Cataloging the Amberverse - The Grand Archive

hamburgerlardraid

kiwifarms.net
Due to our gorl falling off the face of the Internet, I have taken it upon myself to watch some of her videos from the very beginning. Heavily inspired by veteran @666EVE666, I am compelled to give brief, yet somewhat comprehensive summaries of her videos from the very beginning. My reasoning for this is that the new Farmers, and even older ones who want to refresh themselves on ye old Albert lore, can get an idea of Amber throughout the years without having to suffer through her old material. I am also a severe masochist, if you have not figured that out yet. I am relatively new to the Farms, I have only been here for a few months and this is one thing I feel that this forum is missing. Please let me know how you feel about all of this. I have recapped her first 30-or-so videos and I would love to share my disseminations.
 

Sword Fighter Super

I hope the princess made lotsah spaghetti!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Due to our gorl falling off the face of the Internet, I have taken it upon myself to watch some of her videos from the very beginning. Heavily inspired by veteran @666EVE666, I am compelled to give brief, yet somewhat comprehensive summaries of her videos from the very beginning. My reasoning for this is that the new Farmers, and even older ones who want to refresh themselves on ye old Albert lore, can get an idea of Amber throughout the years without having to suffer through her old material. I am also a severe masochist, if you have not figured that out yet. I am relatively new to the Farms, I have only been here for a few months and this is one thing I feel that this forum is missing. Please let me know how you feel about all of this. I have recapped her first 30-or-so videos and I would love to share my disseminations.
This is a great service.
Does she have a lolcow wiki page? If not, you could probably author it.
 

hamburgerlardraid

kiwifarms.net
This is a great service.
Does she have a lolcow wiki page? If not, you could probably author it.
I would love to author such a thing but I would like to keep it on the Farms so that all information can be found in one site instead of multiple. It would be convenient in the discussion of her present videos to reference another thread in which the summary is provided. I am absolutely fascinated in the Amberverse and it is the least I can do with my passion.
 

hamburgerlardraid

kiwifarms.net
Ok gorls, here we go: I have created a Word Doc filled with my summaries and an introduction. Here are the introductions and the first five videos, I want to see how they will be received!

THE AMBERVERSE:

