Benedict Cumberbatch Skeptics - Believe the guy who plays Sherlock is being blackmailed by dark forces/his wife

[Sailor_Jupiter]

This is the looniest thing I've ever read. Is everyone on Tumblr retarded?!?!

 

[fire_fly]

I've said it a thousand times for a thousand different reasons, but... fangirls are fucking scary.

Thankfully most of the really crazy ones got shunted off into their own corner of the fandom and forgotten by everyone else, though. There used to be one semi-prominent fan blog (couldn't tell you the name if you held a gun to my head) that got deleted a while back, the girl who ran it was literally obsessed with Benedict Cumberbatch. Like, bought the cologne he wears so she could smell like him, that kind of shit. And allegedly she gave him this shirt at some event:

Seeing the stuff in this thread makes me think about that girl. I wonder if she's had a hand in it and nobody knows it's her.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

It's his voice. I did not understand it for the longest time because I only ever saw pictures. When I finally heard him speak in a movie trailer, I had this moment of "Oh, now it makes sense." He's got a very smooth, low voice with an erotic quality to it. Personally, I can't get past the lizard face but I am like 99% sure that's why he gets so many panties wet.

It's odd, I first knew him through his voice. He used to be in a radio sitcom called 'Cabin Pressure' in which he played the loser character. It was pretty funny, and completely different from what he's known for now.

Spoiler: Wut

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They...they do know that babies change positions right? Because babies change positions. They're not sat static in the womb. They move so the bump moves and changes.

Having read slash fiction, I get the impression that knowledge of the facts of life is not the fangirls' strong suit.

This conspiracy is fascinating. Having an adolescent crush on a celebrity is pretty standard, as is getting upset when they marry someone, but this is just bizarre. I guess it's the Internet, allowing these echo chambers to exist. Whereas IRL, hoping Benedict Cumberbatch's marriage is a sham would just get people to tell you to get the fuck over it and start masturbating over someone new, the Internet enables people to provide people with enough evidence to satisfy their confirmation bias to their heart's content.

I don't even pretend to understand the people who are into this conspiracy because they think Benedict Cumberbatch should wind up with Martin Freeman. I understand getting upset because you'll never be Cumblebotch's wife, but getting so into your slash fiction that you believe real people should rework their lives rather brings the phrase "you need to get out more" to mind.

I guess the particular kind of fandom that Sherlock attracts makes things worse. The creators really pander to the fangirl mentality, so they probably take it as a green light for insanity.

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

Wow... You really have to question your goals when you make 9/11 truthers look sane. Seriously though when Bandersnatch Cummerbund one day decides, randomly "Hey I know what would look good with this suit, a blue tie and pocket square," and this community freaks out entirely it'll be worth the watching and waiting.

 

[Ho Mo for Women]

Is everyone on Tumblr exceptional?!?!

Yes.

 

[DigitalLazerCat]

Jesus this is like the One Direction baby conspiracy again, only with Cumberbatch.

Spoiler: For Reference on One Direction 'Babygate'

Story from Buzzfeed
Archived Version

 

[Fareal]

The thing that surprises me about these folks is some of them are Brits. Britain's not that big a country. Urban, media-typey Britain is even smaller. Six degrees of separation theory is a thing. I don't even watch this blasted programme, but through coincidence I'm good mates with someone who's one of BC's good mates. These lassies must know enough people IRL that someone they know knows someone who knows/works with etc etc. It is literally impossible that if this were true, it would not be fairly widely disseminated knowledge or at least semi-anonymised gossip. It is impossible that the fandom, even its lunatic wing, would not have some actual confirmation of this theory if it were even slightly true. How does this not dawn on them?

