Cataloging the Amberverse - The Grand Archive

hamburgerlardraid

kiwifarms.net
Due to our gorl falling off the face of the Internet, I have taken it upon myself to watch some of her videos from the very beginning. Heavily inspired by veteran @666EVE666, I am compelled to give brief, yet somewhat comprehensive summaries of her videos from the very beginning. My reasoning for this is that the new Farmers, and even older ones who want to refresh themselves on ye old Albert lore, can get an idea of Amber throughout the years without having to suffer through her old material. I am also a severe masochist, if you have not figured that out yet. I am relatively new to the Farms, I have only been here for a few months and this is one thing I feel that this forum is missing. Please let me know how you feel about all of this. I have recapped her first 30-or-so videos and I would love to share my disseminations.
 

NOT Sword Fighter Super

I hope the princess made lotsah spaghetti!
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Due to our gorl falling off the face of the Internet, I have taken it upon myself to watch some of her videos from the very beginning. Heavily inspired by veteran @666EVE666, I am compelled to give brief, yet somewhat comprehensive summaries of her videos from the very beginning. My reasoning for this is that the new Farmers, and even older ones who want to refresh themselves on ye old Albert lore, can get an idea of Amber throughout the years without having to suffer through her old material. I am also a severe masochist, if you have not figured that out yet. I am relatively new to the Farms, I have only been here for a few months and this is one thing I feel that this forum is missing. Please let me know how you feel about all of this. I have recapped her first 30-or-so videos and I would love to share my disseminations.
This is a great service.
Does she have a lolcow wiki page? If not, you could probably author it.
 

hamburgerlardraid

kiwifarms.net
This is a great service.
Does she have a lolcow wiki page? If not, you could probably author it.
I would love to author such a thing but I would like to keep it on the Farms so that all information can be found in one site instead of multiple. It would be convenient in the discussion of her present videos to reference another thread in which the summary is provided. I am absolutely fascinated in the Amberverse and it is the least I can do with my passion.
 

hamburgerlardraid

kiwifarms.net
Ok gorls, here we go: I have created a Word Doc filled with my summaries and an introduction. Here are the introductions and the first five videos, I want to see how they will be received!

THE AMBERVERSE:

by Hamburgerlard Raid​

A comprehensive Cxnt-inspired curation of all of our gorl’s videos from the very beginning. Useless details will be omitted and content I deem to be of importance will be highlighted. From the Krystle era to the present Becky era, these writings will act as documentation of my pain and suffering as I enjoy a whirlwind trip of the Amberverse from its genesis to the bleak present. I will try to be as concise as possible: call me ClitNotes. I will attempt to catalogue the various philosophies of our dearest Albert and their evolution, or lack thereof, throughout the years.
Welcome to the Amberverse, gorls! Buckle up, strap in, and strap on for a ALR-sized adventure through this narc's journey through YouTube! Through the ups and the downs, we will be cataloging the eras (slowly but surely) and highlighting any important events.
We begin our journey in Virginia, where a young 22-year-old ALR has moved in with her girlfriend Krystle and her family. ALR was motivated to begin filming her weight loss journey once she was fed up with failures. In the first month of content, not only does she grapple with learning the ropes of creating YouTube videos but she is also actively on a weight loss journey. Aside from the boring filler vlog content, there are some key nuggets needed to understand ALR lore: namely her childhood stories to which she dedicates whole videos to. We witness our first cycle here! Enjoy!

