Catfishing, by Jasem Rajab - IRL trolling, Kuwaiti style

[Ntwadumela]

Jasem Rajab is a hilarious Kuwaiti comedian and actor who does social experiments, pranks and catfishing various people using Snapchat and other apps. Here’s a couple of catfishing videos to which I’ll provide translation

Jasem is the overweight, bearded dude with glasses. I’ll refer to the other dude as Ali.

Jasem: *in a woman’s voice* Hello?
Ali: Hey! Hello to you!
Jasem: Hiii! Hiii! How are you?
Ali: What a nice voice!
Ali: I’m good, thank God, how are you?
Jasem: How are you, my darling?
you seem to be famous on Instagram.
Ali: Yes, my love.
Jasem: Will you be my sheep?
Ali: I will be your world, I lust for you
Anyways, why are other guys jealous of me?
Jasem: Because you are funny! *goes on a tangent about famous Arab singer Elisa*
Ali: Yes? Would you like to hook up?
Jasem: *reveals camera, showing himself to Ali’s disgust* ELISAAA!! ELISAAA!! Hahahaaha, you dumbass!! What brought you to Azar (name of the app/program)? Hahahahahaah ELISA!! Yes yes change the screen, this clip will be spread all over [social media], I swear it will, go ahead and close the screen in my face.
Ali: Bullshit! Bullshit! I’ll come to fight you. I’ll come for you. I swear I’ll come for you

Jasem: Hiiii!!!
Old man: Hii!!
Jasem: How are you?
Old man: Fine, how are you?
Jasem: What brings you to this app Azar?
Old man: I look for beauties, like you
Jasem: My life (darling), your head looks so nice! In fact I have a gift for you.
Old man: What is it?
Jasem: A hairbrush! Hahahahahaha
Old man: God bless you okay show me your face please
Jasem: *reveals camera* See my face darling, see my face
Old man: What is this?!
Jasem: Mashallah, your head is like a helmet! A helmet! Your head is a helmet! Hahahahaha you sheep!
Old man: Fuck you! I spit at you and your looks! *various obscenities in Arabic* I spit on you! You garbage! Get the fuck out of here, jackass! *more Arabic obscenities*

If you’re interested in more I’ll post them here

 

[Ntwadumela]

Egyptian man: *compliments Jasem unknowingly*
Jasem: *in a Filipina’s voice* Hii siiirr
Egyptian man: Hi! How are you?
Jasem: Good
Egyptian man: Where are you from?
Jasem: Filipinooo.. and you?
Egyptian man: Philippine.. I like it!
Jasem: You, where are you from?
Egyptian man: I am from Egypt.
Jasem: Ohh niiice!! I love you
Egyptian man: I love you too *speaks Arabic* you, do you know Arabic?
Jasem: *feigning broken Arabic* Little, little.
Egyptian man:Good, enough for me. Where do you work?
Jasem: At home
Egyptian man: May I see your face?
Jasem: *reveals camera* MASR! MASR UM AL DUNYA!

note: Masr is the Arabic word for Egypt, Um Al Dunya translates to “Mother of the World”, this is a common nickname for Egypt in the Arab world and is used as a source of pride for the country’s long history and influence, also a sign of Egyptian patriotism


Egyptian man: What brought you here! Damn you!
Jasem: *mocks his Egyptian accent*
Jasem: You sheep
Egyptian man: Fuck you! *goes on an off tangent rant about his prank*

 

[Ntwadumela]

Jasem: I’m upset
Man: Oh! Why are you sad?
Jasem: I swear to God! All my friends are out and I’m by myself, where are you going?
Man: I don’t know really, cruising around the streets for a bit.
Jasem: Okay come to me, I’m really upset and sad
Man: How do I go to you? I haven’t been to your house before.
Jasem: Alright listen to me
Man: Okay...... Send me the location
Jasem: I’ll send it to you now
Man: Okay that’s good enough just send it to me

Jasem: Hello?
Man: Ok, hi to you
Jasem: Where have you arrived?
Man: I have no idea... Is there a sandlot in front of your house?
Jasem: There is a sandlot, yes. Come to the first floor, door number 2 ok?
Man: Alright I’m coming. Bye.


