Autism you witnessed IRL - share your stories

MajorBlasski454

*insert witty title*
kiwifarms.net
don't know about autism per se, but the joint funniest person I've ever seen riding the tram* definitely seemed to have a screw loose
there's a tram stop above the main railway station in the city where I work, and a lot of the station is open, so the automated announcements are clearly audible from the tram stop

one morning there was a young fellow waiting for a tram on the opposite platform, and I could just about hear him saying things like "platform 5B for the 08:45 Northern service to Leeds" to himself, echoing or predicting the automated announcer, or just straight-up making up announcements
he had such a good-naturedly dopey voice I could not keep a straight face had to turn the other way, and struggled not to laugh out loud
no idea what exactly was up with him (if anything), but a lot of autists like trains and timetables, so that makes it sort-of relevant, right?

* the other was a middle-aged man who legitimately sounded like one of the Stotts from Reeves and Mortimer
That totally reminded me of one guy I had the honor of witnessing, who used to stand at the tram platforms by our train station, and pretended to have one of those handheld mics, and announce the arriving and departing trams.
 

Atomic Wangler

kiwifarms.net
There was a gym I went to a while back that had a guy that had to have been somewhere on the spectrum. He would lurch in with a half hunchbacked stance and head over to the machines. He was never in workout gear, wearing jeans and a flannel shirt. He always set the machines to their lowest weight and do one or two reps, then move onto the next machine down the line. In and out in five minutes. I never saw him bother anyone though, it was just odd.
 

behavioral swamp thang

verdad o muerte cachudo
kiwifarms.net
I knew these aspie twin ginger alcoholics growing up. Their obsessions were guns, video games, and reptiles. They lived together and their entire mobile home was filled with thousands of dollars of guns and reptiles lol. They ended up getting robbed at gun point because they always invited over other trash from the trailer park. The most autistic one threatened to blow up his school with a bomb he had at home. Sho'nuff' he had a fucking mason jar filled with gunpowder and a wick in it sitting on his desk. He ended up doing one year juvie for that one.

He's a father now. :)
 

Mr. Skeltal

Calcium fortified at your own risk
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When I was a freshman at my university (private military college) all of the prospective cadets were ground into the dirt during their first week. The kickoff to this was called the "Shark Attack", when the juniors in charge of you swarmed through your platoon, got in your face, did the whole drill instructor thing. There was this one girl in my battalion that was visibly on the spectrum. Frumpy appearance, bad hair, spergy voice, no eye contact, unibrow (which later became her nickname). She was not cut out for a basic training environment, much less one that lasts for an entire semester and change. For reference I'm in the military, this college basic training environment was harder than the real deal. During the Shark Attack she managed to piss herself and shit her pants, all before we had to take an initial PT test. We heard about this in my platoon through the rookie rumor mill, but her roommates eventually had to force her to change her soiled undergarments and shower, as she hadn't cleaned for several days following the Shark Attack. She never shook the reputation as "the girl who shit herself in [hell week]" among my class year.
Eventually she washed out of the cadet program and went civilian, but that only exacerbated her strangeness. My wife was an RA that dealt with recent cadet washouts. Unibrow's hygiene habits reverted back to what they probably once were before her cadet experience. She stank, had to be told to bathe, and was generally obnoxious person. Her fashion sense was obsessively archaic, but had that Chris-chan essence of "I don't know how to dress myself" mishmash to it. Corduroy seemed to be the bulk of her wardrobe post cadet life.

My wife told me of a time when she was doing wellness checks on her floor and spotted a drunk cadet stumbling out of Unibrow's room. He was barely clothed, his hair was mussed, and he was clearly near blackout drunk. She initiated the wellness check due to a noise complaint and soon it clicked, this poor drunk fool had just been fucking Unibrow. When the cadet sobered up in the morning he had this thousand yard stare. He looked hollow and defeated, a man who drank a tard into a beauty.

I also recall another event regarding Unibrow. One year there was a near total lunar eclipse over my college, so a lot of people went out at night to go watch it. Lo and behold Unibrow, in some ridiculous getup, singing some Wicca chant at the moon during the eclipse. Mind you she wasn't in any secluded or private location, she was just sitting on a random staircase serenading this lunar eclipse with her cracking sperg voice.
 

