Best of Kiwi Farms - Post great moments in Kiwi Farms history

[Cosmos]

Here's a place where you can dump all of your favorite Kiwi Farms posts. We have a really funny and smart userbase so it's very easy to find posts that make you laugh or give you some insight into something you hadn't given much thought. I'll get us started with some of my favorite K Farmer Kiwi posts.

 

[Audit_The_Autist]

I remember that one time that Allen John Jones III managed to piss off Fancy Bear. Those were good times.

 

[José Mourinho]

Never forget

https://kiwifarms.net/threads/hey-null-stop-being-a-dick.3020/

 

[Corrugated Daffodils]

Me. I'm the best.

 

[Done]

Has to be this whole thread: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/allen...spartanx170-webmaster16-noname360-axis.35266/

I have never seen a cow explode with so much content in such a short time span, Allen simply made every possible mistake you could ever make with your first post.

 

[El Porko Fako]

There's the now infamous @OwO What's This? copy pasta.

Hello Something Awful. First of all, I would just like to specify that this is not my account, this was loaned to me to make this post. I understand that account sharing is against the rules, but hopefully, considering the circumstances, an exception will be made. I will not be using this account for long. Lowtax is going to be giving me my own account tomorrow. He has not read this post yet, but I do have his permission to post it.

I am Kiwi Farms user 'OwO What's This?' you might have recognized my avatar from this funny YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APrBdP0bBJM

I imagine a lot of you have very strong feelings about Kiwi Farms, and that's fine. I'm going to lift the veil as to the motives of a lot of our activities, and as to why the site is gone now. I feel like I should do the former first.

First of all, something to understand: There was never a real war with Something Awful, at least not from our perspective. Doxxing in our community served several purposes, but believe it or not, none of them was harassment. With respect to your community, it was a tactic used to pop social bubbles, damage safe spaces, and lift a mirror up to your community. In that respect, it worked wonders, despite loving up hilariously a couple times - like when a 'double agent' informant got us to dox the Goatse guy. Let me tell you, I found it HILARIOUS, but there were those behind the scenes that were quite bitter about the trick. Whichever goon got us with that deserves a medal.

But let's be real: You wouldn't have been a fun target if your community was doing well. It's not. There were many of those within our community who not only felt like you would be a fun target, but felt a sense of injustice that a site that used to be so legendary, a site they were a part of, was dramatically changing into one that prioritized people's feelings over comedy. There is an extremely vocal minority on your website trying to play morality police and shut down conversation.

The decision to start this mock war with your website happened when your Shmorky thread was successfully shut down by the combined efforts of a mutinous administration and their defence of a user spamming up the thread for many pages to make it unreadable. But before poo poo got dirty, the site's owner, Null, tried his hardest to reach out to Lowtax and LadyAmbien to try to help while holding back the wolves best he could. When that proved fruitless, he stopped standing in the way.

A lot of laughs were had, and the only regret shared was a lot of it came at Lowtax's expense. The grand irony of ironies is that if you had listened to Lowtax in the first place none of this would have even happened - and he's the one taking the most heat. Which is not to say Lowtax is completely blameless... he really should've stood his ground on a lot of issues. Moderators were walking all over him in public. Almost any other community, your rear end would've been handed to you for pulling something like that. My guess is a lot of people felt 'immune' due to how close-knit the moderation team is. The massive solidarity walk-out recently is evidence of this. In fact, one of your moderators was so angry that despite hating Kiwi Farms, they were going to let us into the mod forum and archive everything simply out of spite. And we weren't going to say no.

And speaking of turncoats, for all the allegations of transphobia placed on Kiwi Farms, there's something you should know - almost 100% of the information regarding transgender members of your community came from transgender people in your community - people who felt like they were shut down for wrongthink by both their peers and the backing of the administration. Of all the admin panels bans (bans that don't show up in the Leper's Colony or on people's avatars) doled out after the grand doxxing, you only managed to hit one of our informants. Literally everyone else was innocent, and I'm not making that up to help anyone.

