Change 3 Moments in Lolcow History -

The Last Stand

Either get your shot or GET shot. Your choice.
True & Honest Fan
Chris Chan didn't troon out.

Yaniz was never born.

DSP and LTG agreed to the Street Fighter tournament and raged like typical.
 

AMERICA

GET A LIFE, SO WHAT IF I AM ATTRACTED TO Pokémon!!
True & Honest Fan
1. Terry doesn't hurt his relationship with his parents and become homeless (and thus doesn't die; can continue making content from his home)
2. Fedsmoker doesn't die.
3. JustinRPG doesn't get bullied so hard, continues posting all of his content and not just the trickle we have access to now.

There. Now we will have an infinite wellspring of content from the more light-hearted lolcows.

Bonus: Snakething and the other zoosadists are spontaneously miscarried as fetuses
 
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Emotional Prolapse

I just like watching skinsuits suffer
1. Terry never dies. Saddest moment in lolcow history tbh.

2. Susan Schofield never gets pregnant.
(2.5 Gwen Hartley never gets pregnant with the girls/they're born without whatever the fuck it was they had.)

3. Salon lady agrees to wax Yaniv, tars and feathers his nethers instead, then he slips on a stolen tampon and breaks his neck as he attempts to flee the premises.

Listen, a girl can dream.
 

Old Man Mario

The ladies used to call me Jumpman
1.) A young Ethan Ralph has positive role models and grows up to be a hard working middle class gentleman and a member of the local Elks club in good standing.
2.) Dax never meets Maddox. Dax eventually owns a sports bar in Iowa and Maddox fades into internet history.
3.) The Quartering never discovers MTG and instead collects pogs. He dies in a freak accident where a metal slammer bounces off a stack and hits him in the temple.
 

Autisticats

Currently cyberbullying fat fucks
1) Kadeelyn Konstantino doesn’t OD on heroin from her drug dealer friend (rip my fave cow)

2) Bluespike wasn’t a fag

3) Luna’s mum kicks her and lurch to the curb
 

JuanButNotForgotten

Friendly Mexican Ghost
True & Honest Fan
I'll skip Terry, because, let's be honest, we all want it.

1) Ethan Ralph keeps his t-shirt tucked-in in Knoxville. Gunt meme doesn't appear and his thread is still readable to this day. He fucks somewhere else though.

2) Chloe Sagal doesn't burn herself and Null doesn't flee USA, which leads to...

3) Null says "fuck it" and drags @Bryan Dunn's ass to court for C&D violation, which results in a shitshow, that makes Greer and Onision trials look like an episode of "Law and Order". Bryan loses and then for years screams, that it was a set-up and judge was probably some z-eceleb, who had a problem with him.

4) Tonkasaw gets so high of oxy pills, that he actually visits Knoxville. The resulting MMA match is terrible, but the amount of memes is just incomprehensible. Whoever loses, we win.

5) Mister Metokur doesn't get cancer, even though he knew he will.

6) Chris doesn't try to run over Snyder and saves money that Bob left him. I don't know why, probably, because I wanna see how quickly he would've wasted it.

Yes, I'm a fraud, sorry.
 
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Troonos

Regrettable Cake Farts
1) CWC never got talked into the whole tomgirl/tranny thing. Aside from the Blarms Crusade, his content has been so boring since all that started.

2) DSP never broke up with PandaLee. Khet might as well be imaginary. Leanna was way out of his age range, was publicly insane to a cringeworthy degree, and would've given us a much more visibly dysfunctional relationship to laugh at.

3) The train that hit Terry derailed before it ever reached him.
 

Bookmark Cuck

Only mostly Jewish.
1: Sonics arms turn red instead of blue.
2: Captainzack Grooms DSP, Pig roach leaves Pandalee for boipussy
3: DIE NUL DIE
 

TheImportantFart

Theo Parp-phitis
True & Honest Fan
  1. Trolls don't vandalise Campbell Morton's wiki and cause him to flee the internet.
  2. Sargon actually gets elected to the EU Parliament as part of UKIP and we get to see him making a fool of himself trying to navigate IRL politics.
  3. ABoatsABoat doesn't completely vanish off the face of the Earth (it was toss up between this and Alexander Gordon Jahans not DFEing, but at least most of Jahans's stuff is archived).
 

Termina

link the frog
1. Yanderedev was never homeschooled.
2. Yanderedev never showed his code to Mike Z.
3. Yanderedev hired a prostitute instead of buying sex dolls.
 

Sage In All Fields

πr8 of the $777Cs
1. Sargon becomes a video game analysis YouTuber after GamerGate
2. Milo never hears about GamerGate
3. Shoe0nHead starts a YouTube house with Boxxy
 

RussianParasite

Крым наш
True & Honest Fan
1. Trump retweets something about Gamergate.

2. The dimensional merge was actually imminent.

3. Null moved to North Korea instead of Eastern Europe. Think Dennis Rodman but instead it's the internet and not basketball.
 

Boris Blank's glass eye

And just for you I have a spoon
1. Tonka and KKK Grand Dragon Andy "Race"Warski do have their fight, which Andy wins. He leaves Youtube and starts a new career in MMA only to get his shit kicked in by either Michael Page or Jon Jones.

2. John Walker Flynt does get elected.

3. H3H3 never gain relevance.
 

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