Bad Writing Advice -

Lodoss Warrior

Enduring the Kung Flu for Lodoss
kiwifarms.net
--Robert Heinlein once observed that specialization is for insects. He's a fucking idiot. Engage in only the material that directly relates to your chosen genre.

--Prose and verse? What's the difference? Writing must be spartan. Hemingway is right. Robert Louis Stevenson is not.

--Remember, writing is a hard science. Writing rules are as unchangeable and fundamental as the law of gravity. Therefore, never attempt to break rules.

--Your learning these tips and tricks is endangered by the most harmful habit of writers: actually writing. Reduce your writing to zero to have more time to learn about writing.
 

Guts Gets Some

Don't lose your way
kiwifarms.net
His shtick got real old real quick, especially when it degenerated from general points on genres to "wow watch me dig, in my sarcastic voice, on popular things even if they're not cliches or even if they're not bad wa-hey"
Also got worse when he started to implement more skits into them. God, just like the NC and AVGN before, I don't know what it is with reviewers and skits.
 

iRON-mAn

kiwifarms.net
--Remember, writing is a hard science. Writing rules are as unchangeable and fundamental as the law of gravity. Therefore, never attempt to break rules.
Eh, that's a rather dangerous line to take. Ignoring the rules can be just as damaging as getting bogged down in the legalese of writing. When it doesn't work out, at best, it's self-indulgent and at worst it's unreadable. Too many writers take examples of popular, successful authors breaking well known rules to mean they can do whatever they want, without taking into account that most of those authors spent years and decades on their craft before being able to know when to break a rule and when to follow it. They learn that it's okay to write however you want, rather than realizing you have to understand the rules before you can break them.
 

AsianChris

This particular drawing of Chris looks a asian boy
kiwifarms.net
Put yourself in your story, specially as the main character. Make it as powerful as possible but with no personality whatsoever, you don't really need it. Also, other characters HAVE to either love or envy your MC automatically, because he/she is so awesome. And be sure to put a love interest, people love romance, there's no error in that.

Make the villain someone you hate IRL who's only purpose is to antagonize the MC for the sake of it. Using the real name and profession is a bonus.
 

Lodoss Warrior

Enduring the Kung Flu for Lodoss
kiwifarms.net
Eh, that's a rather dangerous line to take. Ignoring the rules can be just as damaging as getting bogged down in the legalese of writing. When it doesn't work out, at best, it's self-indulgent and at worst it's unreadable. Too many writers take examples of popular, successful authors breaking well known rules to mean they can do whatever they want, without taking into account that most of those authors spent years and decades on their craft before being able to know when to break a rule and when to follow it. They learn that it's okay to write however you want, rather than realizing you have to understand the rules before you can break them.
Is it? Writing is not a collaborative effort like building a bridge or producing a movie is. The standard for what is and isn't a good story or good writing is largely up to the writer and whoever the writer wants to make an audience. I like to think most genuine writers write out of a latent interest in it; if that's their purpose for writing, there's no point in pretending conventions that the majority of literary history shows are fickle are rules only "smart, successful" people can break.

At worst? You get majestic dumpster fires like The Eye of Argon or our very own Sonichu. Interesting, harmless trash only a genuinely talentless and unrestrained creator could make.
 

Lonely Grave

naked and alone, we die
kiwifarms.net
Never share your writing with your peers, close friends, or internet friends who share your passion. They're just itching to steal your hard-thought ideas and sell the next Mortal Instruments! Or they will take your passages and use them for the dumb fanfictions you like to covertly shit on. Or they'll just ignore it. In every case, you lose.
 

iRON-mAn

kiwifarms.net
Is it? Writing is not a collaborative effort like building a bridge or producing a movie is.
If we're talking about published works, then yes it is. You may or may not have beta-readers. You will definitely have an editor or two. It's very noticeable with a lot of writers that they become successful and the publisher is more willing to give them more leeway that you'll see more missteps and bad ideas that probably would have been worked out earlier in their careers. In those situations it's the writer who has the creative talent, and the editors who are following the rules but there are piles of books that would be utter pig-shit were it not for the editing process. Even if it's only being published online, you should probably let someone else help you iron out the kinks first.