Nervous, Awkward Weight Loss Vlog 17/11/2013
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUplzLh60DY&list=PLE1ZtHQN62SBiJAUj1smVu7YIZs2zqNfk&index=1669
  • Lowest weight: 290 at 11yo
  • Is 22yo, started filming after a binge
  • Current weight: around 360
  • Lowest during the weight loss journey: 331, highest was 420ish, is this where the 89 lbs came from
  • Wants to be an inspiration and held accountable
First Weigh-In 18/11/2013
  • 368lbs, lost 52lbs from her highest weight
  • Videos initially had a very positive reception
  • Calorie limit: 1700 cals
  • Has not gone a single day without eating over 2000 cals
  • First mention of food addiction
  • Hates exercising, found nothing she likes
  • Does 15min of dancing every day, for her first week
  • Has not learned how to edit yet (AN: 2019 and she still doesn’t know)
What I Ate Today 18/11/2013
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObigJ0zsdFM&list=PLE1ZtHQN62SBiJAUj1smVu7YIZs2zqNfk&index=1667
  • Breakfast: 260 cals: bagel with mint chocolate spread
Squat Challenge: Day 1 19/11/2013
  • Channel will be mainly focused on weight loss but wants to focus on other topics
  • Weighs in every day
  • Posts a weekly weigh in update
  • Abandons the dancing regiment for the squat challenge, recommended by her friend Alicia
  • Girlfriend is doing the squat challenge with her
First Tag: Things you never want to know about me 19/11/2013
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNZpzQViXMU&list=PLE1ZtHQN62SBiJAUj1smVu7YIZs2zqNfk&index=1665
  • Likes almond joy, hates sports, completely useless details, sorry I skimmed this one lmao
  • Not losing weight as fast as she wants to
  • Neither Krystle nor Amber have jobs, they just sit around the house all day
  • Does not hate anyone because “hate is a strong word”
  • Overall very dull: answers most questions with “I don’t know”, or “no”
  • Does not provide any explanations for almost anything
Pets and Editing 19/11/2013
  • Monkey the dog, Smokes the cat, Ringo the cat, Charlie the cat, why the fuck am I writing any of this down
  • The first time she has ever edited a video
I’m Sorry 19/11/2013
  • Confused as to why her videos are shaky, maybe it is because she is holding the camera and is shaking?
I Love You 19/11/2013
  • First video featuring Krystle, looks like a poorly designed fan edit
Food, Krystle, The Voice 20/11/2013
  • Features Amy’s frozen dinners
  • Watching the Voice: very exciting
  • Kisses Krystle on camera
  • Harasses a dog
  • Cleans her room
  • Does a fishtail braid
  • Vanilla black chai tea is her new fav you guisse
Squat Challenge Day 2 20/11/2013
  • Woke up with terrible layyyg pain, Krystle did not
  • Not updating daily, notice the lack of consistency and motivation from the beginning!
My Semi Jewelry Collection 20/11/2013
  • Shows her arrangement on her desk
  • Scrapbooks, necklaces, Christmas ornaments, vase, shows her hoarding
  • Was going to be the devil for Halloween but she didn’t because she hurt her back
  • Stores her bracelets on an empty paper towel roll, interior design is quaking
  • Shows off her earrings, notice how she does not say eareeens
  • Very well received video, back when people enjoyed her channel
Shoutout and Chubby Dog 21/11/2013
  • Cat destroyed her EarBuds
  • Downloaded iMovie
  • Shows her skills with editing but using slo-mo and cow sound effects
Squat Challenge Day 3 21/11/2013
  • Was in less pain the morning after compared to Day 2
  • Progress?
Second Tag (8 Random Things in my Room Tag) 21/11/2013
  • 8 random things in her room
  • Ted Bear, Bret Michaels hat, colouring book, glass, perfume, skull, legos, moose
Day 4 Squat Challenge + Doctors Appointment + Jewelry 22/11/2013
  • Woke up early for Krystle’s appointment
  • Shows off Charlotte Russe jewelry
Pumpkin Spice Danish + Rockband Addiction 22/11/2013
  • Shows off her garage
  • Feeds cat treats
  • Questbars from Amazon, will do a review
  • Watching AHS coven
  • “everything in moderation” as she eats the PSD
  • Krystle is addicted to RockBand
  • Krystle does want Amber to film her
  • Shows off Judy and her vlogs
  • Shows bookshelf of books that she has not read
  • Warning: videos will feature a lot of animals
Bananas ruined my life 22/11/2013
  • First video outside of the house
  • Records a staircase
  • Films people in the front seat (Krystle’s parents?)
  • Ate part of a banana for breakfast
  • Outside of Krystle’s appointment
  • CVS lotion for Krystle
  • Krystle’s sister gave her pastels
  • Binged at Peter Chang’s
  • First use of clickbait
Squat Challenge Day 5 23/11/2013
  • First difficult day, encourages herself to continue exercising because of how important it is
Macaroon Icecream and a Thank You to You 23/11/2013
  • Krystle asks cat to get off chair (very exciting, I know)
  • Has Haagen Daaz ice cream
  • Has 3 thumbs down in total on her videos (honey, you’ve got a big storm coming)
Water Flavouring Ideas 24/11/2013
  • Wants to kick her soda addiction
  • Has a line up of all the water flavorings she and Krystle’s family use
Pretty benign thus far...
Just wait until the next batch of recaps, that is where the first gold mine can be found...

They make me smile 11/24/2013
  • A one-minute long montage of all the pets found in Krystle’s house, she is really laying this on thick
Squat Challenge Day 6 24/11/2013
  • Thighs are starting to hurt real bad
  • She is still doing the damn thing
Emotional Look into the Past (Part 1) 24/11/2013
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTTslBfcZwo&list=PLE1ZtHQN62SBiJAUj1smVu7YIZs2zqNfk&index=1647
  • Born in Key West, Florida
  • Moved to California as a baby
  • Difficult childhood: addict, abusive parents
  • Loved the outdoors as a “small” gorl
  • Parents did drugs in the bathroom
  • Had an older brother and a younger brother 8 years her junior
  • Was more of a parent of her siblings than her real parents
  • Superlynn saved her choking brother when the bedroom curtains were wrapped around his neck
  • Removed from school by the police to be moved to a separate home
  • Was in a children’s shelter before in foster care
  • Little brother was part of a closed adoption, never saw him again
  • Thrown around into different foster homes
  • Separated from her older brother for a few years
  • At 12, parents cleaned up their act and a six-month trial of living with her parents (actually 2 years) occurred
  • Trial failed
  • Gorl started hitting the weed bongs
  • Brother became abusive
  • Parents’ addiction got worse
  • Lived in a very small trailer, people came in and out of the home because her father was a drug dealer
  • Parents got separated
  • She was suicidal and was put into a mental hospital
  • Was diagnosed with depression at age 10
  • Left the hospital with a better outlook on life
  • Her mother had another child “during her younger years” and was put into closed adoption the day he was born
  • But somehow, she only has two brothers????
  • Even though mother and father were separated, they still lived close
  • Was called into the office again for not going to school often enough
  • Known as “Fat Amber” in school
  • Put into foster care for the second time
  • Stayed in a shelter for months, her mother visited once a week
  • Lived with her best friend when she jokingly proposed that in a text
  • Thought it was a new life that she would enjoy, but she “was definitely wrong” … SUSPENSE
Part 2 24/11/2013
  • Group home: age 10 and 11
  • Lived with best friend but it did not work out because they became distant (AN: I am confused, is she referencing Kasey here?)
  • Food was her best friend at this time
  • Friend did not like being around her because everything she did revolved around food
  • Always felt alone
  • Weighed in at 420 lbs at this time
  • Continuity jump: skips from 10 years old to 18 years old
  • Moves to Oklahoma to be with family
  • Did not work, new beginning failed
  • Had her first anxiety attack then, diagnosed with panic disorder at this time
  • Mother was also in Oklahoma at that time
  • In a long-distance relationship at the time, in Arizona, we assume this is Kasey
  • Stayed in Arizona because her grandmother in Oklahoma kicked her out
  • Kasey’s mother and boyfriend did not like Albert, she alleges that the boyfriend threatened to kill her on multiple occasions
  • Was abused a lot there “in several different ways”, was mistreated
  • At this time, she met Krystle and fell in love with her
  • She met Krystle online while living with Kasey
  • Told Krystle she loved her on the phone in the middle of the night, in a Dunkin Donuts
  • Told Kasey this and did not want to reconcile
  • Got into a huge argument overnight with Kasey and was on the next flight out the very next day
  • Krystle’s parents paid for the flight, and she considers them “her real parents”
  • If it wasn’t for them, she would weigh more than 420lbs
Squat Challenge Day 7 25/11/2013
  • In the middle of cleaning, dog loudly snorting
  • Heart is beating faster than before
  • Not sure if she will be able to progress in the challenge
  • Did a weigh in, should be the next video
First gold mine of content, these few videos serve as the foundation of the Amberverse. These are the first videos where the topic discussed is not lighthearted or pertaining to weight loss or hanging out with Krystal. Feel free to speculate about videos 23 and 24!
Edit: at the beginning, she really is pushing the narrative of how much she loves animals. This will be noted for the future...

