Bad writing - it's bad writing

Knight Fight

kiwifarms.net
fanfiction IS a very low hanging fruit. I meant more fictionpress (fpn), as a lot of those people are 'aspiring authors' or think they're at least pretty good.

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like I'll never stop laughing at this. admittedly there's a lot of crossover between the two and it's still pretty low, but man. fun.

I didn't actually include some of my trashiest FPN collections

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also this

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The author for this is 1) 15 at the time 2) completely serious. I've read a few chapters and it's insane and very very millking based
 
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Deadwaste

null is a GODDAMN SHIT BITCH
kiwifarms.net



The author for this is 1) 15 at the time 2) completely serious. I've read a few chapters and it's insane and very very tard cum-feitsh-y
that's not even scratching the surface. there's enough horrible stories on wattpad to fill a bingo board
 
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Elwood P. Dowd

President of the Maxliam Fan Club.
kiwifarms.net
Terry Goodkind is kind of in a class by himself.

No longer own the books (if I ever did) but here's a dramatic reading of a chicken that is "evil manifest..."


This particular book on Goodreads: 52,000+ ratings (average 3.8 ), 744 reviews. One of those things I simply do not get.
 
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Andrew Neiman

I'll cue you!
kiwifarms.net
The greats:

'My Immortal' said:
“DRACO!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

Draco didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.

“Ebony?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore!
'My Inner Life' said:
Next we were told that the final part of the ceremony was the sexual bonding. We were explained the rules. First off we had to have sex. And since we completed the other rituals, the sexual bonding process should be easy, yet more intense. I was nervous about having sex in front of others, but we were told that the only witness would be Mother Earth herself. I held Link's hand as he stroked my hair and said everything would be ok. He was there with me. His words always made me feel better, so I calmed down. The head monk explained the requirements in completing the ritual then was gone.

Then I turned and faced Link. I looked deeply into his eyes as he took his hand and brushed the stray hair out of my face. Then I took the tips of my fingers and ran them down his bare chest. A lulling feeling came over me. Link felt it too. Like a call of nature. He leaned over and gently pressed his lips on mine. We begun to kiss passionately, tasting the sweetness on each other's lips. Our tongues began to intertwine as we kissed deeper. Sexual thoughts begun to race through my mind again. And I could feel Link's hands starting to caress my naked body, as his lips moved to my breasts. I let out soft moans of passion as new sensations begun to race threw me. I felt Link's heart beginning to beat along side mine. And the feeling of being connected begun to race through me again, as I heard his every thought. I heard him in my mind, telling me that he wanted me, that he wanted to make love.

Then I felt him getting aroused, felt how much he wanted it. Strong intense feelings raced threw my body, raced threw my bones. My body shook as sweat begun to form. And then I felt myself getting hotter, felt myself wanting him more and more. I wanted him, needed him. I wanted to feel him inside me. My body quivered and shook as his hand slowly went down, first to my thighs, then between my legs. Then I cried out in ecstasy as his fingers worked against my clitoris. It felt soo good. Felt soo intense. I arced my back and cried out in loud animal- like cries as his fingers reached the entrance and slid deep inside...."Oh....my Goddesses....Link..more baby.....LINK!" I screamed in pure ecstasy as his gentle steady thrusts made my legs quake.

Then I felt myself starting to climax as his fingers thrust deeper upping the movements. My body shuddered from the immense feelings that raged threw it. I grabbed onto the ground my nails digging into the dirt as Link's fingers made my body scream in eternal bliss. I cried out as the surges came in raging pulses, and my body withered under his touch. I begun to twist violently as the surges of pure ecstasy came in closer beats. Then when Link hit the right spot I let out a loud cat like cry...."LINK!" I screamed as I reached my peak and gushed down his hand...........panting I got up and looked at him, his lips parted to say something but I placed a finger on them. I shook my finger then moved it away as he gently laid me down.

