Careercow Bob "MovieBob" Chipman - A 39 year old Obese Fascist Eugenics-Loving Elitist Pop Culture Consoomer/Critic/Basement Dweller with a Mario & MCU Fetish Leading us to a Superior Future!

  • Apologies for the site issues. The server's shipment was delayed. I'll ask again about it and if they can't provide it I'll source another.

How will Bob spend the rest of the year?

  • Getting roasted by other lefties due to his genocidal insanity

  • Learning to code

  • Learning Mandarin Chinese

  • Poisoning himself with his cooking

  • Getting fired from The Escapist

  • Losing his legs to diabetes

  • Registering an account on Kiwi Farms

  • Your choice (Please describe in detail)


Results are only viewable after voting.

Judge Dredd

Senior Layout Artist
kiwifarms.net
To be fair, a racing movie set in a massive, heavily urbanized sci-fi world could be an interesting popcorn flick. The problem would be dissociating it from the Hot Wheels brand. Hot Wheels has brand recognition, but utilizing it would make the movie seem like more of a soulless cash grab and/or a 90 minute toy advertisement, instead of a fun summer flick.
Then again, I'm probably reading too much into this.
But what makes this funny to me is we're coming up with these wild movie ideas that are head and shoulders above Bob's. The reason they are is because we're not being pretentious. We're not pretending these silly movie ideas are anything other than that: silly. We don't try to make them seem like something more than what they are.
Robert Chipman, He of the Moving Pictures, on the other hand, takes his asinine ideas and actually presents them seriously, and if you don't get it it's because you're a small-brained, inbred mayonnaise wasteland ghoul. He tries to present his autistic vomit as something deep and insightful.
Throwing around dumb movie ideas can be fun. My favorite RLM moment is Mike's pitch for a "boy in the wall" horror film called "The Inside".

But your point about a soulless cash grab or a toy advertisement is spot on. Bob loves the old Transformers TV show and movies. Like before, he has a reasonable point taken to a dumb extreme.

I like the 1986 Transformers animated movie. Good animation, great soundtrack, and above all fun despite (or perhaps because) it's a toy ad and Star Wars rip off who's goal was to kill off the old characters so kids would want the new toys. But there's more to films than that and Bob refuses to move on past his nostalgia. I'd bet that Michael Bay Transformers movie used the designs from his childhood and Megan Fox played a ball busting lesbian, he'd give it 11/10.

Apparently Bob has access to his old Big Picture episodes and he’s been reuploading them on his YouTube channel.
Has he reposted the episode where he calls Halo racist?

According to Social Blade, Robert loses an average of 66 subscribers a day and has lost around 2K subs in the last 30 days. So not only has he failed to grow his channel over the last few years, he's now actively losing subs:
What makes this funny is that he's been promoted by everybody from Geek.com, ScrewAttack, The Escapist, and (according to Razorfist) Jay Leno, and he still struggles to get the number of views and subscribers as the likes of Razorfist, The Quartering, Nick Rekieta, even Null gets more views on his random streams than Bob does for his videos that require hundreds of hours of editing per episode.

What's the over/under on, assuming he does one, what Bob's Sonic review review will be like? My money is him questioning why are Sonic's arms blue.
Serious answer. He's going to give it a middle of the road review.

He hates Sonic movie fans for successfully getting the design changed, and Birds of Prey fans are lying about the movies fans being bigots to try and stop it beating Birds of Prey at the box office.
Bob might even meet Albert Einstein at the theater. Even if it's great, he's not going to give it above average to be a good ally to lefty Twitter.

However, FilmRobert can't bring himself to badmouth a childhood favorite. The film appears to follow the western canon instead of the Japanese canon used since Sonic Adventures, Bob says he didn't like the Japanese canon so that's a point in it's favor. It doesn't have the extended Sonic cast in the trailer, another point since Bob hates all the extended cast (his ideal Sonic game opens with them all being killed off). I don't know if Bob likes SatAM, I'm guessing he liked the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon which was more childish and shit. The film doesn't seem to be a train wreck on the level of Pixel's or The Room, and the producers gave enough of a shit to change the Sonic design, which shows somebody gave at least a fraction of a fuck.

