Careercow Bob "MovieBob" Chipman - A 39 year old Obese Fascist Eugenics-Loving Elitist Pop Culture Consoomer/Critic/Basement Dweller with a Mario & MCU Fetish Leading us to a Superior Future!

  • Apologies for the site issues. The server's shipment was delayed. I'll ask again about it and if they can't provide it I'll source another.

How will Bob spend the rest of the year?

  • Getting roasted by other lefties due to his genocidal insanity

  • Learning to code

  • Learning Mandarin Chinese

  • Poisoning himself with his cooking

  • Getting fired from The Escapist

  • Losing his legs to diabetes

  • Registering an account on Kiwi Farms

  • Your choice (Please describe in detail)


Results are only viewable after voting.

The tired cat

Fluffy angel of death
kiwifarms.net
Imagine being this fucking bitter over the Sega vs Nintendo Rivalry in 2020

I mean the playstation 5 isn't coming out until 2021 Sony would not be purchasing Sega before that.
Well ya know, dorks like Bobo never move on from that phase. To them it was an important part of their childhood, they'll be damned if they'll allow for that rivalry to die!
 

Marissa Moira

kiwifarms.net
Well ya know, dorks like Bobo never move on from that phase. To them it was an important part of their childhood, they'll be damned if they'll allow for that rivalry to die!
I was Bill who's mom let him have two consoles.

I also inherited a bunch of Nintendo stuff from relatives who were just looking to get rid of it.

I even have both Genesis(the Non-AT Games good version) and SNES mini consoles

Like really nothing is stopping you from buying both, especially since you're a grown ass man.
 

The tired cat

Fluffy angel of death
kiwifarms.net
I was Bill who's mom let him have two consoles.

I also inherited a bunch of Nintendo stuff from relatives who were just looking to get rid of it.

I even have both Genesis(the Non-AT Games good version) and SNES mini consoles

Like really nothing is stopping you from buying both, especially since you're a grown ass man.
It's this strange thing when it comes to some console fans. Like you get to pick only ONE console and stick it, thus swearing your allegiance to this brand and showing you fully support them, pick another and you have betrayed everyone! An oddly enough, these people are proud that they are putting these limitations on themselves, that they picked say just the SWITCH an won't play any PS4 or Xbone games and vice versa. Hell, some take it further and believe that becoming a PC gamer is being traitorous or missing on PC games that are exclusives is a noble thing for them.
 

andr0id psycho sho(ker

I destroy internet memes with my creepy stare!
kiwifarms.net
I was Bill who's mom let him have two consoles.

I also inherited a bunch of Nintendo stuff from relatives who were just looking to get rid of it.

I even have both Genesis(the Non-AT Games good version) and SNES mini consoles

Like really nothing is stopping you from buying both, especially since you're a grown ass man.
Remember what autists like bob say. The console wars are never over. Remember the virtual boy, slay the hex-box and ps triple!
 

Jarolleon

kiwifarms.net
The Captain Planet script is the "most" sane of Bob's script ideas.
If only because it's not far off from what a woke big budget reboot of Captain Planet would probably look like.
For example Wheeler is now a Portland Oregon native environmentalist bro.
The russian girl, forgot what her name is, is now a Saudi Arabian Muslim because of course thats what she would race lifted to.
An antagonist is a Fox News Blight News anchor.
Big dumb action scenes.
A prologue in the prehistoric establishing the original planeteers as a shaman order.
An MCU style post credits scene because every single one of Bob's scripts has to end like that.*
If any of these abominations had to get made I would choose this one.
Because we've seen crap like this before countless times.
*Bit of a tangent but I seriously hate that everything needs a post credits sequel hook now.
Imagine if Lord of the Rings ended with Morgoth out in the void vowing to do it himself, again, Thanos style, Dagor Dagoroth confirmed motherfuckers!
It would just be dumb and all these post credit stingers are dumb.
The Captain Planet script you describe was actually written in a way, it's called The Power of the Five series by Anthony Horowitz, and it's as ridiculous as you'd expect. They're not actually called the planeteers, and the evil polluters (Old Ones) are eldritch abominations that feed off human suffering but otherwise it fits. Bonus points, said Old Ones back the Republicans and use the wealthy's greed and lust for power to increase the suffering in the world.
 