 

[Sports Casual]

The thing that surprises me about these folks is some of them are Brits. Britain's not that big a country. Urban, media-typey Britain is even smaller. Six degrees of separation theory is a thing. I don't even watch this blasted programme, but through coincidence I'm good mates with someone who's one of BC's good mates. These lassies must know enough people IRL that someone they know knows someone who knows/works with etc etc. It is literally impossible that if this were true, it would not be fairly widely disseminated knowledge or at least semi-anonymised gossip. It is impossible that the fandom, even its lunatic wing, would not have some actual confirmation of this theory if it were even slightly true. How does this not dawn on them?

The main three are Greek, German, and Australian, so far enough away to not have any kind of link to anyone important.

There's some blind item gossip website called Crazy Days and Nights that seems to agree with the theory. The guy who runs it is a lawyer, so I guess he knows how to write nonsense without falling foul of libel laws. I find that whole subplot interesting because the skeptics can't seem to make their minds up whether he's 100% accurate in what he writes, or merely 'encouraging a narrative' i.e. making shit up but still somehow validating their theories. The tangled up logic is fascinating.

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

The thing that surprises me about these folks is some of them are Brits. Britain's not that big a country. Urban, media-typey Britain is even smaller. Six degrees of separation theory is a thing. I don't even watch this blasted programme, but through coincidence I'm good mates with someone who's one of BC's good mates. These lassies must know enough people IRL that someone they know knows someone who knows/works with etc etc. It is literally impossible that if this were true, it would not be fairly widely disseminated knowledge or at least semi-anonymised gossip. It is impossible that the fandom, even its lunatic wing, would not have some actual confirmation of this theory if it were even slightly true. How does this not dawn on them?

As an Englishman (not a 'Brit', fucking colonials) I can confirm my country is full of the kind of self obsessed, denial ridden, painfully single women who are 100% convinced despite all contrary evidence that Harry Stiles or Benedict Cumberbatch simply can't be having a baby because it hasn't come from their womb.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

As an Englishman (not a 'Brit', fucking colonials) I can confirm my country is full of the kind of self obsessed, denial ridden, painfully single women who are 100% convinced despite all contrary evidence that Harry Stiles or Benedict Cumberbatch simply can't be having a baby because it hasn't come from their womb.

Lest we forget, Britain gave the world David Icke.

 

[Fareal]

The main three are Greek, German, and Australian, so far enough away to not have any kind of link to anyone important.

There's some blind item gossip website called Crazy Days and Nights that seems to agree with the theory. The guy who runs it is a lawyer, so I guess he knows how to write nonsense without falling foul of libel laws. I find that whole subplot interesting because the skeptics can't seem to make their minds up whether he's 100% accurate in what he writes, or merely 'encouraging a narrative' i.e. making shit up but still somehow validating their theories. The tangled up logic is fascinating.

There's been a theory going around about CDAN for a while that Enty (original blogger) writes very few of the posts any more, and there are three or four other people posting the blog content. At least one of the sub-Entys has been posting crackpot nonsense for a couple years now. Full conspiracy theory shit, like beyond the usual Scientology related stuff. They have quite a different writing style to the rest of the content producers which iirc is how the CDAN readers first rumbled that sub-Entys were in play. If you were going to run a site like that, it would make sense to post totally incredible shit mixed in with the true-but-unprovable and probably-true posts to give you that level of "I wrote it for the lulz/ermagerd it's satire" cover, if you ever needed it.

@LazarusOwenhart I'm Scottish, so I shouldn't have spoken for your folk, apologies. I believed some of these individuals to be scattered in England and Wales but apparently they come from farther afield. I assume the Australian one is Dynastia, obvs.

 

[FangirlsAreWeird]

The weirdest ones are:

http://gatorfisch.tumblr.com/
http://aeltrileaf.tumblr.com
http://ladylastro.tumblr.com

I picture them surrounded by 40 cats and wearing tinfoil hats all the time.

Cray AF.

 

[MG 620]

Is everyone on Tumblr exceptional?!?!

Yes.