My prediction. 2 stars. Low enough to shit on the film and keep good with lefty Twitter, but not so low that he has to cry himself to sleep at having helped kill a childhood icon. If they show the Sonic 1 Robotnic ship, 3 stars.
 
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King Dead

Cops are better when they're mecha.
kiwifarms.net
Throwing around dumb movie ideas can be fun. My favorite RLM moment is Mike's pitch for a "boy in the wall" horror film called "The Inside".
That remains one of the funniest things they've done in recent years. I can't rewatch it enough. But it also perfectly illustrates the difference between the dumb movie ideas that RLM and kiwis have come up with, and the ones Bobby has.

RLM's horror movie concept is built off of understanding the current horror movie scene and creating a parody of that concept. Mike and Jay have been watching a lot of modern horror movies to make fun of them, and through that they've built up a knowledge of the current tropes that are being used and abused. Mike strings these together and comes up with the dumbest concept he can think of, and it still manages to feel consistent with modern horror movies. It helps that a lot of modern horror movies are dumb anyway, but that's beside the point. Point is, you can visualize it clearly and actually believe that a producer like Blumhouse would greenlight it, even as a serious effort. While they sometimes talk about their ideas for things they're a fan of (Mike's Picard show concept being a good example), the whole RLM gang understands that Hollywood is full of hack frauds that don't know shit about anything they're producing, so their ideas are usually parodies of "what's the absolute dumbest thing they could do with this franchise?" It's funny until it becomes sad whenever it turns out they accidentally predicted what ended up happening.

As @Sexy Senior Citizen said, Bob takes his ideas very seriously, and he seems to believe that his reimaginings would be definite box office successes instead of hot garbage. For a supposed film critic, he really doesn't know how these corporate schlock movies are put together, so his own concepts come across as ridiculously out-of-touch. That's when they're not the super lazy ones that are just "[random franchise] + [actress Bob is jacking off to]. $1 billion idea. Call me, Hollywood." Instead of giving you a parody to laugh at or a concept you'd really want to see, Bob's ideas make you go "...what?"
 

The tired cat

Fluffy angel of death
kiwifarms.net
Ya know, I want for someone to take that Care Bears idea and do what they did with that Jack Chick D&D comic, turn into the most satirical-exploitation fest possible and just go for bonus mocking all of Bobos writing. Him being dumb than a sack of potatoes, hed probably consider it amazing.
 

BR55

kiwifarms.net
That remains one of the funniest things they've done in recent years. I can't rewatch it enough. But it also perfectly illustrates the difference between the dumb movie ideas that RLM and kiwis have come up with, and the ones Bobby has.

RLM's horror movie concept is built off of understanding the current horror movie scene and creating a parody of that concept. Mike and Jay have been watching a lot of modern horror movies to make fun of them, and through that they've built up a knowledge of the current tropes that are being used and abused. Mike strings these together and comes up with the dumbest concept he can think of, and it still manages to feel consistent with modern horror movies. It helps that a lot of modern horror movies are dumb anyway, but that's beside the point. Point is, you can visualize it clearly and actually believe that a producer like Blumhouse would greenlight it, even as a serious effort. While they sometimes talk about their ideas for things they're a fan of (Mike's Picard show concept being a good example), the whole RLM gang understands that Hollywood is full of hack frauds that don't know shit about anything they're producing, so their ideas are usually parodies of "what's the absolute dumbest thing they could do with this franchise?" It's funny until it becomes sad whenever it turns out they accidentally predicted what ended up happening.