Buxinator

Just an average joe
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In my teenage days I was quite religious and also took the sacrament of the firmation. I don't know if it's comparable to the American Sunday school at church but I think you will know what I mean. It was in that time I met Waldo who was clearly on the spectrum.
Dead stare, no social interaction and an overly protective mother. She once went on a spergout in a meeting because the documents were not right. But that is just the frame of the whole picture. The fun part of the story is the crush Waldo had for one female teacher in school. He only talked to her and showed her his trading cards (back in the day it was Magic the gathering) and looked at her husband, who was also a teacher in the church group, like he would like to murder him. But the climax was the evening before the mass: we all went through the procedure and at the end the female teacher asked if we had any questions. Waldo raised his hand and asked in front of everybody if she would mary him. The awkward silence was finally broken when she explained to him, that it wasn't possible, but I don't remember the whole thing. I was too busy not to burst out laughing
 

Stalphos Johnson

Very Spooky
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I saw an interesting display of autism a few years back when I finished my frwshman year at college. I was getting my car washed at one of those full service car washes that you would get out of your car and the staff would clean the interior for you. I had just gotten out of my car and sat down on one of the benches when I saw a Prius with a bunch of MLP window stickers and trans rights stickers plastered all over the back of the car. After a bit, the owner came out and I got a full look at the type of person who would drive a car like this. He was was in his late teens, early 20s, about 5'7", and was wearing sandles with socks, cargo shorts, an unbuttoned flannel with an MLP shirt underneath, and was wearing a literal fedora. He got into his car and drove off without leaving a tip, and I just sat there kind of baffled about what I just saw.
 

Autumnal Equinox

Null killed my avatar
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This is gonna sound like something you'd hear from /pol/ .Wasn't quite sure I believed what I was seeing, but here ya go.

Was in the store last night. Walked past a toy endcap that had some Dora the Explorer stuff on it. Two younger Mexican guys, probably early/mid 20s passed me down the isle. They stopped in front of the endcap, stared for a moment and I heard "D...D...DORA!!!! DORA!!! TACOTACOTACOTACOTACO!" I looked back and they're standing there yelling that and making the jerk off hand motion. Couldn't help myself, I said "what the fuck?" Partially to myself, partially at them, and they stop, look at me with that dull "lights are on but no one's home" look and walk away.

I'd like to think they were just having a laugh at trying to weird out the other shoppers instead of whatever the fuck that load of autism was supposed to be.
 

Big Nasty

ASSHOLE
kiwifarms.net
This is gonna sound like something you'd hear from /pol/ .Wasn't quite sure I believed what I was seeing, but here ya go.

Was in the store last night. Walked past a toy endcap that had some Dora the Explorer stuff on it. Two younger Mexican guys, probably early/mid 20s passed me down the isle. They stopped in front of the endcap, stared for a moment and I heard "D...D...DORA!!!! DORA!!! TACOTACOTACOTACOTACO!" I looked back and they're standing there yelling that and making the jerk off hand motion. Couldn't help myself, I said "what the fuck?" Partially to myself, partially at them, and they stop, look at me with that dull "lights are on but no one's home" look and walk away.

I'd like to think they were just having a laugh at trying to weird out the other shoppers instead of whatever the fuck that load of autism was supposed to be.
IRL Shitposting.

Edgelording about shows for small kids is classic Internet idiocy. Goes as far back as the mid-90s Barneyposting on Usenet.
 

Trigger Me Timbers

Reformed Kekistani
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Back in middle school (maybe junior high) their was this girl with some fucked up autism who thought she was a Pokémon.

To this day I don’t know which Pokémon she was supposed to be, she would walk around with her arms in front of her and kind of walk like a dinosaur and say ”Rwar!”

One day she found herself in the middle of a ring of people or making fun of her while she was just happily dancing around going “Rwar Rwar Rwwarr!!”

It was getting a little mean and before anyone could do anything, a literal fucking neck beard (well no beard but he did don a fedora and rant about atheism on MySpace) Came to her defense. He broke through the crowd and he stood in front of m’lady facing the crowd. Chest puffed up, arm stretched out defending his damsel in distress.