The standard for what is and isn't a good story or good writing is largely up to the writer and whoever the writer wants to make an audience. I like to think most genuine writers write out of a latent interest in it; if that's their purpose for writing, there's no point in pretending conventions that the majority of literary history shows are fickle are rules only "smart, successful" people can break.
That really depends on what you want to get out of it. If you're only writing for your own amusement, then sure, write whatever you want, and put it in a drawer and keep it as a personal accomplishment. If you want to publish it and open it up to public opinion then that opinion gets to decide if its good or bad. If the general consensus comes back that it's bad, then it's probably bad. Chris-chan can hold his head high, and think that Sonichu is worthy art all he wants, or enclose himself in an echo chamber with the people who agree, but that doesn't make it less of an abomination.

At worst? You get majestic dumpster fires like The Eye of Argon or our very own Sonichu. Interesting, harmless trash only a genuinely talentless and unrestrained creator could make.
Interesting in so far that it's good for a laugh, but I'm not sure we're really any better off for being subjected to the likes of Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Some creators clearly should be restrained.
 

Space Lobster Bat

Only Weakness: Boiling Water
kiwifarms.net
1. Don't worry about writing yourself into a corner or having plot elements that don't make sense and you don't want to deal with later. Just throw in 'And it was all a dream' afterwards, it won't piss any of your readers off, and make them think it was a giant waste of time. Bonus points if it's the last sentence. Also make sure to say it WAS just a dream, and not them wondering if it was. It wasn't real, don't let them hope that it was.

2. One way to show that your character is likeable but kind of a doofus is to make it so they wake up to an alarm, and are automatically late to whatever. Because it's not you the author or the character having NO FUCKING CLUE how alarms work, they just go off late! Because SCIENCE!

3. Any fantasy world never changes. Not in 1,000 or even 5,000 years. People don't like experimenting, thinking, testing, trying ANYTHING. No one every wonders or progresses in much of anything. In fact, most times people actually get dumber, so most innovations are LOST FOREVER. This also helps to show how smart the protagonist is by having them come up with how things worked a thousand years ago, they must be a genius to figure out this lost way of doing things!

4. If you have a magic system, and have stated rules for the magic system, they only need to apply when it's good for the plot. When you need them to work a different way, don't bother having the characters need to think of a way around it, or giving them a bit of bother, just say the rules don't apply because MAGIC. In fact, "Because Magic" lets you fix any plot holes, rules-changing/breaking, and all sort of other stuff. Who cares about being consistent, or making your world-building make sense? The readers want the heroes to win with cool magic tricks!
 

Amber the Hedgehog

kiwifarms.net
Do you know what makes everything better? LOVE of course. Everyone enjoys a good romance and it's never out of place. It's definitely the best kind of relationship, actually only type you need. Friends? Good start to romance. Enemies? Just cover up of true feelings. Siblings? Forbidden fruits are the most delicious. All can made to work, no character left behaind. Even if the characters haven't actually met just pair them up. Arranced marriages have been happening since for ever.
 

Get_your_kicks_with_30-06

I have become Based, the destroyer of Libs
kiwifarms.net
Whenever you are writing the resolution to your story, when the main antagonist is on his literal death bed, and this is the final chance that they get to announce to the audience what made the conflict pertinent and worth it, make sure that dialogue goes exactly like this: " But... I need you to realize that this... situation... is far more complicated than you could have imagined." Then just leave it at that.

Perfect.
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Pukebucket

Genderfear - Thee/Thine
kiwifarms.net
You should always write from real life; so if you're a middle-aged man making his first foray into writing a fictional (but not too fictional, you wouldn't want to stretch that imagination too thin!), be sure to make it a self-insert so you can write about your ex wife in unflattering terms behind her back, talk about how your kids suck because you can't emotionally connect with them, and maybe even split in a romance subplot where you get together with the hot 18-year-old co-ed that is described just vaguely enough that you can pretend she is the barista from the Starbucks down the street; hell, maybe you can even write about your protagonist having a forbidden romance with this teenager while he is still married to his wife! That shit is always spicy and publishable.