How I like my Bigelow Vanilla Chai Tea 25/11/2013
  • Spoiler alert: puts water in the microwave for a few minutes before adding a tea bag and pouring the mixture over ice, super exciting stuff!
  • Spoiler alert: did not weigh in
Weigh In and Goals for the Week 25/11/2013
  • Started off by dancing everyday and 1700cals per day
  • Did the squat challenge in lieu of dancing
  • Has a long history of not following through with the goals she sets for herself (Wow! Never saw that coming!)
  • Made it farther in the challenge than she ever did before
  • Did not calorie count for the entire week
  • Down 2 lbs by around Wednesday
  • Binged on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday
  • I CAN’T CHANGE OVERNIGHT YOU GUISSSEE
  • Been at weight loss for 2 years at this point
  • Does not have the willpower like she used to
  • Motivated by the commenters, note how it is the opposite now
  • Weigh in: stayed exact the same (368.0lbs)
  • Did not follow through like she wanted, big surprise!
  • Weekends are always the worst for her
  • Eating out is a trigger for her, she identifies them yet does not avoid them and when she fails, she is still confused as to why she never follows through
  • Wants to have 1700cals for at least two days during the week
  • Not counting calories for Thanksgiving
  • The indignant phase is evident here but it is not directed towards the viewers
  • Anger and annoyance are very evident
  • Yoyo dieting has “destroyed her metabolism”
Forever Intertwined, Paranormal Purse 25/11/2013
  • Shows off the classic AL sarcasm shirt
  • Shows one of her tweets
  • Holds hands with Krystle and the cat “ruins the moment”
  • Purse makes her phone turn off
  • First reported sighting of “bolth”
My Confession 26/11/2013
  • Already failed 1700cal diet the first day in
  • Does not know what to do
  • She filmed it as soon as it happened
  • Feels as if she has ruined her entire week
  • This mindset has not changed at all, wow!
Squat Challenge Day 8 26/11/2013
  • Not dreading it like she expected to
  • Was ready to do the daily challenge but then realizes that it is a rest day
Still chugging along on the recaps, I must say after watching a lot of the Krystle era I can definitely say that Krystle is the best girlfriend Amber has ever had. She really had everything made and was very well-off with living with her. Let's see how she messes things up...
Also, at around video 27, the first sighting of Amberlynn's indignation occurs. She really has been using the same old tropes from the very beginning...

Clothes, Twitter, Mario Party 26/11/2013
  • Going to a renaissance festival
  • OOTD
  • Mario Party 8 stan
  • Purse was randomly stained black
  • Shows clip of dog snorting
  • Krystle wins Mario Party
Kung Fu Ninja Cat 26/11/2013
  • Video of Krystle’s dad playing with a dog and a cat sneaks up on the dog with some generic iMovie sound effects in the background
Squat Challenge Day 9 + Getting Ready for Thanksgiving 27/11/2013
  • Did not wake up with pain
  • Left thigh hurt during the challenge
  • Already telling herself she will fail, “will not be able to complete this challenge”
  • Scared because of her weight
  • Even though she is progressing, she is looking for reasons to tap out
  • Preparing green beans
  • Shows shots of Krystle’s mom cooking and cutting a tray of brownies
  • AN: all of this actually looks good
Thanksgiving on a "Diet" 27/11/2013
  • It is possible to be on a diet on Thanksgiving
  • BUT Thanksgiving only happens once a year
  • Wants to enjoy herself and not count calories
  • Plans on not counting calories and disregarding her dietary restrictions
  • Always good to take a break when counting points and calories
  • Typical Amberism, always finds a way to talk herself out of a diet or lifestyle plan
  • Days after: counting calories while eating the leftovers
  • “you should eat a piece of dessert for me”
  • Classic manipulative behavior
Sweater Weather Tag 2013 27/11/2013
  • Generic YouTube tag
  • Talks about how she always likes winged eyeliner
  • Relates every question to her weight
  • Like the last tag, dislikes both options given and seems completely uninterested
  • Amberism: is Christmas in fall or winter?
  • Really likes the cold
Squat Challenge Day 10 on Thanksgiving 28/11/2013
  • Did the daily challenge
  • Legs do not hurt
  • Overall, a very dull video
Cracker Barrel + Catfish (not the show) 28/11/2013
  • In the car with Krystle and her family
  • Shows an obnoxiously long slide show of pictures she took while at Cracker Barrel
  • Enjoys vlogging
  • Too awkward to do it in public yet
  • Had a 400ish calorie meal
  • Krystle also ate healthy
  • First use of the word “tidbit”
  • Tried grits for the first time at Cracker Barrel
A Family in Love with Animals 28/11/2013
  • Video of Krystle’s family playing with their pets, very wholesome
Fortune Cookie and Funny Girlfriend 28/11/2013
  • Krystle is too shy to even talk on camera, is she on the spectrum or just tired of Amber's shit?
  • Amber is acting kind of manipulative and pushy
  • Says things such as “taste it”, “do it”, “tell me”
Some of my Thanksgiving Day 2013 28/11/2013
  • Does an OOTD: wearing pajama pants to a Thanksgiving event
  • Krystle’s mom is cooking up a storm, she looks like a great cook tbh
  • Our gorl has some wine
Almost done our first month of content gorls! To be quite honest, I am enjoying doing this so far.