To prove it, I would like to let you all in on another ruse - Jenner is not a troll account. She is real. Because she was trying SO HARD to get targeted by us so she could become some sort of martyr, we came up with the narrative that we discovered she was playing all of you as some sort of master class long term troll. It was wonderful to see the bait taken by so many goons pretending not to have been reading the thread. But make no mistake - so many people bought it for good reason. When you looked at her behavior, you wanted her to be fake. That's what made the lie so appealing. It is a secret we would've kept and giggled to ourselves foreverhad Kiwi Farms not been shut down.

Which... brings me to that unfortunate story. Null is a huge believer in free speech, and would allow just about anything to be said on his website so long as it was legal. And whether or not you agreed or disagreed with our methods, it was legal. He sees the world as becoming too big and complicated for any major public figure to face any sort of scrutiny for their actions unless it came at the sacrifice of privacy. In other words, with the incomprehensible amount of people involved in influencing the world around us and the field of journalism becoming an entertainment industry, Kiwi Farms was viewed as the lesser of two evils. If it meant to have the dick pics of EVERYONE to get to the bottom of who is accountable for what, so be it. It is so easy in this day and age to sweep things under the rug, and if Kiwi Farms hadn't existed when it did, Shmorky wouldn't have been exposed as a pedophile.

And whether or not you agree with that principle, it was a principle Null strongly believed in. He sacrificed everything for his website up until the bitter end. Kiwi Farms made an enemy, one hell of an enemy. No, not Derek Smart. This was a man with no ethics or morals, who went to any end necessary to achieve his goals. He is a man so dangerous, that even saying his name on your website puts you at risk. Now doesn't that sound silly? I imagine some of you are chuckling at the idea. But it is true. He is a man that fancies himself a literal terrorist. And for the sake of irony, I'll refer to him as Voldemort.

Without the benefit of the KF resources in front of me, it is hard to delve into specifics. Voldemort completely ruined Null's life from top to bottom, but Null wouldn't quit. Even with himself becoming unhireable due to the harassment he faced, he stuck to his principles. He wasn't going to let someone else tell him what to do. That's when Voldemort started going after Null's family. But so principled was Null that for the longest time, even as his family was harassed, he still said no. It put him at an awful strain with every relative he had.

But finally, a line was crossed. Voldemort's harassment of his mother finally became too much for him to bear. His campaign involved sending childing pornography to everyone involved in her real estate career under an endless supply of pseudonyms. Her real estate license was revoked. And something else happened very recently that he has not gotten into, not even with me, that finally convinced him to pull the plug on the entire website.

Terrorism won.

As a final plea, I want you to consider some of the values Null shared, as distasteful as you might find them. Look at the world around you and compare it to the world of years past. In many ways, it has gotten better, but I have never seen censorship like this before. Mob rule is becoming the norm, wherein we're not controlled by the majority anymore, but an extremely vocal minority whose endless patience for harassment triumphs over people who just want to live their lives.

Don't let Something Awful become like that, I beg of you.

Thank you for your time.

Edit: Oh, and this one. Imo, this is one of the most underrated treasures this website has ever produced.

You're not on a first name basis with him nigger, now come suck our Kiwi Dicks you fucking cultist, for us Kiwi Farm members of the not lol cow variety are unrealized Gods





we also have autism

This post is so fucking terrible it's great. It's like the Troll 2 of Kiwi Farms comments. This comment was also so bad that @Omni got so much shit for it that he ran away from the website soon after his ban ran out. Also, I don't know who issued this warning (Null I think) but this is also the best warning I think I've ever seen.

 

[Done]

I just remembered the time @Dynastia asked @MysteryWoman about her clitoris:

The fact that this lead to an amazing thread is just the icing on the cake. IMO, Kiwi Farms is at its best when a seemingly minor post leads to a then-undiscovered vein of autism.

 

[CatParty]

 

[DrainRedRain]

Man, for me it's @This Fucking Guy and his series of posts showing his Russel Greer Sim.
Yes, he made a Sim (the game) of fucking Russel Greer and played as him. Last we know, this fucking guy (literally) will be in the news because he killed Greer and wore his skin or something.