The Littlest Shitlord

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
The Bob Care Bears movie is the most amazing to me in that it reveals that Bob has never even once thought about the audience that would actually watch these movies he writes. The Care Bears are for young kids, but the script is way over their heads. The nostalgia would be expected to appeal to adults who watched the Care Bears in the 80s when they were kids, but it gets subverted for the sake of subversion, with an added implicit Satanic religious message which is likely to enrage many of them. The only audience Bob had in mind writing the thing was Bob himself. (I would say "Bob himself as a kid", except that there's so little difference in tastes between kid Bob and adult Bob it would be redundant.) It's just another one of Bob's extended episodes of pseudo-intellectual masturbation where he congratulates himself over his rejection of religion and its values.
 

Godzilla@1989

DESTROY US ALL!
kiwifarms.net

So he’s obviously super bitter about this movie, and begins with a rant about sonic being irrelevant and essentially says it’s every CGI mascot film ever. Which is probably true, but the seething behind his words is lost on no one.
What gets me the most is that he did fit in a marvel comparison, only he went for Howard the Duck, ending with “it’s the same movie and it’s just as bad, but Howard has an edge to it. It’s the worse version of Howard the Duck.”

He also claims that sonic had no defined backstory or premise in the actual games. Which is hypocritical when you remember this is the same man who had an existential crisis over Mario not being from Brooklyn in Yoshi’s Island

he also sounds like he has the Wuflu
Oh wow, never expected him to be this resentful towards Sonic. He never truly move on the 90s.

Also, I wonder how the Sonic move takes up with the shitty Mario movie Bob defends due to the Disney making it.

Oh...
F5710363-8023-403B-9010-EC920026FCF9.jpeg


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Also, I love how he sounds tepid towards Jim Carrey where almost everyone, even the ones who hated the movie, have praised him as the film’s highlight.
 

The tired cat

Fluffy angel of death
kiwifarms.net
The question is where he was screaming at afterward, in his basement or at the theater.
If it was the theater, I can only imagine how he yelled at the audience like "YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS!! THIS MOVIE SHOULD BOMB!!! IT SUCKS!! SUCKS I SAY!!! THE MARIO BROTHERS DESERVED THIS!!!! NOT YOU SEGA BASTARDS!!! BIRDS OF PREY DESERVE A FULL THEATER!!!!" or something like that.
 
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Judge Dredd

Senior Layout Artist
kiwifarms.net
This is another idea that's pique insight into Robert's twisted mind that I hadn't heard before. Did he say this in a video or an article?
It was a 2 part video of Game Overthinker. Part 1 he talks about the problems with Sonic. This was at the time when the Sonic Cycle meme was popular. Part 2 is where he pitches his idea for how to fix Sonic, and yes, the title card is Mario carrying Sonic's corpse.

Some of the ideas are not awful such as having a sort of bullet time to represent Sonic moving at super speed. At the 5 minute mark is where he goes off the rails and declares a jihad against anything after the Mega Drive. 7:25 is where he pitches his idea for the plot, which is basically a typical hero with amnesia story crossed with a cowboy movie.

Oh wow, never expected him to be this resentful towards Sonic. He never truly move on the 90s.
I agree. I knew he preferred Mario, and he was going to shit on the film, but I never expected the venom towards Sonic as a character.

I did notice that he complained the movie didn't have Robotnic turning animals into robots.

If it was the theater, I can only imagine how he yelled at the audience like "YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS!! THIS MOVIE SHOULD BOMB!!! IT SUCKS!! SUCKS I SAY!!! THE MARIO BROTHERS DESERVED THIS!!!! NOT YOU SEGA BASTARDS!!! BIRDS OF PREY DESERVE A FULL THEATER!!!!" or something like that.
Bob wouldn't have the backbone to do that in real life. I imagine him screaming internally throughout the movie, calmly returning to his car, and then having a huge screaming tantrum.
 