Cell Phone Case Collection 2013 28/11/2013
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stcsYXuQquc&list=PLE1ZtHQN62SBiJAUj1smVu7YIZs2zqNfk&index=1629
  • Shows off her dollar store chic
  • VERY VERY boring
  • No tea here so I skimmed it, VERY quickly
  • Very childish and this video is something that a nine-year-old would film
  • AN: Had to watch it on 4x speed
Thank You 28/11/2013
  • Krystle does not want to be on camera
  • Amberism: if you read my vlog, I appreciate you
  • Krystle is very sweet and trying to cheer her up
Black Friday Haul 2013 + Starbucks 29/11/2013
  • First time she ever vlogged herself in public
  • In a Starbucks at 2am, went to Five Below and Target
  • Haul: Krystle got video game related items, Albert got a JOURNAL (first journal sighting), a plate to put earrings on, perfume, more earrings and cell phone cases, a purse
  • New outro: if you are not smiling, smile
Helpful Krystle and Cooking 29/11/2013
  • Cooking processed skillet pasta and Caesar salad
  • Uses a meat thermometer when she is cooking pasta
  • Amberism: it is like an OCD thing
  • Got herself sick when she went outside in the freezing cold
  • Krystle’s dad got her medicine
Miranda Sings and Krystle 29/11/2013
  • Amber and Krystle obsessing with Miranda Sings
  • Our gorl is scared because it is windy outside
  • Amberism: the wind is going to make our house roll down the hill
Sad to say but had to say it 29/11/2013
  • Storytime: inskchrutiating back pain to the point she could no walk
  • “bound to one seat for like two weeks”
  • Went to the ER, said it was fine
  • Her waist could not strait-tent
  • Krystle was doing everything for her, could not shower
  • Googled her symptoms, first sighting of Dr. Google
  • Went to see “an orthopedic”
  • Diagnosis: swollen spine or bulged
  • This orthopedic was going to “subscribe” her medicine
  • Does not like taking prescription drugs because of her parents’ addiction
  • Squats are hurting her back again, stops the squat challenge
  • Does not want the condition to reoccur
  • FIRST EVER CYCLE COMPLETE?
Monthly Favorites 2013 Fail 30/11/2013
  • Fail because it was copyright claimed from playing a song
  • Stripped by Tiny Toy Guns
  • Going to do monthly favorites, but not this month
Screenshot 2019-05-20 23.06.16.png

