Big Al's Epitaph -

Tiny Clanger

Probably your granny
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
So. As we contemplate our gorl galumphing off to the great Cheesecake Fattory in the sky, what will she leave on this earth five thousand Horrid tarps, more plastic than Plastic City (We Love Plastic) and a huge debt to keep the legend alive?

The prose will be purple, the grave a wondrous shrine and the stone gradually hollowed out from where Density sleeps upon it, rueing the day she left Albert as, alas, too late did she realise she had The One all along but foolishly let all quarter-ton of perfection crash slip through the floor her fingers. What will the Next Grate 'Murican Awfor's final words be, emblazoned on a stone hewn from the rarest material and complete with a basin to catch the many, many tears as her loving admirers come from all four corners of this flat earth to emote their sorrow even as they celebrate the life, the marvel, the wonder that was Fat Albert Amberlynn Reid.
 
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CivilianOfTheFandomWars

Ran by AI
kiwifarms.net
Near this Spot
are deposited the Remains of one
who possessed Vanity without Beauty,
Insolence without Strength,
Ferosity without Courage,
and all the Vices of Man without his Virtues.
This praise, which would be unmeaning Flattery
if inscribed over human Ashes,
is but a just tribute to the Memory of
Big Al, a Gorl
who was born to crackheads
and died with crackling
When some proud Son of Man returns to Earth,
Unknown to Glory but upheld by Birth,
The sculptor's art exhausts the pomp of woe,
And storied urns record who rests below.
When all is done, upon the Tomb is seen
Not what she was, but what she should have been.
But the poor Gorl, in life the fattest friend,
The last to welcome, late to defend,
Whose honest heart is still her gorlfriends own,
Who won't labor, fight, live, breathe for her alone,
Unhonour'd falls, unnotic'd all her worth,
Deny'd in heaven the Soul she held on earth.
While Al, vain insect! hopes to be forgiven,
And claims herself a sole exclusive heaven.
Oh Al! thou feeble tenant of an hour,
Debas'd by nuggies, or corrupt by sugar,
Who knows thee well, must quit thee with disgust,
Degraded mass of animated dust!
Thy love is lust, thy friendship all a cheat,
Thy tongue hypocrisy, thy words deceit,
By nature vile, ennobled but by name,
Each kindred brute might bid thee blush for shame.
Ye! who behold perchance this simple urn,
Pass on, it honours none you wish to mourn.
To mark a Gorl's remains these stones arise,
I never knew but one — and here she lies.
 
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NOT Sword Fighter Super

"Cheerleeder" of Slapfights
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Near this Spot
are deposited the Remains of one
who possessed Vanity without Beauty,
Insolence without Strength,
Ferosity without Courage,
and all the Vices of Man without his Virtues.
This praise, which would be unmeaning Flattery
if inscribed over human Ashes,
is but a just tribute to the Memory of
Big Al, a Gorl
who was born to crackheads
and died with crackling
When some proud Son of Man returns to Earth,
Unknown to Glory but upheld by Birth,
The sculptor's art exhausts the pomp of woe,
And storied urns record who rests below.
When all is done, upon the Tomb is seen
Not what she was, but what she should have been.
But the poor Gorl, in life the fattest friend,
The lastto welcome, late to defend,
Whose honest heart is still her gorlfriends own,
Who won't labor, fight, live, breathe for her alone,
Unhonour'd falls, unnotic'd all her worth,
Deny'd in heaven the Soul she held on earth.
While Al, vain insect! hopes to be forgiven,
And claims herself a sole exclusive heaven.
Oh Al! thou feeble tenant of an hour,
Debas'd by nuggies, or corrupt by sugar,
Who knows thee well, must quit thee with disgust,
Degraded mass of animated dust!
Thy love is lust, thy friendship all a cheat,
Thy tongue hypocrisy, thy words deceit,
By nature vile, ennobled but by name,
Each kindred brute might bid thee blush for shame.
Ye! who behold perchance this simple urn,
Pass on, it honours none you wish to mourn.
To mark a Gorl's remains these stones arise,
I never knew but one — and here she lies.
Nobody going to pay to have that chiseled on her gravestone.
 
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