Autism you witnessed IRL - share your stories


a fhakin rat
During my college years, I would sometimes witness this guy who clearly had autism, walk around the campus, he would hold his laptop like boom box, so just imagine a opened laptop right on his shoulder, blasting Hatsume Miku music.
I'd like to believe his family offered him headphones or smaller Bluetooth speakers for him to use instead at some point, but probably not or he's just so fucked he didn't want them.
I have no idea if he graduated from that college at all, only God knows now.

Merried Senior Comic

Half-Man, Half-Jerk
In my senior year of high school I was a teacher's assistant for the Spanish teacher. She was pretty cool and just let me fuck off and play Call of Duty in the back office.

Anyway on the very first day of school, all the students are sitting in their desks quietly waiting for class to start when the hero of our story Gary the Ghost introduces himself. I call him Gary because that was his name and Ghost because that boy was whiter than driven snow.

Gary was sitting in at the very front at the far left of the room when he suddenly starts kind of half-assedly contorting himself while making a sound I can only describe as crossed with a squirrel and a suffocating Pufferfish. During his autistic yoga, he begins angrily chewing on his sneaker for about 30 seconds then abruptly stops and de-contorts himself as if nothing happened. A sort of preppy girl was sitting right next to him and openly stated "Oh, my God." to nobody in particular after he finished his tard display.

I don't think he ever spent a whole hour in class. He would finish whatever the assignment was and then leave to go to the tard room. My assumption was there was some deal with that allowed him to go if he finished his work. I say this because one day he had a weird fit over the teacher giving him a low grade on an assignment and demanded she change it to which she would not budge. Gary then proceeds back to his desk and hides under it and won't come out until the tard teacher came in and coaxed him out.

Gary could be very talkative on some days and would bore the teacher with pop-science dribble while speaking as if he is some kind of authority on whatever subject he was blathering about. One day we were under a tornado watch and he took this as an opportunity to sperg (incorrectly) about basic atmospheric science. I was taking advanced meteorology so I knew he was full of shit. The teacher finally got him to cease his sperging so class could start, but it was obvious she pissed him off because how dare she interrupt his meteorology lecture in Spanish class.

I made the mistake one day of wearing a Yume Nikki shirt with the character Uboa on it. As soon as I walked into class, for whatever reason, Gary laser focused on my shirt then proceeded to come to my desk and repeatedly ask me what it was from. I tersely told him it was from a game but apparently that wasn't enough as he wanted to know what system/when was it released/etc. The teacher told him to sit his ass down and like before, he was not very happy about it and told her something along the lines of "But I need to know." as he begrudgingly went back to his desk.

Gary liked to hug every girl he came across, most found it harmless I always thought it was kinda creepy. He would just try to hug any random girl in the hallways. I saw a hilarious exchange where he tried to hug this kinda chola girl and she noped the fuck away while cussing him out as he just stood their in the middle of the hallway bewildered.

Close to the end of the year, the teacher and I were sitting at her desk talking about something when Gary comes up behind her. He stands there for a second or two and then just went a opened his mouth and stuck his whole mouth on the ball of the teachers shoulder. Time stood still as she and I just sort of exchange a look of abject horror and confusion before she quickly swatted him away while admonishing him. Afterwards she gets on the phone and about 5 minutes later, the tard teacher comes in and takes him away. He was back the next day, but he seemed to keep his autism to himself after that.
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Sorry about my headmate, officer.
There was a guy in one of my classes in highschool (late 2000s) who would spend most of the class pretending to fire a handgun constantly.

Complete with sound effects and mock reloading, sometimes at students, sometimes not. In retrospect I don't know how he didn't get in serious trouble for this.

I met someone who knew him years later and he surprisingly hadn't shot anywhere up, but I don't remember his name anymore so can't find out if that's still true.

John Andrews Stan

Superior futurist
There was a guy in one of my classes in highschool (late 2000s) who would spend most of the class pretending to fire a handgun constantly.

Complete with sound effects and mock reloading, sometimes at students, sometimes not. In retrospect I don't know how he didn't get in serious trouble for this.

I met someone who knew him years later and he surprisingly hadn't shot anywhere up, but I don't remember his name anymore so can't find out if that's still true.
He’s probably a supervisor on KF.

John Andrews Stan

Superior futurist
I LOVE this thread. And while I work on my own entry, here is some grade-A autism reported to me by a friend who gave me permission to share. I have read this email from her dozens of times. Anytime I need a laugh, this tale of her internet friend visiting her city IRL always does it for me.