Books, Evil Cats, Snacks 30/11/2013
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mq4AXI4Fos&list=PLE1ZtHQN62SBiJAUj1smVu7YIZs2zqNfk&index=1622
  • Goal in life is to read all of Danielle Steel’s novels
  • Has over 70 of her books
  • Blue Diamond Almond Nut-Thins are her new favorite snack
Random Needed to Be Said Weight Vlog 30/11/2013
  • Krystle and Amber are shocked with how much weight they are gaining
  • Both of them gained 3 pounds in a week
  • Lost a lot more weight together last year
  • Because Krystle’s fav number is 14, 2014 will somehow be their year
  • This December, she will try her hardest on her diet and will still cheat at Christmas parties and at Christmas dinner
  • Krystle avoids showing her face on camera
  • Pattern spotted: whenever Amber gets close to someone and plants her roots, everyone around her starts to gain weight
  • The binge monster has planted itself and is well established and inhibits the weight loss progress of all of its victims
  • Reminisces about the 89 lbs she lost the year prior
  • “help us bolth ‘cause we really really need it”
And that is it gorls! The first month of Albert's first uploads! I will start the next month tomorrow!
Rain and Pork Rinds 01/12/2013
  • Snacks on pork rinds, “this is not very diet friendly”
  • Everything is in moderation you guise, that is the motto in life
  • She loves dark skies and rain in the middle of winter
  • Krystle is so funny you guise, she always is making these faces
  • Is fascinated by a pork rind shaped like a scorpion
  • Teases vlogmas
Vlogmas 1, 2013 01/12/2013
  • Doing her makeup
  • First ever poopbun spotted
  • Looks a mess, but does not care
  • Eyebrows still mutilated
  • Wrote on her bedroom walls in pencil
  • OOTD: high fashion grocery shopping couture
  • First ever Wommart trip
  • Last day of eating whatever she wants, gets a frozen pizza from Wommart
  • Watching Desperate Housewives, totally obsessed you guise
Weigh in and Goals for the Week 2/12/13
  • Last week: 1700 cals every day, 3 lbs should be lost
  • Did not succeed in the 1700 cal department, at all
  • Started squat challenge and stopped it
  • Last week: 368.0, this week: 371.0
  • Most indulgent week in a long time
  • Wants to find a scapegoat, but she cannot find anyone to blame except for herself
  • Still down 49 pounds?
  • Not a good look to the channel, people should not watch someone that is constantly gaining weight (funny, huh?)
  • Weekends are always the worst for her
  • Weigh ins are now on Thursdays now
  • Goal: skip out on exercising, but do not eat anything that will make you feel guilty
  • Weight watchers and counting calories are not for her
  • Wants to lose three pounds this week
Quest Bar Review 2/12/13
  • 5 “G” of non-fiber carbs
  • Chocolate chip cookie looks bad but it tastes good, rate: 8/10, bases her rating on what the average person would think
  • That’s not how reviews work, but ok
  • Chocolate brownie: 7/10
  • Rip off: 28 dollars for 12
Bad Things Happening to Good People + Silly Cats 2/12/2013
  • Netflix DVDs came in the mail
  • Video is basically an ad for Netflix
  • Eats Amy’s Indian frozen dinner, 310 cal
  • “I am sitting here, drinking my water and being a good person”
  • Broke her water bottle and exclaimed: “Why do bad things happen to good people?‽”
Miley Cyrus and Krystle 2/12/2013
  • Watching Miley Cyrus on TV, at some awards show
  • Really boring, more cat footage
Vlogmas 2, 2013 2/12/2013
  • Made gross looking potatoes
  • Slathers pesto sauce on everything and calls it food
  • Ate that for breakfast
  • Cleaning the house
  • Dogs hate the camera
  • Thinks her house is haunted because a door opened
  • Montage of cats jumping on couches
  • Dinner: baked broccoli, tamale, and rice
  • More pesto on everything, 480 cal
Asking Amberlynn 3/12/2013
  • Opening to a Q&A
  • Questions are in comments
  • EDIT: I noticed this while inserting dates and links into the archive...
Screenshot 2019-05-23 20.43.38.png
  • these are all of the comments in the section, most of them seem to be left by Krystle
Easy Snack 3/12/2013
  • Baked chick peas with pesto sauce
  • certainly one of her more appetizing creations
Vlogmas 3, 2013 3/12/2013
  • Breakfast: oatmeal and a banana, she hates bananas you guise
  • Weighed in but did not tell us, gets cocky because she lost
  • Makes a slurpee in the freezer
  • “I don’t use as much as Krystle and her mom you guise” (in reference to water flavouring)
  • Has “major OCD” with her old makeup style
  • Dog gets annoyed by camera again
  • More pet footage
  • Gorl enjoys her slorpie
  • Made a lettuce, apple, spinach, cheese, and almond salad with balsamic vinaigrette for Krystle and herself
  • Krystle is terrified of the camera, still is very shy
  • The salad was really good you guisssssse
  • Amberlynn’s secret talent: guestimating
  • Krystle mocks Amber implying that she talks way too much
  • Does not have the means to leave the house
Bitstrip, iTunes, Girlfriend 4/12/2013
  • Shows off her cat snoring
  • Made a bitstrip (comic strip) about her relationship
  • Has 1100 views on her channel as of uploading this
  • Pats herself on the back for giving Krystle her old iPod, “yes, I am so sweet”
Vlogmas 4, 2013 4/12/2013
  • still had a terrible sleep schedule, went to bed at 4am
  • Lunch: vegan chicken tenders and frozen Mediterranean veggie blend (nothing has changed)
  • Used more pesto sauce
  • Cleared her DVR
  • Scheduled 9 hours of TV time and failed the plan
  • Tweets about showering, and guess what… she showers!!!!
  • Sings to a blindfolded stuffed moose (you read that right)
  • Shows a long ass clip of her braiding her hair into a fishtail braid
  • Moderation is key you guisssssse
  • Made mashed potatoes, frozen carrots, and salmon for dinner
Funny Story About Me Falling in a Pile of Leaves 4/12/2013
  • Dog is called Monkey because he can climb fences
  • Fell in a pile of leaves chasing after a dog
  • Monkey is so obese “because we love him so much”
  • Uses meat to coax the dog back into the house
Weigh in and Goals 5/12/2013
  • New Thursday weigh in
  • Goals: lose 3lbs from Mon-Thurs
  • Using intuitive eating, ate nothing she would regret
  • References her “intense food addiction”
  • Mon: 371.0 Thurs: 366.6
  • Lost 3.4lbs
  • Total weight loss: 51.4lbs
  • Gives this whole awards-showesque acceptance speech
  • Touts her strong willpower for her success
  • Goals for the week: wants to be down 5lbs, 10 minutes on the elliptical for seven days straight
  • Krystle’s parents bought an elliptical for Krystle and Amber
  • Consulted a doctor and they told her not to overdo the elliptical
Next Three to Be Read Books 5/12/2013
  • An exciting new series
  • First book: Southern Lights by Danielle Steel
  • Second book: Necessary Noise, a teenager book filled with inspiring stories
  • Third book: The History of my Insanity by Trisha Paytas, her first allusion towards her obsession with Trisha Paytas
  • Bibliophilelynn is in full effect
  • Wants to post book reviews on top of her weight loss content
Antarctica Bed and Chai Tea 5/12/2013
  • Plays more Mario Party
  • Watches PinkSparkles on YouTube
  • Cut to Monkey eating the cotton out of a stuffed animal
  • Facebook gaming
  • The bed is hard because it is cold, wow
  • Shows off her tea collection
Vlogmas 5, 2013 5/12/2013
  • Woke up to cat puke
  • Another “bolth” sighting
  • Loves the gray skies and dying trees
  • Winter is coming, y’all
  • Exercises for ten minutes on the elliptical
  • Subway makes Krystle’s stomach hurt
  • Makes weird pasta concoction, definitely one of her more edible creations
  • “healthy Mexican pasta type of deal”
  • Mio Green Thunder flavor is gross you guissssssse
  • Hugs Krystle and lies about filming her