by Hamburgerlard Raid​

A comprehensive Cxnt-inspired curation of all of our gorl’s videos from the very beginning. Useless details will be omitted and content I deem to be of importance will be highlighted. From the Krystle era to the present Becky era, these writings will act as documentation of my pain and suffering as I enjoy a whirlwind trip of the Amberverse from its genesis to the bleak present. I will try to be as concise as possible: call me ClitNotes. I will attempt to catalogue the various philosophies of our dearest Albert and their evolution, or lack thereof, throughout the years.
Awkward Vlog 17/11/2013
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUplzLh60DY&list=PLE1ZtHQN62SBiJAUj1smVu7YIZs2zqNfk&index=1669
  • Lowest weight: 290 at 11yo
  • Is 22yo, started filming after a binge
  • Current weight: around 360
  • Lowest during the weight loss journey: 331, highest was 420ish, is this where the 89 lbs came from
  • Wants to be an inspiration and held accountable
First Weigh-In 18/11/2013
  • 368lbs, lost 52lbs from her highest weight
  • Videos initially had a very positive reception
  • Calorie limit: 1700 cals
  • Has not gone a single day without eating over 2000 cals
  • First mention of food addiction
  • Hates exercising, found nothing she likes
  • Does 15min of dancing every day, for her first week
  • Has not learned how to edit yet (AN: 2019 and she still doesn’t know)
What I Ate Today 18/11/2013
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObigJ0zsdFM&list=PLE1ZtHQN62SBiJAUj1smVu7YIZs2zqNfk&index=1667
  • Breakfast: 260 cals: bagel with mint chocolate spread
Squat Challenge: Day 1 19/11/2013
  • Channel will be mainly focused on weight loss but wants to focus on other topics
  • Weighs in every day
  • Posts a weekly weigh in update
  • Abandons the dancing regiment for the squat challenge, recommended by her friend Alicia
  • Girlfriend is doing the squat challenge with her
First Tag: Things you never want to know about me 19/11/2013
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNZpzQViXMU&list=PLE1ZtHQN62SBiJAUj1smVu7YIZs2zqNfk&index=1665
  • Likes almond joy, hates sports, completely useless details, sorry I skimmed this one lmao
  • Not losing weight as fast as she wants to
  • Neither Krystle nor Amber have jobs, they just sit around the house all day
  • Does not hate anyone because “hate is a strong word”
  • Overall very dull: answers most questions with “I don’t know”, or “no”
  • Does not provide any explanations for almost anything
Pets and Editing 19/11/2013
  • Monkey the dog, Smokes the cat, Ringo the cat, Charlie the cat, why the fuck am I writing any of this down
  • The first time she has ever edited a video
I’m Sorry 19/11/2013
  • Confused as to why her videos are shaky, maybe it is because she is holding the camera and is shaking?
I Love You 19/11/2013
  • First video featuring Krystle, looks like a poorly designed fan edit
Food, Krystle, The Voice 20/11/2013
  • Features Amy’s frozen dinners
  • Watching the Voice: very exciting
  • Kisses Krystle on camera
  • Harasses a dog
  • Cleans her room
  • Does a fishtail braid
  • Vanilla black chai tea is her new fav you guisse
Squat Challenge Day 2 20/11/2013
  • Woke up with terrible layyyg pain, Krystle did not
  • Not updating daily, notice the lack of consistency and motivation from the beginning!
My Semi Jewelry Collection 20/11/2013
  • Shows her arrangement on her desk
  • Scrapbooks, necklaces, Christmas ornaments, vase, shows her hoarding
  • Was going to be the devil for Halloween but she didn’t because she hurt her back
  • Stores her bracelets on an empty paper towel roll, interior design is quaking
  • Shows off her earrings, notice how she does not say eareeens
  • Very well received video, back when people enjoyed her channel
Shoutout and Chubby Dog 21/11/2013
  • Cat destroyed her EarBuds
  • Downloaded iMovie
  • Shows her skills with editing but using slo-mo and cow sound effects
Squat Challenge Day 3 21/11/2013
  • Was in less pain the morning after compared to Day 2
  • Progress?
Second Tag (8 Random Things in my Room Tag) 21/11/2013
  • 8 random things in her room
  • Ted Bear, Bret Michaels hat, colouring book, glass, perfume, skull, legos, moose
Day 4 Squat Challenge + Doctors Appointment + Jewelry 22/11/2013
  • Woke up early for Krystle’s appointment
  • Shows off Charlotte Russe jewelry
Pumpkin Spice Danish + Rockband Addiction 22/11/2013
  • Shows off her garage
  • Feeds cat treats
  • Questbars from Amazon, will do a review
  • Watching AHS coven
  • “everything in moderation” as she eats the PSD
  • Krystle is addicted to RockBand
  • Krystle does want Amber to film her
  • Shows off Judy and her vlogs
  • Shows bookshelf of books that she has not read
  • Warning: videos will feature a lot of animals
Bananas ruined my life 22/11/2013
  • First video outside of the house
  • Records a staircase
  • Films people in the front seat (Krystle’s parents?)
  • Ate part of a banana for breakfast
  • Outside of Krystle’s appointment
  • CVS lotion for Krystle
  • Krystle’s sister gave her pastels
  • Binged at Peter Chang’s
  • First use of clickbait
Squat Challenge Day 5 23/11/2013
  • First difficult day, encourages herself to continue exercising because of how important it is
Macaroon Icecream and a Thank You to You 23/11/2013
  • Krystle asks cat to get off chair (very exciting, I know)
  • Has Haagen Daaz ice cream
  • Has 3 thumbs down in total on her videos (honey, you’ve got a big storm coming)
Water Flavouring Ideas 24/11/2013
  • Wants to kick her soda addiction
  • Has a line up of all the water flavorings she and Krystle’s family use
Pretty benign thus far...
Just wait until the next batch of recaps, that is where the first gold mine can be found...

