Asshole Things You Do

Lunete

Plantation Barbie
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kiwifarms.net
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May 16, 2015
I used to post on this website years ago where people would make and post avatars and profile graphics (for Facebook feeds and shit). It was a decent site and I made a couple of online "friends" there. One of which became a target for rude comments from some online wannabe mean girl. Went to the little shits profile to tell her to shut up and I noticed she had a status that said "My parents have died." So I commented "I would have died too if you were my kid."
 

kiwifarms.net
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Nov 8, 2014
Even though I have a Bachelor's degree in Environmental Studies, I sometimes don't give a fuck when it comes to recycling. People around me are constantly throwing recyclable items away, so what difference will little ol' me make? Many times I think, our planet is going to hell despite everything good I try to do anyway, so what's the point?

Maybe I just need to move out of this backwards as fuck state (Kansas).
You didn't even count the majority of all waste by a land slide (get it?). Industrial waste. No individual recycling causes half the difference.
 

Surtur

Destroyer of the Universe.
Retired Staff
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Feb 3, 2013
I come off as patient and cool, even when someone is insulting or offending me (or my partner). People think I'm a pushover because I don't fight back or defend myself.

What they don't know is that I'm not the type of person to throw a punch right back. I remember who fucks with me, and I subvert or sabotage their livelihoods. I get mine, and they never know it was me.

(Though it's shady, I've never done anything illegal like causing bodily harm or property damage.)

Nah, sometimes its perfectly ok to threaten to slam your coworker into a rack of frozen chicken after you told him repeatedly to stop throwing balls of ice at you.
 

Super Collie

spuper colly :D
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Nah, sometimes its perfectly ok to threaten to slam your coworker into a rack of frozen chicken after you told him repeatedly to stop throwing balls of ice at you.

I'm the type of person who would wait until it was their night to close up then dick with the freezer so it stops working, and let's say because this person has been reprimanded before for being inebriated at work, I'd bring some empty beer cans with me and throw them in the trash bin to frame him as the one who fucked up the freezer.
 

Innocuous Banter

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If service is bad at a restaurant, I enjoy hiding food for the staff to find later. Ideally when it begins to rot.
 

Philosophy Zombie

Mekotur's favorite
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Oct 13, 2014
Pretty much the only reason the default skin for this website has a serif font is because I asked Null to change it on a lark. For some reason, he decided to do so basically immediately even though I was a forum nobody with 50 posts and it pissed almost everyone off. I don't know if that's necessarily considered an asshole thing to do, but it made like a hundred autists bawl that day.
 

Kusottare

IT ALL COMES TUMBLING DOWN
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Oct 30, 2014
When I fall out with someone, I like to brick their favourite device.
 

tomgirl4life

I'm my own free bee
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Feb 14, 2013
I had a roommate who liked to commandeer my TV. To be fair, it was in the common area of our apartment, but that was only because it wouldn't fit in my roomhe didn't pay rent and got obssessive about watching his shows. When I planned a nice evening with my then girlfriend that involved a certain movie airing on HBO and came home to find him insisting on watching a documentary about the dresses current European princesses wore at their weddings instead (my girlfriend kept me from making a scene) it was the last straw.

I started to mess with him by password locking all channels except TV Guide, Fox News, and the religious channel. He was a gay atheist, and this was in 2004 during the first national gay marriage discussion so those did him no good. I would keep one other channel unlocked per day, and I would change it every day. He had no idea what was going on and couldn't figure out what was happening. I just told him it must be something wrong with the cable.

Then I unlocked all the channels and kept the remote in my room, pretending like it was lost. He would sit right in front of the TV then in order to push the buttons, because he hated commercials and would switch to another channel in between station breaks.

Then I found the menu option to disable the front buttons on the TV, so you could only use the remote to change it. You couldn't even turn the thing on without the remote, or unless you unplugged the unit for 15 seconds so the settings would reset. This all took place over about 3 weeks. He finally caught on one day when he came in and saw me watching South Park with the remote in my hand. The next night I was playing host to my little brother and he came into the apartment of a TV of his own for his room.
 

Bugaboo

It is a good day to do what has to be done by me
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Feb 3, 2013
I laugh at children's artwork because I am terrible
 

glutenfreebooty

TERFs Dig Me
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Jun 26, 2015
When I worked at an electronics repair shop, I'd go through people's photos and laugh at the funny/weird ones.
 
G

GV 002

Guest
kiwifarms.net
STORY TIME!

When I was in my teen-early twenties, I was a complete arsehole. I like to think I'm less of a dickhead now.

For my fist year of uni I had a Japanese lady for a roomate. She was a snobby cunt and used to laugh at me with her friends, thinking I couldn't understand them (I did a GCSE equivalent in Japanese, so could understand much more than she thought I could), and considered me a filthy gaijin of the highest degree...so after a month or so of this, I did things.

I pissed in her teapot once a week. I made a spitoon out of a lucozade bottle and gobbed in it every time I got sick (I got tonsillitis a lot back then), leaving it open in our shared room while she was trying to eat. I took a shit on the worktop in front of her food cupboard. I had noisy sex with my boyfriend of the time when she was trying to sleep. I put eggs under her bedsheets so they'd break when she sat on the bed. I was a complete arsehead.

Eventually she lost her temper and confronted me, asking me why I was going this. I answered her in her own language, 'Because you called me a filthy, stupid gaijin.' Her jaw dropped as she realised that I could understand what she'd been saying...after that we called a truce and things were pointedly civil, yet tolerable, until I left at the end of the year.

I did loads of dickish shit at uni that I'm sure as hell not proud of, but I still get a little sick kick out of remembering Aki's mortified face.
 

KatsuKitty

Stone-Cold Bitch
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Feb 3, 2013
When push comes to shove, I'm not much of an asshole really. There's little I do to people that don't deserve it.

I'd say the one big asshole thing I do is pick on sensitive or emotional people since their abject embrace of weakness pissess me off so much. Like, don't be surprised if you consider yourself a sensitive person and I just start dropping phrase after phrase carefully constructed to make you turn into a hilarious spastic. If there's one thing I really do believe it's a virtue, it's thick skin.
 

AnOminous

what is yet to come
Retired Staff
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Dec 28, 2014
Eventually she lost her temper and confronted me, asking me why I was going this. I answered her in her own language, 'Because you called me a filthy, stupid gaijin.'

And this is why you don't treat a human language like it's some kind of secret code, unless maybe you're a Navajo code-talker.
 

Oglooger

One of few based™ oldfags
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Feb 3, 2013
A customer orderd me to give them 20 pieces of chicken drums.
I gave them 19 pieces.
 

Watcher

Cishet dudebro
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Mar 26, 2013
  1. https://static.kiwifarms.net/data/avatars/s/7/7421.jpg?1442029031 2 minutes ago bearycool:
    "asshole things you do"
  2. https://static.kiwifarms.net/data/avatars/s/7/7421.jpg?1442029031 2 minutes ago bearycool:
    I'm tempted to go in that thread and talk about literal things I do with my asshole
 

bearycool

The Movie Night Queen
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Aug 11, 2015
  1. https://static.kiwifarms.net/data/avatars/s/7/7421.jpg?1442029031 2 minutes ago bearycool:
    "asshole things you do"
  2. https://static.kiwifarms.net/data/avatars/s/7/7421.jpg?1442029031 2 minutes ago bearycool:
    I'm tempted to go in that thread and talk about literal things I do with my asshole

Well gwarsh, that wasn't very consensual thing for you to do!
 

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