Article Reviews -

Null

Ooperator
First article for review is Vade, tasked to @Jaimas, who was nice enough to put in the effort today.

Thoughts:

Poor intro
The intro is not only poor, it's ironically the poorest part of the entire article. Everything else is really tame and in line and much better.

I'll break it down so people know what to avoid. I'm being picky for the sake of science and for setting a precedent. This is likely to be one of the most well-read articles on the entire wiki.

"A bit of an odd case amongst the personalities recorded by Atismu Wiki, Vade, also known as Razkin/AutisticLeafeon/Tero/ScoutGender is a particularly noteworthy 19-year-old Tumblrista notable for a cult-leader-like mentality and relentless harassment of her critics."

  1. "A bit of an odd case amongst the personalities recorded by Atismu Wiki"
    This is a very weak leading statement because it doesn't entice the reader. Everyone on the wiki is an odd case, so what sets the standard people are compared to? It also sounds a bit.. weird. The wording "amongst the personalities recorded" reminds me of faux spoken word that a video game developer would give the head scribe of a library.

    Also, avoid referring to the wiki by name at all. It's not set in stone.
  2. "Vade, also known as Razkin/AutisticLeafeon/Tero/ScoutGender"
    The list of names isn't important here. What you want to give in your opening line is talking points.
  3. "is a particularly noteworthy 19-year-old Tumblrista"
    Always, always always avoid things like "19-year-old" or "soon" or "recent" in articles. These words age poorly. Giving an age is the job of the infobox, which calculates age based on access date and birthday.

    Also, just calling someone a Tumblr user doesn't really tell us the extent of what they believe. A lot of people use tumblr, and some might believe in mild crazy things. Calling Vade, a seriously fucked up person, a Tumblrista, might actually give people a more optimistic impression of them than what is called for.
  4. "notable for a cult-leader-like mentality and relentless harassment of her critics"
    This is the 3rd iteration of the opening statement saying something is notable or interesting, and does tell us something, but what does "cult-leader-like" mean? I still don't know. Who is in Vade's cult? I wasn't aware there was one.

I addressed this all with my edit.

"Vade is a Tumblr blogger most notable for their sociopathic tendencies. Born female, and identifying as male, she requests people use a myriad of admittedly made-up pronouns. Vade is narcissistic, lashing out at anyone who criticizes her while hiding behind the five or more faces of her natural multiplicity. She prefers the company of her imaginary friends, as shown by her complete lack of empathy towards a former lover who took his own life, in part because of her actions."

Again, point by point:

  1. The first sentence is telling you exactly why they're in the wiki. Using as few words as possible, you know what kind of person they are and what medium they use to communicate primarily.
  2. Instead of listing names, I try to weave in information while furthering my explanation of what kind of person Vade is. She's an FtM tranny who uses "admittedly made-up pronouns" (admittedly being an important word, because it anchors the idea that she thinks people should adopt her bullshit).
  3. I bring up multiplicity in a quick way without resorting to a list. I use this time to also explain the "cult-leader-like" aspects of her in a way a reader can better understand.
  4. Finally, and as a clincher, I bring up the suicide. I consider the death of her friend, and her lack of concern, to be the most concerning element of Vade's person. This is the note you want to leave people on so they want to read.

Lack of media
Pictures are pretty and I like them.

http://i.imgur.com/odflqw9.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/C3CbTOO.jpg


External links
Relying on 3rd parties to host content is always a bad idea. Take pictures of webpages that are important. The boyfriend's funeral page, the forum posts, etc. Using archive.md is a fucking great second best, though, and I would definitely encourage doing it to anything you cite.


Blog-esque writing style
Something both Alan and Katsu did that really bothered me was resorting to a comical or personal writing style. Articles should never resemble something you'd see on a personal blog, because nobody reading the wiki is subscribed to your writing style. That shit ends up like a big mess eventually when the ball gets rolling. See: Encyclopedia Dramatica.

Opinionated word choice should be left to a bare minimum, and only to accentuate a point.

Things like this contradict the NPOV meta and not-a-blog meta:

"Vade is a terrible human being,"
Show, don't tell.

"A warning before we begin - this is a fucking hard read."
If you fear an area may be too wordy, find a way to render down your points to make them more palpable. Consider breaking it up into subheadings, or maybe even it's own article.

"Vade drove a man to suicide, was exceptionally callous about his passing, and now actively uses it to get attention."