Before he could say anything, this chick used bite attack. She fucking jumped up and bit him on the neck like a fucking zombie movie, he flung her around and fucking elbowed her right in the fucking teeth. Practically KO’in her (the attack was super effective)

That week we got a special autism awareness week to talk about how we should treat people with autism, the white knight got suspended for a huge amount of time and until graduation was known as that kid who punched the autistic girl right in the fucking teeth.


The funny thing about all this? I recently Facebooked all these people; the autistic girl got a fucking PhD in some high-end biology stuff and the neck beard is bitching about working in a Call Center and posting “ironic“ Memes about killing himself.
 

Big Nasty

ASSHOLE
kiwifarms.net
They all wore a ring necklace like Frodo in LOTR.
I've known a guy that did that too. It was his old engagement ring. His ex-fiancee kicked him out for being a jerk and a control freak who only cared about gaming. I think he wanted her to support him financially while he tried to "go pro".

sped in choir with me would randomly tell teacher to fuck off and do fortnite dances in the middle of class. one time someone asked him what he did over the weekend and he replied loudly "I SUCKED SOME DICK". Wouldn't be surprised as he was dating a another tard gremlin with bug eyes that would constantly stare at my girlfriends tits.
Nerdgay.
 

Chan Fan

"Satire"
kiwifarms.net
For a short time I used to go to a comic shop that regularly had events that were regularly attended by quiet a few people and for a while it was pretty cool. Most of the people who went were in their early 20's and all had money and cars and would also hang out outside the shop so it was a tight community. There was a kid whose mom dropped him off pretty much like it was a daycare and would literally walk in, hand the owner $3 for him to spend while he was there and told the owner "Don't let him buy candy with it." The kid would spend the entire day at the shop and there was not only a communication problem (he barely spoke) but he also had a serious BO problem. There wasn't much (if anything) he could buy for $3 so he just sat there the entire day and no one talked to him or wanted to be near him.

Here's where it got weird - his mom once dropped him off with a microwave dinner and when the owner heated it up for him it made the entire shop smell horrible and people complained endlessly. The shop owner kept his dog there so he couldn't just keep the door open to let the place air out. His mom tried to help him get a job at his school working concessions at sporting events and he ended up pocketing the money and wandered off with a bunch of the food like an hour later.

One day the kid's mom called the store and told the owner to tell the kid to stand by the road because she was coming to pick him up. He stood outside and started yelling at the cars as they passed. He was out there for a long time and someone eventually noticed the kid was exclusively yelling at the red cars.
 

R.A.E.L.

Sugarbaby
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I'm sitting in my college's lounge right now and I'm almost certain the one other guy in the room who just left was autistic. He was lying on his back, kept giggling and saying unintelligible things to himself and had been completely absorbed in his phone the entire time. I was a little uncomfortable and at one point thought he was going to start yelling about something or other but fortunately he's gone now.
 
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soft breathing

i'm a tired piece of shit.
kiwifarms.net
Someone I knew had the nasty habit of aggressively flirting with other people in grocery stores - while having her kid in the shopping cart and her husband besides her. Her husband was either oblivious as shit or didn't care anymore at this point but he never reacted and just stood there like a zombie and waited.

Once she was done she always turned to him and screamed bloody murder at him how he didn't notice what she had just done. If he didn't care, that he can go fuck himself, blaming him etc. In most cases the kid would also start to wail since it didn't understand why his mom was hysterical and shouting.

Let's just say there's people I don't miss after cutting them out of my life.
 

ducktales4gameboy

archive what you want to remember
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Ages ago I took a trip to San Francisco and wound up killing time in the Japantown mall. I’m wandering around taking in all the weird imported crap on display in some department store or other and from an aisle over someone starts screaming. I look over to see what’s going on and witness a guy best described as OPL plus 200 pounds grabbing things off a shelf, still screeching. Then I realize he’s not screaming. He’s attempting to sing the commercial jingle for Giga Pudding, which his hands are currently full of. He hauls an armload of them up to the stunned cashier, pays, and immediately starts singing the jingle again as he leaves.

This single incident permanently defined my mental image of 4chan posters.
 
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