Nah, the self-insert is clearly Grumpy Bear. "World-weary," likes technology, a loner, sick of everyone else's positive attitudes. Total Bob. I guess he really is a bear.So Carol is Bob's self-insert in this fic, right?
Cliff's Notes or Wikipedia at best. Maybe he was taught it senior year in high school, but that suggests he was in an honors or AP class, and I kind of doubt that. Either way, his most in depth experience with it was probably the Star Trek episode "Space Seed."All of this, and an absolute zero percent chance Bob has ever actually read the original Paradise Lost. Maybe some bowdlerized class notes version, but I doubt even that. The language and concepts would have been far beyond his comprehension. It would frustrate and bore him. Whatever he thinks he knows about it is whatever scraps of pop knowledge are out there floating in the ether.
He does, but he made the argument that seeing a film because it's got a hot scene is no different than seeing a film for a good action scene.Not sure if Bob knows the difference between a good movie or spank bank. I'm thinking he only likes the Harley Quinn movie because he feverishly knuckle slams his slug dumpling to Margot Robbie.
You inspired me to make my own.If Bob really wants a "Cars shrunken down and confused for Hot Wheels" movie, he could have the cars be highly technologically advanced spacecar weapons that get shrunken down by a group of evil spies who burst into the laboratory where they were developed with the intent to steal them and smuggle them out of the country. A few of the scientists who worked on the space cars get shrunken down by accident, and they hop in the now shrunken spacecars and drive them away, escaping the evil spies. Once out on the street, the shrunken supercars run into a small boy who mistakes them for Hot Wheels, scoops them up and takes them home. It's up to the teeny scientists to escape from the boy, find more fuel to power their supercars (they had to use it all up in their escape attempt,) and find a way to get the cars to the authorities and restored to their regular size before the evil spies track them down. There. You now have a premise for a throwaway kids movie based on a toy franchise. The whole thing could be 3-D animated by Illumination for a song. Yer welcome. I want ten percent of the take from the toy sales in exchange for this idea.
That would end... badly. "What do you get when cross a diabetic genius movie critic with a society that is run by obsolete mayonnaise ghouls and steals his Superior Future? I'll tell you what you get, friendo. You get what you fucking deserve!"I could also see him planning to have a cameo as the Bill Hicks-ish standup comedian who of course totally belongs in a theoretical Care Bears movie. Oh God, did Bob try to be a standup comic once upon a time? I can totally picture it.
Products/media that really push the fact they're progressive in marketing usually suck.
Remember Bob’s tweet about the Mayonnaise Ghouls stealing the future he “earned” where he talked about how if it wasn’t for them, he’d be uploading his immortal conscience into a robot body? Well the way he mentions overcoming death in this one reminds me of that, and lends credence to the theory that I and others have postulated on here that at least part of Bob’s desire for a Star Trek-style utopia stems from the belief that such a future will alleviate him of any health issues that he’s facing. Which begs the question, at what point did Bob’s Superior Future sperging really take off, because he was diagnosed with diabetes in 2015 IIRC and it wouldn’t surprise me if there was a connection there.
No coherent thoughts, huh?
You know they will eventually, because every vintage kids franchise has to be milked in an age when every studio wants to bank on IPs with a built in audience. The point is, even souless cashgrabs like this will have more thought put into them by their studio writers, than Bob puts into his own creations. Even that awful Battleship movie, that slime molds could see was a horrible mistake just by looking at the trailer alone, had a better story than whatever Bob could have come up with. He'd probably would have had the Battleship fleet be filled with MAGA loving redneck soldiers who'd purposefully shoot down a saucer full of big-eyed alien immigrant children, and the surviving alien children would have to band together to take out the evil military fleet. The ending battle would occur onboard an aircraft carrier where Donald Trump was giving a big "Mission Accomplished" speech complete with banner that would be destroyed in slow motion by a band of aliens dressed like Antifa members. The aliens would win and use their technology to create a borderless world where men like Bob could teleport to chintzy, overpriced urban steakhouses located thousands of miles away from their Manhattanized, moon-wheat growing home towns.He does, but he made the argument that seeing a film because it's got a hot scene is no different than seeing a film for a good action scene.
It's a fair point, you know what they say about broken clocks. Films like Basic Instinct and American Pie show there's something to that. I'll defend Bob more and say that it's okay that Bob likes femdom Nazi movies.
Like most of Bob's beliefs, it falls apart when it goes from love to hate. I remember Bob called the woman in Transformers movies (I think it was Megan Fox) a talentless walking real doll. It's okay for Bob to fap to Black Swan, Sucker Punch, She Wolf of the SS, or whatever Mario fanfiction is on his hard drive because they push his buttons, but don't you dare get a boner watching Megan Fox lean over in tight jeans in Transformers or play Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 to watch giant tits flopping about or you're a bad person.
You inspired me to make my own.
Don't make a movie.
Spoilered because it is almost off topic, but I don't think it is.
In the 1970s there was a Japanese TV series about a guy in a rubber suit pretending to be a robot who fought evil. This particular show was called Kikaider, and one of his archenemies was his evil counterpart, the Hakaider.
In 1994, a gritty reboot was made about the adventures of the Hakaider, with the hilarious title Mechanical Violator Hakaider which sounds like a Red Letter Media character.
It is an SF post-apocalypse superhero retelling of Paradise Lost., complete with God played like Michael Jackson. I shit you not.
I have no idea if the Hakaider in the original series is true to its personality in the film, but Honi soit qui mal y pense.
To be fair, a racing movie set in a massive, heavily urbanized sci-fi world could be an interesting popcorn flick. The problem would be dissociating it from the Hot Wheels brand. Hot Wheels has brand recognition, but utilizing it would make the movie seem like more of a soulless cash grab and/or a 90 minute toy advertisement, instead of a fun summer flick.All this talk of Hot Wheels: The Movie tickled something in the back of my brain. Didn't they try to cash in on a movie before? Or was that back in the Berenstein timeline?
Thankfully I wasn't losing my mind, they did try a (series!) of hotwheels movies and they were all trash.
Those two have a lot in common, atleast on a surface level. They both are incredibly narcissistic, insert themselves everywhere and have a fantasy where they are important (Chris is a goddess in a alternate dimension that will merge with ours and Bob will travel the galaxy with his brain downloaded in a robot body). Also, they are both afraid of exercise and eating healthy.I like that Bob's brain only perceives and creates things based around existing brands.
He's like Chris Chan.