Biggest bullshit in a video game -

Dick Justice

Where have all the cowdogs gone?
kiwifarms.net
How is it compared to 1? 1 was great. If you were using mouse+keyboard, that was probably your issue.
It's possibly the best game of the decade, and that's not hyperbole. The problem is that it had a buggy release (now fixed), that the story seems nonsensical on the first and maybe second playthrough, and worst of all that the gameplay seems bad until you git gud. The difficulty increase from the first game combined with the windows and larger levels means that everyone falls into the trap of playing it like a tacticool shooter at first, like doorkickers or something and it's awful to play like that. Once you get passed that and learn to play it like Hotline Miami is when it suddenly becomes good.

Also m+k/b is infinitely better than thumbsticks, especially on hard where you don't have lock-on.
 

FuckedUp

Trump's half-Chosen
kiwifarms.net
Also m+k/b is infinitely better than thumbsticks, especially on hard where you don't have lock-on.
Mouse is definitely better for aiming in normal 3D shooters, but a circular analog stick is perfect for Hotline Miami's top-down 360-degree aim. Rocking an analog stick is much better than frantically shaking around a mouse; I can't imagine the cramps I would've gotten if I had to constantly jolt the mouse around in different directions multiple times a second, while still having less precision than with an analog stick.
 

Fagnacious D

and The Dick of Destiny
kiwifarms.net
All this talk about point and click games and no one mentions this asshole?

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One of the most infuriating and fucked up puzzles in the history of adventure games. Not because the solution is objectively difficult or obscure but because the solutions makes use of a mechanic late in the game which you were not even aware of up to that point.

Usually you try item x on person y, if its wrong you watch a little animation and try something different. Here, if you try interacting with the goat he butts you, you end up on your ass and goat strolls back to his position. Instead of watching the animation you have to click an object on the screen while the goat is walking back to his starting position so its a timed puzzle for the first time in the game, well past the halfway point. Sounds simple but because its totally unexpected its a real bitch. God help you if you don't have access to a guide. I spent hours wandering the screens in this section trying to give the Irish guys in the pub my soiled tissues for the 10th time just in case they give me some goat poison for it or something.

Most adventure games are bullshit to a greater or lesser extent but the good ones usually give you some indication or hint for the solution. Oh the fat guy told you earlier that he is going on a date? Makes sense giving him the flowers.

Crappy games give you no clues and you end up rubbing that donkey scrotum you picked up against every other item in your inventory and trying to give it to every character you meet only to be told to fuck off.
Old Man Murray had a fantastic article on this type of bullshit called "The Death of Adventure Games"
He uses Gabriel Knight's disguise puzzle as an example. At one point you need to construct a mustache with cat hair.

Gabriel Knight must disguise himself as a man called Mosley in order to fool a French moped rental clerk into renting him the shop's only motorcycle.

In order to construct the costume, Gabriel Knight must manufacture a fake moustache. Utilizing the style of logic adventure game creators share with morons, Knight must do this even though Moseley does not have a moustache.

So in order to even begin formulating your strategy, you have to follow daredevil of logic Jane Jensen as she pilots Gabriel Knight 3 right over common sense, like Evel Knievel jumping Snake River Canyon. Maybe Jane Jensen was too busy reading difficult books by Pär Lagerkvist to catch what stupid Quake players learned from watching the A-Team: The first step in making a costume to fool people into thinking you're a man without a moustache, is not to construct a fake moustache.

Still, you might think that you could yank some hair from one of the many places it grows out of your own body and attach it to your lip with the masking tape in your inventory. But obviously, Ms. Jensen felt that an insane puzzle deserved a genuinely deranged solution. In order to manufacture the moustache, you must attach the masking tape to a hole at the base of a toolshed then chase a cat through the hole. In the real world, such as the one that stupid people like me and Adrian Carmack use to store our televisions, this would result in a piece of masking tape with a few cat hairs stuck to it, or a cat running around with tape on its back. Apparently, in Jane Jensen's exciting, imaginative world of books, masking tape is some kind of powerful neodymium supermagnet for cat hair.

Remember how shocked you were at the end of the Sixth Sense when it turned out Bruce Willis was a robot? Well, check this out: At the end of this puzzle, you have to affix the improbable cat hair moustache to your lip with maple syrup! Someone ought to give Jane Jensen a motion picture deal and also someone should CAT scan her brain.

Who killed Adventure Games? I think it should be pretty clear at this point that Adventure Games committed suicide.
 

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Cod of War

kiwifarms.net
Saints Row 2's Tornado attack helicopter.

The AI will fuck your shit up with it. Practically all of my police chases end with a Tornado hitting me with a rocket, that takes half my health and knocks me down and then instantly firing another before I have a chance to get up.
 
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HeyYou

seriousposter
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
How the hell did you get that out of what I wrote? I’ll sum it up properly for you:

If a developer includes a mechanic in their game that actively leads players away from engaging with the game the way the developers intended, then it’s a bad mechanic. In a game that’s properly designed, your average player should naturally be driven to engage with the game the way the developer intended. If the “path of least resistance” instead leads players away from intended gameplay mechanics that you put effort into designing, then there’s something wrong with your game design - either the developer’s intended way of playing is awful and unfun, or the developers have given players an easy cop-out solution that lets them not have to engage with other well-designed systems that they would actually ENJOY if they had been properly coerced into trying it,

None of this is about what I personally enjoy, but about whether or not a mechanic actively undermines a developer’s intent in how the game is “supposed” to be played.
I see what you're trying to say, man. A good example is links in Kingdom Hearts 3. They make you basically invincible and do loads of damage, so why wouldn't you use them in every difficult fight? It's depressing seeing even players who've mastered the game use links in Data Vanitas' fight during the DM, instead of mastering it, because they didn't bother to balance them.
 

