Assassin's Creed Valhalla - WE WUZ VIKANGS

[Fools Idol]

I spent some time playing Valhalla at my cousins. First I want to start of by saying the historical inaccuracies and pandering are the least of the games problems. It's more design by committee, everything but the kitchen sink open world garbage. It's incredibly bland, someone at Ubisoft seems to think that slapping, what amounts to a cultural "skin" to the game makes it unique, it doesn't. It isn't even a technical showpiece either, the animations, models, textures, effects, etc all look worse than it's predecessors particularly Unity and Black Flag. The animations are probably the most obvious downgrade, every action is jittery and feels imprecise with models moving in strange ways making the whole scene look off. It's buggy too. The game part of it is also lacking, the devs at Ubisoft seem to be actively trying to make the most boring unchallenging and unsatisfying combat system ever put on a disc.

Ubisoft has really has become a parody of itself, releasing buggy, bland, open world shit with nothing to give it a identity outside of some comic book tier idea of what a historical time period and culture was like. Nobody will remember this game just like nobody remembers Odyssey or Origins or Syndicate. Seriously name any those characters? Every Assassin's Creed has had a bland story, but I can recognise Altair or Ezio.

 

[Jimjamflimflam]

I hate the little niglet that runs one of the merchant stores. Everything about her is dumb.
Besides that the game is alright so far, but not being able to kill civilians in raids is whack, especially when they run right into you mid fight.

How do they explain away not killing civilians? Do your fellow Vikings kill civs while you have some contrived "don't break the matrix!" nonsense like in the previous games?

 

[Heckler1]

How do they explain away not killing civilians? Do your fellow Vikings kill civs while you have some contrived "don't break the matrix!" nonsense like in the previous games?

The game just whines at you if you kill a civilian telling you "You will desynch if you kill civilians!". Which is annoying because how else am I supposed to culturally enrich Britain?

 

[Ruin]

The game just whines at you if you kill a civilian telling you "You will desynch if you kill civilians!". Which is annoying because how else am I supposed to culturally enrich Britain?

Do you actually desynch if you continue to kill civilians or is it like watch dogs where it repeatedly tells you not to but there's no actual consequences for going on killing sprees?

 

[Heckler1]

Do you actually desynch if you continue to kill civilians or is it like watch dogs where it repeatedly tells you not to but there's no actual consequences for going on killing sprees?

It will literally game over you for killing three civilians. At this point I kind of feel like Odyssey was a better game.

 

[Ruin]

It will literally game over you for killing three civilians. At this point I kind of feel like Odyssey was a better game.

You're not alone. Skillup, Upper Echalon, and Legacykiliahd all gave it rather negative reviews.

 

[Harlay de Champvallon]

It will literally game over you for killing three civilians. At this point I kind of feel like Odyssey was a better game.

A Viking cannot kill civilians. I was semi interested, but this is turbo-faggotry. VIkings killed or enslaved many, many civilians.

 

[HeyYou]

lol the protagonist is canonically a woman again, by the way. Their bullshit "both genders are canon" is because she's possessed by Odin or some shit.

 

[Ruin]

lol the protagonist is canonically a woman again, by the way. Their bullshit "both genders are canon" is because she's possessed by Odin or some shit.

Seriously? So I'm a troon if I play as the guy?

 

[Deadwaste]

Seriously? So I'm a troon if I play as the guy?

yes, because this is the future ubisoft wants

 

[HeyYou]

Seriously? So I'm a troon if I play as the guy?

The protagonist is a Sage (remember them?) so because they have a lot of ayylien DNA and because they're a reincarnation of Odin, it fucks with the Animus or some shit. Dumb as fuck. I guess technically the female protagonist would be the troon though.

 

[Ruin]

The protagonist is a Sage (remember them?) so because they have a lot of ayylien DNA and because they're a reincarnation of Odin, it fucks with the Animus or some shit. Dumb as fuck. I guess technically the female protagonist would be the troon one though.

What the fuck? This is basically a Stonetoss comic.

"Are you sure this will help us sell more games about assassins?"

"Assassins?"

 

[jje100010001]

I spent some time playing Valhalla at my cousins. First I want to start of by saying the historical inaccuracies and pandering are the least of the games problems. It's more design by committee, everything but the kitchen sink open world garbage. It's incredibly bland, someone at Ubisoft seems to think that slapping, what amounts to a cultural "skin" to the game makes it unique, it doesn't. It isn't even a technical showpiece either, the animations, models, textures, effects, etc all look worse than it's predecessors particularly Unity and Black Flag. The animations are probably the most obvious downgrade, every action is jittery and feels imprecise with models moving in strange ways making the whole scene look off. It's buggy too. The game part of it is also lacking, the devs at Ubisoft seem to be actively trying to make the most boring unchallenging and unsatisfying combat system ever put on a disc.