I'm fine with this sentence, but making it bold is pointless.



I hope I don't sound too harsh. Remember my tone is that of someone constantly pissed off. I'm really pleased with the article and I'd love to see it fleshed out, refined, and made into a tree of articles.
 

Jaimas

HUP HUP HUP HUP
True & Honest Fan
I'll work on it accordingly! Thanks for the update, Null. I'll resume work on it after I finish up with what I gotta do today.

No offense taken. I appreciate criticism, since it's the only way to improve these damned things.
 
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Jaimas

HUP HUP HUP HUP
True & Honest Fan
Gradually working on improving it. Adding more content, fixing my atrocious grammar, backing up everything that isn't nailed down. Need input so far.
 

Jaimas

HUP HUP HUP HUP
True & Honest Fan
Newest version up. I have henceforth spent six hours on this article. Is it up to code yet?
 

Himawari

Nigga that's kawaii
Is it okay if I chime in with a couple nitpicky points?

She prefers the company of her imaginary friends, as shown by her complete lack of empathy towards a former lover who took his own life
I'm not seeing the correlation in this statement.

I feel like this is ignoring factual information for the purpose of drama. It wasn't "days" later that he committed suicide; it was just over a month after the thread.

I can take a closer look at the whole thing when I'm off work, but those are the two that really jump out at me right now.

Also, overall the tone of the article doesn't seem to feel... right. It reads more like an ED article in formality, and I'm not sure that's what we want? (Edit: lol Null addressed this in the OP and somehow I overlooked it. Regardless, it still needs work. Remove the emphatic "fucking"s, etc.)

It's Null's call though. :P

Edit: Oh right, I also don't feel like it's quite right to be referring to Vade as FtM, because as of right now they claim to be non-binary (and while the whole nounself stuff is bullshit, I think it's perfectly plausible to identify as neither male nor female). At the very least, it doesn't sit right with me to refer to them with female pronouns while stating that they're FtM. But I realize that many people don't agree with my views on theses things, so I'm not going to argue too much about it.
 
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Null

Ooperator
Edit: Oh right, I also don't feel like it's quite right to be referring to Vade as FtM, because as of right now they claim to be non-binary (and while the whole nounself stuff is bullshit, I think it's perfectly plausible to identify as neither male nor female). At the very least, it doesn't sit right with me to refer to them with female pronouns while stating that they're FtM. But I realize that many people don't agree with my views on theses things, so I'm not going to argue too much about it.
Dude, come on.
 

Himawari

Nigga that's kawaii
Dude, come on.
Like I said, I'm not going to argue on it. I put my thoughts out there, if no one else agrees, then whatever, I'm not going to get bent out of shape about it.

Though I do still think that, from a completely objective standpoint, it doesn't make sense to use female pronouns in the very same article that claims Vade is FtM. I'm not talking about catering to their whims, I'm talking about making sense. And whatever is decided should be consistent for any other trans* individuals we make articles about; how would we refer to Jessica Sideways, should an article be made for her? He or she?

That's all I have to say on the subject, sorry for any problems caused.
 
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Jaimas

HUP HUP HUP HUP
True & Honest Fan
Like I said, I'm not going to argue on it. I put my thoughts out there, if no one else agrees, then whatever, I'm not going to get bent out of shape about it.

Though I do still think that, from a completely objective standpoint, it doesn't make sense to use female pronouns in the very same article that claims Vade is FtM. I'm not talking about catering to their whims, I'm talking about making sense. And whatever is decided should be consistent for any other trans* individuals we make articles about; how would we refer to Jessica Sideways, should an article be made for her? He or she?

That's all I have to say on the subject, sorry for any problems caused.
The issue with declaring her "he" or indeed, any of her preferred pronouns is that it implies that her condition is legitimate.

It isn't, as we learned already from the Troublez saga. She never got a diagnosis, never recieved any therapy, she just claimed she was Trans. Another wonderful self-diagnosis.
 

Null

Ooperator
Though I do still think that, from a completely objective standpoint, it doesn't make sense to use female pronouns in the very same article that claims Vade is FtM. I'm not talking about catering to their whims, I'm talking about making sense. And whatever is decided should be consistent for any other trans* individuals we make articles about; how would we refer to Jessica Sideways, should an article be made for her? He or she?
I'll make a Meta:Gender because this is going to be a reoccurring theme with all the tranny drama we will be looking at.