They make me smile 11/24/2013
  • A one-minute long montage of all the pets found in Krystle’s house, she is really laying this on thick
Squat Challenge Day 6 24/11/2013
  • Thighs are starting to hurt real bad
  • She is still doing the damn thing
Emotional Look into the Past (Part 1) 24/11/2013
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTTslBfcZwo&list=PLE1ZtHQN62SBiJAUj1smVu7YIZs2zqNfk&index=1647
  • Born in Key West, Florida
  • Moved to California as a baby
  • Difficult childhood: addict, abusive parents
  • Loved the outdoors as a “small” gorl
  • Parents did drugs in the bathroom
  • Had an older brother and a younger brother 8 years her junior
  • Was more of a parent of her siblings than her real parents
  • Superlynn saved her choking brother when the bedroom curtains were wrapped around his neck
  • Removed from school by the police to be moved to a separate home
  • Was in a children’s shelter before in foster care
  • Little brother was part of a closed adoption, never saw him again
  • Thrown around into different foster homes
  • Separated from her older brother for a few years
  • At 12, parents cleaned up their act and a six-month trial of living with her parents (actually 2 years) occurred
  • Trial failed
  • Gorl started hitting the weed bongs
  • Brother became abusive
  • Parents’ addiction got worse
  • Lived in a very small trailer, people came in and out of the home because her father was a drug dealer
  • Parents got separated
  • She was suicidal and was put into a mental hospital
  • Was diagnosed with depression at age 10
  • Left the hospital with a better outlook on life
  • Her mother had another child “during her younger years” and was put into closed adoption the day he was born
  • But somehow, she only has two brothers????
  • Even though mother and father were separated, they still lived close
  • Was called into the office again for not going to school often enough
  • Known as “Fat Amber” in school
  • Put into foster care for the second time
  • Stayed in a shelter for months, her mother visited once a week
  • Lived with her best friend when she jokingly proposed that in a text
  • Thought it was a new life that she would enjoy, but she “was definitely wrong” … SUSPENSE
Part 2 24/11/2013
  • Group home: age 10 and 11
  • Lived with best friend but it did not work out because they became distant (AN: I am confused, is she referencing Kasey here?)
  • Food was her best friend at this time
  • Friend did not like being around her because everything she did revolved around food
  • Always felt alone
  • Weighed in at 420 lbs at this time
  • Continuity jump: skips from 10 years old to 18 years old
  • Moves to Oklahoma to be with family
  • Did not work, new beginning failed
  • Had her first anxiety attack then, diagnosed with panic disorder at this time
  • Mother was also in Oklahoma at that time
  • In a long-distance relationship at the time, in Arizona, we assume this is Kasey
  • Stayed in Arizona because her grandmother in Oklahoma kicked her out
  • Kasey’s mother and boyfriend did not like Albert, she alleges that the boyfriend threatened to kill her on multiple occasions
  • Was abused a lot there “in several different ways”, was mistreated
  • At this time, she met Krystle and fell in love with her
  • She met Krystle online while living with Kasey
  • Told Krystle she loved her on the phone in the middle of the night, in a Dunkin Donuts
  • Told Kasey this and did not want to reconcile
  • Got into a huge argument overnight with Kasey and was on the next flight out the very next day
  • Krystle’s parents paid for the flight, and she considers them “her real parents”
  • If it wasn’t for them, she would weigh more than 420lbs
Squat Challenge Day 7 25/11/2013
  • In the middle of cleaning, dog loudly snorting
  • Heart is beating faster than before
  • Not sure if she will be able to progress in the challenge
  • Did a weigh in, should be the next video
First gold mine of content, these few videos serve as the foundation of the Amberverse. These are the first videos where the topic discussed is not lighthearted or pertaining to weight loss or hanging out with Krystal. Feel free to speculate about videos 23 and 24!
Edit: at the beginning, she really is pushing the narrative of how much she loves animals. This will be noted for the future...