Finally got around to living vicariously as Russim in the Sims 4. I did the best I could with the model, but of course the triangular mouth wasn't possible. I've settled for making him look like the most miserable prick that ever existed.

Aspieration - Chief of Mischief. He has the Dastardly trait, meaning that this sim performs stronger and more successful mean interactions.
Traits.
Hot-headed. This sim tends to be angry, can rile up other sims, and become angry when targeted with mischief.
Mean. This sim becomes happy when being mean or mischievous to other sims and become confident after winning a fight.
Evil. This sim becomes happy around sims with negative moodlets, can laugh maniacally and discuss evil plans, and becomes angry when interacting with good sims.

View attachment 319010

He's only just moved to his new apartment (thanks to TS he got evicted from the previous one) so once he's setup I'll post his adventures. Let's see if art imitates life.

EDIT* Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental

 

[DrainRedRain]

Found more

Well, Russim has a LOT of potential. I'm scared now - it's been his first evening and morning in his new place and there's already been happenings. I am playing this character as faithfully as Russ as I possibly can, one glaring concession I have had to make is that most of his usual online encounters will need to be enacted in sims RL. Improbable, I know, we all know Russ is a coward IRL.



I doubt I'll have the time to collate and edit lulzy material for a video. Perhaps an inspired Kiwi would like to take up this challenge.
I will have to time to complete some 4-chan-esque 'chinman' posts. They'll be' best of' compilations as I don't want to spam up the thread.



Soon.



They did, so it was a battle between selecting Evil or Jealous for Russim, but Evil won out and tied in better with his inherent mean-ness.

First night/morning and already lulz have been had. He cannot afford a laptop or PC now so he spent the evening staring blankly at the T.V. and eating some generic sammich. He's hankering after some Colossal Crunch. Scarily enough, he spent ages just staring at the T.V. with his cold, dead eyes. His food remains mostly unntouched.
View attachment 319111

Next morning and he's feeling the need for mischief. He steps outside and lo and behold! 9's and 10's are out running right past his house!

Unable to believe his luck, he calls over one woman who simply runs on - so Russim chases her up the street until he catches up to her.


At first he can't even look in her eyes, so he drools over her legs and breasts.
View attachment 319113
Within 30 seconds, Summer has him sussed out and gets defensive. Did she bring her rape alarm on today's run?
View attachment 319114
To my great sorrow, I missed an epic happening. Just before this pic in which Russim is pissed off with Summer's disgust and told her someone she knew had died (it's just a prank bro!), a Chad had run up behind and past Russim and Summer's eyes followed the Chad as he ran away. When Russim noticed this he straight up had a temper tantrum and got MAD.
View attachment 319116
Summer has had enough of his bullshit and stomps off, and if looks could kill Russim would be a corpse already. Maybe he shouldn't have jeered at her and mocked her clothes. Who knew?
View attachment 319112
After this encounter he tried to hit up 2 other women. The second one he alienated within 30 seconds of gameplay and the third was fairly tolerant until he sperged out at her disinterest and he joked about her clothes and shouted at her (or should that be sprayed at her?).

So in summary:

Russim spent the evening staring blankly at the T.V. while he fanatasized about ??????? in a state of perma-anger. He turned away the welcome wagon that showed up at the door - it was dudes, he's not hecking gay, alright?! He chased one woman on her run, told her someone she knew had died when she failed to show interest in him, and then alienated two other woman in the space of ten minutes of gameplay...

EDIT* Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental

It begins
Settling in

**In my previous post we had a disturbing peek into the life of a mean, nasty sim. What I didn't do was clarify that when our zero Russim approached the 3 women he ended up alienating, they were at first happy to converse with him and his appearance didn't matter at all.**

And so...

