Best "cautionary tale" LOLCows for today's youth -

[Chaton_Mort]

"OK class, settle down. Kyle, put your phone away or give it to me. Amanda, spit out your gum. Right. This unit is going to be about how to not destroy your life. Pretty serious stuff. Petra, help me hand out these reading packets. Now, these packets are all from things that people have put out on the internet. That means ANYONE can read them, and there's no 'backsies'- even if you delete/edit something, a screenshot could have been taken before you retouched it. If you put it on the internet, it's there forever, for everyone.

"For next class, please read the packet of selected tweets from TransEthics/Vikki Valmir. Now, this is a public school, so calm down, this isn't about whether it's okay to be transgender. As you go through life, you're going to have friends who tell you it's cool to drink. As you read through this, ask yourself, 'does drinking make this person cool? Or are they the most depressingly pathetic person ever?'

"Next, we have selected Facebook and Instagram posts from Russell Greer. Ladies, I'll be asking you in class how his posts and IG comments make you feel. Guys, pay attention. The essay assignment for this packet will be titled, 'How Not to be Such a Creep That Even Prostitutes Shun You.'

"The next packet is...uh, the next packet...is...um, hang on one second, no roughhousing while I'm gone."
<peeks head into teacher's lounge> "Oh fuck, my dudes, I only brought the first 2 packets for the Learning from LOLcows unit to my class! Anybody have the rest? Can you give me a quick rundown of what makes them Don't-Be-That-Guy examples?"

 

[PsychoNerd054]

The next unit in this lesson will be about how not to become so obsessed with your gender or sex. It will go into all of the dangers of being indecisive of whether or not your male or female, to the point where you believe everyone to be a neo-nazi. Your job is to express your opinion on the posts these people make on their Twitter accounts.

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

A tale about MovieBob and Andrew Dobson for an assignment for how not to act and how not to live.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

"The next unit is why TV should not be Uncle TV, and why it's not exactly a good idea to let a child with severe autism compete in a Sonic the Hedgehog sweepstakes."

 

[IV 445]

Tell the younger generation to never pose for pictures with their mouths wide open like they are part snake.

 

[The Fifth Waltz]

Partaking in the Furry Fandom will bite you in the ass. Keep your degenerate fetishes in the bedroom and offline.

 

[Yeeb-Renzo]

Never show or defend your pedo tendencies on the internet or elsewhere, like Shadman or BenTheLooney. Either stop telling everyone to accept you about it, or actually get some help.

 

[JuanButNotForgotten]

Take a good look at Spoony, class. This man was the funniest person on the internet, but less then in 10 years he turned into complete trainwreck.
Now look at DSP. You already know what he is most known for.
NEET - not even once.

 

[Rabbit without a hat]

Don't get into needless (which is most of them) shitfights online. It doesn't look good on both parties involved. If you must post about your weird fetishes online, then don't use the same username you use for your Instagram which has your face and school all over it.

 

[jewelry investor]

Don't listen to podcasts. If you do however, make sure you listen to podcasts outside your worldview/centrists.

 

[Cato]

I can't believe nobody has mentioned Alison Rapp. She's the lolcow that immediately came to mind for me as soon as I saw the thread title. Her life story is a "how to" guide for going from having a dream job straight out of college to being a rapidly aging, unemployed, unemployable, friendless prostitute.

 

[Rand /pol/]

Sargon Of Akkad teaches us all why you shouldn't make up an ideology and raise your wife's daughter.

 

[rappaport]

The way Raven Sparks groomed, married, cucked, and finally abandoned her son's school-friend Logan is a great reminder to teenage boys that female pedos are real and why you should not go down that road no matter how thicc her milf booty might seem to you in the moment.

 

[Ruin]

Jake Alley aka Secretgamergirl. Granted he's on the older side of the millennial spectrum but he's a perfect example of someone having their physical and mental health completely annihilated by identity politics and excessive social media use.

 

[The Big Vivs]

Don't forget the packet about Brianna Wu, she's the perfect example of how not to run a business, and how not to manipulate everyone you come into contact with.

 

[money bunny]

Tonight's homework is to read the section on how Fire is a good example of how transitioning will not magically solve your problems and is not something to be taken lightly. Male Fire had a career, a stable home, and a fiancee who loved him. After embracing his inner woman after playing around with wigs and makeup because he felt like a wimpy failure of a man, he's bouncing around from one disaster to another, unemployed, spending all day sobbing into the void on Twitter, and completely unwanted by anyone as either a friend or lover. He threw away a good life on a whim playing dress-up, and will never rebuild it because changing your entire identity actually brings a whole new host of challenges.

 

[Yaoi Huntress Earth]

Here class, we have the wily Jennifer Diane Reiz. A fine lesson on why you shouldn't cheat on your psychology test to achieve tranny status. As well as why multi-partner marriage, writing pretentious webcomics, and blowing your money on anime crap isn't as glamorous as it sounds.

 

[HIVidaBoheme]

Have a look at Zinnia Jones, while learning about the anatomy of the anus, rectum and colon is important you must remember shoving whatever you can up there and filming the degeneracy for the world to see will not fulfill your empty lives. Also in this packet we will touch about healthy relationships with your parents, which again don't involve a relationship your mother may have with your birthday party clown. And as an extra credit we will review why you must not lie about your education by posting obsolete or skewed data articles on transgender "issues" all over your social media.

 

[Autumnal Equinox]

Spoony for sure. Perfect cautionary tale about rushing into celebrity and fame, not realizing it doesn't last forever, making no plans to be financially secure and coasting on the donations of a dwindling fanbase until that well runs dry. Stupid bastard went from earning 5k a month in donations to less than 300, having his home foreclosed on and having to move back in (parents most likely) at age 39. No job experience to fall back on, no skills, no support. Fredrik Knudsen's video on him was very prophetic.

 

[Zelos Wilder]

Mumkey Jones has taught us all a valuable lesson.

Don't fuck pedophiles, no matter how much of a trap they look like.