How I like my Bigelow Vanilla Chai Tea 25/11/2013
  • Spoiler alert: puts water in the microwave for a few minutes before adding a tea bag and pouring the mixture over ice, super exciting stuff!
  • Spoiler alert: did not weigh in
Weigh In and Goals for the Week 25/11/2013
  • Started off by dancing everyday and 1700cals per day
  • Did the squat challenge in lieu of dancing
  • Has a long history of not following through with the goals she sets for herself (Wow! Never saw that coming!)
  • Made it farther in the challenge than she ever did before
  • Did not calorie count for the entire week
  • Down 2 lbs by around Wednesday
  • Binged on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday
  • I CAN’T CHANGE OVERNIGHT YOU GUISSSEE
  • Been at weight loss for 2 years at this point
  • Does not have the willpower like she used to
  • Motivated by the commenters, note how it is the opposite now
  • Weigh in: stayed exact the same (368.0lbs)
  • Did not follow through like she wanted, big surprise!
  • Weekends are always the worst for her
  • Eating out is a trigger for her, she identifies them yet does not avoid them and when she fails, she is still confused as to why she never follows through
  • Wants to have 1700cals for at least two days during the week
  • Not counting calories for Thanksgiving
  • The indignant phase is evident here but it is not directed towards the viewers
  • Anger and annoyance are very evident
  • Yoyo dieting has “destroyed her metabolism”
Forever Intertwined, Paranormal Purse 25/11/2013
  • Shows off the classic AL sarcasm shirt
  • Shows one of her tweets
  • Holds hands with Krystle and the cat “ruins the moment”
  • Purse makes her phone turn off
  • First reported sighting of “bolth”
My Confession 26/11/2013
  • Already failed 1700cal diet the first day in
  • Does not know what to do
  • She filmed it as soon as it happened
  • Feels as if she has ruined her entire week
  • This mindset has not changed at all, wow!
Squat Challenge Day 8 26/11/2013
  • Not dreading it like she expected to
  • Was ready to do the daily challenge but then realizes that it is a rest day
Still chugging along on the recaps, I must say after watching a lot of the Krystle era I can definitely say that Krystle is the best girlfriend Amber has ever had. She really had everything made and was very well-off with living with her. Let's see how she messes things up...
Also, at around video 27, the first sighting of Amberlynn's indignation occurs. She really has been using the same old tropes from the very beginning...

Clothes, Twitter, Mario Party 26/11/2013
  • Going to a renaissance festival
  • OOTD
  • Mario Party 8 stan
  • Purse was randomly stained black
  • Shows clip of dog snorting
  • Krystle wins Mario Party
Kung Fu Ninja Cat 26/11/2013
  • Video of Krystle’s dad playing with a dog and a cat sneaks up on the dog with some generic iMovie sound effects in the background
Squat Challenge Day 9 + Getting Ready for Thanksgiving 27/11/2013
  • Did not wake up with pain
  • Left thigh hurt during the challenge
  • Already telling herself she will fail, “will not be able to complete this challenge”
  • Scared because of her weight
  • Even though she is progressing, she is looking for reasons to tap out
  • Preparing green beans
  • Shows shots of Krystle’s mom cooking and cutting a tray of brownies
  • AN: all of this actually looks good
Thanksgiving on a "Diet" 27/11/2013
  • It is possible to be on a diet on Thanksgiving
  • BUT Thanksgiving only happens once a year
  • Wants to enjoy herself and not count calories
  • Plans on not counting calories and disregarding her dietary restrictions
  • Always good to take a break when counting points and calories
  • Typical Amberism, always finds a way to talk herself out of a diet or lifestyle plan
  • Days after: counting calories while eating the leftovers
  • “you should eat a piece of dessert for me”
  • Classic manipulative behavior
Sweater Weather Tag 2013 27/11/2013
  • Generic YouTube tag
  • Talks about how she always likes winged eyeliner
  • Relates every question to her weight
  • Like the last tag, dislikes both options given and seems completely uninterested
  • Amberism: is Christmas in fall or winter?
  • Really likes the cold
Squat Challenge Day 10 on Thanksgiving 28/11/2013
  • Did the daily challenge
  • Legs do not hurt
  • Overall, a very dull video
Cracker Barrel + Catfish (not the show) 28/11/2013
  • In the car with Krystle and her family
  • Shows an obnoxiously long slide show of pictures she took while at Cracker Barrel
  • Enjoys vlogging
  • Too awkward to do it in public yet
  • Had a 400ish calorie meal
  • Krystle also ate healthy
  • First use of the word “tidbit”
  • Tried grits for the first time at Cracker Barrel
A Family in Love with Animals 28/11/2013
  • Video of Krystle’s family playing with their pets, very wholesome
Fortune Cookie and Funny Girlfriend 28/11/2013
  • Krystle is too shy to even talk on camera, is she on the spectrum or just tired of Amber's shit?
  • Amber is acting kind of manipulative and pushy
  • Says things such as “taste it”, “do it”, “tell me”
Some of my Thanksgiving Day 2013 28/11/2013
  • Does an OOTD: wearing pajama pants to a Thanksgiving event
  • Krystle’s mom is cooking up a storm, she looks like a great cook tbh
  • Our gorl has some wine
Almost done our first month of content gorls! To be quite honest, I am enjoying doing this so far.

