Behaviour Differences Between Sexual Orientations

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The Carrier of Light

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Recently I had a thought about the differences in the behaviour of straight, bi and gay people (no trannies and stuff because my knowledge there is near-0). I'm straight myself and am not a homophobe, just really interested.

Anyway, since I came to the UK from a full-white country I have experienced a lot of different kinds of people. Not really interested in religions because I see them as a way to control people. But the prominence of fruits is what interested me the most (also allowed me to have a higher sample to base my thoughts on). Especially the behaviour that they have:

Assume straight people act normal and are the norm of how each gender should act. We have straight males and females who act in line with what they have or don't have between their legs.
Now, we have bisexuals. They seem to act normally and there's nothing much. Usually you can't tell they can both suck and take.
Lesbian women are usually anti-male in their behaviour and most are "feminists" or some other shit. But their overall posture and body language is also in line with their sex.
Then, we have gay men... and they are... what the fuck? I can 9/10 times tell if some man is gay just by looking at them speak and move their arms. Had a classmate point this out so I'm not the only one who sees this. These people are more feminime than lesbians... they are MORE WOMAN-LIKE than both lesbian and straight women combined. It's as if god or something spilled too much Chemical Gay while making them.
Not only that, but their looks give them away, their speech gives it away, everything on the outside gives them away as gay. But this is not seen in other orietations (well maybe apart from lesbians having a thing for short haircuts). Just look at all those male make up channels and look at their appearance w/o make up to see the similarities (face, eyes, hair, voice etc.).

Why is this? Why does behaviour seem similar in all orientations apart from gay men being anomalous?

Ok, I know this is more leaning towards discussion about gays but you get the point.
 

Marco Fucko

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Not all gay men act openly effeminate, much like not all lesbians look/act like bulldykes. If you're running into a high concentration of it then that's understandable, because much like the aforementioned lesbians that sort of opposite-gender stereotyping seems to be prevalent in depiction and I would argue depiction definitely can influence behavior. I remember taking a cursory glance at one of the lgbt threads and I've seen both lesbians and gays trying to find non-stereotypical partners since they don't really belong with the subculture at large.

Bringing that back to heterosexuality, how much of that behavior is truly "appropriate to gender" and how much of it is culturally repeated presumptions? I'm a dude so I can't speak to in-depth about women, but so much about "being a man" feels like bullshit that just gets repeated by people as a way of spreading conformity. There's a lot of pointless machismo thrown into consumerism.

We could probably sit here for eternity mentioning prominent representatives of sexual stereotypes and whether they lean into or back away from those stereotypes in actuality. Freddy Mercury gets claimed by the gay community a lot but he was technically bi and kept his emotional connection to Mary Austin for life, even comparing her to a common law wife, for instance. Furthermore, he was apparently pretty shy outside the stage persona.

TL;DR while there's a difference between sexuality and social behavior there's also social expectations that people consciously or subconsciously adhere to.
 

Syaoran Li

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Not all gay men act openly effeminate, much like not all lesbians look/act like bulldykes. If you're running into a high concentration of it then that's understandable, because much like the aforementioned lesbians that sort of opposite-gender stereotyping seems to be prevalent in depiction and I would argue depiction definitely can influence behavior. I remember taking a cursory glance at one of the lgbt threads and I've seen both lesbians and gays trying to find non-stereotypical partners since they don't really belong with the subculture at large.

Bringing that back to heterosexuality, how much of that behavior is truly "appropriate to gender" and how much of it is culturally repeated presumptions? I'm a dude so I can't speak to in-depth about women, but so much about "being a man" feels like bullshit that just gets repeated by people as a way of spreading conformity. There's a lot of pointless machismo thrown into consumerism.

We could probably sit here for eternity mentioning prominent representatives of sexual stereotypes and whether they lean into or back away from those stereotypes in actuality. Freddy Mercury gets claimed by the gay community a lot but he was technically bi and kept his emotional connection to Mary Austin for life, even comparing her to a common law wife, for instance. Furthermore, he was apparently pretty shy outside the stage persona.

TL;DR while there's a difference between sexuality and social behavior there's also social expectations that people consciously or subconsciously adhere to.

Seconding this, I'd say a lot of the stereotypical behavior of gays and lesbians at this point has more to do with decades of cultural conditioning and media depictions of the LGBT community than anything else.

