Been selected for jury duty, but you’re exceptional -

[Fish-Eyed Fool]

What do?

 

[Slappy McGherkin]

Easy. Do your civic duty, show up. Be exceptional, and the lawyers will quickly weed you out of the pool so you don't have to actually sit on a jury. Or just say "I HATE NIGGERS!" That usually works, too.

The key here is NOT to blow off the Jury Summons. There's usually a phone number on it to call and 9 times out of 10, they cancel and you don't even have to show up.

 

[SmileyTimeDayCare]

Tell them Jury duty would be a hardship and when they ask in what way tell them it would interfere with your contribution to content at KiwiFarms then explain what KF is you'll be DQ'd in no time.

 

[NQ 952]

Don't blow off the summons, don't shout "niggers" or do anything that would cause the judge to hold you in complete contempt.

If it's a civil case, make sure you act as absolutely neutral as possible. You won't be dismissed until the end of the day, but neither lawyer in a civil case wants a true neutral in the party. This has happened to me twice, and both times I was kept until the end of the jury selection day then let go. I guarantee you it's because I stayed as neutral as possible. The people that got selected were all people who had opinions one way or another. I didn't give a fuck.

If it's a criminal case, make the lawyers or judge laugh. I was on jury duty for a major gang hit - guy took out like 13 people in a drive by. The DA and her entire team was present in jury selection (20-something people). They were all in suits, sat straight up - scary group of motherfuckers. I cracked a joke when they were interviewing me and made them laugh, which is why I think I got off the hook.

 

[MrTroll]

Just draw a swastika on your forehead, Charlie Manson style. Nobody's gonna get picked for jury duty like that.

 

[JB 236]

Just do it faggot

 

[Slappy McGherkin]

Don't blow off the summons, don't shout "niggers" or do anything that would cause the judge to hold you in complete contempt.

If it's a civil case, make sure you act as absolutely neutral as possible. You won't be dismissed until the end of the day, but neither lawyer in a civil case wants a true neutral in the party. This has happened to me twice, and both times I was kept until the end of the jury selection day then let go. I guarantee you it's because I stayed as neutral as possible. The people that got selected were all people who had opinions one way or another. I didn't give a fuck.

If it's a criminal case, make the lawyers or judge laugh. I was on jury duty for a major gang hit - guy took out like 13 people in a drive by. The DA and her entire team was present in jury selection (20-something people). They were all in suits, sat straight up - scary group of motherfuckers. I cracked a joke when they were interviewing me and made them laugh, which is why I think I got off the hook.

I agree to an extent. Each side in a case is looking for jurors that will be sympathetic to THEIR side of the case. So, it's not uncommon for typical questions to be like "Is anyone here related to law enforcement?" or "Has anyone here ever been the victim of an assault/robbery/break in/cartheft <insert crime here>?" Raise your hand, you're usually immediately dismissed. I have been called many times and have sat on a couple juries. While it's a pain in the ass, it's Civics 101 in motion and can be interesting to see how Judge Judy takes place IRL.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

Claim to be a citizen of CWCville.

 

[obliviousbeard]

Remind them, that as CPU of ZX Spectrum, "Speccy Sinclaire" it would be most uncouth for you to judge mortals before the merge, amongwhich.

 

[Zeta Reticulan]

Nothing makes my cock harder than getting to judge the dregs of society.

 

[Pina Colada]

When the judge isn't looking, replace his gavel with a squeaky hammer.

 

[obliviousbeard]

When the judge isn't looking, replace his gavel with a squeaky hammer.

That's weird way to type "your dick"

 

[NOT Sword Fighter Super]

I completely ignored my first summons knowing full well that they can issue a warrant for your arrest for that shit, and absolutely nothing came of it.

 

[Billy_Mays_SixPack]

I dont know go there and act like the most exceptional person in the building.

 

[Fish-Eyed Fool]

Tell them Jury duty would be a hardship and when they ask in what way tell them it would interfere with your contribution to content at KiwiFarms then explain what KF is you'll be DQ'd in no time.

Well I do contribute an awful lot.

 

[Black Waltz]

say the n-word

 

[Slappy McGherkin]

I completely ignored my first summons knowing full well that they can issue a warrant for your arrest for that shit, and absolutely nothing came of it.

Not a smooth move. However, a lot depends on the jurisdiction. Some take it more seriously than others. What generally happens is a warrant is issued, but not served. Until one day, Mr. Po-Po pulls you over for something stupid, like speeding or a tail light out, and guess what? There's a warrant for your arrest. Get in the po-po car, you're going for a ride to see the judge. Seriously, it happens.

 

[LazloChalos]

"I am here to perform my civic duty in accordance to the true constitution."

 

[NOT Sword Fighter Super]

Not a smooth move. However, a lot depends on the jurisdiction. Some take it more seriously than others. What generally happens is a warrant is issued, but not served. Until one day, Mr. Po-Po pulls you over for something stupid, like speeding or a tail light out, and guess what? There's a warrant for your arrest. Get in the po-po car, you're going for a ride to see the judge. Seriously, it happens.

I don't doubt it, I'm just saying nothing ever happened to me.

 

[Shaved Kiwis]

Just wear your Cannibal Corpse t-shirt with the severed dong and address everyone as nigger or better yet just run with it. You'll get a free lunch and a chance to fuck Tia Carrere.