Ubisoft has really has become a parody of itself, releasing buggy, bland, open world shit with nothing to give it a identity outside of some comic book tier idea of what a historical time period and culture was like. Nobody will remember this game just like nobody remembers Odyssey or Origins or Syndicate. Seriously name any those characters? Every Assassin's Creed has had a bland story, but I can recognise Altair or Ezio.

My opinion is that they keep on sticking the series in settings not suitable for the franchise. They literally had to vertically fictionalize the British landscape because IRL it was nowhere as fantastical as it needed to be to make the mechanics work- and it still doesn’t doesn’t hold a candle to the dense urban settings the series thrives in.

Of course, at that point, it also stops being an informed historical fantasy, and becomes historical fantasy.

"Fortress Concept Art Explorations - it is known that during the viking era, there were only a few roman castles. for the game and to be able to bring back verticality in AC, we deciced to have more of these in england, for a better gameplay and a better immersion and experience."

https://www.artstation.com/artwork/g2OylQ

For that trouble, why not set the game where it makes sense- like Constantinople? With a Varangian protagonist and no hamfisted portrayals of the factions like in Revelations?

 

[HeyYou]

What the fuck? This is basically a Stonetoss comic.

"Are you sure this will help us sell more games about assassins?"

"Assassins?"

As far as I can tell they don't actually call her a troon or anything, it really was straight up so that in the marketing they could claim both protagonists are valid. Still, anyone with a brain is going to say, "hmm, the game is saying this particular viking was actually female though, fantasy bullshit or not."

 

[Emperor Julian]

The game just whines at you if you kill a civilian telling you "You will desynch if you kill civilians!". Which is annoying because how else am I supposed to culturally enrich Britain?

Are you alowed to enslave a terrified Nun as your concubine? Can you at least steal all the gold from the local monastary or torture a monk?

" you may desynch if you act like a viking in a viking game."

 

[Drihten]

As a Northumbrian Angle, when can I expect reparations from the Scandinavian countries?
In all seriousness, from what I've seen, Assassin's Creed Valhalla is a historical mess, wanna know the funniest thing I found about the game? There are notes, written by the English, that you, as a "Norsemxn" can read, nevermind the fact that barely anybody was literate during this period, nevermind the fact that the Norse would've been used to runic writing, nevermind the fact that Old English was written in a completely different manner than Old Norse.

The whole thing reeks of Quebecois/Irish seething, what from the atrocious Old English names of provinces and cities, (I saw Burgh Castle, that's right, a castle in Anglo-Saxon England....which is named....Castle Castle essentially) to the portrayal of heckin' Vikingrinos as innocent dindu nuffins who were trying to liberate the Anglo-Saxon people from their kings, (This is from what I know anyways, haven't played the game, don't plan to), to having multiracial Anglo-Saxons, to having this "propaganda" seen below. It's absolutely hilarious to me, and I'm sure it's hilarious to anybody who's even slightly read about the period.

 

[Admiral Mantoid]

Nothing much I can add that hasn't already been said about how low Ubisoft keeps sinking with this franchise, other than that I'm really sick of the ayy/ancient astronaut bullshit most of all. I'm pretty sure no one's said that yet.

 

[ZMOT]

Nothing much I can add that hasn't already been said about how low Ubisoft keeps sinking with this franchise, other than that I'm really sick of the ayy/ancient astronaut bullshit most of all. I'm pretty sure no one's said that yet.

is there even much of it left at this point? they walked back on that hard after 3 (to the point of ending that plotline in a fucking book afaik), afterwards it was so small and pointless really it was easy to ignore.

 

[Dang Woodchucks!]

Nothing much I can add that hasn't already been said about how low Ubisoft keeps sinking with this franchise, other than that I'm really sick of the ayy/ancient astronaut bullshit most of all. I'm pretty sure no one's said that yet.

is there even much of it left at this point? they walked back on that hard after 3 (to the point of ending that plotline in a fucking book afaik), afterwards it was so small and pointless really it was easy to ignore.

What is the deal with that? I've basically dodged every game in the series like bullets, but even I heard of the clusterfuck it's story devolved to. Why are the aliens still a thing after they botched the initial storyline? Did they walk it back, then try to shoehorn it again? Am I close?

 

[Scarlett Johansson]

Are you alowed to enslave a terrified Nun as your concubine? Can you at least steal all the gold from the local monastary or torture a monk?

View attachment 1740770
" you may desynch if you act like a viking in a viking game."

Iirc there's a nun assassin