For all those effeminate lispy gays, there's also a lot of gay guys who are true Chads like Rob Halford, to say nothing of femme "lipstick" lesbians like Portia Di Rossi.
 
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Lemmingwise

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Why is this? Why does behaviour seem similar in all orientations apart from gay men being anomalous?

People's gaydar (gay radar) is pretty accurate, not just for gay men, but also for gay women. There have been studies on this. We can even tell just by silhouette with some measure of success.
 

Sperghetti

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To be fair, there's a bit of selection bias going on in the sense that gays and lesbians who fit their gender norms probably aren't going to be immediately recognized as being gay. In fact, that's a thing that might not even come up until you know them a little better. (And it's not like looking at any LGBT organization is going to give you better representation, since those types probably don't feel the need to participate in the "LGBT community".)

That said, I do think it's a valid question as to why the stereotypical sassy gay persona seems to be way more prevalant than, say, butch dykes. It's definitely a social/cultural thing, but why? Is it unconscious, or are people actively trying to fit into it?

And there is definitely something about the voice. I have no idea what it is. I know gay men that do not fit that persona in any other way, shape, or form but there is still something slightly off about their voice that I can't quite pinpoint.
 

Orion Balls

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People's gaydar (gay radar) is pretty accurate, not just for gay men, but also for gay women. There have been studies on this. We can even tell just by silhouette with some measure of success.
My gaydar is awful. It's never been right. Meanwhile, people where I live seem to equate short hair with lesbianism, even if there are no other characteristics that would point to a woman liking other women. So, maybe something is messed up with the water table.
 

Otis Boi

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That said, I do think it's a valid question as to why the stereotypical sassy gay persona seems to be way more prevalant than, say, butch dykes. It's definitely a social/cultural thing, but why? Is it unconscious, or are people actively trying to fit into it?

The sassy gay persona is more of a social\cultural thing at least from my perspective. It has a lot to do with how Homosexual game when where treated during and after the repeal of sodomy laws. A lot of the time they where treated as just Sissy/girly/ect men and a lot of them started to accept that as a mark of pride.Basically taking the fuck yea I'm a sissy faggot what are you going to do about it approach.

Fast forawrd to the late 2000s now that the LGBT community is a shell of it former self and gay dating is 10x easier and you no longer have to be exposed to "gay culture" because gays men live more openly (and grindr) you have a lot of gay guys who aren't as effeminate because they dont haven't been exposed to said culture. It is a lot more effeminate men tend to be the LGTQ++ types who scream on about trains and how Trump is going to throw gays off roof tops.

TL:biggrin:R A lot of it has to do with how the gay community was in the past and since it has been on life-support for a few years now you are starting to see a lot of "normal" gay guys around. Also as a quick aside Effeminate gay men are pretty much despised in the dating pool at this point because they are considered to be insufferable.
 
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Dwight Frye

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And there is definitely something about the voice. I have no idea what it is. I know gay men that do not fit that persona in any other way, shape, or form but there is still something slightly off about their voice that I can't quite pinpoint.

That might be a conscious or unconscious affliction. I can think of a few famous gay guys who didn't sound like a stereotype: Michael Stipe, Robert Reed, Rob Halford, Anthony Perkins ect..

I think it does have something to do with how media has presented gay men for so long. They might be completely indistinguishable in every other regard, but that small tug on wanting to let people know might still weigh in.
 

Shiggy Diggster

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My gaydar is awful. It's never been right. Meanwhile, people where I live seem to equate short hair with lesbianism,
I know a lot of lesbians and 90 percent of them have at least shoulder length hair. For me, the best tell is a certain bulbousness to the forehead. It's not so much a large brow ridge as much as the whole forehead juts a bit further over the eyes than you see in straight women. It's the girl equivalent of gayface.
 

Orion Balls

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That might be a conscious or unconscious affliction. I can think of a few famous gay guys who didn't sound like a stereotype: Michael Stipe, Robert Reed, Rob Halford, Anthony Perkins ect..