Then he climbed on top of me and I felt his member at my entrance . Slowly he penetrated my body and cries of eternal bliss escaped passed my lips. As he moved inside me, my hips bucked up against his as we begun to find a rhythm. Slowly at first, then Link began to thrust deeper upping the movements. As we made hot love, I felt as if our bodies merged. Felt our hearts beating in unison. Our minds became one, and our souls connected. I heard his every thought, thoughts of love and passion. And I knew how I was making him feel. As he penetrated deeper inside me, it felt like nothing I had ever felt before. Then I started to call out his name in between cries of passion, and his breathing became faster. I felt his hot breath on my neck as he worked his lips there. With each thrust, strong pulses of pure ecstasy raced threw me. I bucked up against him, forcing him deeper inside me.

Our hips swiveled in unison as our bodies moved against each other. My body started convulsing as I felt myself starting to climax. Then his thrusts came in faster beats as he started to climax. Our cries filled the air as we both came to our peaks. Then he delivered the final thrust as he started to release a warmth inside me. He let out a loud animal like cry as he delivered the hot liquid deep down inside my inner sanctum. Then a strong feeling surged through my body, a feeling so intense that I screamed out Link's name as I peaked then had huge orgasm. It felt soo good that I never wanted it to end. The feeling was so intense, we wanted to keep going, wanted to keep feeling the intensity of our lovemaking.

Exhausted, I screamed as I tried to find the strength to go on. I clawed into Link's back as I bucked against him. Sweat rolled down our bodies as we fought to climax a second time. I ran my now sweaty hands up and down his back digging my nails into his skin as I pushed up against him. Link too fought to reach a second peak. Fighting with what strength he had left, he thrust himself deeper inside my tired sweaty body, pushing to climax a second time. He screamed, cursed to find the strength as his thrusts came in faster beats. His hands grabbed down on my sides, as he tried to steady himself. Then I felt the strength leaving my body. Fighting for the strength, I screamed out in loud cat cries as I turned tigress. I forced my trembling body up against his. Desperately trying to reach a second peak. I clawed deeper into his back as I cried out loudly like a tiger in heat. My back arced as I pushed in unison with his thrusts.

Then I felt myself starting to climax again. I cried out to Link, grunting like a female tiger to urge him on. He returned my calls as cat like sounds escaped passed his lips. Then I felt him beginning to climax again. We thrust against each other, our bodies trembling while crying like tigers mating as we came to a full climax and exploded together one last time. With one last gasp we fell to the ground painting, our bodies exhausted and dripping with sweat. I laid against his tired body as I tried to catch my breath. We just laid there awhile shivering, trying to regain our strength. I looked into Link's eyes as I heard him in my mind telling me that he enjoyed the experience. "I love you." I said to him telepathically. Then I leaned over and gently placed little kisses on his cheek while he held me in his sweaty arms. Finally I felt complete with him. We were now completed as one.

EMBED PBrush
'legolas' said:
Legolas and the others was on the way to Mondor to save princess Laura.Mean while in the cell where Laura was been kept Laura woke up and she looked on her body there was blood and scars she only could move her right arm but not her left.Then Laura said"I feel so cold"and then she can't see very well.At the frount gates of Mondor was Legolas and the others and then they said"let Laura go"and then the Dark lord said"no"and then Legolas said"right lisson I'll will clim up to the cell and get Laura and you and the others will find another way in.Then Strider said"alright" and then Legolas started to clim up.Mean while Strider and the others ran into Mondor and went into the castle.Gandalf said"I'll will go and kill the Dark lord and you and the others go and help Legolas".Strdier said"becareful"and then Gandalf said"I will don't you worry about me".

Mean while Legolas got to the cell where Laura is.Legolas said"Laura are you in there"and then Laura said"Oh Legolas you finally came"and then Legolas said"are you alright"and then Laura said"no I am not alright"and then Legolas said"they bet you up and raped you also the Dark lord gave you the posion"and then Laura said"how did you know that".Then Legolas said"when I was your age they did the samething to me".Then Laura said"can you get me out of here"and then Legolas said"ok stand back"and then he ran back and ran towards the door and knock it down.

Laura said"wow"and then Legolas looked and saw she was coved in Blood and scars also she was naked"and then Legolas said"why they did it to you not me"and then the Orcs came and said"because she got a power and she can distoy us all the bad guys".