Ralph Barnhardt

I tried that once...it was alright I guess.
kiwifarms.net

So he’s obviously super bitter about this movie, and begins with a rant about sonic being irrelevant and essentially says it’s every CGI mascot film ever. Which is probably true, but the seething behind his words is lost on no one.
What gets me the most is that he did fit in a marvel comparison, only he went for Howard the Duck, ending with “it’s the same movie and it’s just as bad, but Howard has an edge to it. It’s the worse version of Howard the Duck.”

He also claims that sonic had no defined backstory or premise in the actual games. Which is hypocritical when you remember this is the same man who had an existential crisis over Mario not being from Brooklyn in Yoshi’s Island

he also sounds like he has the Wuflu
At first I thought I was ready for Blob's review then I found out


Dat opening bois...dat opening...

I can understand and forgive him for sounding like he's been sucking Namoi's wuflu wiener, we all get sick it happens. What I absolutely love is that he looks like he just rolled out of bed with his hair all messed up and knocks it out of the park with that unintentional meta joke of "What? Did you think this was going to be good?":story:

Real talk fam, I saw Sonic. I saw it last night. I saw it last night because I'll do a lot of things but I'd like to think I have enough self pride to not see the Sonic the Hedgehog movie on Valentines day *he says while making a shitty video and writing this on said day*. It's perfectly fine. It's better than any right it has to be, though we're not talking Lego movie quality here. I personally think it's better than Detective Pikachu though definitely still on that same kind of level. Given Bob's kinda praise for Detective Pikachu, and the Rampage movie staring The Rock weirdly enough, most would find it bizarre for The Great Diabeeto's disdain for a harmless kids movie. Gentle fellow farmers and superior speds, we know the reason why don't we bois? The way I see it it's three fold:

1. The threat of a successful Sega movie is giving him 'Nam type flashbacks to the great console war.
2. The threat of Sonic beating out Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) I mean Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey I mean Harley Quinn is something so infuriating because this is what will kill the female superhero movies and thus limiting Bob on making deposits at the spank bank.
3. The threat of studios who make boneheaded decisions like the original Sonic design listening to...gamers... and changing the *snort* "artistic direction/vision" of a movie where it seemed pretty clear that they totes care about the movie and IP based on that first trailer might mean that the studios that made the 2016 Ghostbusters and the last two Star Wars movies might be *gasp* wrong.

oh, and it's not a Disney property so...Islamic content or something.

The review is mostly bullshit but nothing, and I do mean nothing, in it compares to the Howard the Duck jab. Howard the Duck is weird and sketchy and sleazy because Lea Thompson's character willingly tries to force herself on a three foot tall, anthropomorphic duck. It does not have a terrifying villain that's "completely inappropriate for a kid's movie" for two reasons:

1. The stop animation super roach centipede monster is undercut by 30 minutes of Jeffery Jones making a funny voice.
2. IT'S NOT A GODDAMNED KIDS MOVIE YOU INCREDIBLE exceptional individual MOVIE CONSOOMER WHEN YOU HAVE DUCK TITS AND LITERALLY NOTHING FOR A KID TO GRAB A HOLD OF.

"Because it was actually trying to dooo something of it's own deranged little way, you know?"
How does one claim that Howard the Duck was trying to do "something" and then claim that Joker had nothing going for it? I guess the same person who loved the totally about and doing "something" Captain Marvel and Black Panther. It's why he's Diabeeto, the One Foot Wonder, not the film pop culture critic we need but the one we deserve.


P.S. My version of Vegas is very old and I'm not a professional like a certain someone we know claims. pls no buly abwot vidz pls
 

Godzilla@1989

DESTROY US ALL!
kiwifarms.net
At first I thought I was ready for Blob's review then I found out
View attachment 1145079

Dat opening bois...dat opening...