Charlie Bit Me 6/12/2013
  • Long video of a cat grooming itself
  • Harasses a cat with a pen
  • Has her phone right up in the cats face
  • Cat did not bite her once in the entire video
just a reminder :p 6/12/2013
  • Reminder that the Ask Amberlynn video is still up and for people to submit their questions in the comment section
Vlogmas 6, 2013 6/12/2013
  • “literally good morning”
  • Made breakfast for Krystle and herself” carrots, apples, and QuestBars
  • Notices Krystle is not liking it because her nose flares
  • OOTD: bows all over her body
  • Went to Krystle’s appointment
  • Loves the rain but is annoyed when it is raining outside
  • Lunch: spinach salad, microwavable pretzel melt
  • Listens to Bangerz on iTunes
  • Glorious tweets: “why am I so weird?” and “I have been listening to Miley Cyrus all day. <3”
  • She’s so quirky!!!!!1!! xD
  • Krystle’s mom’s cooking is higher calorie than hers
Pink Car and Cheesy Relationship 7/12/2013
  • Playing GTA with a pink car
  • More somewhat cute Krystle footage
  • Uses an iTunes gift card as a bookmark
Vlogmas 7, 2013 (Part 1) 7/12/2013
  • Monkey is getting his nails clipped (Twinkie is jealous)
  • Amberism: I have been having a problem with wanting a Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, especially the Pumpkin Cheesecake variety
  • Has trouble with the idea of moderation, never heard of that one before
  • Breakfast: chicken patty, cheese, egg, salsa, carrots
  • OOTD: grocery store couture
  • Shows off her messy room and empty soda can collection
  • One of her longest videos to date, throwback to when YT videos could not be longer than 15 minutes
  • Going to a Mexican restaurant, not counting calories or watching what she is consuming
  • Claims that she is not doing “half-assed dieting”
  • Went to Target
  • Amberism: “got this black thing that will cover my head for the cold for the party tonight”
  • AN: that is the most convoluted explanation for a hat that I have ever heard in mah lahf
  • Lost her eareen in Target
  • Her girlfriend loves yoga pants “to the extreme”
  • Krystle has a fixation on a plush moose dressed as a ninja
  • Grocery hauls are embarrassing to her, lmao this is written on the day she just uploaded a grocery haul
Part 2 7/12/2013
  • Starts off with an anti-racism message
  • Goes to a Christmas parade
  • Pretty boring and cute, not much to comment on
  • Typical Christmas parade fare
  • No outro
Feeling Kind of Down 8/12/2013
  • first depreshun vlog
  • post binge depression
  • I think she is mistaking depression for being tired
  • First set of rude comments, OP deleted them
  • Pondered deleting her entire channel (IMAGINE IF SHE DID THO, YOUR LIFE WOULD BE VERY DIFFERENT)
  • This Thursday is probably going to be her last goal
  • She is tired of setting goals
  • End of the first recorded cycle?
  • As of recording, she has 94 subscribers
Vlogmas 8, 2013 8/12/2013
  • Starts off every Vlogmas video with a cringey selfie
  • Is excited by a light dusting of snow in the backyard
  • Breakfast: BIG, BLACK DICK, eggs, chicken, salsa, apples, pineapple
  • Honestly looks decently edible compared her current creations
  • This may be due to the fact that she is much lighter here and has not given up yet and the façade is still up
  • Bought soy tard cum from Wommart
  • Krystle and her family tried wine while playing a board game
  • Monkey tries eating a piece off the board game
Hilarious Mouth + Strange Laugh 8/12/2013
  • Plays with the cats
  • Eats whipped mint chocolate peanut butter out of the jar
  • Plays an annoying fucking laugh over and over again
  • Awkward zooms into Krystle’s mouth
Asking Amberlynn Answers 9/12/2013
  • You read that title correctly
  • Nothing of substance here, not all videos can be winners lol
  • Worried about the excess skin, does not want to lose too much weight because “you can get infections on the extra skin”
  • Open to video requests (TORRID HAULS! TORRID HAULS! TORRID HAULS!)
  • Knew she was lesbeen for her entire life
  • Came out as lesbian at the age of 18
  • Wants to visit Japan because Krystle does
  • Used to post on Instagram 30 times a day
  • First Torrid reference
  • Cut early due to time constraint
Update on Depreshun Vlog 9/12/2013
  • Apologizes for exposing everyone to her depressed side
  • Needs a lot of support, grateful for her subscribers and Krystle
Vlogmas 9, 2013 9/12/2013
  • Same selfie lol
  • Prefers using Krystle’s parents shower
  • Promos another vlog channel that has just started
  • Plays more board games with Krystle and her family
  • Already knows that this week’s weigh-in will not be successful
Krystle’s Lips + Paper Balls 10/12/2013
  • Cat really likes paper balls
  • Drinking diet Mountain Dew
  • Eats a Lunchable
A Filmer’s Nightmare 10/12/2013
  • Cat footage
  • Shows off her eareen collection as well as her hair bow collection
  • Shows off her and Krystle’s mouth
  • Eats a cinnamon donut
  • Filmed a long clip and she accidentally deleted it
Vlogmas 10, 2013 10/12/2013
  • Woke up later than normal
  • Ate healthy cereal for breakfast
  • I dislike soggy cereal you guisssssssssse
  • First time she has ever eaten on camera
  • First ayyyygs sighting
  • Still chewed insanely fast like she does now
  • Whenever she eats breakfast her top “abdamenal” hurts
  • Chalks it up to her gallstones “feeling sick”
  • I am never cold you guisssssse but I am now
  • Plays board games and listens to music with Krystle
  • Introduces us to her blankie
  • Dinner: whole grain pasta with spinach (actually not terrible looking)
  • More cat footage
Weigh in + Goals 11/12/2013
  • Does it on a Wednesday rather than a Thursday
  • Having issues with saying no to food and eating when not hungry
  • I am not perfect you guissssssssssssssse
  • Perfection is not normal, it is not real
  • Only has problems with dieting in the nighttime
  • Sees food as the only answer to her emotional problems
  • Gained 2.8 pounds this week
  • Feels like she is in control of herself
  • Food addiction is the same as drug addiction
  • Goals for the week: no goals for exercise, focusing solely on food for this week
  • Food was her only friend as a child
  • Besides on the event on Saturday, she will be watching what she eats
  • 50.6 pounds down, the number used to be 89 pounds lost
Tastes Like a Milkshake 11/12/2013
  • Krystle is playing Black Ops II
  • Krystle refers to her body parts as “her thing”
  • I have no clue wtf is happening at 1:50, please explain lmao
  • Eats a Skinny Cow Truffle “type of thing”
  • Rock band compliation
Daily Weigh in? + A Complete Interruption 11/12/2013
  • Keeps failing at weight loss, wow!
  • Amberisms: I do daily weigh ins for myself every single day
  • Trying it out for a week
  • First weigh in: 369.4
  • Wants to be kept accountable
Vlogmas 11, 2013 11/12/2013
  • Wakes up with a swollen face every day
  • Makes a decent looking omelette, it is deconstructed
  • About 200cals for half of it
  • Notices a dancing fox next to the YouTube icon
  • Got Applebee’s takeout: savory “sederr” salmon [520 cals] (savory cedar salmon)
  • Salmon is her favorite food ever you guissssse
  • iMovie could not upload when she updated her phone
A Little Update + Mermaid Porn? 11/12/2013
  • Playing monopoly with Krystle
  • Having some “drinkage”
  • Making the video to see if it will upload and to update on how the salmon was
  • It was really good you guissssssse
  • Another sighting of the poop bun
  • Does not understand copyright
  • I was like “frustration city” you guissssse when iMovie did not work
  • Mermaid porn: topless mermaid painting above the family fireplace
Daily Weigh in 12/12/13
  • Confused by the weigh in today
  • Yesterday: 369.4
  • Today: 369.2
