Assassin's Creed Valhalla - WE WUZ VIKANGS

[ZMOT]

What is the deal with that? I've basically dodged every game in the series like bullets, but even I heard of the clusterfuck it's story devolved to. Why are the aliens still a thing after they botched the initial storyline? Did they walk it back, then try to shoehorn it again? Am I close?

back during 2/3 it became more and more silly/fantastical (whatever you prefer), and lot of people never really liked that part that much anyway, so they killed desmond off and had one of the ancients come back and start shit (from what I remember), and that whole plotline is suddenly gone in black flag, so you don't even know wtf is up with that unless you read the book or whatever third party material had the conclusion. after that it's it still mentioned here and there as some framework from what I remember, but you spend most of the time in the animus game anyway. think they even retconned it at some point - iirc it was before odyssey so they could include both genders - that it doesn't even need to be desmond's ancestry anymore and anyone can deep dive into whatever gene memory nilly willy. the story in black flag even had you working for a templar company making an asscreed animus multiplayer game, so kinda meta but also ironic since they canned the multiplayer afterwards. gg ubisoft.

imo it was never really that bad, since like I said you're spending most of the time shanking people anyway so it was never that big a deal, even in the old games (the point in 1 was basically LOL TWIST afair). it was just "there" (until they tried to raise the stakes in 3). fuck that just made me remember they also wrote in some drama with betrayal and shit, so maybe it was for the best to be done with it really.

 

[CharlesBarkley]

They should make the next assassin's creed take place in Mongolia and you have to kill Gengis Khan because he sexually assaults women and as a tribal shaman two-spirit transexual lesbian woman, you are not going to take it!!!

Also the knights templar because for some reason they are hiring Mongols to attack Islamic holy sites or something insanely faggy like that.

 

[Takayuki Yagami]

They should make the next assassin's creed take place in Mongolia and you have to kill Gengis Khan because he sexually assaults women and as a tribal shaman two-spirit transexual lesbian woman, you are not going to take it!!!

Also the knights templar because for some reason they are hiring Mongols to attack Islamic holy sites or something insanely faggy like that.

They can’t do that, remember. Ghost of Tsushima ate their fucking lunch and showed that plenty of people can do this fucking formula without fucking it up like those French fucks do.

 

[Snekposter]

Also the knights templar because for some reason they are hiring Mongols to attack Islamic holy sites or something insanely faggy like that.

There's an actual historical basis for that, though. The Mongols rampaged across the whole damn world, not just to the east and west, and they did such a number on Baghdad when they showed up the place took centuries to regain its prior population numbers. Later on the ilKhan running the place got tired of kebab being on his borders so he sent a Christian wife of his west to try and arrange an alliance with Christendom. The fag converted to Islam before she could make any sort of solid arrangements though, dooming the world to the plague of Mohammadeans forever more.

 

[Scarlett Johansson]

They can’t do that, remember. Ghost of Tsushima ate their fucking lunch and showed that plenty of people can do this fucking formula without fucking it up like those French fucks do.

AND they did it with entirely fictitious characters. Purposely. No real ppl in sight

 

[Emperor Julian]

They should make the next assassin's creed take place in Mongolia and you have to kill Gengis Khan because he sexually assaults women and as a tribal shaman two-spirit transexual lesbian woman, you are not going to take it!!!

Also the knights templar because for some reason they are hiring Mongols to attack Islamic holy sites or something insanely faggy like that.

If Vikings and Black flag are anything to go by it'll be the other way around, as the mongol year zeroing the Khwarazmian Empire is downplayed because the developers team feel the Horde got a bum rap due to all the mass murder they did.

 

[Overcast]

People still play this series?

 

[HeyYou]

I dunno, what are the sales figures? I hope this game and Watch Dogs sold meh so that Ubisoft actually has to innovate a bit.

 

[Übertroon]

AND they did it with entirely fictitious characters. Purposely. No real ppl in sight

Good, the take on historical characters by modern soy fags is the worst
Especially after Assassin's Creed 2 tried to turn every historical character into either a Templar or an Assassin shit really hit the fan.

In the original game the well known historical characters like Richard the Lionheart and Saladin were kept out of the Assassin/Templar conflict to the betterment of the story, their conflict being incompatible with the one fought between the Templars and Assassins. Instead they included figures like Robert De Sable, who while still historical figures with contemporary importance have been mostly forgotten in the present day.

Take Caesar for example, they made him a proto-templar, and his enemies assassin's, which I guess makes sense for someone who only knows about Caesar from middle school history and that one time your teacher forced you to read Shakespear's Julius Caesar. But how do you justify making the leader of the roman populists the leader of a group seeking order and subjugation, while the conservative patricians are turned into freedom loving assassins? Absolute bull.

 

[TurkishOreo]

The modern 'story'
Who were Rebecca and Shaun again? Did Rebecca get Abbie's steroids?
What happened to the GIRL!Desmond and what's the deal with Parents being dead as motivation?

Can't the protag's motivation simply be something other than dead family?

 

[Fools Idol]

Ubisoft is in desperate need for a man like Fumito Ueda to cut the fat. They really need to refine what an Assassins Creed game is, it's pretty simple to do too. All they need to ask themselves is "what did Assassins Creed do to make it so popular?". Or more importantly what didn't it do. Because all this RPG open world shit was not what was at the heart of that game. Assassinating people was, and no assassination doesn't mean have a combat encounter with 50 enemies and a shit boss fight.

