Battle Brothers 2021 - Face it, you're already dead inside.

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This is how I wanted it to be; an almost mirror reflection of my real life

Well change your ways because that is the only reroll I will allow :story:
I'm happy I get to decapitate at least one poor fool.

Meta comments:
You're definitely a much more aggressive player than I am.
2 I think! I am sure you got one as he was retreating too,

I am a heavy agressive player on the larger difficulties, I find if I hunker down and wait early game, It just ends up as bad a roll as it would if I was to go head on, later on Ill probably end up pulling back a little!
MVP Kane



Now the tutorial is done and we have the core of our players in the Abortion Boat we make our way on our journey to the big leagues. Our mission now is to acquire enough money to become wealthy enough to sort out shit when it happens, feed and fund ourselves and become Gods chosen people.

We start off moving south to the keep in search of contracts, perhaps a nice fight with some thieving raiders? a caravan to guard as it moves north? perhaps searching for someone or searching and clearing some ruins nearby! This could be promising! only by the time we get there, the contracts are locked because we are essentially shit with no name lmao. This is a bummer, no contract means we will have to travel north in search of glory, perhaps finding a kingdom to sell ourselves to like the cheap whores we are. While in the keep, I decide that It is probably best to buy some puppies from the kennel so that @BooWoo and @j666 have something to actually keep their minds occupied or use them to practice on moving targets. We welcome Redtooth and Varg, two lovely white puppies that are sure to last more than one battle in the future when they are put in use and become our mascots. With no money whatsoever really, Its decided to move north ASAP before funds run out and you retards start getting all mopey and sad.

On our Journey north, we come across some Bandits, If I was a ballsy man, I would have decided to test you all and go straight in. However I am not a ballsy man and I decide to hide behind a town patrol that was on the road. I wait for them to engage, and that leads us to our first battle. When the fight is starting, we sneak in from the side to steal some potentially valuable loot as these raiders are absolute nails and well geared compared to us anyway.

- J666 opens up the fight like the hero she is, nailing her first shot! looks like she has brought her accuracy to game here (this is not a good thing.) In counter to this, a raider turns from the battle and approaches J666. Why bother attacking the strong, burly, handsome and ferocious town guard when you can just go shit on the equivalent of a starving African child with a slingshot. Lucky for J666 @Bad Gateway is right behind her and meets the raider head on. BooWoo then leads up with a brilliant shot to the attacking raider, although unfortunately a lot of the damage is absorbed by the raiders armour. Unlucky, but it seems the Blind was probably just a little drunk in the tutorial. Bad Gateway then follows in with a nice whack to the head, dazing the raider.

- @Bumblino the spearboy decides that being a normal heroic person is not for him and flanks the raider from behind, spearing the raider in the back in the open, thankfully the town guard are keeping the rest of the raiders busy otherwise this would have been messy.

- BooWoo lands a shot on a raider preoccupied with the town guard and then lands another!! madness It is, this is a new BooWoo, who would have thought that fucking BooWoo would be the most accurate on the team at the moment. But its shortlived, as J666 shows just how deadly she is by landing TWO HITS in a row! one on an unsuspecting raider, the other on a town guardsman, thankfully I don't think he noticed so she got away free with that.

- We then receive our first killing blow! not from the monster that is Kane Lives (who has missed every fucking swing) but from our Phoenix, back from the dead and reborn in flame. @Looney Troons who made his way to high ground and stabbed a poor defenceless raider in the face with his spear. This is a good start to the character, lets just hope that he does not end up having PTSD mid fight in the future and going the same way he did in the tutorial. That would be a shame now, wouldn't it?

- J666 not content to sit back idly or even giving a single shit that there are town guard in the way shoots another without a sweat. Fuck the town guard, perhaps we could steal some loot from them too? This is followed up by our current MVP or sorts for this battle BooWoo! who has been near 100% accurate!! Unfortunately It is the same guard that J666 shot, but like I said, who cares lmao they are just in the way. J666 then rubs even more salt in the wound by shooting two more town guard just as the last raider dies.
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Kane Lives

Peace through power
Knew it, that decapitation spree was a honeymoon. :(

Is there a list of the individual bros stats? I'm actually curious to see who's the most skilled and who has the most potential future.


I love this game but, like XCOM, it makes you work for it. Do you have the dlcs and will we be getting gonnes in the future?

Give me a shield and a one-handed weapon and stick me on the front line.
You're in, Ill get you sorted when I next play, I don't have the desert DLC but I have the rest, once we are all dead on this one, I will probably do another in one of the DLCs! This one was only just an intro to the game and to see if it was fun or not!
Knew it, that decapitation spree was a honeymoon. :(

Is there a list of the individual bros stats? I'm actually curious to see who's the most skilled and who has the most potential future.
I will do a stat tally once I upload the final piece for today, Don't worry! you're currently probably the most OP at the moment!


So I have come into a problem, I have recorded a hefty episode filled with Drama and death. Unfortunately OBS recorded a pause menu. Which leaves us in a bit of a problem, as we have lost a fair amount of content. This leaves us at a crossroads. Either carry on and I will detail what happened, however this means that one or potentially more of you will be dead off screen. Or we start again, I make one large project to get us roughly where we were at the start.