LatinasAreTheFuture

No niñas!
kiwifarms.net
Speaking of Soulsborne enemies...
View attachment 1094440
Also, I don't get how the fuck everyone says the Flamelurker is the hardest Demon's Souls boss when the Maneaters are the very next level and fucking Hobbes tiger pounce you off the stage. I had to grind and upgrade one of my swords so I could just slice through the first one before the second one even had a chance to approach me.
The edge of the fog wall is passable, so if you take a bow you can snipe one of the man eaters. 1 on 1 they aren’t too bad.
 

Elric of Melnibone

kiwifarms.net
Speaking of Soulsborne enemies...
View attachment 1094440
Also, I don't get how the fuck everyone says the Flamelurker is the hardest Demon's Souls boss when the Maneaters are the very next level and fucking Hobbes tiger pounce you off the stage. I had to grind and upgrade one of my swords so I could just slice through the first one before the second one even had a chance to approach me.
For flamelurker just hang out to the left of the entrance behind the bone pillar things and after he charges over there quickly run around to the other side, then his AI will bug out and he will continuously walk into the bone wall. Spam R1 like a true dark souls expert.
 
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Dumpster dived waifu

Sieg heil mein waifu
kiwifarms.net
For flamelurker just hang out to the left of the entrance behind the bone pillar things and after he charges over there quickly run around to the other side, then his AI will bug out and he will continuously walk into the bone wall. Spam R1 like a true dark souls expert.
Thanks to poor planning, a surprising amount of bosses in dark souls 1 and demons souls can be cheesed. Its fucking disappointing that there are a few cheap bosses that tempt you with cheese. Looking at you Allant, you unbalanced fuck.
 
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FuckedUp

Trump's half-Chosen
kiwifarms.net
The edge of the fog wall is passable, so if you take a bow you can snipe one of the man eaters. 1 on 1 they aren’t too bad.
I know about it now, but that's still bullshit. I beat the 1-2 boss on my first try with the logical method of taking cover and shooting arrows from above instead of running up and trying to attack the giant with a sword, which is apparently blatant cheating but exploiting an actual programming oversight is a legit and commonly-accepted strategy :roll:
 

Book Thievery

Literature Liberator
kiwifarms.net
Gather 'round, Kiwis. I'd like to share with you a special brand of bullshit by painting a picture in your head. So sit back, relax, and let me tell you a story.

Imagine, if you will, you're playing a game, any game you'd like. You've fought and clawed your way through the various challenges, and now you're at the final boss. It's been quite difficult, and your resources are beginning to run dry. You mentally brace yourself for the final encounter, taking deep breaths as the cutscene begins to play. Then, just as the cutscene ends and the fight begins, you die. By what you ask? Why, an enemy attack from a boss fight TWO LEVELS AGO!

Sounds like bullshit, right? In fact, that sounds so egregiously bullshit that you may feel inclined to believe I'm making things up. But rest assured, Kiwis, the bullshit I am describing is real. Just watch a few seconds of this video by Jaimers.

As you might imagine, I have died quite a few times to this issue. I like this game a lot, but dying to it was very frustrating indeed. The good news is that we now know the reason why this happens.

As I had alluded to a few paragraphs ago, this is actually caused by a boss fight from an earlier stage. The fourth stage boss consists of a twin boss fight with two phases. During the first phase, you must fight both of them at once. When you defeat one, you have to fight the second one solo with stronger attacks. However, what's important for this glitch is what happens during the first phase.

Here is a timestamp from the same video for reference:

Near the end of the first phase of the battle, Yuki and Mai will launch a series of homing lasers as part of their final attack pattern. (16:10 in the video). These lasers are what kills you in the encounter with the final boss. How? Notice that Jaimers defeats Yuki (the one wearing black) while the lasers are still on-screen. When those lasers are on-screen when Yuki or Mai is defeated, their hitbox is disabled, and they are flagged to be immobile and invisible. However, they are not erased from the game's memory. Once you encounter Shinki in the sixth and final stage, and the cutscene with her ends, those lasers will reactivate, with their hitbox reenabled and mobile once more. If at this point you collide with these (now invisible) lasers, you will die.

I want to emphasize that this game originally came out in 1998, and this video was uploaded in 2018. That means that this glitch was a total mystery for about twenty whole years.

I guess the moral of this story is "Friends don't let friends program drunk."
 
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אΩ+1

The Aleph
kiwifarms.net
The funny thing about SecuROM DRM. because the version include with Spore was unable to be removed unless you overwrite your entire hard drive and that rewrite machine code by itself to it's own processes and patching bytes which if you use a SecuROM game with out no CD patch included Windows 10 considers it malware and is considered a vulnerability by Microsoft
 

moocow

Moo.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
because the version include with Spore was unable to be removed unless you overwrite your entire hard drive and that rewrite machine code by itself to it's own processes and patching bytes which if you use a SecuROM game with out no CD patch included Windows 10 considers it malware and is considered a vulnerability by Microsoft
There's a sentence in there somewhere, I'm sure...
 

CrystalRoserade

Local Weeb Translator
kiwifarms.net
There's a sentence in there somewhere, I'm sure...
To translate to the best of my ability:
"The version included with Spore was unable to be removed, unless you overwrite your entire hard drive. If you play a game with SecuROM DRM without a certain patch, Windows 10 considers it malware."
 
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