 

[CatParty]

Tbh I feel really bad for his wife. Not only will her surname be Cumberbatch and her children half-alien, she is now also being slandered by a bunch of thirsty fangirls on the internet.

https://thoroughlyskeptic.tumblr.com/post/158416781018/httpskiwifarmsnetthreadsbenedict-cumberbatch
https://archive.md/CCtR3

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

God I love that these people exist. They're wonderful. There's a sort of naive childish innocence about them, they aren't perving on kids or drawing horrifying artwork. They aren't doing things that make me sick to hear about. They just exist to spew they're fragile egos onto the internet whilst desperately trying to rationalize how the alien they're all damp nickered over could possibly want a wife who isn't a floppy middle aged housewife.

 

[Meowthkip]

God I love that these people exist. They're wonderful. There's a sort of naive childish innocence about them, they aren't perving on kids or drawing horrifying artwork. They aren't doing things that make me sick to hear about. They just exist to spew they're fragile egos onto the internet whilst desperately trying to rationalize how the alien they're all damp nickered over could possibly want a wife who isn't a floppy middle aged housewife.

"HE SHOULD DUMP THAT STUPID WHORE AND BE WITH MEEEEEEEEEE!"

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

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This starts to get weird considering the person who runs this tumblr is old enough to have a daughter-in-law. This really is a case of middle aged women raging against a woman they don't know and picking apart every aspect of her public appearance. They also keep discussing that she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and keep acting like medical mental health professionals? But that's on par for the course in terms of tumblr.

'News just in: Two mature people in a long term committed relationship don't spend every minute of the day staring doe eyed into each others faces.' Jesus fuck, do they think proper relationships function like We Happy Few and everybody has to be ecstatic all the time or be punished? These bitches haven't seen my usually beautiful wife after a twelve hour A&E shift!

http://www.xojane.com/issues/cumberbitches-tried-to-get-me-fired Also this made me chuckle.

 

[Dysnomia]

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This starts to get weird considering the person who runs this tumblr is old enough to have a daughter-in-law. This really is a case of middle aged women raging against a woman they don't know and picking apart every aspect of her public appearance. They also keep discussing that she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and keep acting like medical mental health professionals? But that's on par for the course in terms of tumblr.

So they worship Cumberbund yet disrespect his family by referring to his wife as "weirdo". Plus this is a middle aged lady who's depressed that she can't bang him. I don't see what is so hot about a guy that looks like a human/grey alien hybrid at all. But whatever floats your boat. It's not like any of these fangirls will ever have a chance with him. So what's the point of all this intense jealousy? Imagine wasting so much time running a blog dedicated to debunking Cumberchildren and the state of the marriage. I really wonder if any of them are deluded enough to think that maybe he'll divorce his wife and marry them. Like he'll get their letter or see them at an event and it will be love at first sight. It kind of reminds me of that episode of The Brady Bunch where Marcia falls in love with the dentist and goes full on delusional about it.

 

[Darndirty]

As an Englishman (not a 'Brit', fucking colonials) I can confirm my country is full of the kind of self obsessed, denial ridden, painfully single women who are 100% convinced despite all contrary evidence that Harry Stiles or Benedict Cumberbatch simply can't be having a baby because it hasn't come from their womb.

Also the British are crazy about their celebrities, even more so then Americans, I've heard many brit stars say that the paparazzi in their country is unbearable, many move to Los Angeles TO GET AWAY FROM PAPARAZZI in london...that's right they move to the home of tmz to escape their paps.

 

[Lalala]

Also the British are crazy about their celebrities, even more so then Americans, I've heard many brit stars say that the paparazzi in their country is unbearable, many move to Los Angeles TO GET AWAY FROM PAPARAZZI in london...that's right they move to the home of tmz to escape their paps.

Honestly if you see the absolute shite magazine stuff we get its hardly surprising, stuff like "That teenager from Eastenders is eating a pastie OHHHH fatass alert, look at these exclusive pics we got of her going to the toilet!!" These poor bastards can't even fart without a three page spread appearing in Hello comparing it to other celebrity farts, no wonder Bumbercatch ended up dealing with his nonsense.