If your character doesn't have a tragic death in their backstory yet that gives them nightmares or makes them drink, don't worry! You can always kill off the protagonists's ex/kids/squeeze to maximize the chance of the reader empathizing with you... 're protagonist. Just don't forget to kill off at least one of these people at some point during the plot so your protagonist can have a moment of emotional vulnerability angry sadness with a side of unwarranted lashing out at any remaining loved ones. For empathy. And then you can, like, write about how revenge isn't actually fulfilling and stuff once you finish the plot. Don't forget to advertise for the second, as-of-yet unfinished novel that totally won't be the exact same plot as the first one!

If you're in your 20s you can write the exact same overall story, just set it in a high school and change the "18-year-old co-ed" to "girl from math class", and "ex-wife" to "bitter principal" and "your kids" to "your dog". Is a 20-year-old writing themselves as a teenager trying to get laid with other teenagers during some contrived disaster creepy? Not according to Onision! Don't worry about having any important themes or statements to make, you aren't going to be the next Herman Melville.

(I considered ghostwriting as a hobby for a while until realized it was all different guys trying to write the same fucking book, is where I'm going with this.)
 

BroccoliBrain

my corpus callosum is green
kiwifarms.net
I used to think Springhole.net was pretty good for writing advice but some of their stuff gets woke about representation and diversity ...and then there's this article that claims 'everything in art and fiction is political. Literally everything.'
I don't know where to begin voicing my disagreement about this without gaining a dozen hats so I'll admit this makes me ridiculously angry for some reason and leave it there. Their About Me suggests that they're not remotely qualified to advise people when the only experience they speak of is their fandom contributions, and ironically they are a snowflake gender using their own help articles to push their politics.
 

DungeonMaster

kiwifarms.net
Make the villains multidimensional characters. And have random bystanders, absolutely everyone who isn't one hundred percent pretty and isn't written from a POV perspective a drooling imbecile or a piece o' shit. Remember: the real villains in the story are the demented, belligerent masses. Go out of your way to exact vindictive punishment on undeveloped characters. Make the laws of the universe bend towards their torment. Have objective metaphysical systems that judge whether a person is good or evil and really drive it in how Mr. Rude Merchant is so evil for making a character cry that the villains who literally burned an entire village down last panel are in the right to torture him. Better yet, faff around on extremely subjective moralistic judgements. "Innocence" "Weak will" "Greed", and ascribe those informed qualities on a person who'd behave like that in real life.

Don't think of the characters as people whom you'd meet IRL. Hold them to higher moral standards than you would yourself.
 

emo goff

its too damn sunny for darkmode
kiwifarms.net
Make every character backstab and betray each other every chance they get, in a tangled web of constant scheming and fake alliances.
Doesn't matter how close they get. Everyone must be machiavellian DARK TRIAD.
 

bothiggedyhog

Thank fucking god its all coming to the light.
kiwifarms.net
theres no such thing as too much detail, or being too boring. stick to the golden rules you learned in highschool and do not deviate. if you've written a book and become a lecturer, make sure you sell and teach your own book as part of the course material, you wrote a book after all, you know what you're talking about and can easily grade down students for not understanding YOUR own intentions! plus those inflated book profits.

love is sacred, so write multiple romances for each character. in the same period of time. marriages are boring, make sure someones always cheating to spice it up.
absolutely make sure to involve your own experiences and view point whenever possible, even on the most mundane topics.
parents can never just be good parents, otherwise your characters won't have an interesting and deep backstory
 

MarineTrainedTard

You got the COVID! Coronavirus, big time!
kiwifarms.net
Every few pages should contain a lovingly detailed description of a horse's penis, regardless of what's been going on in the story at that point
 

Sea creature

Real sea boi hours
kiwifarms.net
Go full anime and give lots of descriptions about girls panties, tits and the sort OR if you're feeling adventurous have detailed descriptions of a dudes penis because you know inclusivity.
 
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