Here's the rundown of what happened when we met:

Angie was coming to my hometown for a week and wanted to go to my neighborhood because that's where her mother is from and her mom talked about it constantly. We were emailing back and forth and I was giving her general tips for the city and trying to teach her our etiquette so she didn't get told to go fuck herself (i.e.: don't commute during rush hour if you don't have to, if you get in on the wrong side of a subway stop that doesn't have an underground connection, go above ground and tell the conductor on the other side, they'll let you in without swiping twice, pull over as if you're in a car to the inside of the sidewalk or behind an object like a street lamp if you're going to stop on the sidewalk, don't stop after just entering or exiting a station/the train, be prepared to do a lot of walking) she was bizarrely hostile to this advice ("YOU DON'T THINK WE HAVE RUSH HOUR IN MY CITY?") it turned out she fucked up literally everything I had prepped her for.

Anyway, I was really excited someone willingly wanted to see my neighborhood so I took a bus in over the weekend she was here. I gave her the address of the Starbucks to meet me in, she waited at the wrong one a block and a half away. Not a big deal, but she tried to play it off like it was my fault. We stood in the Starbucks for over an hour as she played a game on her tablet (she had multiple tablets, multiple portable chargers and a portable wifi hotspot). I forgot the name of it, but there's a green team and a blue team and it requires GPS because physical locations are turned into landmarks the opposing teams spend infinity taking over from one another. I finally convinced her we should get going, she stopped repeatedly (in the middle of the sidewalk) to play the game (taking anywhere from ten-fifteen mins a pop) on the short walk to the train station.

I was going to take her to the famous local garden, the main drag, and then to the house where her mother grew up. She decides she wants to do the main drag first because she's hungry, sure, no problem. You can take the bus there but it's only a couple stops so I had us walk. She complained the entire time about the walk despite having assured me how fit she was in our email exchanges. I really wanted to take her to my friend's family's pizzeria which has been a staple in the neighborhood for decades and is my favorite place to grab a slice (plus my friend charges me nothing or next to nothing when I bring guests). It was crowded because Angie took so fucking long downtown it was now lunchtime. She didn't want to wait on the line so I suggested we could walk the rest of the block and look around, maybe we'd find something else or we could just double back.

The entire time she's stopping to play this stupid fucking game. She's not actually absorbing any of her surroundings. Once she completes a landmark she looks up and impatiently wants to move to the next thing. I walked her through the indoor market and she was just annoyed by all the cool shit. Decides she just wants a sandwich from the deli (no line). I buy us lunch. Instead of thanking me she exclaims "ARE YOU EVEN WORKING?!" (I am.)

After this she wants to move on to other places in the neighborhood with landmarks in the game so she could complete her mission. I walk her around to those. Finally after a bunch of stops she's ready to go to the local garden, a premier garden internationally and a national landmark. It's a gem and I cherish it. I walk her back over there (we had to pass it to go to the main drag, which is why my plan of going there first made more sense). She complains about the walk there. I got her in for free on my membership, doesn't thank me. Take her inside the conservatory, she doesn't look at anything, only stops to play her game. At this time there was a stunning exhibit that people were flying in from around the world to see. I'm trying to talk to her about it - she looks up from her game after completing a game landmark “Huh. Yeah. Nice” and moves on to the next one.

Once she did everything in the game in the conservatory she was ready to go outside. I suggested we take a short walk to the garden’s beautiful waterfall - she decided she was done with walking for the day. There's a shuttle that goes around the garden, so we hopped on that (I've NEVER taken it before because I actually like walking), finally it reaches its last time at the last stop before I know it's going to head back to the entrance of the garden. I tell her we should get off for this reason, and go look at the gorgeous fountain. “Grumble grumble let's just stay on the shuttle.” It drops us off at the beginning which appears to bewilder her, so she hadn't at all listened to me because I fucking told her what would happen.

Her mother's childhood home was like a mile or so walk from the garden. But no more walking for Angie. She orders an Uber for us there, ok, cool. We arrive and I offer to take her picture for her in front of the house. "Nah." She just took a picture from the car window.

Now it's time to get back on the train. It was the weekend and track work is always insane, I asked to be taken to the stop we got off at so I could just take the bus back to the train station, driver points out there's a train station only a block away, Angie blurts "YEAH THAT'S FINE." We wound up having to ride the train back and forth FOR A FUCKING HOUR due to track work before I could get to my stop. I wanted her to fucking die, at that point I was irate and done talking to her. She was chipper and oblivious playing her game. Thanked me for nothing.