As @Sexy Senior Citizen said, Bob takes his ideas very seriously, and he seems to believe that his reimaginings would be definite box office successes instead of hot garbage. For a supposed film critic, he really doesn't know how these corporate schlock movies are put together, so his own concepts come across as ridiculously out-of-touch. That's when they're not the super lazy ones that are just "[random franchise] + [actress Bob is jacking off to]. $1 billion idea. Call me, Hollywood." Instead of giving you a parody to laugh at or a concept you'd really want to see, Bob's ideas make you go "...what?"
I think the biggest problem with Bob's pitches is the sheer tonal dissonance.
Care Bears meets Paradise Lost" is dumb. It's really fucking dumb.
You have these themes of the nature of God, rebellion, order vs. chaos, free will vs. fate, the human soul, a revolt of the angels and all this Paradise Lost stuff grafted on to the motherfucking Care Bears.
That will never not be utterly exceptional.
Add on top of that Bob blatantly ripping off the MCU in terms of character interaction, action sequences, and general tone.
Seriously imagine Captain America saying "Avengers Assemble".
Now imagine that same tone of voice and inflection applied to Tenderheart saying "Care Bear...Stare!".
No actor on earth could make that sound dignified or badass.
The same goes for Megaman becoming a proxy for Bob's working class vs. automation sperg out.
Or Captain Planet involving eldritch abominations and malthusianism.
It takes something fluffy and innocent and gives it a makeover with the insanity that lies within Bob's broken and twisted mind.
 

Drifting Panzer

If you don't drift the tank, what's the point?
kiwifarms.net
I think the biggest problem with Bob's pitches is the sheer tonal dissonance.
Care Bears meets Paradise Lost" is dumb. It's really fucking dumb.
You have these themes of the nature of God, rebellion, order vs. chaos, free will vs. fate, the human soul, a revolt of the angels and all this Paradise Lost stuff grafted on to the motherfucking Care Bears.
That will never not be utterly exceptional.
Add on top of that Bob blatantly ripping off the MCU in terms of character interaction, action sequences, and general tone.
Seriously imagine Captain America saying "Avengers Assemble".
Now imagine that same tone of voice and inflection applied to Tenderheart saying "Care Bear...Stare!".
No actor on earth could make that sound dignified or badass.
The same goes for Megaman becoming a proxy for Bob's working class vs. automation sperg out.
Or Captain Planet involving eldritch abominations and malthusianism.
It takes something fluffy and innocent and gives it a makeover with the insanity that lies within Bob's broken and twisted mind.
Methinks Bob's would be a fan of Fallout Equestria, if he is not already. I can see him as a closet brony.
 

BR55

kiwifarms.net
I think this one actually works, mostly because the original product was a cynical exercise in agitprop for children.
The Captain Planet script is the "most" sane of Bob's script ideas.
If only because it's not far off from what a woke big budget reboot of Captain Planet would probably look like.
For example Wheeler is now a Portland Oregon native environmentalist bro.
The russian girl, forgot what her name is, is now a Saudi Arabian Muslim because of course thats what she would race lifted to.
An antagonist is a Fox News Blight News anchor.
Big dumb action scenes.
A prologue in the prehistoric establishing the original planeteers as a shaman order.
An MCU style post credits scene because every single one of Bob's scripts has to end like that.*
If any of these abominations had to get made I would choose this one.
Because we've seen crap like this before countless times.
*Bit of a tangent but I seriously hate that everything needs a post credits sequel hook now.
Imagine if Lord of the Rings ended with Morgoth out in the void vowing to do it himself, again, Thanos style, Dagor Dagoroth confirmed motherfuckers!
It would just be dumb and all these post credit stingers are dumb.
 

The tired cat

Fluffy angel of death
kiwifarms.net
Methinks Bob's would be a fan of Fallout Equestria, if he is not already. I can see him as a closet brony.
You know, I'll say this as dumb as FOE was and could get, it least tried to rework Fallouts tech/stuff to fit the MLP world, combined working just as a silly "what if" and jusf stayed as a fan fic series. Bobo on the other hand actually thinks he has some grand Hollywood ideas of taking simple kids stuff and twisting em so much that American McGee and Tim Burton would tell him to take it down a notch.
 