  • Krystle was down 0.8 and Albert is jealous and confused because Amber is bigger than Krystle
  • Touts how much she knows about metabolism and nutrition
  • “the body does what it wants to do”
  • “I am not a body scientist you guisssssse”
  • Fails to recognize that everyone’s metabolism is different and not everyone digests food at the same efficiency, also does not consider water consumption
  • Things have not changed
My Perfume Collection 2013 12/12/2013
  • I have so many perfumes you guissssse
  • OMG I JUST REALIZED THIS: in this video, she uses the same copyright-free music here as she does in one of her more recent vlogs (recall the one where Rickie played music in the background and she had to play this song in the background, wow! I am a true Ambaby)
  • Here are two pictures of the collection
  • She really does have a hoarding problem
  • Repeatedly pans over the collection
  • Nothing really happens in this video; it is just babbling about perfume and the store she bought it at
Vlogmas 12, 2013 12/12/2013
  • Eats a Belvita soft baked oats and chocolate “type of little goodie” breakfast cookie she bought from Wommart, ate some fruit on the side (did not show it)
  • Lists off the nutrition
  • It makes me “feel like a comfort”
  • Had a really busy morning, filmed two requested videos
  • Plays some more monopoly with Krystle
  • *Shows off the mermaid painting:
  • Way more monopoly footage (too much lol)
  • Krystle is copying her hairstyle, but her hair is thinner you guissssse (nice jab Amberlynn, way to make her feel good)
  • Eats a meal replacement as a snack
  • The universe is making time go faster you guissssse, it did not feel this way when I was little
Weigh In 13/12/2013
  • Yesterday: 369.2
  • Today: 368.2
  • Overall weight loss: does not remember lol
  • Stops weekly weigh ins so she can film weigh in videos whenever she wants, but she will keep us posted
  • Amberism: I am going to keep a paper of my weight
  • A commenter thanked her for being so honest, wow! How the tables have turned
  • “I don’t get mean comments anymore”
  • Krystle lost 0.4 pounds
Vlogmas 13, 2013 13/12/2013
  • Had cereal for breakfast, will have Applebee’s for dinner
  • Wearing a Victoria’s Secret nightgown, wow! Seductivelynn
  • Bribes the dog with food to coax him back inside
  • First sighting of her squeak laughing
  • Krystle is the shyest person I have ever even met in my entire life
  • Plays more monopoly with Krystle, notice a pattern?
  • Sets up the Christmas tree
  • Shows off more of the Christmas decorations that she probably did not help at all in putting up
Vlogmas 14, 2013 14/12/2013
  • More decoration footage
  • Krystle and Amber are both sick
  • Cancelled their plans so they can stay home and be sick together
  • Order “Denomino’s” pizza
  • Amberism: it is semi-snowing outside
  • “Krystle has issues with animals” in reference to Krystle not wanting the pets to crawl on her laptop
  • Sings on the demand TV karaoke with Krystle
  • Keeps checking herself out in the viewfinder
  • Sees what a real snowflake looks like and is utterly flabbergasted
  • Films Krystle without her knowing
  • Her vlogs are getting longer and longer than normal, hit the 15min limit
  • Watches Nightmare Before Christmas
  • “I don’t really care for animation movies”
What’s in my Purse 2013 14/12/2013
  • This video was requested you guisssssse
  • Idea of what type of purse I’d love to “receive” one day
  • Always keeps a book with her, its an OCD thing, she never reads it public though
  • Sanitary pads
  • Target wallet
  • Torrid card, the nearest Torrid is hours away
  • She has been away from her true love for so long now
  • Still needs to get a Virginia ID
  • Amberism: keeps a check-list of Danielle Steel books that she has “wroten”
  • Uses a pencil case as a make-up bag
  • Never wears cover-up
  • Has a Hello Kitty collection
  • Overall very boring lol
Vlogmas 15, 2013 15/12/2013
  • Did not sleep last night
  • Krystle gets severe migraines
  • First hairbow sighting
  • Once cut her hair into a bob about two years ago
  • “I am the definition of long hair”
  • Amberism: “stick along” to see the rest of my day
  • Eats sesame sticks, drinks hot chocolate and chocolate cream liqueur
  • Shows a slideshow of selfies of she and Krystle
  • “my bangs are really long, are they even bangs even more”
  • Has not weighed herself in a few days
Vlogmas 16, 2013 16/12/2013
  • Her teeth hurt really bad, has a small tooth growing in
  • Consults Doctor Google for her pain
  • She does not have insurance and does want to consult a dentist
  • Breakfast: apple, peanut butter, and half of a “protien” bar
  • Reached 100 subs, has over 3300 views as of uploading this video
  • (pic) Lunch: brown rice, green beans, potstickers, teriyaki sauce
  • Obsessed with lemon cookie thins from Wommart, they are so kyuuuuuute
  • Each cookie is 20cal
  • Ibuprofen actually helped my tooth you guisssssse
  • (pic) The dishes nut all over her chest
  • If you take a “woof” of Glade air freshener you will feel like Santa’s house
  • Cringe (pic)
  • Eats sesame seeds and wasabi peas with hot chocolate
Weigh-In 17/12/2013
  • Did not weigh in yesterday because her tooth so badly
  • Did not want to make a video after seeing how much she weighed, uses the same manipulative language as she does now, “I have no control over myself”, “it always gets bad during the nighttime”
  • Creates a MyFitnessPal here, even after gaining weight she is not going to watch what she eats
  • As soon as 2014 hits, she will start trying
  • Claims to be the master of counting calories, can eyeball anything
  • Her problem is that she does not want to count calories even though she is very skilled at it
  • Krystle’s fav number is 14 therefore she has to do well at weight loss in 2014
  • Last time: 368.2, now: 371.6
  • Has high hopes for 2014
  • Has a name for her journey in 2014, not revealing it, but she has it on her MyFitnessPal profile
  • Making this video shows that I am not perfect
  • AN: followed the link in the description to yield
Segment Introduction + Penguins
  • Has “Do you think penguins are cute? 😊” on the screen for the whole time
  • Wants to be more interactive with the viewers
  • Wants people to answer in the comments
  • Wants to know her subs better, can ask any question she wants
  • I used to be obsessed with penguins and I was always magnetized to them
Vlogmas 17, 2013 17/12/2013
  • Another lighting excuse
  • Breakfast: “honey bunches of cereal” and soy tard cum
  • Monkey broke the Christmas tree
  • Films herself walking up the stairs, I bet she misses doing that now
  • Films herself playing RockBand with Krystle
  • Browses Christmas movies on Netflix
  • Aunt (Tammie?) sent her childhood videos and she cried when she saw her parents
  • Reminisces and uses emotional manipulation to draw her subs in
  • One of her first crying videos
  • She was really cute, the operative word being was
  • Cooked salmon for dinner with a veggie medley
  • Calls out a haydurrr when they say that she is using the month of December as an excuse to not be held accountable
  • Tells us that we should be kind about her choices
Weigh In 18/12/2013
  • Yesterday: 371.6, today: 371.6
  • Stayed the same
  • Wants to enter 2014 no higher than 371.6
  • Her body gains weight very easily at this point
How to make my favourite salad 18/12/2013
  • I am awbsesssssed with this salid you guisssse
  • Baby spinage from Wommart, balsahmmic dressing it is the best invention when it comes to dressing that I ever even tasted in my life, bacon bits, feta cheese, green olives
  • All of which are from Wommart
  • Pushes a cat off the counter
  • Counts the calories “but they don’t even matter you guisssse”
  • Acts like she invented Greek-style salad
 