Russim retreats to his boudoir of awesome to mull over the day's humiliating events. He's furious. How dare those women, especially Summer, reject him?! They should be fighting each other to be first on his studly dick!
View attachment 320506

As he thinks, his twisted mind distorts the conversations and he convinces himself they insulted and laughed at him. Discrimination! Russim, close to exploding, realises that he needs to vent so he spends hours admiring his 10 form in his bedroom mirror. 'Would you do me? I'd do me' he slurs to himself.
View attachment 320507

Why weren't those women in his bedroom right now? What was wrong with them? Suddenly, a flash of inspiration hits him - the internet! If he had a computer he could *ahem* WOO any woman he wanted to his tiny heart's content! He calls his Mom to beg for some Good Boy Simbux, but not only does she ONLY give him enough GBS for a basic computer (I wanted the basement dweller 9000, MOM), she offers advice on getting a job and gives him moral support. THE BITCH!.
View attachment 320510

Finally, a computer. True to form, Russim begins as he means to go on, shitposting, stalking and drooling relentlessly on his new device.
View attachment 320513

Hours, days? pass and Russim is lost in a world of cyber-discovery and collates a fap-folder of the 9's and 10's that will soon be his. He quickly bores of trying to learn about the women he was *wooing* so settles for thinking of a plan that will have the ladies craving his dick. Suddenly, it strikes him - a book! Cackling maniacally, he begins his opus, a work for the ages - 'Why I'm making it illegal for female sims to refuse to have sex with me'.
View attachment 320514

It is complete! It took much less time than Russim thought it would, but now his 60-page book is ready to be unleashed on the world! Now the ladies can never refuse him! Russim stands next to his computer, fantasising about making Summer his and humiliating all of the chads and 8's and below that made his life a living hell before. 'I'll show them, I'll show all of them!' he seethes.
View attachment 320519

Thus ends the second part of our epic Russim saga.

Next - Russims book is received by the world, or is it? And we meet a new character. It is................. STUDLY MCGHEE!!!!!!!


*Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental

 

[Black Waltz]

Has to be this whole thread: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/allen...spartanx170-webmaster16-noname360-axis.35266/

I have never seen a cow explode with so much content in such a short time span, Allen simply made every possible mistake you could ever make with your first post.

I liked the part when he threatened to rape me

 

[timecop]

it was pretty cool when KF was shut down for a week or two

 

[DrainRedRain]

it was pretty cool when KF was shut down for a week or two

yeah, people powerleveled so hard in the discord server that i was able to make a list of "somewhat retarded people"

 

[Done]

yeah, people powerleveled so hard in the discord server that i was able to make a list of "somewhat retarded people"

Discord is an autism multiplier at this point though, so it's kinda understandable in a way.

Let's get back into content, the moment MovieBob hurriedly added a tweet at the end because of @Sexy Times Hitler's screencapping is one of my personal favorites, because it was completely unprompted, which is really rare nowadays:

 

[Gordon Cole]

Discord is an autism multiplier at this point though, so it's kinda understandable in a way.

Let's get back into content, the moment MovieBob hurriedly added a tweet at the end because of @Sexy Times Hitler's screencapping is one of my personal favorites, because it was completely unprompted, which is really rare nowadays:

View attachment 443174

You flatter me, @neural. But seriously, "troll farms" just reminds me of OPL and "4-cent_garbage".

 

[Big Nasty]

 

[Audit_The_Autist]

Remember that one time that we managed to convince a man that he was gay? It wasn't easy, but eventually we managed to get @Mikeula to come out of the closet. This entire thread is just pure comedy gold and ought to be mandatory reading for all new members. https://kiwifarms.net/threads/trannies-and-their-admirers.36405/

The drama from that thread was so good that it got @bearycool to make a shitpost mocking it. https://kiwifarms.net/threads/faggots-and-their-admirers.36432/

 

[BE 911]

Has to be this whole thread: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/allen...spartanx170-webmaster16-noname360-axis.35266/

I have never seen a cow explode with so much content in such a short time span, Allen simply made every possible mistake you could ever make with your first post.

Thank you for unearthing this. This is one of the best threads I've read in a while

 

[Big Nasty]

 

[MrTroll]

It's hard to pick a favorite, but probably all the posts in Chris Discussion calling him fat and lazy and making fun of his obsession with Legos and admonishing other users not to send him money. You don't get that kind of trenchant, unrestrained truth-telling anywhere else.