Jasem: Where are you darling?
Man: Just got out of the elevator.
Jasem: I’m coming honey
I’m really commiiiiing! Commiiiiing
*opens the door and reveals himself to the man, who proceeds to run away from him*

 

[Aquinas]

lol, that last one

 

[Ntwadumela]

Jasem: *in a woman’s voice, upset* Hello?
Guy: Hello my darling.
Jasem: How are you? I’m currently very sad
Guy: What’s wrong? I’m out now, why are you sad?
Jasem: My lover made me upset
Guy: You poor thing, you lovely woman, I want the world so I can mend your heart
Jasem: Oh, darling
Guy: And I lust for you, I swear.
Jasem: Habibi...
Guy: You are the apple of my eye.
Jasem: Do you allow me to accept?
Guy: I only want you to accept.
Jasem: Put your finger in your mouth.
Jasem: *unveils camera* Mashallah, you’re like a twink... hahahahaha
Guy: *startled*THAT’S-THAT’S YOU?! Shit on you (fuck you)!
Jasem: hahahaaha you sheep! You beast! hahaahaha
Guy: You fatty!

Jasem: Assalamoalaikom! Hey blackie! Drogba! Eto’o!
Woman: *talking on the phone as she exits her car*
Jasem: God bless you, I’m speaking to you in front of the camera, it’s very rude to ignore me. I believe you’ll never get married in your lifetime.
Woman: What?
Jasem: You’ll never get married in your lifetime.
Woman: Why, dude?
Jasem: Because your face is like a sandal.
Woman: A sandal? Oh yeah? *gets her bag and ends up trying to hit him with it*

It cuts to a shot of him asking if he should post it on social media, which she accepts. He then teases her before the video ends.

 

[c-no]

Much as I won't understand the language spoken (outside of the translations provided), it's funny seeing how the various guys react.

 

[Ntwadumela]

Jasem: Hi!!
Guy: Hi to you!
Jasem: How are you?
Guy: Good, thank God, and you?
Jasem: My dear, I’m doing fine
Guy: How’s everything?
Jasem: Good, thank God
Guy: You seem to be very respectful
Jasem: Thank you, thank you, thank you so much
Guy: I’ve fallen for you. What brought you to this program? It doesn’t seem to be to your standard.
Jasem: Why?
Guy: You’re better than this, much higher class than this. Say, what do you say we talk on Snapchat?
Jasem: *unveils camera* Come on, let’s talk on Snapchat! Hahahahaha it’s me, Jasem Rajab! Hahaha
Guy: God damn you, where did you come from? Don’t humiliate me, please don’t post this online.
Jasem: No, I’m going to post it online, you’re funny.

Jasem: God help me, I’m entering a coffee shop and turning it upside down. Salaamoalaikom, God bless you, Good evening!
Jasem: Good day to you, sir!
Man: God bless you.
Jasem: How are you?
Man: Great, may God be with you.
Jasem: Is it okay if I ask you a question?
Man: Go ahead.
Jasem: If a bee stung you, what do you say?
Man: Aii.
Jasem: *looks at the camera* Turned out he’s a weakling!
Man: *gets up and approaches Jasem*
Jasem: No no no no!
Man: *attempts to fight him before getting restrained*

Jasem: You made me bleed and you turned this coffee shop upside down, should I post this?
Man: Go for it.
Jasem: Thank you, but do you forgive us?
Man: Yes, you’re forgiven.
Jasem: Ok, but honestly did you turn out to be a weakling or what?
Man: *pretends to attack him, in a joking manner*

Jasem: This perfume smells like shit, let me try it on that old guy over there.
Salaamo Alaikom! God bless you! You Orange boy {the man’s car is orange}! Come! Salaamo alaikom! How are you man?
Man: What “Orange Boy”? Who are you calling “Orange Boy”? Who are you talking to?
Jasem: I apologize, anyways man I have a new perfume, I want you to smell it, does it suit you?
Man: Good? Does it smell good?
Jasem: Yes, bro. *sprays it on man* Good perfume.
Man: *smells it* You’ve disgusted me.
Jasem: *continues spraying it on man*
Man: Enough, enough! God damn you.
Jasem: What’s with you?
Man: You dare to go over your limits? It smells like farts
Jasem: *continues*
Man: Enough you disgusting prick! Enough you degenerate!
Jasem: Hahahaha come smell my dick
Man: Smell your dick huh? Fuck off. *approaches Jasem and delivers a kick*
Another man goes and restrains him
Man: What do you want? What do you want as well? *hits him with his Egaal, or headdress*

 

[oldTireWater]

Huh, maybe I wouldn't have hated Tom Green if he didn't speak English.

 

[Kevin Spencer]

This is pretty funny.

 

[AnOminous]

Is this what it's like being culturally enriched? My prostate tickles.