re a trained nurse or additional -10 if you’re a doctor/medic)
F) I am professionally trained in close-quarters combat and the use of firearms and knives (-10)
G) I’m an expert level programmer, coder and/or software engineer (-5) (additional -10 if you made your own OS from scratch)
H) I’m objectively a very good artist (-5) (additional -5 if your art was displayed in an art museum)
I) I’m a carpenter (-10)
J) I have a photographic memory (-5)
K) I’m an electrician (-10)
L) I’m a mechanic and/or a welder (-10)
M) I play at least one music instrument well (-5)
N) I'm a plumber (-10)
O) I know sign language and/or the Morse code (-5)
P) I can navigate by the stars (-10)
Q) I know subsistence farming (-10)
R) I'm a tailor and/or clobber (-10)
S) I'm a cleric (priest, rabbi, imam etc.) (-5)
T) None of the above (0)

36. Are you an active poster on the Kiwi Farms?
A) Yes (+10)
B) No (-5)


Scores:

0 or negative value: Normie

You are – and may God the almighty have enough mercy to forgive me for even saying this word – a normalfag. You disgust me on a visceral level!

1 – 49: Proto-degenerate
You are in kind of an awkward position where you’re on one hand too much of a normie to be a degenerate, but on the other hand too much of a retard and a fuckup to be a normie. The chances to come back to Earth and unfuck yourself are still there, but increasingly ever so slim as time passes. But then again, Chaos might be not a pit for you, but a ladder.

50 – 99: Outcast
You have spent way too much time on the Internet, which is perfectly reflected in both your personality and your way of life. Be grateful for modernity and the comforts it brings in form of modern technologies and very relaxed moral standards, because in older times you’d be begging on the streets, branded as a social pariah and have a stake shoved through your anus by the local peasants.

100 – 149: Lolcow
“Bitch, I'm a cow! Bitch, I'm a cow! I'm not a cat, I don't say meow. Bitch, I'm a cow! Bitch, I'm a cow! Bitch, I'm a cow! Bitch, I'm a cow! I go moooooo!”

150 – 199: It’s fucked!
The point of one’s life has been one of mankind’s oldest questions. In your instance however the answer is to be a living cautionary tale for your betters and a spectacle for sick fucks as you have gone above and beyond the call of duty of being a lolcow and contracted BSE (aka "Mad Cow Disease"). You lost the game of life and almost without a doubt the genetic lottery in the most spectacular way possible and theologians are debating whether your existence disproves God's infallibility or proves His sadistic sense of humour. Don’t even bother trying to improve yourself, because your results tell me that you have neither the ability nor the will to do so.

200 and above: Humanitarian disaster
Obviously, you’ve given mostly troll answers, because for the love and mercy of God, the severity of how much of a retard and fuckup you are and how much you generally suck at life should be purely theoretical! If not, then you are way beyond a lolcow or any form of a laughing stock, but an actual menace and danger to others and society at large that needs to be put out of its misery!

My score is 43. What is yours?
- (negative) 6. I suppose, if the quiz had included +10 points for being a registered Kiwi Farms user, that would be +4 for me, but looking at the shit happening in social media and another mainstream forums, this website seems quite tame in comparison.
 

GHTD

Cursed individual
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I have a sonichu sticker on my ancient laptop. When someone asks me about it, I couldn't be happier to inform them of the goddess of this dimension. The look of horror as they walk with the cwc pills I dropped on them are priceless.

More important is, do you have a CWC tattoo?
 

Jeff_the_Thriller

Sogg Mead Mugg - like Shrek but drunker
kiwifarms.net
More important is, do you have a CWC tattoo?
1602083692550.png

I have this on my back
 

Fougaro

Glow in the dark K/DA Popstar
kiwifarms.net
:stress:
Tho some of them are dumb. How is bullied at school only 5 points less than being a sex offender?
The key word is getting bullied in school a lot, which in 90+% of all cases is well-deserved for being a flailing spastic. What dead parents are to capeshit heroes, is getting bullied in school to lolcows as in most cases these people never learn from their mistakes and let go of their grudges from back then.

I can see the point of maybe making it +10 instead of +15.
71. I am not sure what constitutes as being "part of a fandom", but that question made me rack up a lot of points.
Exactly what it says.
 

IAmNotAlpharius

For the Emperor!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
:stress:

The key word is getting bullied in school a lot, which in 90+% of all cases is well-deserved for being a flailing spastic. What dead parents are to capeshit heroes, is getting bullied in school to lolcows as in most cases these people never learn from their mistakes and let go of their grudges from back then.

I can see the point of maybe making it +10 instead of +15.

Exactly what it says.
Size makes a big difference too. If you’re nerdy but are over 6’ and do some weight training/sports, someone may try picking a fight with you occasionally but the types of kids who consistently bully others will leave you alone because they’re cowards.
 

Fougaro

Glow in the dark K/DA Popstar
kiwifarms.net
I guess associating with other fans, right? Well, if that's the case, then I guess I am at best a 51. :\
I got points for J- and K-pop, so don't feel too shitty about yourself.
Size makes a big difference too. If you’re nerdy but are over 6’ and do some weight training/sports, someone may try picking a fight with you occasionally but the types of kids who consistently bully others will leave you alone because they’re cowards.
True.

Alright, I made a change. Getting bullied in school now gives you only +5 points but you get additional +15 if you're still butthurt about it, thus earning you +20 in total if you're MovieBlob. Feel free to readjust your score and feel slightly less terrible about yourselves.
 
Last edited:

Jeff_the_Thriller

Sogg Mead Mugg - like Shrek but drunker
kiwifarms.net
I guess associating with other fans, right? Well, if that's the case, then I guess I am at best a 51. :\
I would consider fandom shit to be writing fanfics, shipping, cosplaying outside the month of October, and other deviantart tier shenanigans. I never went to a con until a couple years ago and now I better understand the insanity of fandoms. They are wackadoo.
 

GHTD

Cursed individual
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Went and did the old ones.

Page 24 was 21.
Page 8 was 26.
Original was 48.
 

Yellow Flash

kiwifarms.net
Original I scored 34
Page 8 i scored 37
Page 24 I got 69(nice) said 10 for the politics question, but I was being generous.
 

gaarashatan

kiwifarms.net
whats a sex negative? 23 (covid made me unemployed T.T)

oh though i feel following DSP antics regularly already makes me an oddball to begin with
 
Top