LiquidKid

If Lions Like It, You Know It’s Bad.
kiwifarms.net
The Captain Planet script is the "most" sane of Bob's script ideas.
If only because it's not far off from what a woke big budget reboot of Captain Planet would probably look like.
For example Wheeler is now a Portland Oregon native environmentalist bro.
The russian girl, forgot what her name is, is now a Saudi Arabian Muslim because of course thats what she would race lifted to.
An antagonist is a Fox News Blight News anchor.
Big dumb action scenes.
A prologue in the prehistoric establishing the original planeteers as a shaman order.
An MCU style post credits scene because every single one of Bob's scripts has to end like that.*
If any of these abominations had to get made I would choose this one.
Because we've seen crap like this before countless times.
*Bit of a tangent but I seriously hate that everything needs a post credits sequel hook now.
Imagine if Lord of the Rings ended with Morgoth out in the void vowing to do it himself, again, Thanos style, Dagor Dagoroth confirmed motherfuckers!
It would just be dumb and all these post credit stingers are dumb.
It’s sort of an evolution of the final scene in the horror movie where the monster shows it’s still alive. It’s meant to test the water for a sequel. But this kinda fails because marvel movie guarantee sequels even if they don’t do well(because let’s face it, not doing well for marvel is still doing phenomenal for the average film). People just expect those scenes these days.
I guess it gives people an excuse to potentially read a random name or two in the credits, but that’s about it
 

Doctor Placebo

Israeli Autism Awareness
kiwifarms.net
Bob hates all the extended cast (his ideal Sonic game opens with them all being killed off).
This is another idea that's pique insight into Robert's twisted mind that I hadn't heard before. Did he say this in a video or an article?

As @Sexy Senior Citizen said, Bob takes his ideas very seriously, and he seems to believe that his reimaginings would be definite box office successes instead of hot garbage.
I could see his movies becoming popular in an Ed Wood/The Room fashion, where everyone laughs at the insane garbage this lunatic made.

That will never happen though because for the hilarity of Robert's movies to land, he would have to get access to a bunch of popular childhood franchises and then burn them all to the ground, which no corporation would allow. A dark and gritty Care Bears reboot that attempts to be deep would be an unforgettable experience, but it would also ruin the reputation of the franchise for a very long time. Too much of a cost for the benefit for studios. So even if we lived in a clown world where a millionaire wanted to fund Robert's movies, he could never make his so-bad-it's-hilarious pitches properly. Plus even if he made a ton of money, he'd be too vain to make more than one after he realized people were laughing at him, just like with his book.
 

Mola Ram

Self Righteous Ego Bastard Asshole
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
So even if we lived in a clown world where a millionaire wanted to fund Robert's movies, he could never make his so-bad-it's-hilarious pitches properly. Plus even if he made a ton of money, he'd be too vain to make more than one after he realized people were laughing at him, just like with his book.
The real problem is Bob's ego and personality would never allow him to work on any sort of collaborative project, certainly not something on the level and complexity of even a modestly budgeted Hollywood film. The best case scenario is someone buys Bob's screenplay then shuts him out of the process entirely, free to make whatever alterations they want in the hopes of salvaging it. But the crap he writes is too insane even for that scenario.
 

LordofCringe7206

kiwifarms.net
The real problem is Bob's ego and personality would never allow him to work on any sort of collaborative project, certainly not something on the level and complexity of even a modestly budgeted Hollywood film. The best case scenario is someone buys Bob's screenplay then shuts him out of the process entirely, free to make whatever alterations they want in the hopes of salvaging it. But the crap he writes is too insane even for that scenario.
Bob's ego wouldn't even allow him to work for a cable access show of all things. To think it would allow him to climb the social pyramid and make it into a studio executive's office is laughable.
 

