Night of the long Knives: Modern Edition Y2K
- Dec 27, 2020
He can’t live down by a river. It’s too shallow and who will help him if he gets beached? Plus there’s no chance for a socialist democracy in any ocean unless he finds Atlantis.When the fuck did Sessler call out Boogie? Odd meeting of the "minds". And Boogie feels sad by being called out by him but still watching his stuff? Jesus. That's pathetic.
Also Boogie, you're done. Stop trying. Sell the house. Get a van. Live down by the river. And if it starts rising towards you one day, yes, a warning shot is still illegal when it comes to the scary river.
Would you know what to do if you came across a beached Boogie? Whatever caused Boogie to end up where he's not supposed to be—on land—knowing what to do is crucial, much like any other emergency. Well-meaning actions, if wrong, can harm or even kill Boogie. So, what you should do?
1) Call for helpFirst, call for help straight away. A marine life charity (in the UK, the British Divers Marine Life Rescue—or BDMLR) or the coastguard can give advice over the phone while a rescue team is on the way. Give them as much information as you can, including:
- Exact location to help rescuers find you as quickly as possible
- Mobile number
- Boogie’s length and distinguishing features to help identify him
- Whether it is on sand, rocks or surf, and in the sunshine or shade
- The sea and weather conditions
- Injuries and breathing rate (count the number of breaths from his blowhole in one minute)
- Photos of Boogie
- Whether anyone has tried to put him back into the sea (this is not recommended—see point 2—but be honest)
2) Don’t put him back in the waterIt might sound counter-intuitive but trying to put Boogie back into the water yourself may do more harm than good and could be fatal. You might damage his fins or fluke (tail), cause unnecessary distress or prevent him getting vital treatment. BDMLR’s Dan Jarvis recalls people who’ve put Boogie back into the water “10, 15, 20 times in a row before they even call for help and get advice. And, sadly, they’ve caused a huge amount of distress to Boogie.” Cetacean Research & Rescue Unit’s Dr. Kevin Robinson adds that it’s then “usually a waiting game” until he re-strands further down the coast.
3) Keep him cool and wetWhile Boogie is a mammal (not a fish) and breathes air, out of water he can quickly overheat even on a winter’s day. His thick blubber—designed to insulate his internal organs from the cool water works against him on land. Project Jonah’s Daren Grover explains: “If he's otherwise healthy, the number one risk to Boogie dying when he strands is actually heatstroke: literally cooking from the inside.” For this reason, keep him cool by spraying or pouring water over them so his body is wet and shiny.
4) Do not cover his blowholeKeep Boogie upright with his blowhole out of the water. Located on the top of his head and attached to his lungs, the blowhole is how Boogie breathes – like our nostrils. Never cover or let water into the blowhole (for example, when dousing Boogie to keep him cool) as this can be fatal.
5) Protect Boogie from sunburnIt might sound surprising but Boogie gets sunburns too. Particularly on a hot day, protect Boogie from the sun by covering him with wet sheets, clothing or seaweed.
6) Be calm and carefulKeep noise levels to a minimum and move calmly and quietly to minimise further distress to Boogie. If you need to handle him, do so very carefully and keep clear of his powerful and dangerous tail.
7) Be preparedWhen the experts arrive, follow their instructions. Sadly, survival rate for Boogie is low so prepare yourself for the upsetting possibility that a successful rescue might not be possible. That said, if Boogie is otherwise healthy, your quick actions may have saved a life!