Becoming A Mermaid - 8/12/2019 -

L_I_F_T_E_D

kiwifarms.net
becoming a mermaid - 8/12/2019 (Day 55 of this 100-Day Nightmare)
Because I hate myself and my blood pressure enough to watch these "inscrutiateen" videos so YOU DON'T HAVE TO:

(Already earning MOTI points by getting upset over her video titles all being either UPPERCASE or lowercase, never Proper Case.)

- "A couple of months ago, a month ago..." (VagueLynn can't even remember dates of her OWN videos in this chronicalogical fuckuppery SI-CHEW-ATION)

- Great, it's a makeup video. More of this Trisha Paytas subscription box shit. It came with glitter. So let's monetize a new video (but not at the 10-minute level? Shame, GreedyLynn...) to slap glitter on her moonface.

- "I'm trying to show you guys what it looks like and it's getting everywhere!" (BITCH, It's called MOVE THE FUCKING CAMERA, NOT THE FUCKING GLITTER YOU DUMB FUCKING COW.)

*walks away for 2 minutes to calm down over this fucking blob not being able to move a goddamned camera*

- Liderally 1,000 excuses beforehand that she KNOWS it's going to be a mess, she KNOWS it's going to fail, but let's DO IT ANYWAY.

- We're 2.5 minutes in and there are officially two pieces of "glitter" stuck to one side of the moonface.

- Lovely closeups of the shitty nail polish that clearly gave up four monetization videos ago.

- Admits to being dumb around 3:20 and figuring out how to better use the "applicator". She CLEARLY read those directions, right? (Question: Is the HamBeast actually LITERATE? She certainly mangles the English language as badly as her poop-bun hairdo on a constant basis... She claims to be "reading a giant book", but is there any evidence she's actually reading and retaining information from it?)

- Admits to "looking like a kindergartener who just got into the art supplies". (If there are actual 600LB kindergarteners, that entire school district should be razed to the ground.)

- "I could be a mermaid for Hallowe'en." (Title said. Roll credits. This is SO not clickbait.)

- "I'm LIVEEN" (You're DYEEN!)

- "I would wear this in public" (That would require other people to be around you, and possibly violates The Foundation of International Human Rights Law. The United Nations may need to have a word with our gorl.)

- "This will be my makeup look for the rest of mah life." (Joke 1: This glitter is never seen again, booboo. Joke 2: Hamber dies so this can actually be a true statement and not a LAH.)

- "Are you guys bored? Probably." *continues filming this shit*

- *opens up SECOND glitter container* *much eyebrow jiggling*

- "The package says it comes off in water." *Eric and Ricky go to hide the pool as it's her main source of water*

- "A chunk went down my shirt. That's cute." (Poll to be set up to guess in which future video does that poor glitter chonk emerge and finally escape the folds of flab???)

TL;DR: STUPID FUCKING GLITTER. SKIP.
 

Wyzzerd

Magical advice for reasonable fees.
kiwifarms.net
Looks like all the whale jokes have been taken and DAMMIT, someone even made a manatee joke. What else?

Lovecraftian horror?
It's a known fact that her legs are the beginning of the end. Once they are unleashed upon the world it will herald the coming of the old ones driving all who witness them to madness. Their minds shall be opened to the void and their voices shall summon the gods of chaos.



Then some badass wizard will have to save the world, but not me, I'm busy.
 
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