Autism you witnessed IRL - share your stories

So here I am, relaxing at an hotel's pool, just chilling.

All of a sudden, I see an middle-aged nigger, reaching over the fence for a high-five as he walks by.

I never gave it to him.

He starts chimping out on how rude I am.

I ignore him and welcomed myself to Clown World as he bitches and lumbers back to his room.


Segmentation fault (core dumped)
True & Honest Fan
So here I am, relaxing at an hotel's pool, just chilling.

All of a sudden, I see an middle-aged nigger, reaching over the fence for a high-five as he walks by.

I never gave it to him.

He starts chimping out on how rude I am.

I ignore him and welcomed myself to Clown World as he bitches and lumbers back to his room.
You really left him hanging? Dick move.

glow in the dark animals

animals that could be glowing in the dark
Alright, this happened a couple of days ago.
I'm working the cash register at a thrift store. This man (maybe like 40-50s) comes up to the register, super dead and creepy eyes, his teeth are barred in a monkey type look. Anyways, I'm ringing him up for clothing (polos and cargo shorts). Mainly normal small talk at first, then it goes off the rails. Here's the conversation.

Him: I'm getting ready to go to Brussels
Me: oh really, what for?
Him: I met a drag queen online his name is Sugar Love and I'm going to meet with him to have him make me over and to take pictures and videos.
Me: (trying not to lose my shit) oh, that will be interesting...
I was laughing pretty good when he left. Like what the actual fuck. Why did he have to tell me that?! I think its cuz I have a "progressive" look. I dunno. Glad I could contribute to the thread.

Autumnal Equinox

Sing or I'll go home and kill all your mommies
A co-worker and I were making small talk the other night as we were getting ready to leave and revealed herself as an autistic SJW to me. She had asked me what I had planned for the rest of my night. I had told her I was probably just going to grab a quick dinner from Wendy's or something and watch a movie.

She started chimping out at me, in how can I POSSIBLY eat at Wendy's after finding out they donated to Trump. I made the mistake of being taken aback and just saying "huh?" which prompted her tirade. Don't I know they've donated almost a million dollars to that racist orange dictator? She unfollowed their Twitter account and doesn't find it funny anymore. They're partially responsible for all the rioting now by assisting Trump.

I told her that I thought it was just one franchise owner that made donations and not Wendy's as a whole.

She didn't exactly raise her voice at me then, but she started getting more intense. "You're gay! You have black friends! How will you explain to both groups you're eating somewhere that attacks you both!"

....I just wanted some spicy nuggets and fries, lady. Waging jihad on a fast food joint and calling anyone who eats at a non approved one a traitor to the True Message is pretty autistic.


It wasn't IRL but I had a friend back in my old WoW days who used to think Chuck Norris jokes were still funny and relevant years after Chuck Norris jokes stopped being funny and relevant.
Most of trade chat still thinks that too and that xbox 360 jokes are still relevant.
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Boris Blank's glass eye

Ring the bell, Roll down the street
Crazy Conspiracy Lady's still writing her letters every day, each less and less intelligible, but hadn't visited since. She's probably off her meds.
There's a guy, he's probably exceptional himself, or even, God forbid, a redditor: he wears hats every day, complementing his usual business casual attire, which he calls "his fedoras". They are trilbies.

The Department of Periodic Re-evaluations employ several people who do just one specific part of the re-evalution process. Sending out letters of notification, submitting income data requests to the revenue services, issuing summons, etc. I suspect these people have stickers on their displays telling them to INHALE - EXHALE - INHALE - EXHALE.
My country is a cheeky breeky one, and there's a general "paper document fetishism" here. While we have reliable IT systems, their UX is awful, plus the gov't and old people prefer to have everything on paper.
The latter don't even understand how a document can be official and valid if it's on a display and has an e-signature applied to it instead of being a ten page bundle with several huge stamps. They often have zuckerbook accounts, set up by their grandchildren, but don't really understand much about computers and the internet, either with an upper or a lower case i.