I can understand and forgive him for sounding like he's been sucking Namoi's wuflu wiener, we all get sick it happens. What I absolutely love is that he looks like he just rolled out of bed with his hair all messed up and knocks it out of the park with that unintentional meta joke of "What? Did you think this was going to be good?":story:

Real talk fam, I saw Sonic. I saw it last night. I saw it last night because I'll do a lot of things but I'd like to think I have enough self pride to not see the Sonic the Hedgehog movie on Valentines day *he says while making a shitty video and writing this on said day*. It's perfectly fine. It's better than any right it has to be, though we're not talking Lego movie quality here. I personally think it's better than Detective Pikachu though definitely still on that same kind of level. Given Bob's kinda praise for Detective Pikachu, and the Rampage movie staring The Rock weirdly enough, most would find it bizarre for The Great Diabeeto's disdain for a harmless kids movie. Gentle fellow farmers and superior speds, we know the reason why don't we bois? The way I see it it's three fold:

1. The threat of a successful Sega movie is giving him 'Nam type flashbacks to the great console war.
2. The threat of Sonic beating out Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) I mean Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey I mean Harley Quinn is something so infuriating because this is what will kill the female superhero movies and thus limiting Bob on making deposits at the spank bank.
3. The threat of studios who make boneheaded decisions like the original Sonic design listening to...gamers... and changing the *snort* "artistic direction/vision" of a movie where it seemed pretty clear that they totes care about the movie and IP based on that first trailer might mean that the studios that made the 2016 Ghostbusters and the last two Star Wars movies might be *gasp* wrong.

oh, and it's not a Disney property so...Islamic content or something.

The review is mostly bullshit but nothing, and I do mean nothing, in it compares to the Howard the Duck jab. Howard the Duck is weird and sketchy and sleazy because Lea Thompson's character willingly tries to force herself on a three foot tall, anthropomorphic duck. It does not have a terrifying villain that's "completely inappropriate for a kid's movie" for two reasons:

1. The stop animation super roach centipede monster is undercut by 30 minutes of Jeffery Jones making a funny voice.
2. IT'S NOT A GODDAMNED KIDS MOVIE YOU INCREDIBLE exceptional individual MOVIE CONSOOMER WHEN YOU HAVE DUCK TITS AND LITERALLY NOTHING FOR A KID TO GRAB A HOLD OF.

"Because it was actually trying to dooo something of it's own deranged little way, you know?"
How does one claim that Howard the Duck was trying to do "something" and then claim that Joker had nothing going for it? I guess the same person who loved the totally about and doing "something" Captain Marvel and Black Panther. It's why he's Diabeeto, the One Foot Wonder, not the film pop culture critic we need but the one we deserve.


P.S. My version of Vegas is very old and I'm not a professional like a certain someone we know claims. pls no buly abwot vidz pls
To make matters worse , the movie is looking to best its opening projection with $55 million this weekend.
 

אΩ+1

The Aleph
kiwifarms.net
This is another idea that's pique insight into Robert's twisted mind that I hadn't heard before. Did he say this in a video or an article?


I could see his movies becoming popular in an Ed Wood/The Room fashion, where everyone laughs at the insane garbage this lunatic made.

That will never happen though because for the hilarity of Robert's movies to land, he would have to get access to a bunch of popular childhood franchises and then burn them all to the ground, which no corporation would allow. A dark and gritty Care Bears reboot that attempts to be deep would be an unforgettable experience, but it would also ruin the reputation of the franchise for a very long time. Too much of a cost for the benefit for studios. So even if we lived in a clown world where a millionaire wanted to fund Robert's movies, he could never make his so-bad-it's-hilarious pitches properly. Plus even if he made a ton of money, he'd be too vain to make more than one after he realized people were laughing at him, just like with his book.
The thing that makes it worse for him to pitch is that he has to make the movie help sell the Care bears toys and merchandise considering most of the money from movies like that are made of the merchandise.
 

Your Local Neko Girl GF

Big Fat Cat Tats
kiwifarms.net
Robert's assmad that people reacted negatively to his shit take on the Sonic movie:
He's also mad that one of his waifus, Elizabeth Warren is never going to be president:
Things aren't going to well for Robert. First his favorite movie of the month (Birds of Prey) flops and now a movie he hates is currently outperforming it. He's also going to have to face the reality that his waifu Warren will never be the democratic nominee, let alone president.