Cell Phone Case Collection 2013 28/11/2013
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stcsYXuQquc&list=PLE1ZtHQN62SBiJAUj1smVu7YIZs2zqNfk&index=1629
  • Shows off her dollar store chic
  • VERY VERY boring
  • No tea here so I skimmed it, VERY quickly
  • Very childish and this video is something that a nine-year-old would film
  • AN: Had to watch it on 4x speed
Thank You 28/11/2013
  • Krystle does not want to be on camera
  • Amberism: if you read my vlog, I appreciate you
  • Krystle is very sweet and trying to cheer her up
Black Friday Haul 2013 + Starbucks 29/11/2013
  • First time she ever vlogged herself in public
  • In a Starbucks at 2am, went to Five Below and Target
  • Haul: Krystle got video game related items, Albert got a JOURNAL (first journal sighting), a plate to put earrings on, perfume, more earrings and cell phone cases, a purse
  • New outro: if you are not smiling, smile
Helpful Krystle and Cooking 29/11/2013
  • Cooking processed skillet pasta and Caesar salad
  • Uses a meat thermometer when she is cooking pasta
  • Amberism: it is like an OCD thing
  • Got herself sick when she went outside in the freezing cold
  • Krystle’s dad got her medicine
Miranda Sings and Krystle 29/11/2013
  • Amber and Krystle obsessing with Miranda Sings
  • Our gorl is scared because it is windy outside
  • Amberism: the wind is going to make our house roll down the hill
Sad to say but had to say it 29/11/2013
  • Storytime: inskchrutiating back pain to the point she could no walk
  • “bound to one seat for like two weeks”
  • Went to the ER, said it was fine
  • Her waist could not strait-tent
  • Krystle was doing everything for her, could not shower
  • Googled her symptoms, first sighting of Dr. Google
  • Went to see “an orthopedic”
  • Diagnosis: swollen spine or bulged
  • This orthopedic was going to “subscribe” her medicine
  • Does not like taking prescription drugs because of her parents’ addiction
  • Squats are hurting her back again, stops the squat challenge
  • Does not want the condition to reoccur
  • FIRST EVER CYCLE COMPLETE?
Monthly Favorites 2013 Fail 30/11/2013
  • Fail because it was copyright claimed from playing a song
  • Stripped by Tiny Toy Guns
  • Going to do monthly favorites, but not this month
Screenshot 2019-05-20 23.06.16.png

Books, Evil Cats, Snacks 30/11/2013
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mq4AXI4Fos&list=PLE1ZtHQN62SBiJAUj1smVu7YIZs2zqNfk&index=1622
  • Goal in life is to read all of Danielle Steel’s novels
  • Has over 70 of her books
  • Blue Diamond Almond Nut-Thins are her new favorite snack
Random Needed to Be Said Weight Vlog 30/11/2013
  • Krystle and Amber are shocked with how much weight they are gaining
  • Both of them gained 3 pounds in a week
  • Lost a lot more weight together last year
  • Because Krystle’s fav number is 14, 2014 will somehow be their year
  • This December, she will try her hardest on her diet and will still cheat at Christmas parties and at Christmas dinner
  • Krystle avoids showing her face on camera
  • Pattern spotted: whenever Amber gets close to someone and plants her roots, everyone around her starts to gain weight
  • The binge monster has planted itself and is well established and inhibits the weight loss progress of all of its victims
  • Reminisces about the 89 lbs she lost the year prior
  • “help us bolth ‘cause we really really need it”
And that is it gorls! The first month of Albert's first uploads! I will start the next month tomorrow!
 
Last edited:

ALs Bra

kiwifarms.net
I'd personally like to see a catalogue of all her lahs. It'd be interesting to see how many can be caught out simply by watching all her vids.