And there are the gypsies, and the prison inmates, and the clinically insane, and the mentally retarded, none of whom tend to have access to computers, so I guess whatever.
So, last year, the medical committee submitted a request to the gov't to allocate some money for shiny new computers, and they did get what they wanted. Brand new rigs with untold amounts of RAM, storage space, powerful CPUs and GPUs, triple display setups so they could view X-rays/MRI/CT scan/whatever images. And to access every applicant's medical history in the data bases they can access instead of having them submit everything.

This is preferable for several reasons.

It also never happened. Gov't organizations are inherently conservative in the "being resistant to change and having immense inertia" sense, and the members of the committee are ultra-boomers.

We still ask every applicant to submit their papers, but at least I have some ideas why doctors wear white coats and trousers.
Bringing me to:
A lady submitted her application, but forgot some key documents like a referral to the committee and a statement, both of which are required for an assessment by paperwork. You see, she recently went through colostomy and had a bag installed, and that's a condition where that's the preferred method. We don't want to cause our clients "disproportionate inconvenience", after all.

So I picked up the phone and dialled the number she had given on her application form. The call connected, I listened for a few seconds, then hung up.
"-What's wrong, Glass eye?
-No idea, dude. Could you please call this number? I don't know if I'm drunk or having a nightmare.
-Sure, lemme get my phone... WHAT THE FRESH FUCK IS THIS?"

The calls were answered by a machine babbling in what I suspect is Croatian. So, the bitch left for a nice vacation in Croatia. Anyone who can go to the beach can also attend an in-person assessment by a medical committee, so I issued her a summons letter. Not attending the assessment is grounds for dismissal.

For her sake, I hope she can return and get ready for her grand day on the 3rd of July. She can apply again, but this isn't a good look.
Handwritten letter sent in with an application, from 2014.
"I'm immensely sorry, but I cannot submit any paperwork for I'm in prison. Therefore I'd like to ask your agency to gather everything necessary to evaluate my application, including the referral. Thank you."
This is from a prior file of a case I'm handling right now. He's in prison again. He still doesn't have anything, and he never worked a single fucking day in his life.

He's also a filthy gypsy, so this is exactly what's expected. It would be very sad if it wasn't so goddamn hilarious.

Boris Blank's glass eye

Ring the bell, Roll down the street
@Boris Blank's glass eye I would say give it a few a decades for the old guard to die off and hope that the newer generation would modernize your shit. But I doubt if it'll happen because of the price tag.
The price tag isn't even the greatest issue. The first problem would be corruption: there's a favoured software developer company which gets all the overpriced gov't contracts. This in and of itself wouldn't be that big of a problem from a results perspective, but I've had the misfortune of taking a brief glimpse into how these leeches work.

Essentially, the developers don't do any testing, and have practically no contact with the testers (if they even exist). Somehow the back-end developers also have no idea what the front-end developers do, or how the front-end looks or works. These are for the non-essential systems, though.

Essential systems are being developed and maintained by an in-house group at another gov't agency, and those tend to be somewhat better. They are more robust and idiot-proof in exchange for having awful UX.

Boris Blank's glass eye

Ring the bell, Roll down the street
Literal autism, and how stereotypic at that!
Reading a psychiatrist's medical opinion right now. "Patient used to collect tree seeds in his childhood, these years he's collecting figurines depicting characters from Japanese cartoons". He's also attending a certain university's Department of Arts, with a major in Japanese Studies. And he's also very passionate about minority rights. Future 42%-er incoming.

an kamel
tldr; drunk guy pooing by a church at night

was going for a /nightwalk/ 2 days ago at like 4:00 am, and i saw this drunk semi-fat dude crapping by a church, drying his ass with damp plants. his eyes met mine and he was like holding his shorts, without pulling them up but just half-crouching, looking at me, not knowing what to do. i've never been religious but right at that moment i felt the impulse of jihad.