Then the fright began
'The Eye of Argon' said:
Arriving after dusk in Gorzom,grignr descended down a dismal alley, reining his horse before a beaten tavern. The redhaired giant strode into the dimly lit hostelry reeking of foul odors, and cheap wine. The air was heavy with chocking fumes spewing from smolderingtorches encased within theden's earthen packed walls. Tables were clustered with groups of drunken thieves, and cutthroats, tossing dice, or making love to willing prostitutes.

Eyeing a slender female crouched alone at a nearby bench, Grignr advanced wishing to wholesomely occupy his time. The flickering torches cast weird shafts of luminescence dancing over the half naked harlot of his choice, her stringy orchid twines of hair swaying gracefully over the lithe opaque nose, as she raised a half drained mug to her pale red lips.

Glancing upward, the alluring complexion noted the stalwart giant as he rapidly approached. A faint glimmer sparked from the pair of deep blue ovals of the amorous female as she motioned toward Grignr, enticing him to join her. The barbarian seated himself upon a stool at the wenches side, exposing his body, naked save for a loin cloth brandishing a long steel broad sword, an iron spiraled battle helmet, and a thick leather sandals, to her unobstructed view.

"Thou hast need to occupy your time, barbarian",questioned the female?

"Only if something worth offering is within my reach." Stated Grignr,as his hands crept to embrace the tempting female, who welcomed them with open willingness.

"From where do you come barbarian, and by what are you called?" Gasped the complying wench, as Grignr smothered her lips with the blazing touch of his flaming mouth.

The engrossed titan ignored the queries of the inquisitive female, pulling her towards him and crushing her sagging nipples to his yearning chest. Without struggle she gave in, winding her soft arms around the harshly bronzedhide of Grignr corded shoulder blades, as his calloused hands caressed her firm protruding busts.

"You make love well wench," Admitted Grignr as he reached for the vessel of potent wine his charge had been quaffing.

A flying foot caught the mug Grignr had taken hold of, sending its blood red contents sloshing over a flickering crescent; leashing tongues of bright orange flame to the foot trodden floor.

"Remove yourself Sirrah, the wench belongs to me;" Blabbered a drunken soldier, too far consumed by the influences of his virile brew to take note of the superior size of his adversary.

Grignr lithly bounded from the startled female, his face lit up to an ashen red ferocity, and eyes locked in a searing feral blaze toward the swaying soldier.

"To hell with you, braggard!" Bellowed the angered Ecordian, as he hefted his finely honed broad sword.

The staggering soldier clumsily reached towards the pommel of his dangling sword, but before his hands ever touched the oaken hilt a silvered flash was slicing the heavy air. The thews of the savages lashing right arm bulged from the glistening bronzed hide as his blade bit deeply into the soldiers neck, loping off the confused head of his senseless tormentor.

With a nauseating thud the severed oval toppled to the floor, as the segregated torso of Grignr's bovine antagonist swayed, then collapsed in a pool of swirled crimson.

In the confusion the soldier's fellows confronted Grignr with unsheathed cutlasses, directed toward the latters scowling make-up.

"The slut should have picked his quarry more carefully!" Roared the victor in a mocking baritone growl, as he wiped his dripping blade on the prostrate form, and returned it to its scabbard.

"The fool should have shown more prudence, however you shall rue your actions while rotting in the pits." Stated one of the sprawled soldier's comrades.

Grignr's hand began to remove his blade from its leather housing, but exceptional the motion in face of the blades waving before his face.

"Dismiss your hand from the hilt, barbarbian, or you shall find a foot of steel sheathed in your gizzard."

Grignr weighed his position observing his plight, where-upon he took the soldier's advice as the only logical choice. To attempt to hack his way from his present predicament could only warrant certain death. He was of no mind to bring upon his own demise if an alternate path presented itself. The will to necessitate his life forced him to yield to the superior force in hopes of a moment of carlessness later upon the part of his captors in which he could effect a more plausible means of escape.
'Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen' said:
“daves brother larry will be looking after you wile where gone you’ll be ok when where gone wont you tiaa? I hate to leaven you alone like this!”