Sack all your artists too, it's very strange to be walking around in insert historical era wearing what looks like some fags overdesigned Comic Con cosplay. Seriously, the idea that a group of ASSASSINS wears the most out of place clothing is ridiculous. Kill your UI design people, people that incompetent don't deserve to live.

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

Sack all your artists too, it's very strange to be walking around in insert historical era wearing what looks like some fags overdesigned Comic Con cosplay. Seriously, the idea that a group of ASSASSINS wears the most out of place clothing is ridiculous

Unless they are trying to make AC: Discworld.

 

[Snekposter]

Ubisoft is in desperate need for a man like Fumito Ueda to cut the fat. They really need to refine what an Assassins Creed game is, it's pretty simple to do too. All they need to ask themselves is "what did Assassins Creed do to make it so popular?". Or more importantly what didn't it do. Because all this RPG open world shit was not what was at the heart of that game. Assassinating people was, and no assassination doesn't mean have a combat encounter with 50 enemies and a shit boss fight.

Sack all your artists too, it's very strange to be walking around in insert historical era wearing what looks like some fags overdesigned Comic Con cosplay. Seriously, the idea that a group of ASSASSINS wears the most out of place clothing is ridiculous. Kill your UI design people, people that incompetent don't deserve to live.

I really want to see a true disguise feature pop up much like the Hitman games, although unlike them the goal shouldn't be getting away invisibly but getting away loudly. Instead of being a Silent Assassin you're a Loud Assassin, and the goal is to cause so much disruption during your missions nobody knows who actually ordered the hit, who actually did the hit, and who their true target was, inducing constant paranoia and fears of betrayal. You know, the sort of thing actual assassins trying to cause disarray and infighting inside of a massive hierarchical organization would do. Uniform aside, its pretty obvious the Assassins are around and doing their work when there's no end to the dead bodies with thin but deep stab wounds to their vital organs, and as such that only does the opposite of what they want.

That said, the open world RPG stuff was the world's biggest mistake for the franchise, even more than going woke, and I'll never not facepalm at my dude in Odyssey stabbing a guy through the base of his skull with that dumb-ass spear MacGuffin, yanking it out through his mouth in a spray of blood, only for said victim to lose 3/4 of his HP bar.

 

[Los Pollos Hermanos]

I dunno, what are the sales figures? I hope this game and Watch Dogs sold meh so that Ubisoft actually has to innovate a bit.

https://www.eurogamer.net/articles/...alla-denies-cod-uk-boxed-games-chart-top-spot
Double Odyssey’s launch numbers, and it even outsold COD Cold War. While that last bit is slightly unfair since Valhalla launched on Tuesday and Cold War on Friday, it’s still impressive.

You will not see them change course anytime soon.

 

[ZMOT]

I really want to see a true disguise feature pop up much like the Hitman games, although unlike them the goal shouldn't be getting away invisibly but getting away loudly. Instead of being a Silent Assassin you're a Loud Assassin, and the goal is to cause so much disruption during your missions nobody knows who actually ordered the hit, who actually did the hit, and who their true target was, inducing constant paranoia and fears of betrayal. You know, the sort of thing actual assassins trying to cause disarray and infighting inside of a massive hierarchical organization would do. Uniform aside, its pretty obvious the Assassins are around and doing their work when there's no end to the dead bodies with thin but deep stab wounds to their vital organs, and as such that only does the opposite of what they want.

wolfpack in black flag was probably the closest you gonna get in that regard, you constantly had tards going loud (and fucking up multipliers), but the essence was there with multiple assassins going HAM all over the map.
the first watchdogs was probably pretty close too with all the subterfuge etc., blacking out a city block is hardly covert. heck you could even consider wildlands in that regard where it's all about blowing shit up (like a ghost) and working your way up the hierarchy. it kinda makes sense to keep asscreed for the more personal, high value target, lone wolf style. still miss wolfpack tho...

You will not see them change course anytime soon.

depends if it can carry all their other failures, plus if they got asscreed to milk there might be a chance they are more willing to experiment in their other franchises, only reason asscreed sells again is after they took a break and "redefined" the formula after saturating the market. which also depends how much they double down on rpg-creed till people get sick of it too.

 

[HeyYou]

https://www.eurogamer.net/articles/...alla-denies-cod-uk-boxed-games-chart-top-spot
Double Odyssey’s launch numbers, and it even outsold COD Cold War. While that last bit is slightly unfair since Valhalla launched on Tuesday and Cold War on Friday, it’s still impressive.

You will not see them change course anytime soon.

That's in the UK, like you said forgetting that Cold War launches on Friday, and it only includes physical sales.

 

[Marissa Moira]

If they want a historical stealth game just make a game about Michelangelo and have the whole game be him trying to stealth sneak scope dongs of other men for references for his masterpiece.

 

[Ruin]

Alternatively if you want a decent Nordic/Viking themed RPG you can get Skyrim with all the DLC's for about $10.

 

[Sithis]

I "know" the answer but I still have to question why they go through such effort to fuck things up by introducing literal troon characters. The system they had in Syndicate worked well enough and had muh representation for men and women. Do they really think that there are so many people out there, engulfed by mental illness, that would buy or not buy a game because it doesn't include an "in between" option for those who prefer to spit at the concepts of God and Evolution?

 

[White Devil]

Alternatively if you want a decent Nordic/Viking themed RPG you can get Skyrim with all the DLC's for about $10.

I think you mean to say, Expeditions: Viking.