Last edited:

ALs Bra

kiwifarms.net
I'd personally like to see a catalogue of all her lahs. It'd be interesting to see how many can be caught out simply by watching all her vids.

Maybe a section of the lolcow wiki dedicated to everything she's lah-ed about and since backtracked? Our gorl is terrible at keeping track of them after all
 

hamburgerlardraid

kiwifarms.net
I'd personally like to see a catalogue of all her lahs. It'd be interesting to see how many can be caught out simply by watching all her vids.

Maybe a section of the lolcow wiki dedicated to everything she's lah-ed about and since backtracked? Our gorl is terrible at keeping track of them after all
As I move along, I am starting to track her inconsistencies. My main goal in doing this is tracking her progress throughout the years, not only in appearance but in philosophy and opinion. Question: how often should I post my recaps? As I do them? A few every once in a while? Or all at once?
 

GargoyleGorl

Token SJW
kiwifarms.net
As I move along, I am starting to track her inconsistencies. My main goal in doing this is tracking her progress throughout the years, not only in appearance but in philosophy and opinion. Question: how often should I post my recaps? As I do them? A few every once in a while? Or all at once?
Yeah, the lahs would be good to track, but also the excuses -- we all remember the time she went from "Weight Watchers good because reasons" to "Weight Watchers bad because other reasons" in a 24-hour period, but it would be neat to see how she yo-yos from "only calories matter" to "I want to eat hulthy" over time.

Also: Diagnoses.

(I'm sure you're doing all this anyway, but if you're going to note specific things, those are the categories I think would be most enlightening.)

As for frequency, I'd suggest you do them in batches of 5-10 at a time depending on the length/amount of drama involved.

Godspeed.
 

Strine

It had become a glimmering gorl,
kiwifarms.net
Amber does have a wiki page. It needs some love.
The wiki page has a fundamental problem in that Amber is a delusional compulsive liar whose life, beyond what we see on video, is subject to her revisionist accounts, and so factual, objective and disinterested writing is basically impossible and some crucial facts are implicit rather than explicit.

For instance; her mental state of affairs since Destiny ran off with the talking refrigerator, which can plainly be called a complete psychological breakdown. We know at this point that when she dies in her sleep at 700 pounds, the Destiny breakup will be cited as the beginning of the end. We all know she doesn't like Becky and still wants Destiny, and it's a huge factor of her current psychology, but it's difficult to clinically present this fact as anything but speculation.

The page also needs to state, often, that Amber has given wildly inconsistent accounts of almost everything unwitnessed by her viewers, and so the information on the page can't be taken as gospel. This is somebody who will lie about things that don't even matter. Becky is lucky that Amber has the IQ of an undomesticated pig, because if Amber were smart enough to keep her lies consistent she'd probably be a serial gaslighter. The wiki page couldn't possibly document all her lies, but it needs to document the frequency and extremity of them.
 

ALs Bra

kiwifarms.net
I just tried logging in to the LC Wiki to add some info to her page but I'm getting a xenforo error message. Does anyone have an idea why?
 

Tryphaena

All of which makes me anxious
kiwifarms.net
I like this idea. I'm pretty new to being a haydurrr and I don't really wanna watch all of her old videos. I wish someone would come along with high enough autism levels to do a video series about her. Sort of similar to the style that Metokur did for the Channel Awesome stuff. But for this it could be broken up into girlfriend sagas.
 
  • Agree
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