I went out with my friends and partied that night. She and I were supposed to meet at 10 am at a museum. I woke up at seven, which was plenty of time to get ready and go. I decided "lol fuck her" and went back to bed, woke up every hour after that. At 10 I informed her I couldn't make it, sorry, went out last night - taking care of my hungover friends, I'll paypal you the cost of my ticket. She was able to refund it and I never spoke to her again.

She had met up with other people from the online group before and after me. She complained that I ditched her, but one guy knew she must have been behaving like a fucking autist for me to do that. He went to the museum with her that day. We spoke on the phone afterward and she did the same shit to him. Had him standing on corners for half an hour at a pop in the freezing cold playing her fucking game. She'd lie to him about how long it would take ("Oh, I'll be five mins"). She was belligerent to people on the subway, she berated a man for not getting up to give her, a lady, their seat (loooooool, OK fitness buff and raging feminist). He was mortified by her too.
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Tell me about Phil! Why does he wear the vest??!!
A guy I supervised awhile back was a particular fucktard, he looked like the Methhead version of the Beyonders human form in "Secret Wars II" 80s comics. He was obsessed with dartboards and lame bar activities in general and it hit upon him he'd sell them on the internet.
He told me he wanted not only he was going to do that, but he desired that his page would automatically charge people for even encountering it, or having to pay to look at his fucking dartboards.

I wasn't surprised to see him years later in the Crimestoppers feature for doing particularly reno 911 style white trash criminal shit.
Goddamn he was fucking stupid.


Just an average joe
I finally got the time to make another entry in this amazing thread. Buckle up, because it will be an interesting ride

During my time at the university I had an apartment in a small dorm. Everybody had his own room and only the kitchen and the washing machine were shared. During my time of studying I've met different kind of people. The protagonist of the following story shall be called Ed; not sure if the has the tism but he is for sure damn exceptionell.

Ed's parents pay for his apartment, his fees and even gave him a car as a birthday gift (incl. coverage for taxes and insurance). On top of that he is employed as a temporary worker during the break, where he is earning a buttload of money. Just keep this in mind, because I think this is one reason for his behaviour.
Like a typical lolcow he is high of his own farts and fails at simple tasks. He tried to enter politics in the university and was more or less kicked out of the students parliament after one legislation period. He tried and still tries it, but nobody is voting for him. During the time in the dorm he was behaving like the boss, demanding, that everybody sticks to the cleaning schedule etc. Suprisingly, when it was his term of cleaning it was not that very clean. He would just focus on the main spots and then just call it a day. Same goes for the mowing of the lawn, which resulting in losing a part of his income, because the landlady had enough of it, and hired a gardener for this job. Still that didn't rang any bells in his mind and he was too ignorant to recognize that he was the laughing stock of the dorm.
On Top he was also alway snatching other peoples food from the fridge. I don't know why he did it, money was not the problem for him, but if you didn't pay close attention, your prepped meal would disappear over night. Sometimes he was caught in the act and got yelled at, which happened a lot of times. One guy also threatened to beat him up, but that didn't stop him.
There was one occasion where I could barely hold my my laughter. We had a small party for the end of the semester and ordered food from a delivery service. Nothing fancy, we were students and didn't pay much attention to quality, so it was junk food. Hell we didn't even care about the dishes and ate it straight from the delivery box, just take fork and go for it. But not Ed. He got his chop sticks and ate his food, calling us barbarians because we wouldn't know how to appreaciate our food. I somehow can understand his point of view, but if you don't cook for yourself and order junkfood, there is nothing to appreciate, your only goal is to get your belly full. Also image someone eating a dish like the garbage plate with chopsticks. If you want to know a little bit more and are brave enough and have a strong stomach imagesearch Taxiteller and imagine someone eating it with chopsticks.

But the best part of the story is his obsession with sex. He is really into sex. Doesn't matter if it is BDSM or visiting Swinger Clubs, Ed knows everything about it. Combine that with his strange behaviour and his antics and you will know how hard it could be with him. He was writing huge essay like comments on porn sites, commenting porn while watching it and asking every attractive girl in a legal age if he could fuck herand stuff like this. Here is my best of:

  • during a tutorial in the university he asked a female student in front of the class, why he was sitting here and not banging her on the table
  • he asked the landlady if he could have a threesome with her and her daughter
  • he got kicked out of a café because he shouted towards several female pedestrians that they had a hot as, and he would die to bust their cheeks
  • when he was told from a guy to keep the hands of his girlfriend, he said: "Why? You don't know how to fuck her! It's my duty to take care about that!"
  • I came home at night after a long day of work and heard him shouting. I peaked through his open door, saw him watching a porn, raging boner, hammering his fist on the desk and repeatedly yelling that he guy should fuck the chick in the ass
I was very happy when I was able to move in a flat, but I keep hearing funny stories about him. I hope you like that story and that I could provide some giggles.

friends o' niall

backpack-wearing behaviours
Wearing Cat Ears in public should be a medically recognized symptom of the Tism, saw a couple people do that back in High School.
Had one of these when I was a fresher at uni, she was the lard-arse queen bee of a weeb cabal. While I can't judge her on headgear alone since I used to wear one of these Packers cheesehead hats from time to time to annoy people, this woman actually used to PURR in class at regular intervals. This one time she made it late to a final crit and was not allowed to enter the room, she meowed at the lecturers' faces, threw her now-rejected mockup to the floor and kicked it all the way through the stairs and to the department's front door (and presumably to the campus gate, too). How could I know, you say? Because she emphasised each kick with a gloriously loud squeak.
I think I never got to hear her actual speaking voice.

ETA: It was one of these
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John Andrews Stan

Superior futurist
My friends had a small barbecue a few weeks ago. So as not to get ratted out by busybodies for hosting a gathering during quarantine, they kept it to family plus me (honorary family). We all kept our distance and it was great.

Then the food was served.

My friend and his wife put on a great spread, grilling steaks, chicken, burgers and hot dogs. One strange omission from the buffet: ketchup. For me, it’s just not a complete burger or hot dog without ketchup. I didn’t want to be an ass about it so I said, “I’m going to go home [I live next door] and get ketchup.”

Cue shit hitting the fan. I had no idea (but was informed later) that one of the sisters-in-law has an extreme dislike of ketchup, to the point where she cannot be in close proximity of it. This woman is otherwise extremely normal-seeming, hot and very sweet. I was shocked to see her visibly shaken by the mere mention of ketchup. I legit thought she was going to puke, cry, or both.

I ate my burger and hot dog with chipotle aioli and I’m still pissed off about it. Guess it’s my own ‘tism showing itself but I’d rather skip the burger and hot dog completely than have them sans ketchup.

Strangely the three people with Asperger's (as in they mentioned they had it, been diagnosed) I have met in real life seemed text book level stereotypical. They WERE the diagnosis in human form. It was like meeting a character from a movie who was portraying Asperger's it was so uncanny. They even had that stereotypical Aspie voice - it's not easy to explain what that it in writing, but I would describe it as very nasal, off key with downward inflections.


”Very quickly my Pokemon catching dreams were obliterated by the unfortunate reality that exist for a Black Man in America. I realized that if I keep playing this game, it could literally kill me.”

I just saw this now.
  • Thunk-Provoking
Reactions: The Great Chandler


I work in mental health.
Someone just cried because they couldn't afford the TV they wanted.
I worked with one low functioning autistic who we attempt to take out at least 4 people because we wouldn't let him watch britney spears one day. It's going to crazy when the boarding/group home lock downs end and they are out again since that lack of socialization is going to really put some of them back.

Autumnal Equinox

Sing or I'll go home and kill all your mommies
This poor cashier I had to watch deal with two tards that didn't have a wrangler with them last night.

Waiting in line behind these two women with a cartful of groceries. They'd only put two or three items on the belt at once, wait to be scanned and charged before repeating the process. One of them kept flailing her arms and the other one kept squeakung a sort of "uhhh uhhh uhh!" sound and pointing at certain items shaking her head. The cashier thought she wanted the items voided out and did so, both women started doing their retarded jumping jack arm thing and making the sound.

The cashier said she didn't understand what they wanted, and was already getting annoyed having to only ring up two or three items at a time instead if the entire cart. One retard was able to say "paper" and point randomly. The cashier said "oh, are you deaf? I'm so sorry, here" and got a notepad and pen for them.

Retard #1 flung the notepad off the counter, made the "uhhhh uhhhh" noise, grabbed the cashier's hand and directed it towards her fucking cash register receipt paper and started digging out her wallet.

The cashier said "you want my receipt tape?" to which they both vigorously replied "yuh huh huh huh" Now clearly exasperated, the cashier said "you're not having my receipt tape" to which they started rolling their heads and going "ouyyyy oyyyyyy" finally the cashier calls the manager and lets him deal with the retards.

I could have moved to a different line but I didn't want to miss the show.