Basically, the hierarchy for selecting a gender will be this:
Primary: Birth Gender
Secondary (unknown birth): Most easily recognized
Tertiary (totally genderfucked): Gender neutral they/them/their

My primary concern is not insulting people and it is not pandering to people. It's making the article easily understood, having the same pronouns used throughout all articles about the same person, and not having to change it based on the whims of the person it's about.
 

Himawari

Nigga that's kawaii
You make a good point about logistics when it comes to questionable individuals like Vade who may decide on a new pronoun at the drop of a hat. I honestly hadn't thought of that, but now I am remembering the chaos that happened at the wiki I was at, when [major previously-referred-to-as-gender-neutral character] was officially confirmed as being male and we ended up going through literally thousands of pages to correct pronouns. Not something we should put ourselves in the position of having to deal with.

Sorry if I caused a minor kerfluffle. :oops:
 

Jaimas

HUP HUP HUP HUP
True & Honest Fan
Looks like the Wiki went down entirely.

...Can't help but find the timing a little convenient, even if it likely is coincidence.
 

Null

Ooperator
Looks like the Wiki went down entirely.

...Can't help but find the timing a little convenient, even if it likely is coincidence.
Not a coincidence. The Wiki has been moved to a different domain. I am fixing it now.
 
Today I rewrote the Tyce Andrews article again to bring it up to date regarding the recent explosion in #TYCEFACTS including the skeleton war, Jenkem, the WJA, etc. Also made pages for the White Justice Army and the Race War Van.

Revision history tells me I just wrote about 16,500 words on the life of an illiterate shithuffing stoner. My soul hurts.
 
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Null

Ooperator
ultimate irony.PNG


Few things I've touched up just as a general overview:

- {{ps-jace|c=images|Tyce}} was added to the files you've uploaded.
- I think the "Tyce and X" subsections can be moved into their own articles with general overviews on the main page.
- Start off by calling him a shit huffer is a really brutal way to introduce someone new to Tyce to his character. I think his drug abuse and mental handicaps are less important than his inter-connectivity with Jace and racist views. Those are the overarching themes in his life, while not being able to write and his dedicating to proving Jenkem is a valid method of getting a high are funny facets.
- You often cite videos from YouTube in the <ref/> tags. I think anything you can cite from a video should go into its own article.
 

LOLlolcow

touch of the 'tism
I'm working on the TJ Church article here. I have a copy on my user page for testing out formatting things...don't mind that one. I'm also copying the archive of his blog over to the wiki here.
There's a lot of research to do *sigh*....but it's fascinating as hell.
Assuming this is just a general review thread, I'd love some critique when I'm done. The introduction is more or less finished.
 

ULTIMATEPRIMETIME

my dream is an internet without women
although I couldn't write as much as I had liked to, I tried to give the Stryker page a rewrite. If anyone has any input on what I wrote so far (additional Stryker-mode occurrences, Little things to add about Book Stryker, grammar and overall page structure critique, etc.) please tell me!
 

Null

Ooperator
@ULTIMATEPRIMETIME 's article is really superb.

I've dealt with two things:
1) There's a heavy reliance on =Single Equal Sign= titles that don't work properly and cause weird formatting errors. You want to add headings ==Like This==. Check out this article: http://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Help:Formatting#Level_2
2) Also a heavy reliance on <br> tags which are not good. You should be able to cause natural linebreaks just by adding whitespace between paragraphs. If there's some reason you need <br> tags, they should be handled by templates. PM me or post in the formatting thread if that's the case, but, just by removing those odd =Single Titles= and spacing out paragraphs using my return key, I was able to tidy up the article while removing break tags

As a minor point, I also moved (paranthetical side-information) out of a heading and into a small notice in that section.

UPT's article also brings up two interesting thoughts:
1) He uses {{quote}} a lot. This is very ED-esque and I don't really like it. I'm also very particular about it because the max-width is something like 1/10th the page width, but the font size is such that a larger quote can take up an immense amount of vertical space. Do I feel the quotes add to the article? Yes. Do I feel that {{quote}} is the best way to introduce this information? Not at all. This isn't PT's fault and it's something I will think over.
2) He cites Tiberius Rising multiple times. Citations are great, but they are external links to Jace's book on the website. I think they should be made into their own article and cited from that.

Also, as a side not, UPT readily adapted many new templates and that's great to see.
 
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