I think it does have something to do with how media has presented gay men for so long. They might be completely indistinguishable in every other regard, but that small tug on wanting to let people know might still weigh in.
In some men it is definately conscious. When it was finally safe to come out (far far away from home), the friends in school who did come out, began to have slightly different affectation. Possibly to fit in with their new friends. Kind of like moving to Georgia then realizing a decade later that you've picked up a kind of accent, so people stop looking at you like a foreigner.

*Edit*- Dude, you did not have a lisp in school. Stop it!
 

queerape

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What I find curious that after straight and bi women, gay and bi men have the next highest rate of eating disorders and body dysmorphia. It seems that being attracted to men is the commonality between these groups, so there is a probable correlation between being androphillic and body dysmorphia/eating disorders. Meanwhile, obesity is more common in lesbians and straight men, who are gynephillic.
 

Slappy McGherkin

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My gaydar is like fine-tuned to 99% accuracy. Most of that comes with age and the fact I worked for a gay man for over 20 years. Effeminate behavior doesn't always translate to gay in men. It's sometimes a result of culture, that is, being wealthy and raised in the upper strata of society where going to plays, the opera, ballet, etc. is fairly common in their upbringing, education and conditioning in society. I've known several that fit this description and although their mannerisms and speech were definitely more effeminate than masculine, they were perfectly heterosexual with wives, kids, loving families. But on first meeting them, the gaydar would definitely start beeping, but false alarm.

Contrast that with the bull dyke I passed on the street yesterday with red plaid flannel shirt, black biker boots, hair short and greased back and her walk and demeanor -- all masculine, but also stereotypical of what we perceive of that role. While there is such a thing as "lipstick lesbians," they are very small in numbers versus those who take the "out and proud" version of lesbianism. I do think homosexual males have backed off the signaling of limp wrists, lisping, and being effeminate in nature over the past years. I simply don't see as much of it as there used to be and times have changed so that there's more acceptance of being gay these days. I haven't seen the same with lesbians, though. They are very easy to spot as couple together and most embrace a "husband and wife" type model and it's pretty easy to tell which is which. I've met very few lesbian couples where neither assumed a masculine role in the relationship.

Gaydar doesn't really apply to bi-sexuals, though. They can be anybody. Kyrsten Sinema being a prime example. Although she claims bi-sexuality, she's definitely feminine and stays true to her gender. There's no outward clues given about her sexuality, she simply comes across as a good-looking woman and acts professionally. It's very difficult to stereotype bi-sexuals because regardless of gender, they tend to stay true to their gender and enjoy sex with both genders. No real markers for the gaydar to lock onto.

Anyway, far be it from me to assume I'm an expert on sexuality, above being said strictly on personal observations over the years.
 

The Carrier of Light

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I simply don't see as much of it as there used to be and times have changed so that there's more acceptance of being gay these days.

Personally, I can't say much in comparing the 'now and then' aspect of behaviour in homos. Mainly because I never saw anyone gay until 4 years ago:

Yay white Christian country with 0 gays.

But it seems that the acceptance of gays in the society has led to an influx of this behaviour as no one is shamed for it as much as before. It's all good at the start and gays are more-or-less accepted, but now many gays do this shit and therefore easier to spot.
 
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As a homosexual, it really depends on the cultural upbringing.

I mean, I have a fucking boyfriend, but he and I both will see these people on TV, the drag queens and we'll instinctively just be like

"Look at that faggot. "

Not every homosexual is a prancing Nancy with a purse.
 

Fek

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Regardless of whatever flavor of vanilla, chocolate, or rainbow you are, sexually - I'd say that promiscuity is a major, major player in deciding brain dama- err, behavior. If people subscribe to flaunting their sexuality as a huge part of who they are, they seem to act more and more outwardly ridiculous.

Given what you mention of your background, I'd imagine you're picking up on the people acting like faggots far more because it's new and bizarre to you (though the "bizarre" part probably won't ever go away).

I don't think it has much more to it than that, frankly.

To the point:

As a homosexual, it really depends on the cultural upbringing.

I mean, I have a fucking boyfriend, but he and I both will see these people on TV, the drag queens and we'll instinctively just be like

"Look at that faggot. "

Not every homosexual is a prancing Nancy with a purse.

To paraphrase a lifelong (gay) friend of the family:

"You'll hardly ever even know a gay man is gay without getting to know him more. He's just another guy living his life who happens to like other men..

..But you'll immediately know a faggot when you see one."