“i don’t need a freakin babysiter u no!” i was so embarasing, I could look after myself!

Marie smiles and leaves the house.

“greeting a;latnaniana my names uncle larry” said uncle larry, he came in threw the door he was fat and bald with tiny black eyes and a red face

“Hey – i said

“your the orphan arent you” he says “is it true you kiled your mother when she gave birth to you?”

“Wat!” I cry, my eyes filling with tears

“your an evil bich arent u? Go outsite and wash my car” he shouts angerly

I stood up and left to wash his car. I got soap and a bucket, afraid of what he would do if I refuzed. I went outside and started to wash hush car it was a red porche. He came outside and wached me and I new he was waching me! After a minite he came over and hit me hard across the face

“wft!” i shouted

He poored the bucket of water all over me and hit me again,. I was wet and crying and he started to rip my dress and bra of me and rip my clothes.

He touched my naked breats and I try to push him off me I screamed at him to stop but he did’nt. He bent me over the bonet of his car and spanked me on the ass for half an hour then he pulled my panties down and started to rape me!

“stop raping me!” I cry but he didnt stop!

The pain was terrible even tough his manhood was small.

I cryed and cryed but he didnt stop for hours and when he finally stopped he left me on the floor and spat in my face and left me there.

I pulled on my clothes and cryed madly and ran off into the seething darkness of the midnight street. I ran and ran un till I came to some woods and then I fell down in the woods and cryed.

Suddenly a blast of white light exploded in head and my mark on my hand burned like a flame. I closed my eyes and saw the face of a tall white man looking over me with no expression, his eyes were burning red and his face glimmered cold and bright as the moon,. I fell back from the brightness of his body, his hair was dark as night,.

“atlantiana?” he whisperd in a voice softer than clouds -my daughter?-

“omg” I whisperd as my mind went blank and the world went dark.
 

sheephead

kiwifarms.net
Tehreh Mafi belongs in this thread. Her first book is called Shatter Me. The plot and the characters are the kind of garbage you'd expect from a YA novel but the prose is beyond exceptional:

I always wonder about raindrops.

I wonder about how they're always falling down, tripping over their own feet, breaking their legs and forgetting their parachutes as they tumble right out of the sky toward an uncertain end. It's like someone is emptying their pockets over the earth and doesn't seem to care where the contents fall, doesn't seem to care that the raindrops burst when they hit the ground, that they shatter when they fall to the floor, that people curse the days the drops dare to tap on their doors.

I am a raindrop.

My parents emptied their pockets of me and left me to evaporate on a concrete slab.
His eyes are two buckets of rainwater: deep, fresh, clear. Hurt.
I'm wearing dead cotton on my limbs and a blush of roses on my face.
I crumble to the floor, folding into myself like a flimsy crepe.
My jaw is dangling from my shoelace.
I catch the rose petals as they fall from my cheeks, as they float around the frame of my body, as they cover me in something that feels like the absence of courage.
Really, one could post the whole 'book'. It's nothing but hilariously bad from start to finish.
And unlike fanfic trash this is a published work.
 
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Florence

“This is what I *** to!”
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Anything written by William Topaz McGonagall, albeit in an endearing kinda way.
 

RLS0812

Just A Fox
kiwifarms.net
Last Rune series by Mark Anthony .
The books are extremely overly descriptive ( entire paragraphs can be skipped without losing anything ) and the plot line & established characters get derailed by book 3.
Book 1 and 2 seem normalish - book 3, the characters are now g@y and the established story takes a back seat to borderline er0tic fantasy.
 

Deadwaste

null is a GODDAMN SHIT BITCH
kiwifarms.net
Last Rune series by Mark Anthony .
The books are extremely overly descriptive ( entire paragraphs can be skipped without losing anything ) and the plot line & established characters get derailed by book 3.
Book 1 and 2 seem normalish - book 3, the characters are now g@y and the established story takes a back seat to borderline er0tic fantasy.
can i get a paragraph or 2 from one of the erotic scenes? asking for a friend
 
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