The Video I recorded did infact show that it was recording gameplay, however as mentioned, it then turned out to be 30mins of a pause menu.

What would you like? Start a fresh with everyone in the game from the start or a big run down of what happened. Not happy about not showing the heroic death/deaths.


[/USER=80085]@j666,[/B] Thaks b[B ]
True & Honest Fan
What would you like? Start a fresh with everyone in the game from the start or a big run down of what happened. Not happy about not showing the heroic death/deaths.
i'm fine with just a rundown. it would suck to have to start again.



Our Mission continues to obtain money, obtain weapons, obtain bitches and bants.
We start our day on a quest to escort a caravan north to Tiefenbach. But not before bringing in our new member @Disc . This will pay a good 600 more golden sheks for the war fund. Its a simple journey and bags us the cash. Sorted.

When in Tiefenbach, we pick up another mission, one to hunt down some cunts who stole some shit. Pretty easy, pretty simple, these low level quests are exactly what we need, however we come into an issue! Just as we arrive the battleground turns out to be a swamp! Now for those uninformed, swamps have lots of water and are very boggy. Shocking! This is possibly the worst type of battleground in the game. When in water you get an accuracy and other stat decrease while fighting. So the only way to fight with the upper hand is to fight out of the shit.

The battle starts, its a fucking shithole swamp, however we have a very good position thankfully, with some solid land behind us, allowing us to pull back and leave the enemy slugging through shitty energy draining water. Result! we move back, get ourselves in better positions and have @Dial M for Misgender move south to pick people off.

- Dial M immediately pulls off the first kill sniping some wasteman from the water, with a brilliant throw of his analbeads or whatever the fuck he calls them. Following this, Varg and Redtooth are released. Lets be honest, Dogs are trash, so I sent them out to bog the enemy down so that @BooWoo and @j666 could do some sniping. My faith in them was probably misplaced.

Redtooth runs in like a madman, chomps down on some axeman, and gets a spear to the flank for it. Dial M sends Varg in, to chomp down on some wastemen too. He doesnt do much better than redtooth.

- BooWoo and J666 continue to disappoint me, missing shots left and right. Varg goes down shortly after!

- Dial M wastes another fuckboy, taking names and fucking bitches. What a beaut. Would be a shame if he died eh?

- Boowoo follows through landing a nice shot to a brigand, but the celebrations are shortlived as Redtooth goes down immediately after. So much for the dogs. Such a shame, if they were better animals they could have probably done more damage and lived through that. J666 then lands a shot in vengeance for her fallen doggo friend.

- @Bumblino not to be outdone, fucking murks some bastard wading through the water after a beating from @Bad Gateway . Following this, True to his nature @Kane Lives removes another head for his private sex dungeon decoration. BooWoo snipes some axeman, who decides to fucking split like a pussy ass nigga. @Kane Lives and BooWoo then decide to chase down the pussy ass bitch while the rest of the team gangbang a poor defenseless boy in the water. Our new boy @Disc pulls out his spear and sticks it right in his spine.

- Boowoo being the massive fucking letdown she is, misses the final shot allowing for the axeman to run off into the sunset.

Following this, we turn in the quest for the juicy fuck all money we receive. And I make a plan to do one or two more bits up north then head back south where the brigands are a lot fucking easier as its just nails raiders and barbarians. Speaking of which! Barbarians are spotted! being chased by town guard no less. Hopefully word of J666 has not reached them, last thing we need is them being worried about friendly fire. we jump in to the fight to snatch some fat loot.

As has been pointed out before, I am an aggressive player I make a mistake here which almost loses one of our premium members.

- I push forward, J666 in front to snipe some hunky, musky, barbarian boys. We are immediately set upon by a barbarian who decides, fuck it. Fuck the guard, lets go kill some weak babbies. J666 lands a solid shot but is immediately in range of a melee. Thats dangerous. oops. She will certainly feel the blow coming to her immediately.

- While the guard are fucking about with the barbarians, we surround the single lad in hopes of gangbanging him to high heaven and saving J666 who is sure to die lmao. Our prize boy Kane misses the head snipe, leaving me a little bit scared but its okay because the REAL MVP Dial M comes in with the thrown and FUCKING DEMOLISHES THAT BITCH ASS NIGGA.

Thats about it. Like I said above, we now come into the issue in which the video did not record, Depending on what you lads and ladies want I can continue, do a write up of what happened although the battles will be from memory. Or we can start a fresh as one of the fucking funny and fun campaigns that are possible and memeworthy!


*Stat write up will be on the next post


[/USER=80085]@j666,[/B] Thaks b[B ]
True & Honest Fan
:'( in memoriam of the puppers:



If the Abortion boat were to attack a caravan of travellers, but they were able to get away, would that be... a miscarriage?

Regarding the deaths, I think continue on for now. We don't know how this game works, so take this as a learning game. Circle of life, circle of death.