Maybe a section of the lolcow wiki dedicated to everything she's lah-ed about and since backtracked? Our gorl is terrible at keeping track of them after all
 

hamburgerlardraid

kiwifarms.net
I'd personally like to see a catalogue of all her lahs. It'd be interesting to see how many can be caught out simply by watching all her vids.

Maybe a section of the lolcow wiki dedicated to everything she's lah-ed about and since backtracked? Our gorl is terrible at keeping track of them after all
As I move along, I am starting to track her inconsistencies. My main goal in doing this is tracking her progress throughout the years, not only in appearance but in philosophy and opinion. Question: how often should I post my recaps? As I do them? A few every once in a while? Or all at once?
 

GargoyleGorl

Token SJW
kiwifarms.net
As I move along, I am starting to track her inconsistencies. My main goal in doing this is tracking her progress throughout the years, not only in appearance but in philosophy and opinion. Question: how often should I post my recaps? As I do them? A few every once in a while? Or all at once?
Yeah, the lahs would be good to track, but also the excuses -- we all remember the time she went from "Weight Watchers good because reasons" to "Weight Watchers bad because other reasons" in a 24-hour period, but it would be neat to see how she yo-yos from "only calories matter" to "I want to eat hulthy" over time.

Also: Diagnoses.

(I'm sure you're doing all this anyway, but if you're going to note specific things, those are the categories I think would be most enlightening.)

As for frequency, I'd suggest you do them in batches of 5-10 at a time depending on the length/amount of drama involved.

Godspeed.
 

Strine

Give me the bones!
kiwifarms.net
Amber does have a wiki page. It needs some love.
The wiki page has a fundamental problem in that Amber is a delusional compulsive liar whose life, beyond what we see on video, is subject to her revisionist accounts, and so factual, objective and disinterested writing is basically impossible and some crucial facts are implicit rather than explicit.

For instance; her mental state of affairs since Destiny ran off with the talking refrigerator, which can plainly be called a complete psychological breakdown. We know at this point that when she dies in her sleep at 700 pounds, the Destiny breakup will be cited as the beginning of the end. We all know she doesn't like Becky and still wants Destiny, and it's a huge factor of her current psychology, but it's difficult to clinically present this fact as anything but speculation.

The page also needs to state, often, that Amber has given wildly inconsistent accounts of almost everything unwitnessed by her viewers, and so the information on the page can't be taken as gospel. This is somebody who will lie about things that don't even matter. Becky is lucky that Amber has the IQ of an undomesticated pig, because if Amber were smart enough to keep her lies consistent she'd probably be a serial gaslighter. The wiki page couldn't possibly document all her lies, but it needs to document the frequency and extremity of them.
 

ALs Bra

kiwifarms.net
I just tried logging in to the LC Wiki to add some info to her page but I'm getting a xenforo error message. Does anyone have an idea why?
 
Tags
None

About Us

The Kiwi Farms is about eccentric individuals and communities on the Internet. We call them lolcows because they can be milked for amusement or laughs. Our community is bizarrely diverse and spectators are encouraged to join the discussion.

We do not place intrusive ads, host malware, sell data, or run crypto miners with your browser. If you experience these things, you have a virus. If your malware system says otherwise, it is faulty.

Supporting the Forum

How to Help

The Kiwi Farms is constantly attacked by insane people and very expensive to run. It would not be here without community support.

We are on the Brave BAT program. Consider using Brave as your Browser. It's like Chrome but doesn't tell Google what you masturbate to.

BTC: 1EiZnCKCb6Dc4biuto2gJyivwgPRM2YMEQ
BTC+SW: bc1qwv5fzv9u6arksw6ytf79gfvce078vprtc0m55s
ETH: 0xc1071c60ae27c8cc3c834e11289205f8f9c78ca5
LTC: LcDkAj4XxtoPWP5ucw75JadMcDfurwupet
BAT: 0xc1071c60Ae27C8CC3c834E11289205f8F9C78CA5
XMR: 438fUMciiahbYemDyww6afT1atgqK3tSTX25SEmYknpmenTR6wvXDMeco1ThX2E8gBQgm9eKd1KAtEQvKzNMFrmjJJpiino