LiquidKid

If Lions Like It, You Know It’s Bad.
kiwifarms.net

So he’s obviously super bitter about this movie, and begins with a rant about sonic being irrelevant and essentially says it’s every CGI mascot film ever. Which is probably true, but the seething behind his words is lost on no one.
What gets me the most is that he did fit in a marvel comparison, only he went for Howard the Duck, ending with “it’s the same movie and it’s just as bad, but Howard has an edge to it. It’s the worse version of Howard the Duck.”

He also claims that sonic had no defined backstory or premise in the actual games. Which is hypocritical when you remember this is the same man who had an existential crisis over Mario not being from Brooklyn in Yoshi’s Island

he also sounds like he has the Wuflu
 

The tired cat

Fluffy angel of death
kiwifarms.net
Any movie where Lea Thompson fucks an anthropomorphic duck has an edge. Not a good edge, mind you, but definitely an edge.
Welp, thanks for bringing that part that I tried to mind wipe from my brain space. I wonder why Bobo sees that as edge since Howard is kinda a loser in both our world and his despite being a duck, but he saves the day and get a hot chick..oh wait, I just answered my own question. Projection much Bobo?

Also, I'll bet you 10$ if this movie was about Yoshi, Bobo would suck this movies diiiiiiiiiiick.
 

Mola Ram

Self Righteous Ego Bastard Asshole
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Welp, thanks for bringing that part that I tried to mind wipe from my brain space. I wonder why Bobo sees that as edge since Howard is kinda a loser in both our world and his despite being a duck, but he saves the day and get a hot chick..oh wait, I just answered my own question. Projection much Bobo?

Also, I'll bet you 10$ if this movie was about Yoshi, Bobo would suck this movies diiiiiiiiiiick.
Howard the Duck is deservedly remembered as an absolute piece of shit (also, the first Marvel property to be adapted to the big screen, fucking lol). I can't see Bob giving it even the mildest praise for any reason other than sheer contrarianism. Either that or he's a buffoonish shithead with abominable taste, but that's baked into the cake.
 

LiquidKid

If Lions Like It, You Know It’s Bad.
kiwifarms.net
I wanna ask in what way did Howard the duck have an edge to it.
Duck tits and a interspecies sex scene most likely


Howard the Duck is deservedly remembered as an absolute piece of shit (also, the first Marvel property to be adapted to the big screen, fucking lol). I can't see Bob giving it even the mildest praise for any reason other than sheer contrarianism. Either that or he's a buffoonish shithead with abominable taste, but that's baked into the cake.
He doesn’t praise it, he just claims sonic is the same movie but worse. Because no matter what, it has to go back to marvel in some way with Bob
 

Marissa Moira

kiwifarms.net
As is true of Bob's fascination with Mario Bros. and his hateful personality, the contrast between the fluffy innocence of the original property and Bob's focus on violence and grittiness makes for some high-larious dissonance.







You know, I have to give Bob credit. I consider myself a modestly talented writer and I could not come up with something this demented if I had a hundred years. Bravo.
Dynamax Carebear Evolutions.


So he’s obviously super bitter about this movie, and begins with a rant about sonic being irrelevant and essentially says it’s every CGI mascot film ever. Which is probably true, but the seething behind his words is lost on no one.
What gets me the most is that he did fit in a marvel comparison, only he went for Howard the Duck, ending with “it’s the same movie and it’s just as bad, but Howard has an edge to it. It’s the worse version of Howard the Duck.”

He also claims that sonic had no defined backstory or premise in the actual games. Which is hypocritical when you remember this is the same man who had an existential crisis over Mario not being from Brooklyn in Yoshi’s Island

he also sounds like he has the Wuflu
Imagine being this fucking bitter over the Sega vs Nintendo Rivalry in 2020

I mean the playstation 5 isn't coming out until 2021 Sony would not be purchasing Sega before that.